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Downfall.

I once researched the word 'downfall'. Do you know how many definitions exist of that word? Some people would think of a trap using a falling weight to imprison their prey. It's pretty accurate. Family can be that weight. Others would think of snow or rain falling heavily down from the sky. It's optimistic. I envy those who think of such beautiful things first. And then there are those who thought of something causing ruin, failure or some other case. I guess the fear to be ripped off the nice life one leads is directing to these kind of thoughts. It doesn't matter because one day, everything will reach the ground, forced or not.

A day in July.

One minute. If he had gone out only one minute later things wouldn't be like they were now. He refused to believe, refused to hear and see the cries of agony. Paralysed, he stood there, firm as a statue, empty like a statue. His eyes were focussed on the ground, plastered on a dark red puddle becoming bigger and bigger. He didn't notice the cameras filming the whole scene nor did he heard the serene of the ambulance. The only thing he saw was the figure laying on the street, limbs twisted in an abnormal way. Blond hair was outspread like a fan catching the glimpse of sunlight peeking through the white clouds adorning the sky and dirtied from the blood running down the right temple. was slightly open as if she wanted to say something and was interrupted, intensified of the visible frown on her face. If he didn't know better it seemed like she was sleeping. But she wasn't. Because he hit her while she crossed the street. Because she followed her parents advice and moved her bicycle beside her. Because he ignored the red light and applied the brakes too late. He hit her and sent her near to death. He hit her.

His own daughter.

“Younha...” His voice was merely a whisper, nobody heard it. People were pushed aside as the medical team arrived. He didn't move. His legs wouldn't listen to his brain's orders that he needed to get away. It was surreal. It wasn't happening. He didn't oversee his own child, did he? That was not happening. It couldn't. Not to him. Not to Choi Siwon, the perfect father and husband. But it was. Right in front of his eyes. “Could somebody please move this man away?” Yeah, who stood in the way of the ambulance? Was that person stupid. He was too much in a shock to realize it was he who was meant. Strong hands grabbed him and dragged him five metres away. No. No. No! I have to stay by her side, he wanted to scream. I have to. I'm her father! But no words came out.

“Sir, can you hear me? Sir? What's your name?”

Siwon ignored the man, eyes watching as strangers gave first aid and gave orders. When his daughter was raised on a stretcher he wanted to go but was held back. “I'm sorry, sir,” the same voice who asked for his name said. “You need to stay here. We have information you're the driver of the car crushing into the girl.”

Crushing. It sounded horrible. I had no memories of the accident. The only thing I'd remembered where the anger I felt towards my father. But also the fear. I was not able to trust him, would never again.

“Sir?”

The tall man didn't respond but turned his head to the side. He recognized the uniform of a police man. Ah, was he going to be detained? He deserved it, right? Killing his own child? How malicious. He deserved to die. No, that was too nice, too easy. He had to suffer. Suffer like Younha.

My father is that kind of guy. He took responsibility for his actions, no matter the consequences. I had admired that characteristic. Had he changed into a different person over the months his righteous mind was the only thing that stayed unchanged. The only thing that had told me the stranger living in our house was still my father.

The officer watched the man concerned. His face, white as a sheet, his eyes, wide and dark, his tensed posture. All signs he had gone in a state of shock. “Eunhyuk! Here's another patient. Take care of him.” A slim and lanky looking man appeared in Siwon's vision. “Hey, hey, pal. What's wrong? Don't worry. The girl is being taken care of. Look. She'll be transported to the nearest hospital.”

Those words sent an impulse through his body. He jerked around and started to run towards the ambulance. They weren't allowed to take his daughter with them without his permission. He was her father. He swore to protect her.

Whatever time or place, he would rush to our rescue. In which danger I had been, despite the fear I knew nothing bad would happen to me. Because my father would come to bring me back home. that's how it always had been. But this time he would not be able to bring me home. I knew it the second the car hit me. Strange, right?

“Hey, sir! Wait! What are you doing?” A voice called behind him. It must be that Eunhyuk guy. Like he cared. All he wanted was to reach Younha. Before he could react a weight brought him down ruggedly. He groaned as pain shot through his hands. “You can't just dash around on the scene of an accident, sir,” he was scolded. “Now be a good boy and stand up.” Siwon was too focussed on the stretcher pushed in the vehicle but nevertheless able to obey that he barely felt the squeeze on his right arm and the following prick. He tensed for a moment and relaxed seconds after. His shoulder was patted. “See? Now you'll feel better.” But Siwon stared ahead. The object trapping his daughter was driving away. Without his notice tears began starting to fall down his cheeks. His heart pained him so much. Dear god, why her?

I think it was his religious believe that prevented him from breaking down completely.