D.O. sat in his room staring at the wall. Then he stared at the ceiling. Then he stared at his hands. Then he stared where his eyes had been trying to avoid...Kai's bed. He didn't know where Kai was right then but he was glad it wasn't in the room.

He really liked being around Jong In, but lately it felt as if he were waking up from a dream whenever he got near. More specifically waking up mid-sentence, feelong he needed to say something, but never being able to figure out what. It was aggravating and made it hard to speak to his friend.

It also seemed as if Kai were acting differently, but Kyungsoo couldn't be sure. He asked yesterday if he was mad at him and Kai said no, but D.O. still felt that he was and it was his fault. He spent the rest of that day and the whole of today keeping his distance. Not just from Jong In but from everyone, just to be safe.

He felt terrible, but he decided to be over it by dinner. He decided to cook food and hit Baekhyun. He decided to put on his fake smile and tonight when he and Kai came in the room to lay down for bed, pretend he was fine. He decided to not say anything and let Jong In decide to stop hanging out with him.

Deciding what to feel was something D.O. was especially good at. He had always been...different and eventually that got close to him "came to their senses and left before they got wierd too." When D.O. was younger he lost a lot of friends like this and he was too soft hearted to stop making friends; so instead he decided to teach himself not to feel the pain. This was much easier once he reached high school and could avoid people by throwing himself into his studies.

Then he heard from SM.

He tell anyone when he started as a trainee at SM entertainment. He didn't really have anyone to tell. He did become happier, though. Here it didn't matter if he was odd because he worked hard. He wasn't Kyungsoo, he was D.O. Since then he hadn't had anyone push him away.

Until now, Kyungsoo thought. He had let Jong In get too close, he was positive. He stood and crossed the small space between he and Kai's bed and sat.

He had slept in this bed before.

Yes, he had definitely gotten too close.

He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing, focused on the part of him that was confused and tried to push it away. Normally it would push and float and he wouldn't hurt anymore. At least, he wouldn't hurt in a way that was hard to ignore.

This wasn't a normal situation. The more he pushed, the more he thought about letting Jong In go with that fake smile, the more that pain and confusion grew inside of him. He felt it swell against his chest, like he might burst. He couldn't swallow it this time and that was knew to him. He had no idea what to do. He opened his eyes and leaned back on the bed.

Okay fine, D.O. thought to himself, I have no choice but to let this one hurt.