I keep thinking of YongGuk. After his confession, we talked every now and then, but he was giving me space to think about where I wanted this to go. I spent the last two weeks pondering what it would really be like to be in a relationship with him without all of my fantastical expectations. Would  a romantic relationship ruin our friendship? Could I really live up to his expectations? Could I make him happy? I didn't know the answer to these questions. 

However, I knew that over these two weeks YongGuk had sworn to give up his reckless ways. It hadn't been long, but since the night he hadn't been out and the only late night phone calls I've received from him have been to say goodnight. Not only did he promise to give up his reckless ways, but to try his best to never make me unhappy with him again. His words from a few days ago keep ringing in my ear.

"Areum...when I said that I loved you, it wasn't  just something I said on a whim. To be honest, I have felt like this about you for quite some time now. Maybe I liked you from the first time I said that you were my best friend, and I just didn't realize it then. I don't know how you feel about me, but I know that all I've ever wanted to do was say that you were mine....that I was yours.." He caught himself before he spilled any more of his feelings.

"..I'd do anything to make you happy... I don't want to put any pressure on you. No matter what just let me know how you honestly feel, okay?"

We were in the school cafeteria and I nearly choked on my rice. He was saying everything that I wanted to hear, but my own nerves were getting the best of me. 

Now I was sitting on my couch in pajamas gnawing at my nails and overthinking just like I had been ever since the confession. I could only think of things going wrong. How our relationship could end and we never talk again or how he would eventually fall out of love with my flaws. All of these thoughts were whizzing around my head until I realized what I was doing. I was currently in my living room....alone...thinking of all the things that could go wrong instead of being with the man that I loved. That was my decision right there. I loved him and instead of driving myself crazy I needed to be fearless like him. 

I looked over at the clock which read 10:46 PM. I unlocked my phone and stare at his contact for a while before pressing call. He answered on the second ring. Even after my self -pep talk I was still nervous and secretly hoped I would go to voice mail. 

He answered in a low voice, almost like he was preparing himself for my rejection, "Hey.."

I cleared my throat before responding since it suddenly felt so dry, "..Hey, Gukkie."

"What's up?"

"Umm.... I was wondering if it's not too late..can we meet at the park in front of my house?"

There was another long pause before he answered, "Yeah, it's no problem. I'll be there in 10."

His voice managed to get even lower and more disappointed. I had to hold back my small grin. I guess he thought that I wanted to reject him in person which couldn't have been further away from reality. I hadn't hugged him or even made any small contact with him in two weeks. It wouldn't be easy to refrain from jumping into his arms at first sight. 

"Ok, see you in 10."

When he hung up I jumped up to put on a pair of jeans and half  tucked my oversized t-shirt into them. I quickly swiped on some eyeliner, mascara and sprayed a bit of perfume. I was suddenly ecstatic as I practically ran down the stairs to the entrance of my apartment complex. I spotted YongGuk  sitting on the  bench across the street and came to a complete stop. I wanted to walk up calm and collected, so I gathered myself and slowly strolled over to him with my hands in my back pockets. 

He stood up when he heard me approach. I took in his appearance and could tell he left the house halfway in pajamas like I did. His gray hoodie was partially ped and covered most of his hair. He paired his hoodie with a pair of dark sweats. I wanted to drag him back to my apartment and cuddle on the couch since we were both in comfortable clothes. But, that would have to be added to my to-do list. 
 

"Hey, Gukkie." I tried to keep my tone neutral. 

"Just be honest ok Areum..no matter what we will be ok." He said, but his normally confident eyes looked nervous. 

"I'm sorry YongGuk...I." I planned on milking the situation, but he wasn't as patient as I thought he would be. 

"Oh...ok. Don't worry about it." He tried to sound cheerful but avoided my eyes, "So, umm I'll just walk you up.."

"Yongguk, I'm sorry I left you in limbo for almost two weeks when I know that I'm absolutely and unquestionably in love with you."