Everyone must have at least have a journal, diaries if that's what most people call it. Record every single thought, matters that important to a person, wish list or a love story. To grow up without a father was really hard on me, later I found writing to be a good healing process to whatever I went through at that time, and that includes falling in love and breakups. I would love to believe in happily ever after kind of love exist. Unfortunately, romantic and the most adventurous love story doesn't happen in real life just like how I've seen in drama or movies.

Most of the guys I dated, or try to date during high school, they suppressed my checklist; handsome or exceptionally good looking, sweetheart, romantic, funny, adventurous, nerdy-ish but none of them stay or make me want to stay in the relationship. Till then, my life have been pretty much dating with books.

                Yay, how exciting

Sometimes, I do feel there's a huge hole in my heart, empty. Waiting to be filled with something... I don't know, something. Not to forget my best friend, Lily, she is a Korean born American, at least that's how I want to remember her. Her background was pretty much complicated, when she told me about her family tree. I called her jumbo pizza, because she has Brazilian, Mexican, Taiwanese, Irish mix.  

                God bless her~

So where was I...

19 Dec 2015 | Library

Dear diary,
                6 month definitely fast, my mum already nag about finding me a soul mate. She supposed to know her daughter very well by now, that I don't believe in a soul mate, prince charming and anything closely related to that. Not that I was planning to be single till my hair turn gray, I hope I won't. It is  just, I'm not ready for it, plus I haven't met 'the one'. I don't even know how 'the one' will be like for me...

With that sentence ends, so does my thoughts.

"Who in the world would fall for a boring girl like me?" I let out a deep sighed

my pen, twirling it around, stare at the neatly arranged book shelves. My eyes roaming around the huge space, right then, my eyes settled at the sight of a couple, studied together.

                So.. Is this the new version of study group?

They were teasing each other ually. The sight of the male persona whispering something, later make the female bite her lips, close her eyes in sensation. He continues to nibble her ears slowly. Any moment now the room might fill with a loud moan. Ugh! Disgusted

                Excuse me, this is a library. Get a room!

"Ahh cho!!" my most pretentious sneeze startled the whole atmosphere, including them. When other existed being start lifting their heads from buried deep inside the book. I smirked in victory and bow politely mianheyo

I don't know if that's my way of saying I'm jealous of what I just saw or what? After all these years celebrating boyfriend-less life, I noticed how much I was so afraid to use the word lonely, or admit it. Because that is how well that word describe me.

                "Ahh.." rubbing my hand against my stomach.
                "Lunch time"

Speed dial to Lily, I was about to ask her out, but she has an appointment with her supervisor, so I ended going alone. Sighed.

                "That's too bad _____. Alone is your middle name now. Hooray!"

Quickly pack my books and head down the streets near the university, looking for the least crowded restaurant/coffee shop I can throw myself into.

                ______, you definitely doesn't want to feel awkward having lunch alone. Should I just order from delivery service? Hmm

Still undecided on what to eat. This is how difficult, twisted mind work sometimes.  

                Maybe I should just walk in anywhere and see whether my giant appetite got to eat anything on the menu. That's better than starve to death.

                "Ahh.. Coffee"

I make a quick stop at my favorite coffee shop to fill in my thirsty throat. Since it's Friday, most people are working so there aren't many customers at this hour. Wait in the line, when it is my turn,  I order the usual, Americano. While waiting for my coffee at the side of the counter, I heard the staff greeted another customer who came into the shop, doesn't bother to look. After settling my payment, grab my coffee, thanked the staff, I make one Cinderella turn around...

Splash~ bye bye Americano

This is my short fame of Cinderella turn, that cause me to bump into a firm build man and my 4500won coffee spill all over me

                "FUDGE! Hot.. Hot.. Hot" started fanning myself, feet dancing to salsa. Half of my chest stained with coffee.

                My fats melt!

                "Shi-!" I curse when I freak out. Who wouldn't?

Have you seen superman ripping his shirt to save lives? That is how I planned to do when hot coffee spill on my chest. On my freaking favorite top.

                "Oh my god. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry" deep, husky voice apologizing in panic.

                 "Hey, you!" he calls to the staff, "toss me that napkin, hurry!"

I swear I've seen this scene in a drama before.

                Congratulation _____ you just made in the wall of fame for the best humiliation moment! EVER!
Is there any camera around? Because new drama series is about to happen. The staff was taken aback by the incident, startled by his sternest voice, she quickly makes her way to the man and pass him the napkin. He tried to dab the stain on my chest.

                Are you kidding me?! y!

I push his hands away

                "Oh! Sorry.. Sorry" He apologizes again "Here, take this" as he passes me the napkin

                GOD! Please make me invincible!

The level of embarrassment getting intense. I have mixed emotion right now, waited to be exploded.

                "Miss, a-are you ok?" snap me out of my own wicked-self

                "Miss, I am very sorry, " he sound so worried and apologetic.

                "A-are.. You ok?" He stutters
I was so embarrassed by the fact that I'm wearing a cream satin blouse. I repeat CREAM.

                "Geez.. Stop! Just stop talking!" I snarl at him, finally our eyes met. He froze and speechless. Well, so do I.

                Woah, ____. What possess you, calm down.

He had a black mask cover half his face, nice round shiny eyes, black hair, snapback, and all black attire with baggy pants. Ok! Done scanning.

                Sighed. That is all I do today, sigh

I took a moment to calm myself, close my eyes in disbelief and full of embarrassment, I want to cry, but that will make things even worse, also the best selling drama later. No single thought of scolding that guy over the incident.

                What a drama _____.

                 "Excuse me, do you have a ladies room/washroom?" I asked the staff
                "Yes, miss, it is on the left corner" the staff answers and offer to lead me the way.

With that, I left him hanging in misery of guilt, making my way to the washroom. Slammed the door behind me. Staring at myself in the mirror, this is the moment. The moment when my eyes got watery, emotion all builds up.

                "This is not how I imagine my lunch" sobs

                "That is so embarrassing. Who the heck is that guy anyway! y!" Still mad. Yes, I am.

                "OH NO! "

Only now I notice what's visible beneath the cream top I'm wearing. My Victoria Secret white lace garment. Mouth wide open. I wanted to scream now!

                ______, HOW CAN YOU NOT NOTICE THIS WAS VISIBLE. HE MUST HAVE SEEN IT?! NO.. No..

                "No.. _____. No" sobs. Suddenly I felt so because of the coffee

I completely forget about the man, who probably slamming himself into the wall. A shame, guilty whatever. Not that I care. All I need now is to get myself cleaned.

Knock! Knock!

                "Miss..." He called from the door that separated us got me startle

                ! Please just go away.

                "Look.. I'm sorry about err... You know.." he paused

                "I didn't notice you wear-ing... err.."

                What the fuc.. He saw?!!

                "I-I mean I didn't notice you were turning around. I'm sorry.."

                "Would you please come out when you're done, so I can make it up to you"

                "Just leave. Please.." I just can't handle to face him anymore. Assuming that he probably saw my body. Which seems to be correct.

                "B-but.."

                "Just go! I'm fine"

                "I'm sorry.. Again. I didn't mean for all this to happen.." he sighed

I heard the sound of his footstep fades away from the door.

                I guess he left   

On the other side of the room, Jackson point of view;

                "I felt so terrible for her" Sighed

Walk back and forth nearby the entrance to the washroom. Took out the snapback, scratch non itchy head, put the snapback on. Restless much. Look at the watch.

                "DAMN! Time.. Not always the right timing. "

                "JB hyung will kill me if I'm late for the schedule" Ugh

Walk back to the counter

                "Excuse me miss.."

                "Yes sir, how may I help you"

                "About just now.. I am really.. really.. felt terribly sorry for that girl, b-but I really have to go now. I got work"

                "Could you please make the same coffee that she ordered, a-and..."

Just thought of something sweet

                "May I borrow your pen please?"

                "Yes, sure sir" she handed you the pen

I don't know if the idea works but I just have to go for it. Finger cross. I grab two piece of tissue on the counter.

 An instant apology letter I could have thought about.

                [" I am deeply sorry. Forgive me. Please enjoy my Americano :( - JSW"]

                I hope she likes it and console her embarrassment

                "Here you go, do attach this together with the coffee"

                "Oh.. Ah, yes sir, I will" She sounded surprise but pleased with my idea.

                "You have to make sure, she gets it no matter what. You got me?"

The female staff nods her head vigorously and promised to help you relay the message to her.

                "Thank you very much, I owe you" settle the payment, and straight leave for the schedule.

                Will I get another chance meeting her again? My Victoria Secret lady. I smirked

The images clearly played in my mind. So clear! I giggled to my own thoughts.

                "Damn! Stop it Jackson!"

I don't think I'll be able to stop thinking about what I just saw today. It felt like I just hit a lottery.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Fixing my hair and sadly staring down at my favorite blouse, I left a deep sigh before I walk out of the ladies room.

                "Excuse me, miss" the staff calls
                "Ah yes" shyly answer to the staff.

                "I am very sorry about your blouse, but that man from just now.. He left this for you."

 He hands over a cup of hot Americano with a note on it.

                "For me? Why so sudden?" raise my eyebrow in confusion.

                "There.." The staff pointed at the note on the tissue paper.

                "ohh...ok. Thank you"

I thanked the staff and went straight to my house. Cancel all plans of having lunch, not with that stain blouse.

At home;

I can't help it but kept staring at the note written, while enjoying the given Americano.

" I am deeply sorry. Forgive me. Please enjoy my Americano :( - JSW"

                "JSW? Who is JSW?"

I am dead curious about that guy. Poor me, I couldn't remember much of him, since I didn't really pay attention to him. All I could remember, he was wearing black snap back, black shirt with a sweater, baggy pants, and black face mask covering half his face.

                "Ah.. What the hell. It is not like we will meet again? Right?"

I toss the tissue in a dustbin right by the kitchen cabinet. Trying to clear my heads from the remembering embarrassing moment.