Hi ~ sorry for any grammar/typo errors and please enjoy ~ (more a/n at the end)

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Part 2 / 4

~************~

Tao woke up at the heavenly smell of bacon and coffee coming from the kitchen. He opened slowly his eyes still full of sleep and felt them burn a little from too much crying; he knew his face was a mess and the thought of just go back to sleep was really tempting. But he didn’t let himself sink again and sat up leisurely, his mind groggy, before looking around him without totally recognizing the room he was currently in; he spotted the painting on the wall opposite to him and sighed.

It wasn’t a dream, he had really switched reality.

Tao was torn between feeling utterly stressed out and being relieved by this confirmation, after all wasn’t it what he had wished for? Change reality and have another life?

But something was wrong and he knew it.

He studied the room without getting out of bed yet because he wasn’t sure if he had the courage to face the man who was in the other room, and saw that they had changed the grey and drab wallpaper Tao never really liked himself but wouldn’t remove because it was too much trouble. Tao felt a small pang of jealousy and sadness in his heart at the new light color on the wall: blue had always been his favorite one.

The room was really agreeable like that, the furniture were tastefully chosen and positioned, and the faint morning light created a peaceful atmosphere Tao loved and wished to have in his own room. Tao sighed again as he stood up and finally got out the room. He would have to, at some time anyway.

He found the whole apartment really warm and welcoming as he entered in the kitchen, his eyes instantly glued to the large back of the blond man washing dishes near the window. The other didn’t seem to feel his presence and Tao took this chance to study him a little: the man seemed muscular under his too large t-shirt, he was really tall and his dishevelled hair were almost like gold in the morning light; the whole sight was breath-taking.

If the whole place was really different from Tao’s, with more decoration like the modern clock near the entrance, the small and cute figurines near the TV, the paintings on almost every walls and the huge amount of picture frames taking all the empty space they could find, with more books on the shelf and the walls painted in a pale orange which illuminated and warmed wonderfully the room, Tao liked all of these little things and it was weird because he could feel his taste in the whole place arrangement. It was like he did it himself. It was hard to believe that his apartment back in his reality was such a cold and dark place; love could change people it seemed. And even if Tao didn’t quite believed in real life fairy tales, he wanted this; he really wished to have this kind of ‘home’, full of life and memories.

As Tao was lost in thought, the man finished his work and turned around to clean the table, sponge in hand, stopping immediately his movement when he saw Tao who was still standing with blank eyes in the doorway. Kris cleared his throat to make Tao come back to earth and they locked eyes when Tao looked back at him. Tao quickly looked down at his bare feet when the other’s eyes subtly roamed along his body and the black haired male felt a warm feeling invade him and a faint blush color his cheeks. Tao wasn’t used to this kind of attention. Plus, he felt really conscious of his look in front of the other at the moment, he knew his eyes bags must be huge, his eyes a little red and puffed, his clothes and hair a mess; he had looked better.  

He glanced at the taller man again and wished more than anything there wasn’t this expression on his handsome face, the longing and still sadness which could be read in his eyes. He looked broken and lost, and Tao felt again a pang of jealousy in his heart he couldn’t control. The other him had been really loved.

The blond man tried to smile at him, though: a little, and awkward one, and Tao’s chest burned with a sudden warmness and he felt thankful to the other for trying to be gentle to him. He was also a bit guilty to have had those jealous thoughts earlier and he remembered himself what kind of situation he imposed to the other.

‘Hello’ the taller man said to him with a, now he remarked, deep and pleasant voice, cutting him once again from his day-dreaming habit ‘Urm… d-did you sleep well?’ he asked after a pause, awkwardness in his tone too now.

‘U-urm, yeah’ Tao answered, his voice rough and shy so barely audible ‘Thank you for –hum- letting me take the bed’ he added as awkwardly as the other while scratching his arm.

‘Oh, no problem’ said the other while waving his hand in dismissal ‘I… I’m Kris’

Kris. It felt strangely familiar to his ears and his heart began to beat a little faster at the stranger’s name. How new it was.

‘Kris’ he repeated, the word rolling on his tongue easily. He heard Kris gasp and immediately felt guilty again, he cursed at himself in his head as he watched the other try to regain his composure and breathe without shaking. But the pain was easily readable throughout his actions. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid useless boy.

‘S-sorry’ whispered Tao and looked back at his feet again, guilt wrote on his face. He wished he could disappear for the first time since he had been here. It wasn’t normal for him to be here, he saw it now, he shouldn’t have stayed the other night or at least it would have been better if he had leave this morning without telling the other.

But he didn’t because he was stupid and selfish… now if he could just return back in his world and make the other man forget about this-

‘No. I-it’s okay’ Kris whispered back, cutting Tao mental rambling and then asking him if he wanted to eat breakfast with him. As Tao’s stomach started to manifest his will, Kris chuckled lightly and Tao really started to hate himself for being this weak when it came for the other’s smile. He heard his mind scream he should decline the offer and leave before it was too late, but his heart and body wanted to stay here, to be closer to the man next to him. He didn’t know how it was possible for him to want this badly another person’s presence next to him, and why he did. But he needed it.

His mind lost the internal fight at the end and Tao took a seat opposite to the blond, thanking him for the food and started to eat the delicious homemade breakfast without daring to look at him but trying to stay concentrated on the wonderful tastes on his tongue instead.

~************~

They ate in silence and when they both finished, Kris took the plates away and started to clean the table. Tao stayed on his chair, uncomfortable because he didn’t know what to do to help and if his help would be willingly accepted. He decided to leave his spot to facilitate the other cleaning and went in the other room, seating on the red couch and waiting for Kris to finish. He started to feel stressed now because he knew what was going to happen next. He would have to answer Kris’s questions and talk about his secret. He didn’t know what scared him the most right now, the fact of telling an almost stranger about his most hidden side or the fact of telling the truth to his ‘other him’ lover. While Tao knew it would be hard for him to talk, he didn’t know how hard it would be for the other to hear. He couldn’t imagine what would be his reaction.

Kris must had finished as he entered the room silently and went to seat in the armchair near the couch. He played with his fingers and looked past the window at the little part of blue sky which could be seen between the two buildings outside and stayed silent. Tao didn’t know how to start so he decided to wait until the other felt ready to talk. After five long and oppressive minutes Kris began to talk:

‘So….’ his voice was uncertain and he seemed to search his words but Tao didn’t say anything and waited for the other to continue ‘Hum, I-I’ll be honest with you, I… I-this is strange.’ he paused again, looked at Tao and Tao could see the confusion in his eyes, the sadness which seemed graved there forever and the almost anger making his irises glitter slightly.

Tao could understand his feelings, if a double of his dead lover had come in his apartment one evening and had begun to check it from the living to the room before crying and falling asleep on the floor, Tao would have been in the same state, if no more furious and panicked.

‘Y-yeah’ managed to answer Tao very eloquently ‘I-I have to explain something to you urm… Kris’

Kris didn’t say anything more and Tao started to explain. He explained his story, his life, his happy early childhood, his loving and caring mother, his distant father, the day he discovered his powers and his life changed, the scary doctors, the hardness of medical exams, the feeling of being unaccepted and feared by the other child, the feeling of being different. He talked about his parents’ death, his mother’s death, how it had been almost insurmountable to live without her, to hide who he was, to have a happy way of seeing things and try to have a new start; he described his new life in Shanghai, how he was scared of the crowd, of people in general, he described his only friends Sehun and Kai, his leave to Beijing, his loneliness. He then talked about the last evening, how he had been in the metro, back to his unwelcoming apartment, thinking of being someone else and wishing being in the other reality he saw since almost forever; finally telling how he had woke up here, walked to his apartment, met Kris and discovered that this reality was just a parallel world where another him, where another Huang Zitao, the person who had loved and lived with Kris in this world, had just died two months ago and weren’t here anymore.

As he finished his story, his hands were shaking slightly and he hid them between his tights, squeezing them tight.

He had said all of this without waiting for a comment or without hoping one. He had kept his gaze focused on the black screen of the TV and had cried at some part. His tears had dried and he felt utterly now; he had revealed all his feelings, his dark thoughts, his weak sides, his entire being to the other man, to someone else. He was relieved in a way. For once he had talked freely, without chains, without thinking of the other reaction, without feeling like a bird in a cage who couldn’t sing because of all the stares on him.

He felt all the heaviness fall off his shoulders for once.

Kris stayed stiff on his seat and Tao finally looked at him. He wasn’t expecting anything, or perhaps incredulity, anger, disgust even from the other but what he saw made him want to curl up and cry again until his body became dry.

Tears were softly falling on Kris’ cheeks and he was staring at Tao with pained shining eyes. Tao couldn’t say what Kris was thinking at the moment because the other’s face stayed still, the only movement in the tears rolling down slowly. His face didn’t show any emotions, but he wasn’t judging him Tao knew, it seemed that Kris believed him and believed that Tao came from another world.

The two men were silent since Tao had finished to explain everything to Kris and he could hear the faint rumor of the circulation in town coming through the opened windows. As Tao had turned his head towards the windows and stared outside in contemplation without thinking at anything for once, he heard the sound of a chair being pulled and looked back at where Kris had been the last twenty minutes. The taller man had stood up and was now coming towards Tao, gently patting his head before sitting next to him and hugging him tightly in those arms Tao definitively liked because it felt so safe to be there.

They parted after a minute, Tao relaxed and a little sad he had to separate from the other’s soothing sent, but at his surprise Kris didn’t let him go and instead cautiously took Tao’s smaller face in his large palms as if it was a precious jewels which could be broken if not treated with attention. Kris looked at him in the eyes, without flinching, and after a short moment of hesitation started caressing Tao’s rosy cheeks softly with his thumb, his touch like a light breeze on his skin. The touch was tickling Tao but he tried to stay still and not giggle, fearing to lost the unreal like moment he lived. After what felt like an eternity for the younger, Kris slowly traced his defined eyebrows with the tip of his finger, taking his time; he brushed past his dark eye bags, making goose bumps appear on Tao’s arms, he then followed his nose and finally, really slowly, traced Tao’s upper lip, breaking eyes contact to stare at his lower one.

Tao swore his heart might just flew out of his chest if it kept beating like that and he desperately tried to recompose himself, failing in steadying his breath and hide his flushed face. He had never been touched like that by anyone before, even by his previous dates, the gesture felt so intimate, the touches so soft and caring; he didn’t know what to do or what to think at the moment. It was the first time he found himself in such a kind of situation and he wasn’t sure if he would have accepted to be this close to someone else if it wasn’t for the man facing him.

It was so confusing.

Kris hands suddenly tensed and he let them fall from Tao’s face before taking them back on his lap.

‘I’m…’ he looked at Tao in the eyes and tried to smile before getting off the couch and taking his coat on the chair near the entrance rapidly ‘Sorry, I need to take some air and just… think.’ Tao nodded without saying anything, still in shock, and he must be looking like a lost puppy as Kris came back near him and hesitantly ruffled his hair ‘don’t worry, I won’t be long. You can stay here and erm… watch TV?’ Tao nodded again and Kris went off the apartment.

~************~

Kris went off his apartment as fast as he could and decided he needed a walk to calm down and think properly about the whole situation; he’ll be back in less than an hour. He slowly took his way on the sidewalk and appreciated the cool weather. There was no wind and, for a sixteenth march, the temperature was agreeably high so Kris’ jacket was comfortable enough; it was around 10 am and the sun had already lost his red-orange color to only shine brightly in the limpid sky. It was a lovely morning like Kris liked them.

But it wasn’t reflecting his mood right now. What was happening was too much for him to understand. Who really was this guy? Kris knew that what the other told him just a moment before couldn’t be just some trick or lies but … could it be real? Could this guy be his Zitao? A ‘twin’ coming from another dimension?

Things like that only happened in books, not for real.

He sighed loudly and tried to make things clear in his head. First, the boy definitely looked exactly the same as Zitao; when Kris had seen this perfect face this close to him again he just had to touch it and had the urge to keep it in his hand forever, to never let it go again and take the risk to lose it.

Being able to see Tao again was like a dream, it was so wonderful to be able to look at the boy again and sink in those dark and profound eyes he had.

But the fact was: this wasn’t Tao. It wasn’t the boy he had awkwardly tried to approach when the other was running in the park near their future apartment, it wasn’t the one he had shared memories with, memories of failed dates, of sweet first kisses, of passionate first embraces, of everything.

Tao had died, taking Kris heart with him in the grave.

Kris was close to tears as he reached the small supermarket he usually came in to do groceries and he tried to recompose himself before greeting the old lady at the cash register. He went to the ice cream section and stared blankly at all the pots while rethinking of the other boy story: it seemed that the kid hadn’t had an easy and happy life until now, with the death of his parents and his strange … ‘power’, it looked like Tao had always being scared of the world and had always being sadly alone. 

Kris had been truly touched by Tao’s story, he was utterly sad for the younger boy and even if it wasn’t really his Tao, seeing this face so hurt was not acceptable for him and he had unconsciously wanted to console the boy and take care of him.

But one thing was still quite unbelievable for him: he didn’t know what to think about the ‘power’ part. It was hard to accept the fact of another dimension and even if the boy really came from this other world and really was another Tao … what did it mean? Did the boy feel the same way Tao used to, did he have the same feelings, did Tao knew he had another him somewhere else, did he ever felt like a sort of connection between them? It didn’t make sense if only the other guy had this ‘reflecting power’. And the fact that he had come here so suddenly, had he just slide across the glass and reappeared here? It definitely wasn’t human those kind of things…

Kris was still in front of the ice cream shelf and unconsciously choose Tao favourite’s one in the basket before going towards the exit. He paid and went off with his bag, waving a last time at the old lady before reaching back home.

Once at the building’s front door, he stopped a moment and realized he hadn’t come to a solution but was even more confused than before. He could have walked a little bit longer or tried to contact his friends for advices, even if now that he thought of it, it was better to hide a suddenly alive Tao from everybody else, but the boy was in his apartment waiting for him to return.

The situation was unreal and even dangerous but he couldn’t just ask him to leave, could he? He perhaps didn’t want him to go anyway. But still, he couldn’t act like everything was normal and fine in front of him.

Kris couldn’t make a decision but went in nonetheless and took the elevator because he was scared the ice cream would melt if he didn’t put it in the fridge quickly. And maybe because he wanted to see the other’s face too. Even if he didn’t want to admit it, he missed it.

Kris finally stood before his apartment’s front and stopped once again; he breathed in and out slowly, giving himself some mental encouragements and as he opened the door after a minute and entered the place, he heard a familiar sound coming from the living room. He quickly took off his shoes and went to see if what he guessed was right.

Tao was indeed sobbing loudly, used and unused tissues scattered all around him, and he had curled up on the huge sofa, letting only his eyes pop up over his knees. On the TV screen played Tao’s favorite drama and it seemed that it was one of those scenes where nobody could not cry if they had a heart cause half of the characters on screen were on the verge of tears too and the other half had already collapsed in despair.

Kris heart tightened, not because of the acceptable play of the actors but because Tao had always cried like this at this scene and it was so familiar to Kris to see him like that. Tao looked like a child during those moments and Kris liked it because Tao would cuddle all night and never let go of Kris’ shirt. A strong wave of affection rushed threw him as he continued to stare at the younger who didn’t seem to have remarked his presence.

He didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know if he could just come closer to the boy and comfort him like he would have if he was his Tao, or if he would cross the line by doing it. Broke the distance and with it broke the unspoken but needed rule of not getting to close with the other.

Tao sobbed loudly once more and Kris felt the cold pot of ice cream on his leg, still in his bag. He decided that ice cream would be perfect for the other to stop crying and that, with food-comfort, Tao won’t need any contact from him.

After nodding in approval at his internal reflection, Kris gripped determinedly the bag in his hand and walked towards the sofa. 

~************~

When Kris left, Tao didn’t move but silently stared at the closed door for a moment before finally deciding that he might just do what Kris had told him. He took the remote and the expensive looking TV, going through different channels without seeing something interesting to watch. While his hand went in auto-pilot mode, his brain kept replaying what just happened between him and the other man.

He could still feel the warm softness of Kris touch on his cheeks, the sudden thrilling sensation he had while looking into the other definitely beautiful eyes, making goose bumps appeared on his arms and neck without control.

Kris was indeed good looking and Tao wasn’t insensible at his charm but what had happened earlier was different from just physical attraction. It had been like Kris wanted to say something to Tao, like he had waited from Tao to answer the silent question he could read in his eyes. The sensation had been overwhelming, he had almost lost himself in the other’s stare and hadn’t been scared of it, strangely.

At the moment Tao didn’t know how to understand Kris’ gesture and his own too loud and quick heartbeat. Tao only met Kris since a few hours but it was like he already knew him. He strangely genuinely cared for the other and the heavy but warm weight in his chest was something Tao preferred to ignore and push back far away because he knew too well what it meant. And it scared him.

As he almost passed all the channels he could find automatically, he suddenly heard a very familiar music and actress’ voice on screen and almost screamed in joy when he realised it was his favourite drama playing. Tao loved drama, he knew that it must have been strange for the people who didn’t really knew him to think as Tao as someone who enjoyed those kind of things but Tao loved watching them and could tell you the whole story without any mistakes. What Tao liked in those fictional stories, was that everybody found happiness at the end, or found something which made them grow up and be stronger for the future. Even the less lucky persons could have a great life at the end.

Tao wished he could be one of those characters. He wished he could find happiness at the end.

Tao was so absorbed in the drama playing on TV that he didn’t heard Kris come back after two hours. At this point of the episode, Tao was a mess because he just couldn’t bear all the cruelness of the world when it came to historical drama characters. He had had to take a sleeves box from the kitchen because his nose wouldn’t stop flowing and he was now encircled by the used one which created a white barrier around him. As he once again wiped his nose and let the sleeve drop next to him, a huge ice cream pot came in view between him and the screen. He looked up and saw that the ice cream pot didn’t just appeared magically but that Kris was holding it with a neutral expression and was waiting for him to take it.

‘Oh, t-thanks’ Tao managed to say after a minute of just staring at the pot. Tao took it and cheered up silently when he saw the flavour: strawberry, his favorite. After giving a soft grunt as an answer, Kris sat down on the sofa next to Tao, keeping a respectful distance between them, and stared at the screen without any comment. It went like this a few more minutes, Tao with his strawberry ice cream still in hand, trying to concentrate on the drama but failing because of a certain someone and this someone feigning to be at ease when his tense position told otherwise.

‘Won’t you eat it?’ Kris suddenly asked, breaking the silence and making Tao jump a little in surprise. His gaze hadn’t leave the screen and his face was unreadable ‘You don’t like it?’

Tao quickly shook his head but the other wasn’t looking at him so he managed to say ‘No’ without stuttering and explained that he just didn’t know if he had the right to eat it.

‘Why wouldn’t you have the right?’ Kris asked, eyebrows furrowed but not looking at Tao still ‘I bought it for you so …’ Tao blushed slightly at this and so did Kris apparently because the other turned slightly his head so Tao couldn’t see his face ‘So you may eat it before it melt completely.’ Kris finally said after clearing his throat.

‘Thank you’ said Tao in a small voice ‘It… It’s my favorite flavour so I’ll finish it, don’t worry’

‘I know’ Kris whispered and Tao didn’t know if he was supposed to hear.

When the last episode finally ended and Tao ate all the ice-cream in record time because eating had always helped him to calm his stress and get him relaxed, Kris proposed to make something for dinner as it was getting late and asked Tao if he wanted something particularly so he could go do some grocery shopping before the store closed. Tao didn’t want to stay alone again so he said that anything would be fine; ‘really’ he insisted when he saw Kris ready to take his coat and leave again. It was strange, that new fear of being alone: Tao had lived alone since he left for Beijing and before that, he had always be the solitary guy type. He preferred being alone and had always preferred to stay away from the crowd and from the others. It was safer. But right now he didn’t want to be alone and more than that wanted to be with the taller man, he couldn’t still tell why but he just needed to see him to be reassured and in peace.

After that, the two men didn’t talk a lot, only exchanging a few words when they needed to and, for Kris part, avoiding eyes contact with the other while they ate. The evening was cut short when, after cleaning the dishes and table, Kris told Tao that he could use the bed and that he’ll take the couch, saying that he’ll take a shower while going into the bathroom and letting Tao go to his room without a good night word. Not that Tao was expecting any, but he still felt a little disappointed, to not say sad, when he drifted to sleep without hearing it when Kris finished his shower and went to bed too.

The next day, if Tao still hoped, or feared, to wake up in his real world he didn’t, and the smell of coffee mixed with the bacon’s one had never been that delightful to smell before. Like the previous morning, Kris greeted him in the kitchen and they ate silently together, the atmosphere was tense but less than before, making Tao internally happy. It was Sunday and as Tao couldn’t just rest in the apartment the whole day again but couldn’t just go out and take the risk to be recognized by someone who knew him, Kris proposed to go to the cinema and gave a cap to Tao before leaving the apartment. Tao had to walk with his head hanging low until they were seated and the room went dark. The movie wasn’t too bad and Tao was more and more happy to see that Kris wasn’t scared of him anymore or whatever it was that made him so tense when he was with him.

If Kris accepted Tao in his apartment, he didn’t wish goodnight to Tao again but the younger wasn’t as down as the last time cause he was sure the other would be able to do it in a few days.

A few days and perhaps more staying here, Tao smiled at the prospect and slept like he never slept before. In peace.

~************~

Three months had passed since the apparition of Tao in his life and, Kris was lost.

 If the first weeks had been really difficult for Kris to accept the other man, Tao’s presence was now oddly normal and familiar. Kris had to go to work since it wasn’t holidays so he let Tao alone during the day and only returned late at home in the evening but when the weekend came the two of them would go out the farthest possible from where he and Zitao always liked to hang out and they passed a great time together. They went to the zoo, the sea, the mall, the amusement park, everywhere Tao wanted to go and every time they get closer and closer. It was unfair Kris thought, once, when he saw Tao laugh like a child while being purchased by a small dog in a park: Tao was like he had always been. He was like Zitao. He had the same face, the same smile and body but also the same expressions when he was really happy or really sad, the same way of reacting when he was angry or teased a little bit too much, the same way of crying like the world ended when watching a sad movie or seeing bugs, the same cute habit of pouting for nothing and using aegyo when he wanted something from Kris. Tao was like the Tao Kris fell in love with and asked to live with. Tao was what Kris needed to be happy and feel filled. Tao was everything to Kris and it scared him. Because Tao wasn’t Zitao. But Tao could so easily make Kris forget it. Tao was slowly becoming as important as Zitao was. It wasn’t right, and Kris knew it, but he just couldn’t do anything about it. Tao hadn’t mentioned returning from where he came and Kris, as it was, couldn’t just ask him to leave and let him make his life with someone else, somewhere else. Not when he knew Tao could be happier with him. Tao was his. Kris knew everything about Tao, and the few things he didn’t knew about him when he arrived, Tao said it all to him. The other, who seemed to have always been hiding his feelings and try to not let them show to other peoples was like an open book for Kris. Tao had say it himself to Kris one day, his voice like a whimper as he played nervously with his fingers ‘I don’t know why, and I don’t want to know why because it will oblige me to face things I’m not ready to face, but … When I’m with you, it’s like I can be normal and have… you know, a ‘happy end’… I can talk about me without being scared and … I never did this, before so, urm… thank you. Kris’. Kris heartbeat had quickly fastened and after that the blond had wanted to take care of Tao as long as Tao would stay with him, and if what Tao had said looked like a confession, Kris hadn’t push more the younger and had prevented his own feelings to surface, preferring to keep listening to Tao and let whatever was happening between them go at his own pace but never let it go too far. Tao seemed happy like that, happier than when he saw him the first time, and Kris didn’t need anything else.

If he couldn’t stay close to Tao at the beginning, Tao’s natural way of sitting next to him or gripping his arm when he got too excited about something he saw outside slowly made him lose his reluctance and he was now the one who sometimes liked to be lightly pressed against the other while watching TV or just have his hand in his own. Tao’s touch felt familiar and reassuring and Kris contented himself with those little moments when his skin rested against the other’s. Kris had more than once wanted to touch more, by habits or just because Tao was slowly becoming this kind of person for him but he never let his wants control him. He kept the touches friendly or just platonic if more intimate but he just couldn’t stay away too long from the other anymore. His ‘old cold attitude’, like Tao had called it not a long time ago during one of their long discussion after playing with the river’s water all the afternoon, had totally disappeared when he had talked about Zitao’s parents to the younger boy. It had been one of the most awkward and hard thing for Kris to tell because it reminded him about Zitao but also reminded him about Zitao’s pain and the horrible time his lover had been through.

But Tao had the right to know Kris had thought, after all it was like it were his parents.  

~************~

Tao had started to cry at the middle of the story and couldn’t stop even when Kris had finished. It was hurting him so much to know that his ‘twin’ had also felt this huge loss and sadness. It reminded him of what he had had to face: the loss of his mother and father at the age of fourteen, the other members of his family, not really wanting to have to take him home with them but feeling like they had to, nonetheless, because they weren’t heartless people, his rare friends at school who looked at him with pity in their eyes and tried to avoid him because they didn’t know what to say to comfort him, his cold and too huge house, the move to Shanghai.

Tao had also cried because he knew that the other him didn’t quite lived this tragedy like him; he had been older when his parents died but more than that he had had Kris, someone on who he could rely on and cry and, he had been comforted, taken care of, loved.

Tao cried because he was once again jealous of the other and he started to really hate himself for that.

~************~

Seeing Tao cry this hard, his face in his hands to prevent Kris from seeing him, Kris had felt helpless and had just took the slightly smaller man in his arm, tracing soothing patterns on his back and letting the other wet his shirt like he did to Zitao when he had heard the news and see the car accident on the news. They had stayed in that position for a long time but Kris hadn’t minded, he had made sure to wipe Tao’s tears after the other had gently pushed Kris chest and had taken him home before making him a soup and had send him to bed, staying with him until the other had felt asleep and kissing him goodnight on the head.

Later that night Kris hadn’t been able to find sleep and had tried to chase the rush of affection and worries he felt towards the boy sleeping in the other room until he finally lose consciousness.

When, the next day, Tao had showed up with puffy eyes and dishevelled hair in the kitchen, Kris had felt a wave of unwanted feelings break the small barrier he had achieved to build earlier that night, when he was still awake and fumbling with his sheets to find a comfortable position. The other was too cute and looked too frail for Kris to keep himself from offering his embrace to the other who had instantly been on his lap, hugging him with his head in the crook of Kris’ neck.

~************~

If they grew considerably closer by the time, Kris and Tao both knew that there was still a limit they couldn’t go through. If Tao had easily accepted his attraction and growing feelings for Kris he knew he shouldn’t try to make a move. It wouldn’t work. Even if Kris miraculously felt the same, Tao knew this situation couldn’t last forever. He had tried to forget about his other life, the one he didn’t want to return to, the dark, cold and lonely one; but it was his true life and he knew he must return.

But he wasn’t ready, he just couldn’t leave Kris yet.

Kris, who knew Tao’s feelings and knew his own, even if he tried to suppress them or just ignore them, also knew he shouldn’t let anything happen. If he, now, was sure to like Tao and not just ‘the other Zitao’ he also knew that, in this world, Tao’s face was classified as ‘dead’. For everybody, Kris was currently living alone and was still heartbroken and he would end his life heartbroken and alone because everybody knew that the tall blond couldn’t love anybody else. Another Tao being the exception. But nobody knew that another Tao had come. Kris had thought that he became crazy at first, that it was impossible for someone like Tao to be in his apartment, that passing through glasses only happened in movies. He had accepted the fact when Tao had told him his story, because he knew when Zitao, Tao was being sincere but he knew that someone else wouldn’t believe Tao and that the other would be in a really complicated and hard situation if he had to explain everything. Plus, Tao had made it clear that he didn’t want to talk about his ‘power’ to anyone else. If Tao and him wanted to live as normally as possible they would have to move out of China and Kris didn’t want this. If Tao asked him to leave with him he may say yes and try. But he knew Tao wouldn’t.

Tao knew, like him, that their possible ‘them’ was impossible.

~************~

 This time, Kris wanted to show something new to Tao and he had kept it a secret so the younger really didn’t know what to expect when he get in Kris’ car, on Saturday, and the other started to drive along. They went silently downtown and Tao’s eyes widened when he understood where Kris were leading them, Kris parked the car under the building and reminded Tao, with an apologetic smile, to keep his cap low on his head and to not look at other peoples in the eyes. Tao was too excited to mind the hiding rule and nodded frantically, almost bouncing with impatience as Kris took his bag and lead them towards the elevator. Tao let a small scream of joy when he saw that Kris had really took him to the giant aquarium Tao had always wanted to see since he came to Beijing. He had told this to Kris once: back in his reality, he had saw a huge publicity sign while coming back to his apartment and had wanted to go there instantly cause water and sea animals had always reminded him of his home, in Qingdao. He hadn’t had the courage to go there alone, though, with so much unknown peoples and his memories, Tao had been scared that he wouldn’t be able to stay in the place more than ten seconds. But now, with Kris, Tao knew he could do it and started to tear up while smiling beamingly to the other who looked at him with a knowing face.

Kris took his hand in his own and they went in, staying close to each other to not lose the other. Tao couldn’t have dreamed of a most perfect Saturday morning. The fishes were so many that they created big and bright colored spots in the water while the huge ray mantas looked like they were flying, passing next to beautiful turtles and frightening sharks. Everything was beautiful and Tao was like a child wanting to see everything and rest during hours before the basin. Kris had to pull him by the arm to make him move and let the place to the other child at each spot. Tao kept smiling and squeezing Kris’ hand in gratitude, too shy at the moment to say a proper thanks.

As it was getting time to eat, Tao and Kris went towards the picnic area and after a minute, sat down on a free bench. Kris gave his sandwich to Tao and they ate in comfortable silence, enjoying the other presence. As Tao stood up and went to throw the cellophane of his sandwich in the bin next to them he suddenly felt nauseous and just had the time to hear Kris shout his name before collapsing.

~************~

Kris saw Tao fall suddenly, and rushed towards him to keep him from knocking his head on the floor. He took Tao unconscious form in his arms and rapidly dialled the number of the hospital, asking for an ambulance in a panicked voice. The ambulance arrived quickly as the aquarium was near the hospital and Tao was taken care off immediately by the medical team, asking Kris to come with them in the van.

In the ambulance, Kris looked at Tao and felt his eyes watering.

Please don’t leave me too

~************~

The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was Kris’ anxious face above him. If Tao could have smiled he would have because Kris looked so worried and handsome at the same time it made him light-hearted.

The second thing he saw was that he was in a hospital bed and it took all his will and Kris supporting hand on his own to not panic and try to go out of bed and run towards the exit. Hospital had always been a horrible place in Tao’s eyes. It was where the doctors had made him pass a ton of exams, scans and he didn’t know what else to finally say that he was just psychologically disturbed and made him a liar, a scary kids for the others. Tao hated doctors.

But seeing Kris next to him calmed him and unconsciously, he knew that everything would be alright.

The doctor who was in charge of him didn’t look like what he reminded of a doctor whether a devil in the traits of an old ugly man, when he came in Tao’s room but he was rather young, shorter than him but walking with an assurance that made everybody want to respect and listen to him, he inspired trust and just looking at him made Tao calm down definitively. He smiled kindly to Tao and Tao decided that he could make an exception for this man, not all the doctors were evil.

The older man introduced himself as Suho and asked Tao a few questions about his food habits, his usual time of sleep, if he was doing sport regularly; he asked Tao if he felt stressed lately or if he had remarked anything strange those past few weeks. Tao answered the best way he could and told Suho, the other had asked him to call him by his name, that since a few months he sometimes felt dizzy and had headaches in the afternoon. When he said that, Kris squeezed his hand tight and Tao looked at him, though avoiding eyes contact because he had purposely hide those little crisis to the other; he didn’t want to worry Kris for nothing and he hadn’t though that it would get worse.

After writing everything in his clapboard, Suho left the room, smiling one last time to Tao before closing the door and Tao closed his eyes, glad that it was finished. Suho may be nice but Tao still didn’t like medical exams. The room was silent and if Kris’ hand wasn’t in his own, Tao wouldn’t be sure if the other was still there.

Tao opened his eyes slowly, meeting Kris’ ones right away and stared at them without looking away. Kris didn’t look away either and they kept staring at each other for a minute. It was Kris who broke the silence first:

‘Why didn’t you told me you were sick?’ he asked and his voice seemed more hoarse than usual. Did he cried?

‘I wasn’t sick’ Tao answered, tracing soothing circles with his thumb on Kris’ hand ‘It wasn’t really serious and I didn’t want to make you worry for nothing…’

‘For nothing??!’ Kris almost shouted, making Tao jump a little in surprise because Kris had never been angry at him before, ‘For nothing?’ he repeated more calmly ‘Do you think that you, collapsing in the middle of the picnic area and the ambulance is ‘nothing’?’

Tao didn’t really know what to say back at that so he stayed quiet and waited for Kris to continue.

‘Listen, I don’t care if you wake me up in the middle of the night, if I have to do every pharmacy in town to find the one open 24/24 h, I don’t care if I have to stay awake during an entire week or have to carry you around during a month but don’t you dare ever again to not tell me when you’re not feeling okay and collapse suddenly in front of me okay?’

Kris looked so dead serious and worried at the moment that Tao felt his stomach squeeze in affection and thankfulness. Kris really cared for him, like nobody except his mother ever cared for him. He nodded and felt tears roll on his cheeks. He quickly tried to wipe them but Kris didn’t let his hand go and instead kissed them away. Tao went stiff and felt his face heat up uncontrollably at the warm contact of Kris’ lips on his wet cheeks.

Kris backed off gently and looked at Tao in the eyes before realizing what he just did and let an embarrassed muffled sound, saying that he needed to go to the toilets before getting outside the room in record time.

Tao stayed still a moment, replaying the scene in his head like it was the best movie he had ever seen and then touched his red cheeks while smiling brightly at the ceiling; Kris kissed him and even if it was only on the cheeks, it was the first time Tao felt Kris’ plush lips on him. Tao had wanted to feel them more than once but knew better than to try to kiss him.

But it had been Kris who did this just now, on his own accord, and Tao was so happy; he now knew for sure that he had never really loved his previous dates, even when he had had with them he had never felt like he felt right now. What Kris simple touch could do to him was scary and beyond imagination for him but Tao was only savouring it, delighted.

The door opened and Tao expected Kris’ red face to appear but instead it was Suho who entered the room with the same kind and calm smile plastered on his face. He came closer to Tao and asked him how he felt. Tao said that he really felt okay and asked him how long he needed to stay here. Suho told him that if he felt well tomorrow he would be able to leave in the morning. Tao thanked him and looked at Suho’s back when the other went to the door. The doctor opened the door but suddenly turned back and looked at Tao in the eyes, his own dark orbs unreadable.

‘Oh I almost forgot’ he said in the same tone as before ‘you may want to look at the window tonight, before switching off the lights…’ he stopped, smiled and added  ‘I’ll see you tomorrow Tao, goodnight’ he smiled once again, he really smiled a lot, and this time went out of the room.

Tao didn’t have the time to understand what Suho just said to him because Kris entered the room just a second after the doctor departure and anything else didn’t mattered for Tao after seeing him. Kris didn’t talk about what had happened earlier and Tao didn’t bring the topic either. They talked about everything and nothing, Tao keeping his lying position and Kris staying on is chair, and the night felt without Tao remarking it before Kris said that he had to leave because the doctors didn’t allow him to stay if Tao felt alright. Tao definitively hated the doctors.

They wished goodnight to each other after the small dinner Tao had the right to take and Kris finally left after the third time the nurse came in the room to ask him to go back home, ‘please mister, you’ll see him tomorrow morning’.

Even if Tao was alright and felt well now, his collapsing had tired him and he went to switch off the light before drifting to sleep when he suddenly remembered Suho’s words from earlier.

‘You may want to look at the window tonight, before switching off the lights’ he had said.

Tao was intrigued so he turned his head to his right and stared at the window. Outside there was only darkness and Tao couldn’t see anything but the night sky without stars and the moon hided by some clouds. Nothing was there to be seen and Tao started to think that Suho had weird hobbies, wasting the time of his patients before sleep wasn’t really something enjoyable in Tao’s point of view.

As he looked one last time at the window without expecting much, he saw the reflection of the room on the glass and suddenly stopped breathing. On the reflect, he could see the same hospital room he was in and he could distinguish someone lying in the bed; the boy was sleeping peacefully and the monitoring machine next to him was calculating his, for the moment, steady pulse.

To Tao, seeing other peoples in a reflection wasn’t unusual. It had made a hell of his life. What was unusual and what didn’t happened since he was born, was seeing his own reflect in a mirror or any reflecting surface of the world.

But it was him. He could swear it was him, the boy in the bed.

It was him.

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A/N : yooooosh I finished part 2 !! >>^<<

Hi everybody, hope you didn’t forget about this story and please forgive me for this really, really late update ;^;

I had a hard time writing this part because of exams and then familial problem (my grandmother got seriously ill and we had to take care of my grandfather, I won’t annoy you with details) so it was a bit difficult for me to find time to write… once again sorry!!! ;;;-;;;

Anyway, I hope you liked this longer update and that everything’s now clear about Tao’s ‘power’ and situation, if it’s still not, please tell me, I’ll try to explain it to you ~

Thank you for reading and have a nice day/evening ^^