His mother once said to him, when he was still a little boy who liked to grip her skirt tightly and follow her wherever she went: ‘Listen carefully to what I’m going to say sweetheart. In this world, there are people who aren’t like everybody else, they’re special; but it doesn’t mean they are strange or weird, they’re just unique. They’re lucky to have something other don’t. So stop crying and don’t listen to what those mean kids said to you okay? You’re so precious my little baby, so precious…’

When he was only fourteen, his mother died. A man who drove with too much alcohol in his blood; he took her away from him. His father was there too. The car tragedy left him alone and after the funerals he went to live with his aunt in Shangai. His aunt was kind and tried to make him feel at home with her, but Shangai was scary: too big, too much people, too much murmurs and stares. It felt oppressive and Tao missed home, missed the sea without huge cargoship on it, the sound of the waves crashing on the rocks, the wind in his hair, the clear and freshair, his mother. How much he missed his mother.

Even after her death, Tao continued to see things that other could not. He still saw a different world when he looked at the reflection in the mirror or the window.

~************~

He always had this strange capacity, this ‘power’ like his father said to him when Tao cried, to comfort him, this ‘gift’ his mother said; this ‘weird and scary disease’ for the other kids and parents.

It was a hot afternoon, the air heavy and the sun shining bright in a clear sky without clouds. A five years old Tao was standing in front of the big mirror in his mother’s friend salon and kept staring at it, hypnotised : he didn’t see himself in it. Neither did he saw his mother or the pretty lady next to her, drinking his tea while laughing softly. The only person Tao saw in the mirror was the maid; but she was different, she wasn't carrying away the empty plate after serving the tea like the one in the room did, she was just cleaning the huge windows in the background, his frail body stretching as far as it could to reach the top of the glass.

After that one time, Tao never saw the same as everyone else in the reflections. The doctors couldn’t explain it, they didn’t found anything strange or abnormal about his eyes or his brain, even after a lots of tests; he was a healthy child. They finally concluded that Tao was just creating trouble on purpose, to have attention, that he must see someone, a psy maybe, a specialist of perturbed children like him.

Even if they insisted, Tao's mother didn’t listen to them, she never did, she believed her boy said the truth and refused to let those ignorant men talk bad about him. His father though, had always believed in the doctors’ words; he just didn’t want to hurt his wife and also cared for his son, even if he was perturbed, so he never said anything about Tao seeing a specialist.

When they died and Tao moved away of his natal town, the boy took a decision. He decided to keep his ability hidden from the other and try to forget about it. He never told anyone about it, not even Sehun or Kai, his bestfriends who were born in Korea but moved in China when they were eight and twelve to follow their parents who had some business to do in China. It wasn’t like his secret could be discovered anyway, his friends couldn’t suspect anything strange as Tao’s life was the ‘normal one’ of an orphan who lived with his aunt and studied well at school.

There had only been one time when Tao had felt unsecured and scared that his strange behavior would be seen: Sehun had come to his house in the afternoon, to help Tao getting ready and also prepare himself before reaching out to one of Luhan’s party (their senior was well known for setting the best parties in town and Kai had insisted for them to go there and have fun while they were ‘still young’ like he said) and as Sehun had just finished to do their makeup, the younger had pushed Tao in front of the mirror the boy had in his room and asked him if he was satisfied of his job. Tao had stayed quiet, staring at the mirror where he didn’t see anything , thinking about his life once again while scratching his right arm nervously. He shouldn’t have let this thing in his room, it wasn’t like he could see himself in it.

After staring for a long minute, his brows furrowed as he was lost in thoughts, he had finally said to Sehun that he had do wonders with the eyeliner and the younger boy had smiled at the praise. Since then, Tao had made sure to not be put in front of a mirror by anyone.

~************~

Tao sighed and looked at the metro glass, watching in the reflect a world he could feel strangely close to now. It was familiar, as if this other reality he saw was the one destined to Tao. Like it just waited for him to come and have another life. Waiting for him since forever.

It was 7 pm and Tao was currently on his way back to his apartment, he had been accepted by one of the most prestigious university of the capital and had moved one year ago in Beijing. Beijing was bigger than Shangai, with even more people and even more noise. But Tao was older now, he had just turned twenty-two a few days ago and had learnt, with the years, to breathe evenly and stay calm when he was outside.

He had leave his aunt and his friends behind in the process but he came back a few time to see them of course; telling them about his new life, what he studied in class and especially who he thought was a good catch in his school for his still single best friend Kai. Sehun, if Tao had understood his explanations correctly, was currently in a rather complicate relationship with Luhan and Xiumin, two of their seniors back in high school, and was quite happy of their situation. Tao, unlike Kai who was still single because he just had too high standards for men, wasn’t really interested by the whole dating thing. He had known he was gay since his first grade, when one day he had suddenly felt his blood run southward at the sight of two men making out in a park near his aunt’s house and had had to quickly take care of this problem in the shower later on. After this, he had tried going out with some boys, had had his first kiss and his first time, but he never had felt his heart beat faster for someone, feeling butterflies in his stomach when seeing his boyfriend or found someone he would like to share his intimate thoughts with. 

He so, lived alone in a quite good apartment and had peace and calm for his studies.

To say the truth, he felt lonely.

As he slowly closed his eyes, feeling a strange sleepiness invade his whole body, he touched the cold glass with one finger and wished softly, his voice a whisper, that he could be someone else; someone else in his other reality.

~************~

His eyes shot open and Tao looked worriedly at the name of the next station on the metro board at the front of the wagon. He sighed in relief when he saw that there was still two stations before his one and leaned back in his seat. It was rare for him to fall asleep in a public place, he was usually very aware of the persons around him and was always in alert, his body tense when being near other people he didn’t know.

As he went off the metro and took his way back home he suddenly felt a strange sensation throughout his body, shivers went down his spine, spreading on his back and he felt a little dizzy. He quickened the pace, not wanting to collapse in the middle of the street and finally reached his apartment safely before opening the door with his key.

He entered the flat, let his bag fall on the floor while removing his shoes and let a surprised scream escape his lips when he saw the outline of a body on his couch. The figure who was comfortably lying under a red cover while watching the news, jumped from his position at the scream and looked at Tao with wide eyes. The, apparently, man was tall, taller than Tao. But he couldn’t clearly see his face as the lights were off and the stranger turned his back at the TV, darkening his features.

Tao decided to switch on the light and prepared himself to an eventual attack from the man in his apartment. He didn’t understood how the guy had managed to get in as the door was closed but maybe he was a serial killer who was a professional at opening and closing doors without anyone noticing it. But, Tao thought as he took in the man’s, he had to admit, handsome face, why a serial killer would lie on the couch and watch TV while waiting for his victim? Plus, the man had seemed really surprised by his arrival ... Oh well, he didn’t know how serial killer’s brain worked.

None of them moved but Tao still stared shamelessly at the other male who suddenly started to tremble and asked in a shaking voice: ‘T-Tao?’

Tao didn’t respond. Who was this guy? Why did he knew his name?

The man’s eyes suddenly began to water and Tao saw him try to hold back his tears while continuing to look at Tao without moving from his position, near the coffee table.

‘T-Tao? I-is that y-ou?’ the stranger asked again. And this time Tao felt that he had to say something. He didn’t know why, but he felt strange in front of this man. His heart beating slightly faster. Like he knew him but had never saw him before.

‘Y-yes? Who are you?’ Tao answered with a quiet voice, gulping at the end because he now felt really nervous and didn’t know why.

As he began to feel his legs burn from staying static for a long time, Tao suddenly felt two strong arms lift him from the ground, his torso colliding with a more muscular one in the process while his breath itched because of the brusque movement. If at first Tao stayed petrified by the sudden closeness of the other male, Tao quickly recovered his mind and started to try kicking at the other’s long legs, wanting to scream to let him go, but his mouth was covered by another one before he could, petrifying him again when he felt tears roll down his cheeks. The man was crying while kissing Tao and he kissed him like he was the person he loved the most on earth, like he had missed him so badly he couldn’t bear it to not touch him and taste him. Tao had never been kissed like this before, he had never felt this cared for.

The feeling was new and stunning.

If Tao didn’t try to push the other man away, he didn’t respond to the kiss either and when he stayed stiff without making a move as the other tried to deepen the kiss, he felt his feet touch the ground again and his lips being released slowly. His face was still close to the other’s who had his large hands cupping his slightly wet cheeks. Tao could feel his hot breath on his nose, his mouth, his eyelids. He felt warm and didn’t know what to do.

Nonetheless, it’s Tao who decided to talk first and he asked softly, scared to break something he didn’t even know about: ‘W-who are you?’

The other man looked in his eyes for a moment, looking for something which apparently wasn’t there as he finally let go of Tao’s face and took a few steps back. New tears rolled down his cheeks and Tao felt his stomach knot at the deep sadness painted on the taller male face. Tao didn’t know why, he really didn’t, but he felt bad and ill when seeing the other like that, he didn’t want to see the taller male suffer, he couldn’t stand it.

‘I-I’m sorry i-if I said something w-wrong or if I did, something wrong b-but I-I live here and … I-I don’t know you b-but I know I don’t want to see this look on your face’ Tao finally managed to stutter while looking at the apartment instead of the man, shy and uncomfortable.

‘Y-you …’ the man said after a minute of silence ‘Y-you look like him. Y-you are the same, but ... j-just I…’ he stopped with a sob and Tao glanced at him before staring back quickly at the TV because of the sad and confused and lost look he read on the other man's face who was still looking at him as if he couldn’t stop to, even if he wanted to.

As Tao’s eyes wondered on the wall behind the TV, he saw there some photos which were placed strategically close to each other to form a sort of huge bear. He didn’t have this in his living room. He went nearer to the wall, passing next to the coffee table which was a little different than his one, the wood darker, covered by papers which weren’t there this morning when he left he noticied. He was in front of the wall now and he looked at one of the frame, gasping in shock at the scene: it was a picture of him with a man; to be more precise with the man who kissed him a few minutes ago and had now moved to sit on the couch, still staring at Tao’s back. In the picture Tao was glowing, a huge smile full of happiness on his face and his eyes full of love as he looked at the man next to him who was smiling brightly at the camera too, his brown eyes soft and gentle.

Tao felt horrible at the moment. The sick feeling growing and aching. Never in his life had he smiled like this. Never had he looked at someone like this.

It wasn’t him, this joyfulness.

But the boy looked exactly the same as him. He had the same black hair and the same dark eyes-bag, he had the same slightly tanned skin and bow shaped lips. It would have been fascinating if he wasn’t in this situation. Who was this guy? 

Suddenly, Tao had a very bad presentiment. He felt his heart beat faster but for a totally different reason as before, the sound loud in his ears and felt cold sweat on his skin. He turned around without looking at the still sitting figure and reached to the room which was normally his. He went directly in front of the mirror, in the right corner, next to a nightstand he didn’t own and hold his breath. The man had followed him in the room, he looked lost and all along, terribly sad. A sadness Tao had only felt once. A sadness which never really left as time passed by. The sadness of losing his mother.

Tao looked at the mirror and his eyes went wide in horror. His fear had come true.

Tao never looked at his mirror, he let it in his room cause it looked more normal to have one but otherwise it was useless: he couldn’t see himself. The rare times he looked at it though, perhaps in hope to see himself, to see the real world and find out that he was finally normal, he saw a beautiful painting on the wall opposite to him. He wasn’t sure what it represented but it seemed like there was a boy there, he was under a large tree and was reading a book while butterflies kissed the flowers at the front.

Tao had always found the painting beautiful. Sometimes he had just looked in the mirror to see it.

But right now, in the mirror in front of him, Tao didn’t saw the painting. He only saw a photo of his mother and father scotched on the wall, the two of them smiling for the camera and looking at him. He remembered putting the frame here when he came in the empty room for the first time, one year ago when he moved in his new and cold 'home'.

Tao felt tears began to fall on his cheeks and he turned to look behind him. The beautiful painting was here. With his bright colors, his harmonious feeling. Now that he saw it for real he could see the details better and it was like he saw it for the first time again. The boy, strangely, had a familiar position, the way he held his book with two fingers on the back, the way his long legs stretched in front of him, the way his dark locks fell on his eyes.

‘Th-his’ Tao said with a hoarse voice ‘who made this?’

This time the other man answered immediately ‘I made it. I-…It was for my boyfriend’s birthday’

The end was a whisper and barely audible but Tao didn't need to hear it well, he knew it already. He felt it in his being.

‘W-where is your boyfriend now?’ Tao asked, more tears rolling down while he tried to keep his voice steady.

‘He…’ he heard the other man inhale shakily but didn’t turn around to see him. If he did, he wouldn’t be able to stay up and continue to ask what he already knew deep in his heart but needed to hear. It was almost comic how he knew, how it appeared as clearly as if he had knew it all his life.

‘H-he died… two month ago…’ finished the man behind him. Tao understood a little better now why he felt like he knew the other man in the room even if they had never met before. It made sense somehow.

‘H-how?’ Tao continued to ask. He was hurting himself, and the other in the process but he needed to hear it out. He needed it to accept the situation. To accept the fact.

‘A car accident’ answered the other male. His voice was a little bit firmer now and Tao felt the urge to look at him so he turned around to see that the taller male had left his sitting spot on the bed and went closer to him. They were now a few feet apart, looking in each other eyes. The sadness was still here on the handsome face, reflecting his own expression, but his eyes were now curious, intrigued, asking for answers Tao wasn’t sure he wanted to give but knew that he would have to. The other deserved to know.

‘What …’ Tao began again, stopping a moment to wipe his tears who continued to roll down ‘what was the name of your boyfriend?’ he finally asked.

‘Tao’ the other told him ‘Huang Zitao’

Tao felt new tears rush out from his eyes and he tried to stop them from falling, tried to hide his face in his hands becaue he didn't want to be seen like this. He really hated crying, he hated being weak and hated even more being weak in front of other people because, he wasn’t a fragile person, he was strong. He had to be.

But right now, in front of this man he already loved without knowing why, he couldn’t stay strong. He fell on the floor and cried loudly. He said he didn’t know why he loved this man? In fact he knew. Right now, the mystery of his strange power had been lifted a little and he cried for that. Because he finally knew he wasn’t a mad person who couldn’t see himself in a mirror but could describe another world, he wasn’t ill, he didn’t need a psy or medicine, he wasn’t an abnormality. Tao cried in relief.

His mother was right.

Tao once again felt arms around him and he sobbed loudly, he now cried for his other him. For his other half. For his dead 'twin' who seemed to have a heavenly life here before passing out. He cried in pain; in anger, it was so unfair. If himself had suffered in his life, why his other self couldn’t live happily with the awesome man he found and choose to be with, why? Why was the life so cruel with them? What did they do to deserve this?

As Tao didn’t stop crying and started to mumble incoherent things, the man, ‘Kris’ Tao will learn later, lifted him from his hunched position on the floor and carried him to the bed.

As he gently pated the younger’s head, soothing him to sleep, he asked softly: ‘Who are you?’

Tao wanted to answer, wanted to tell him everything, wanted to stay awake and talk to him like he never did with anyone; but the darkness invaded slowly his mind and he fell asleep, Kris’s large and warm hand in his hair.

A/N : so the first part is done, hope you liked it and please look forward to the three other ~