-Chaerin’s POV-

2 hours left, and we will step our foot in Seoul city again

I feel so tired. But when I turn my head, I think my boy in more tired than me. Jay is sleeping peacefully in his seat

I smile and pulled his blanket a little. God…, time flies so fast, huh? My baby boy is now already turned into a heartbreaking teenager

Thanks God, he isn’t growing to be a womanizer…

Jay stirred a little in his sleep and now facing me. I take a look deeper at him and realize how my son looks more and more like his dad every single day. Those closed eyes, along with the long eyelashes, that pointed nose, that plump lips, those jaws, and strong and arrogant chin…,

After he went home last night, he surprised me by saying that he would go with me. Jay is a stubborn boy. It’s rare he changed his decision like last light

“Stop looking at me that way, Ma. You kinda scared me” Jay protests, still half asleep. I chuckled a little at his pout

“Wae? You looked so cute when you sleep” I answer

“I know, Ma… I’m your son. Sure I looked cute” he grins and I laugh lightly

“I’m glad you decide to go” I speak, brush his hair lightly. “But I feel sad at the same time”

“What? Why?” Jay asks, curls his eyebrows

“Because you didn’t listen to me, and listen to another girl instead” I glare playfully at him and he rolls his eyes and laughs

“C’mon, Ma… you know you’re the most important woman in my life” He winks and we laugh together

“How long until the landing time?” He asks

“About 2 hours left”

“Well…, I’ll back to sleep again then” He says and lays his body again. I only smiles and shake my head, then back to my old note book

Minutes pass and my sleepyhead boy already back to his dreamland. This one too…, he loves sleeping so much…, just like his father

Oh My…., c’mon Chaerin…. Use your brain and forget him!

But seems like my brain has malfunction again

People say there are only two conditions when your brain will stop working

When you’re dead and when you’re in love…

And the second one is my case. LOVE

Love was shutting down my brain and froze my logic

Yesterday my son asked me whether I still love his father or not. And I said NO

But my son knows me well. He knew that I lied

I Lied?                                      

Yes. It’s a lie if I said I don’t love him anymore

The fact is: I foolishly still in love with him, the man who broke my heart many times

Even after all the lies, betrayals and humiliations he did to me, I still can’t stop loving him

Why?

I don’t even know the answer

My head keeps telling me to stop and move on. But what can I do? Seems like my heart has its own way to live

I take a glance on sleeping Jay again and my brain starts to recall the past events…. Those times when Jay started to ask about his dad. I clearly remember when Jay was 4. He asked about his dad and I couldn’t change the topic like I used to do before. He kept asking and I have no choice but lied to him

I told him a fairytale about his father and made him believe for several years. Until he was 7, when he found out everything….

Jay found this old note book and read something that I wrote before. He found the truth that his dad never want his existence. He knew the bitter fact that his dad once told me to abort him

Yes

Jiyong told me to abort our unborn baby

Why? It’s simple…

He was in a serious relationship with another woman, his current wife, Kiko

You can say that Jay was an ‘accident’.

People may ask, how come Jiyong impregnated me while he was about to marry another woman?

The answer is….

-Flashback-

2015

I’ve been working so hard for my US debut and it’s worth…. I made it

You can say that I have a successful international debut and now, I’m happily living my new life in Hollywood stage

I’ve been busying myself with work and work so I hope that I won’t have time to think about him again. Yes. How I wish I will be able to erase him from my life forever

But damn! Fate doesn’t as beautiful as my plan

Last week Scoot just told me that I’ll have a collaboration project with HIM. And now, he’s already here… working on my studio.

“CL, why do you still here? Don’t you go to the party?” Carly asks

“I’m not feeling well, babe…” I lie. Yeah, I just don’t want to be in the same room with him again and pretend that there’s nothing between us

“Oh…, you sick? You must be too tired. Just take a rest and don’t forget your supplement” Carly says before she leaves me

“Thanks…” I smile lightly. Right, I’m too tired to pretend to be ok. And tonight, I’ll spend my time in my room instead of partying with them

“Who is that?!” I drag my feet lazily and try hard to stay awake. Who is that crazy person who keeps banging my door at this time? It’s 2 a.m. for God sake….

“Chae!!!!” I open my eyes widely and stop right before I open the door. I know that voice……

“Hunchae!!! Open the door!!!!”

Yes. I’m sure it’s him. What the hell is he doing here? And …, why does he calling me with that name again?

“HUNCHAE!!!!!” he bangs my door harder and calls me loudly. I look into the screen to see the view outside my door. And… WHAT HAPPEN TO HIM????

I think he is drunk so bad! And why does he is alone? Aish…. This stupid dragon!

“HUNCHAE!!!!!!!!!!!!” he shouts and bangs the door even more. If I don’t open the door soon, I bet either the door or his knuckles will break in any moments

I open the door and he falls into me instantly

“What are you doing here?” I struggle to support his body. He might looked skinny but in fact, he’s heavy enough for me

“Hunchae….” He smiled like crazy. The smell of alcohol stings my nose. I decide to help him walking inside and sit him on the living room sofa. He is totally drunk

I leave him to get some water and back to him again

“How much you’ve drank?” I grumbled, kneeling down to help him drink the water

“Why didn’t you come, Hunchae-ah?” he asks, pouts like a little kid. Damn! This expression….. God…, help me not to fall for him again

“Don’t you miss me?” He asks again. Is he crazy? Of course I miss him like hell! But I’m not allowed to miss him….

He’s hardly sit up and leans to me

“Don’t you miss me, Chae? Because I miss you so much” He speaks. What? He misses me? But he said that he doesn’t love me anymore. Yeah, that day. The day he decided to went back to the love of his life

“I almost crazy because of missing you….” He looked into my eyes and stupidly, I believe him…

“I miss to talk to you like this…” He leans closer

“To see your face like this…” I see the tears in his eyes

“To be with you like this….” He rests his head on my shoulders and soaks it with his tears

I don’t know what happen to my brain. Slowly but sure, I lose my logic and falls to his spell again….

“Hunchae….” He mumbles

“Stop it” I try to speak

“I miss you…” he continues

“Stop it, Oppa… Please…” Damn! This tears….. Why do they escape my eyes without my permission?!

I try to remove his head from my shoulders but he refuses

“Don’t leave me, Hunchae….” He hugs me

My tears are flowing more as the pain in my heart grows even more

“You’re the one who left….” I sob

“No…, Chae…” he sits up and looks at me deeply. “I Love You….”

Damn! This man just destroys my barriers again. I’ve been struggling hard to move on and forget him but tonight he’s here and drags me back to the zero point

“I love you, Chae…..” I see the sorrow in his eyes when he says it

“But you love her. You said that you only want her in your life…”

Stupid Chaerin! He is drunk and now what? I’m asking this question to this drunken man?

Suddenly I feel his palms on my cheek. Gosh…... how I miss his touch. I look up our sight meet.

We don’t need any words as now we can feel each other’s feelings from our eyes

He caresses my jaws softly and keeps staring at me with his lovely eyes. And my heart beats incontrollable again

Our faces are getting closer. I can feel his warm breath and the smell of alcohol on him. His forehead is now pressing on mine and finally, his moist lips locks mine and it softly

Fine… let me be selfish just for tonight…

This will be the last time, Oppa… and