“G-Dragon-ssi… what about you?” the MC asked

Jiyong got speechless all of sudden. His tongue was like frozen

“You’ve been married for almost 13 years? Don’t you plan to have any child?” The MC continued. Jiyong didn’t know what to say so he just gave an awkward smile

Bigbang was on a live-talk show for a reunion. And the current segment was talking about their family life.

Seunghyun had been married for 10 years and had two sons. Youngbae got married 8 years ago, had a 7 years old daughter and now expecting his daughter with his wife. Daesung just got married 4 years ago and last year, he got twins, boy and girl

Seungri had been married for almost 6 years and has 3 children already. Two boys and a baby girl.

And the leader… he was the first among who tied a knot. He decided to marry his on-off girlfriend, Japanese model and actress Kiko Mizuhara 13 years ago… on 2018. But until now, he was the only member who had no children yet

“I think Hyung doesn’t want to ruin his wife’s body” Seungri joked, made the rest laughed autonomously

Jiyong was laughed as well, but no one knew, how his heart felt so ache…….

“Is that true, G-Dragon-ssi?” the male MC asked in between his laughter

Jiyong managed to fake his expression. He smiled, tried to speak

“Well…, we haven’t talk about it yet” He answered, still smiled. Even though he felt so hard to breath at that time…..

-Jiyong’s POV-

It’s dark already.

I feel my head is so heavy as I keep walking through the doorway. Those damn MC’s questions keep ringing in my head and make it heavier

My chest is like burning and I feel like my lungs is clogged up because I feel it’s damn hard to breath

Don’t you plan to have any child?

Was she joking? Or she wanted to mock me?

Do I even need to answer that?

I’m turning 44 this year and been married for almost 13 years. Do I need to answer that stupid question?

If I really need to answer that, than my answer is YES! Of course I really want to have child. Not only one, but many! Like I’ve been dreaming since forever…... always

……

“How many, Oppa?”

“Five!”

“Mwo? Yah! Five is too much!”

“Huh? Then…, What about four?Two boys and two girls?”

“Hmmm, what about three?”

“Aigoo… three is not enough…. Make it four, Ok?”

“Tsk…, it’s easy for you. you don’t need to be pregnant and deliver them! Not fair….”

“What can I do….Well.., fine then…, three is enough…”

“I’m just joking, Oppa… hmm…, do you really want four?”

“Hmmm”

“Fine. Four is it!”

I shook my head to stop those crazy voices. My heart is aching more. My tears started to rush when her voice keeps invading my brain

Her smile, her laugh, her pout, her stare, her cry….. All those memories start to choke me up.

Lessons learned, bridges burned to the ground

And it’s too late now to put out the fire

Tables turned, and I’m the one who’s burning now

Well I’m doing alright ‘till I close my eyes

And then I see your face, and it’s no surprise….

Damn! How to erase this guilt from my heart?

I look at my watch and it shows 11.32 p.m. She should be at home….

I took a deep breath and release before slowly, I open my room door. Right after I open the door, I find her and my rage instantly build inside.

“Oh…, you’re home already” She said, a little tipsy. I inhale as deep as I can to control my anger, then exhale sharply and walk to her, take the whiskey glass from herhand

“I think we’re agree to stop drinking” I say in a low tone

“But I love drinking….” She stands up and hug me from behind, rest her head in my shoulder

I struggle to hold my anger. Because I’m too tired. Tired of our fights which almost happen every day during our marriage

“Don’t you remember what Doctor Moon said” I asked with a soft tone. But then I feel her arms around my waist are tightening. I close my eyes.

This is it…., seems like we’re gonna have another fight tonight….

“Can’t you just forget about it?” she says coldly and my temper raise instantly

“Forget about it?” I turn around and raise my voice, lost my control

“I’m tired of your parents! Those damn reporters and everyone who keeps asking about when we will have child!! Can’t you just not bugging me with that stupid question?!!!” she shouts. I keep in silence to prevent myself from shout back to her

“Do they think I don’t want it too?! I want it as much as you! Don’t you understand?!” She continues, shouts on top of her lungs. And I can’t stand anymore

“You want it as much as I want? Huh? You want a baby and keep drinking those alcohols?!” I shout back. “You keep smoking even though doctor told you to stop!”

She stares at me with her teary eyes

“Don’t you realize that you just ruin our effort?!” I soften my voice as her tears breaming

“I’m stressed…” She sobs.

I sigh. Yeah, I just make her cry again…. I pull her body and embrace her.

“I’m sorry...” I whisper. “But you shouldn’t drink and smoke anymore” I say as caressing her hair while she’s still crying on my chest

“I’m starting to lose hope…” She cries

“Sss…. Everything’s gonna be ok” I comfort her. “Dr. Moon told me about his friend, a specialist who’s focus on fertility treatment. He already made an appointment for us” I tell her. “Let’s see him tomorrow”

Time can heal but the scars only hide the way you feel

And it’s hard to forget how I left you hanging

On by a thread, when everything is said. I will regret it

I was doing alright, thought I could make it

Then I see your face and it’s hard to fake it

I open my eyes abruptly. Those dreams, or I should say ‘nightmares’ keep haunting me….

I sit up and realize how sweaty I am. Take a glass of water in my side table and drink it quickly

Karma

Yeah….

Maybe this is my so called KARMA.

Now God is hates me. He punished me for what