Speaking of Jung Sooyoo, do you remember her? She was your only friend in your last group before Minyoung unnie, Ji-U unnie, and Minseo came. At first, you thought she was like the others – snobby, backstabbing, and just plain rude.  But she wasn’t. She approached you first one time while taking a break from practicing. It was her second day in the company that time so she already must’ve heard of the “trainee who can only dance” from the other trainees. But during that break time, she was the one who didn’t go with the other members. She looked at you with a friendly smile. You smiled back. You were happy that someone in the company still smiled at you. She was the first one to start the conversation. It was awkward at first yeah, but it was one of the best memories you had.

Soon enough, both of you were best friends. She did hear about the bad stuff about you but she didn’t care. You would tell her about the other trainees bullying you and she would listen all the time and comfort you in various ways. There was a time she took you to an amusement park when one of the female trainees put your bag in the trash can.  There was a time she even treated you to ice cream when a trainee called you “useless”. And the best times were during the times she would just sit next to you silently and let you cry on her shoulder.

Everything was fine until she was dropped from JYP Entertainment and moved to Source Music Entertainment. We still contacted each other and met up with each other but it was difficult for me whenever I was practicing in the company. Being in one room with the people who didn’t like me was suffocating. I couldn’t breathe every time they threw glares at me. I wanted to be deaf whenever they insult me. I just wanted to disappear. It was the time I just was willing to fall into oblivion.

But for some reason, I placed into a new group with new trainees. It was a new start for me. I was thankful that I was even smiling when I told Sooyoo who was with her new boyfriend, Kwon Soonyoung, when we met in a café. Her boyfriend also told me to do my best and that the dancers in a group are the best because he’s also the dancer in their group.

My suffocation stopped but it was also the start of my insecurities.

It was a fairly warm Sunday afternoon. I was on my way to meet my friend, Sooyoo in our favorite cafe to maybe catch up or maybe just to hang out. There was only one thing in my mind that made my heart feet uneasy, made my hands clammy and sweaty, and I had butterflies in my stomach. Classes were going to start the next day and I was both filled with excitement and dread.

A small contented smile slowly graced upon my face as I entered the beauteous café. The said café was quite small and was located on the second floor of the building. It had a cozy homely warm feeling to it even when they turn on the Air-conditioner during warm weathers. They had a lot of vintage trinkets lined up on shelves which was what I loved the most. They even had those old LP Vinyl and the player.

I looked around the place for a good table and chose the table near the window since Sooyoo and I loved looking out the window, observing passersby. I would sometimes create my own story of where they’re going to or their background if I was bored. I sat and waited for my friend, listening and enjoying the mellowness of the music played inside.

A few minutes passed by when the bells by the main door rang, signaling there was someone who entered the café. I looked in the direction hoping it was my friend that arrived. I was quite impatient and hated waiting mostly when I really had nothing else to do. This personality of mine chooses no one. I did try to improve this negative trait of mine though.

“Hey. Sorry I’m late,” Sooyoo smiled apologetically as she approached and sat across me.

“It’s fine. Let’s order now; I’m hungry.” I rubbed my pitiful, empty stomach. I haven’t eaten lunch and breakfast yet so my insides were practically grumbling and enraged for unintentionally starving myself.

I ordered myself a Red Velvet Cheesecake smoothie with whipped cream, sprinkled with bits of Red Velvet cake while Sooyoo ordered Cake Batter smoothie with whipped cream and sprinkles. Red Velvet was actually my favorite flavor as of that moment since I’m quite inconsistent when it comes to flavors. I also do love Chocolate mint and the classic Strawberry.

“So how’s trainee life?” Sooyoo asked as she took a sip of her smoothie.

“Better, to be honest. Most of the malevolent trainees either left or were dropped out. There are a lot – and I really mean a lot – of new trainees. The company also did tell us during last month’s assessment that they were planning to debut a group by early next year but whether they planned on debuting a girl group or a boy group was unsaid.” I said, stress evident in my voice as I recalled that dreaded moment.

It was nerve wrecking. The competition would be stronger and more intense for