My eyes sting and my body is numb with sleep. My cloudy thoughts, I'm not sleeping. Mi breath moves some of her hair I can see clearly the many dots on her back's skin. We laid on our right side, the window in front of me indicates there's still a lot of time before the sun rises. I take a strand of hair. Is blond but If I go up I can see brown where the color fades. There's a warm feeling that born somewhere deep inside me and it makes me feel good. I don't think about her anymore, she that is not this woman laying beside me. Her face comes to mi mind like a fading memory turned into a discarded option. It's cruel think about that way of someone who was once your everything. I don't regret it, just wonder if there's another me in an alternative dimension who I chose her. But I am here, with her and I can smeel her in the sheets and in me, blue. I don't think about her anymore.

I take a deep breath, the blond strands dance before my eyes. I know she's not sleeping because she has not moved even when I keep drawing patterns with my fingers in the skin of her arms. She doesn't ask me why I'm awake and I don't say a thing. Enjoying the feeling I press againts her body. I almost fell asleep. Between the warm and comfort, I feel like a little girl. I want to scream, cry, make me a nest in her and never leave. Stay in the bed, in silence until we die, drowning in her scent. Her hand catches my own hand and puts it in her abdomen, above her shirt where the color is no longer green over gray but only gray. She was wearing it the first time we slept together. The next morning she was in the kitchen doing the dishes and I was half asleep and the thing that catched my eye was her then brown hair on the green and gray shirt. Taeyeon, with her tousled hair and her swollen eyes made me want to stay. I did.