A white pill interrupted the lines on her hand. It was just a brief moment, a lot less tan a second, but she felt that she had been watching that pill for a long time. Taeyeon waited for the vertigo to come, for the regrets to make her go back. That decisive moment never came and all that she could feel was determination to end it all. She swallowed the pill without water and then sit back on the sofa, closing her eyes and waiting for the drug to make effect. For the face on the photos on a box near the door to become a stranger’s face. She wanted to terminate the misery she was drowning in. The box with all those photos was nothing but a lost battle against her memories.

The house was full of them, meaninful things drilling its way inside her head. Stephanie´s stuff still there. Sheets that smelled like her, her toothbrush was still on the bathroom, whit dust all over, in that glass where she had put it last time they had seen each other. They had hug and kissed and Stephanie had rushed out ot the house, already late for work. Stephanie´s memories were like a sickness, infecting everything on the house and Taeyeon herself. She was glad they didn´t get that dog Stephanie allways wanted. She tought it would been hard, because the dog would look at her like asking for it’s missing owner. So she reclined a little bit more on the sofa, while looking at the old bookcase she had bring from her family’s house. Stephanie’s essence was all over the sofa’s pillows and she was getting dizzy with longing. Fashion magazines were on the coffee table, the one they bought together. The ghost of arms when Stephanie hug her, the hair that tickled her eyes and a laugh reverberating between pressed bodies.

The day she discovered a dress she clearly remembered blue was yellow, she was lost. Her memories of Stephanie were the only thing left. Memories did not die and she would die with that untouched, happy and living Stephanie in her mind and heart until she could follow her. But the drees was yellow and reconstructions of Stephanie´s body in her head weren’t enough. The Stephanie she remembered was everytime less and less like the real Stephanie. Last pieces of Stephanie in her mind slipped through holes in her imperfect human memory. If she could not remember then she would forget.

She hoped the drug to act fast, lying on that old couch that smelled like dust, looking at a coffee table she had never seen before, asking herself for the content of that box near the door. In that living room full of strange stuff.

NOTE:
I read somewhere that as time passes, memories are less and less accurate. So those memories become reconstructions of experiences and we change them everytime we try to evoke them.

Taeyeon didn’t want a Stephanie’s reconstruction so she choose to forget.