SASYA'S (YOUR) POV

After a few days later, the moment that fans have been waiting for has arrived. Taeyang's RISE ablum was being released in the global markets and it seemed like it was receiving great non-stop response.  Due to his new album, Youngbae has been getting busier than he ever was before, attending some autograph signing event, photoshoots, interviews, fan meetingS and more to add on the list. Although I followed him everywhere he goes, I'm still invisible to him. He was so near but yet so far.

As a girlfriend of course I'm very proud of my boyfriend's achievement, I mean which girlfriend wouldn't be but most days, I wandered around feeling invisible. As if I'm a speck of dust floating in the air that can only be seen when a shaft of lights hits it. In addition, because of the load of work that he have to handle, his tone sometimes was different from before. It was more strict and serious. Even his long sweet text messages were now being transformed into a short 'can't be bothered' one.  Sadly, the hours of spending time with him was getting lesser and lesser. I'm still not used to it and I needed to be patient for now. He has been avoiding me and  I wonder for how long I could wait.

 

***

A FEW DAYS LATER

I blended his favourite fruit juice and went into the empty room where he used it to do his dance practice. I could see the pressurizing expression on his face upon not being able to figure out new dance steps to his song. He was so fed up that he removed his white tank top which was fully covered in his hardworking sweat, exposing his tanned skin and threw it harshly towards the mirror.

 

"Hey, here, I made you your favourite fruit juice," I alearted him with a cheerful voice

 

*grabs harshly and gulp it down in one go*

 

So used to his harshness,  I took a sit beside him and tried my very best to comfort him.

 

"Bae, you've been working very hard for the past few weeks and I can see you're really lethargic but you're forcing yourself. Why don't you take a break, like go on a vacation or something to clear your mind? Trust me babe, it's not good for your health. I do care for you, you know. Your health is more important," I advised, putting my hands on his shoulder

 

With his strong strength, he shoved my hands away and I could hear his breath of irritation which kept increasing. He glared at me when I shrink back timidly. An angry frown creased on his forehead like for the first time. My heart was accelerating and in blind fury, he slammed the finished fruit juice cup on the floor. He grabbed his IPhone 6 and type in something in frustrations. 

 

"Look at this!!! Just look at how may people viewed my latest music video. The highest was only 35 million views!!! After all the effort that Ive put in all my songs the highest was only 35 million?? And you ask me to take a break? Are you kidding me? I told you before I want to be the best and with that amount of viewers I'm not even close to it yet! I will never stop!" he argued back

"Babe, calm down. Goodness, why are you like this? Be thankful you at least have someone viewing your videos. 35 million is better than zero ok? I'm not asking you to take a long break, maybe a day or two to clear the stress that you're experiencing. You think I like seeing you being so pressurised like this? Come on bae, you still have a lot of chances to be the best. In fact you don't have to because you're already the best in my eyes. Please babe, (touch his hands) listen to me just for once?"

"Only weak people like you will give up easily. Ugh!" he said, stinging right at the center of my heart and leave me alone in that room

 

I tried to understand him but why can't he understand my care towards him. A brim of tears was forming inside my eyelids, as I curled myself up like a shirmp and whimpered my heart out.

***

It was his first stop of RISE tour in Seoul today. I kept reflecting about what I told him yesterday and felt guilty that whatever I said made him so unhappy to the point that he never spoke a word to me. Having an idea in mind, I dressed up wearing my grey mickey mouse jumper, skinny navy blue jeans complete with black and white wedges sneakers. I packed his favourite ham sandwiches and set off to the concert arena.

Upon knowing most of the YG staffs and artists, I greeted them when I came across my cousin,  Ji Young oppa.

 

"Hey Sasya! Here to see Youngbae?" he asked, munching on some chips

"Haha, are you asking the obvious? Where is he?"

"Your bae is in the dressing room," he joked

"Thanks!"

 

I popped only my head and peek inside before entering, incase I entered at a bad time.  He was alone, checking that charming complexion in the mirror. I crept silently but the squeaking sound from the door spoilts my motive to surprise him. Aiish!

 

"What are you doing here?" he inquired in a serious tone

"To give you some motivations. Oh, I packed you your favourite ham sandwiches incase you're hungry," I said proudly, about to give it to him

"Ji Young bought me some spicy rice cakes just now. I'm still full,"

"Oh I see.. I'll...I'll just put it here then. You can eat after the concert,"

 

I get no reply in return but just a sigh of annoyance coming out from his mouth. Feeling bad for what I've done, I dared myself to make my way towards him and wrapped my arms around his waist. I leaned my head against his broad back shoulder. He stood motionless and I could sense he did not like it one bit.

 

"I'm sorry about what I said to you babe. I just don't want you to over work yourself. Please forgive me? I promise I won't stop you anymore if that's what you want ok? tsk..,"

 

Still being mute, I felt his warm palms touching onto my hands but instead of just staying that way, he removed my grip from his body. From the mirror reflection I caught him rolling his eyes in full of fury as he put on his bracelet. I was about to try other methods to win back his heart when his manager came in.

 

"Come on Youngbae, show time," he informed

 

Before he left the room, I grabbed hold onto his hands. If possible I wouldn't want to let go of it until he really forgives me which I think will not happened for now. There were lots of things to say to him but he does not have enough time.

 

"Good luck babe. Show them your best alright? I'll be watching you from backstage," I assured him in a very apologetic tone, staring at him with my puppy dog eyes

 

He didn't even bother to look me in the face but to show me the obvious signs that he can't wait to get away from me. He swung his hands and went off. God, what must I do to make him forgive me?

 

3 hours later...

The encore just ended and I saw my boyfriend already waving to his loyal fans, running backstage.  My impatient self was so overwhelming that I could not wait to throw myself into his arms and congratulate him thinking that  maybe after a successful concert, his mood would brighten up a bit.  Speak of the devil, I heard loud cheers of his name from the corridor outside.

Seconds later, he entered the dressing room, shaking everyone's hand, with that satisfying grin on his face.  He was half with heavy sweat gushing down that mesmerizing body of his. He was too jubilant shaking everyone's hand until he end up in front of me. A cold, fake smile was being plastered on his face and can see that he was forcing himself to act as 'per norm' in front of the YG staffs. I could not take it anymore causing me to jump for his embraced.

 

"You did it!! So proud of you bae!!!" I yelled happily, even though I expected his arms to hug back as a reply at least but it didn't

"Can you stop right now? Reporters might see us arra? Let...go...now," he whispered in a deadly tone, but try not to make it obvious to the others that had eyes on us

 

I did what was being told and move a few steps back. He then went and entertained someone else. I kept standing and wandering around all by myself. Tired of walking, I took a sit on the black sofa. Seeing everyone's mouth moving except for mine as I don't have anyone to talk to.

It was crystal clear that my boyfriend was avoiding himself away from me. After changing into his casual sleeveless black top and dark blue silk material jeans, he sat at the same area as I am. I still saw the sandwiches on the table, remain untouched.

 

"Errmm, would you like to try those sandwiches?" I inquired nicely

 

Hatred was all I could see projecting on that lethargic face of his. Haiz... as expected, no answer. I guess I'm getting pretty used to it now that my tears were all dried up from crying over the same thing again and again. Loving someone who doesn't feel the same way is like using a pen with no ink to write on a piece of white paper. It always stays invisible.  Why you doing this to me bae?