"HEY THERE EVERYONE! THIS IS JUNG HOSEOK AND WELCOME TO PIMP MY RIDE. TODAY WE'LL BE PIMPIN' OUT THIS LOVELY LADY'S SET OF HOT WHEELS!"

Cue pan over to a young woman with youthfully charming facial features, glaring daggers at the weird horse in front of the camera.

"I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE TO YOU, MISS KIM TAEYEON!" He cleared his throat. "Now, Taeyeon here is usually the designated driver for her bandmates as well as for her boyfriend, Baekhyun. But today, we're going to turn her station wagon into a station SWAGon!"

A crash was heard in the distance, followed by some messy stumbling and the dragging of metal. A young man of average height emerged from around the corner, scratches and bruises on his knees and elbows and his brown hair a sweaty mess. His attention immediately shifted to Taeyeon, and he winked.

"Hey babe. You're ride's here."

She smiled and clung to his back like a koala as they rode off into the sunset... er... well... Baekhyun's toes were reaching toward the pedals but to no avail. This along with Taeyeon's added weight (which was probably like 3 pounds) upset his already ty sense of balance and caused him to wobble face-first into a brick wall. The bike was totally busted, the shimmery white and pink streamers raining down all over his and Taeyeon's bodies as they lay on the pavement in defeat.

Oh, and Baekhyun's face was a mess too. 

EXO-L's continued to deny the facial reconstruction surgery that followed his freak biking accident, despite that it pretty much turned him into a bloody, battered version of Voldemort. 

No, really, he didn't even have a nose anymore. Or eyes. Or a face. That's how badly he ed up. His biking skills were worse than author-nim's.

"OPPA IS COMPLETELY NATURAL! HIS FACE NO PLASTIC SURGERY." An Italian fan screamed internally as she angrily stabbed at every letter on her keyboard (Of course, her grammar was horrendous). "BAEKKIE OPPA SARANGHAEYO KEKEKEKEKE~ JJINJA? DAEBAK! HUL! HWAITING!"

Every international fan died of secondhand embarrassment that day.

After a long, stressful day of paying the ByunTae couple's hospital bills, Hoseok could finally return home. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and he smiled right away, knowing that it could only be Left Shark.

But wait. He was a horse. He had no pockets. Or thumbs, for that matter.

Yet somehow, he was able to take out his snazzy iPhone 6 and read the text that his #bae sent him. 

Hey sweet cheeks. Just thinkin bout 'chu. Come to the beach soon. Love you, xoxo. -Leftie hyung

Hoseok should have returned to the dorm to chill with his bandmates, but this shark was something else. He was no American, but he loved the Super Bowl. And though the halftime show could have been better, what kept it from completely was Left Shark. There was an air of charisma and freshness that must have come with being king of the seas. It was love at first sight.

His phone buzzed again. This time, it was a phone call from his lizard friend, Namjoon.

"Ayo bud." Namjoon said in his signature deep, raspy voice. "You coming home for dinner tonight? Seokjin needs to know how much jjigae he should make."

"Probably not." Hoseok replied. "I have to meet someone."

"Bruh," Namjoon's voice fell flat. "There's a no-dating clause in our contract, especially since we still haven't given Jungkook 'the talk' yet."

"No worries, man. It's just a friend, I promise."

"WHAT THE HELL, HOSEOK?!" Seokjin's angry screaming blasted through the speaker. "WHY WON'T YOU COME HOME TONIGHT? I'M MAKING JJIGAE! YOU DON'T APPRECIATE ME, EVER!"

"Shh, baby, it'll be alright. It'll be alright." Taehyung comforted the screeching umma-hyung.

And then gross sounds followed. 

Hoseok promptly hung up as he could hear hysterical crying, followed by the disturbing phrase, "Ooh, Taehyungie, get inside my warp pipe."

Let's just say that Taehyung went down Seokjin's flagpole and successfully completed level 6-9.

The afternoon sun was beginning to get low, the sky turning a yellow-orange. The sound of the crashing waves were getting closer as the terrain became that of sand instead of pavement. Hoseok savored the feeling of the white sand beneath his freshly replaced horseshoes as the fading sun did what it could to give him the last rays of its warmth before it retired. 

His breath hitched. There he was. Left Shark was resting majestically in the waves, like Arial at the end of "Part of Your World." His black beady eyes spotted Hoseok, and then he reacted with a toothy grin. Hoseok's cheeks were turning redder by the moment as he came closer to his true love. The water was up to his ankles when Left Shark could go no closer without becoming stranded onshore.

"Yeobo, I missed you so much." Left Shark reached his fin out to the glorious black stallion before his eyes.

"Me too." Hoseok smiled. "Hey, I know you're carnivorous, but I brought some carrots."

"I'll eat anything if it's from you." Left Shark said lovingly, nearly making Hoseok melt.

He tossed a carrot into the water, which Left Shark quickly devoured. After a few chews and a gulp, the carrot was gone. Left Shark had a satisfied expression on his face as he raised his fin in approval, since he lacked a thumb for a thumbs-up.

"Hey, I know you're an herbivore," Leftie spoke. "But I brought you a human."

"Fo' real?" Hoseok's eyes became large and moist with tears of joy. "God, I love you, Leftie."

"His name was Jung Daehyun. Homeboy was stupid enough to go swimming at night, so I nabbed him."

"Wait, isn't that Taehyung's father?" Hoseok tilted his head in confusion. "Oh, crap! It is!" 

"So?"

"You know, you're absolutely right. YOLO." And thus Hoseok ate Taehyung's father.

Little did Hoseok know that he had an admirer swooning over him from behind the dunes. He was tall, chiseled, and had a dimpled smile that made every woman's knees go weak. He was Choi Siwon, A.K.A. the Hot Dang Mustang, and he was thirsting for Hoseok. He sighed as he saw the horse and the shark together, in a mixture of sadness, jealousy, and frustration. He longed for Hoseok to notice him and accept his love, and he didn't understand how an interspecies relationship would work, especially when one party is aquatic and the other is not. Part of him just wanted his Hoseok to be happy, but another side of him wanted his crush to face reality and possibly love him instead.

There was another obstacle, too: the dreaded no-dating clause.

Damn you, SM. Siwon thought to himself, a quiet grumble escaping from his throat.

But wait. He could buy out the company if he wanted to. He had been working for SM for like, ever. Plus, they did let him keep his stubble. Would they really care if he pursued this young, strapping stallion? Probably not, since they were so busy ruining EXO's chances of a break and hyping up Amber's solo debut.

Screw it all. Siwon was a mustang on a mission.