Jaejoong leaned against the wall as he glanced at his watch. He flipped his black hair away from his eyes and breathed out. “This is becoming routine.” He murmured to himself. He was growing tired of this constantly, but despite it all he would never become angry at him.

“Jaejoong!” Jaejoong turned to see a figure run towards him. Jaejoong returned to his complacent composure and nodded in response. “Sorry I’m late, she really can’t say goodbye.” Yunho said shyly.

“We’re going to be late.” Jaejoong mustered out as he placed his hands in his pockets. Yunho nodded and followed behind him. They soon reached the bookstore, Jaejoong hurriedly picked out a few and purchased them.

“That was quick.” Yunho said, he waited outside, Jaejoong placed the books in his bag.

“I really had no choice considering they close in five minutes.” He adjusted the strap on his shoulder. “I’m hoping these books are worth my time.”

Yunho looked down. “Sorry, next week I promise I’ll be on time.” Jaejoong nodded as they walked through the path in the forest. It was a common path made for walkers to get to places faster, however it seemed relatively few people walked through it.

“Anything happen today?” Yunho asked.

“Not much,” Jaejoong dreaded asking but it was courtesy. “Yours?”

“Ah, actually, she surprised me with something.” He pulled out a present from his bag. “You see? It’s a scarf.”

Jaejoong barely glanced at it. “It’s nice.”

“Right?” Yunho grinned as he held it in his hands. They soon made a right onto a short path that led to his house, Jaejoong followed behind him through the gate and into the door that led the basement. Yunho immediately adjusted the heater as he shivered. “The heater’s out again.”

“Maybe its a sign for you to move out?” Jaejoong asked as he sat on his sofa.

“Maybe, but the rent’s cheap and I can’t afford it with this year’s expenses.” Yunho explained.

Jaejoong nodded as he laid out the books before him on his lap, he sighed as he read each description. “Great... nothing I bought is actually worth reading.”

Yunho looked behind at him. “Really?” He looked through his closet and took out a jacket. “Don’t worry, next Wednesday we’ll make it there on time, promise.” Jaejoong nodded though he already knew he would break that promise, he wasn’t sure if there’s been a single promise he’s kept since Yunho’s been with that girl.

---

“I’m a horrible friend.” Jaejoong once said, Yoochun nodded. He was one of the few friends who understood him completely. Strange to say they weren’t close, just comfortable with each other. On this cool, crisp night they were on the steps of Yoochun’s porch.

“Now don’t exaggerate.” Yoochun responded as he sipped his wine. “There are plenty worse than you.”

“Really? How many friends secretly want his friend’s girlfriend to suddenly have to transfer to a remote island where there’s no contact?”

“Have you dreamt about stabbing her or suffocating her?”

Jaejoong furrowed his eyebrows. “No.”

“Then you’re fine, perfectly normal.” Yoochun reasoned. “Now we know you’re the jealous type.”

“I don’t think so. Being the jealous type of someone who dating the person you like is one thing. But to be jealous of any person who even comes in contact with your friend? I might as well hate the world.”

Yoochun nodded, “Maybe, well. Hmmm.” He closed his eyes. “Maybe you are a little possessive-”

“A little doesn’t cut it, possessive isn’t even the word, I have all these horrible feelings against anyone close to him. I don’t want to be like this, what kind of friendship can we have when I’m like this?”

Yoochun then looked down. “Well, you can’t have a friendship then.” Jaejoong widened his eyes.

“Y-you think so?” He mustered out, he sighed as he lowered his head onto his lap. “You know that sometimes I wished I never met him. If I never met him, maybe I would never have these feelings. Maybe I wouldn’t hate myself so much, maybe I’d be happier even. I can’t even be honestly happy for him when I know its because of someone else.”

Yoochun nodded. “You feel this way with others?”

“I mean, I sometimes get upset when my friends start to ignore me somewhat and go to other people. But this guy just gets me upset with just one post from his blog about spending his day with so-and-so and it ruins my mood completely.” He scoffed. “I even deleted my account so that I wouldn’t see those updates.”

Jaejoong felt something against his shoulder, he looked up to see an open beer bottle. Yoochun gestured it towards him, “You need it more than me right now, and this cheap wine is definitely not strong enough.” Jaejoong took a sip and cringed at the taste, it seared his throat. “I see you’re not much of a drinker.”

Jaejoong shook his head. “It’s fine.” He sighed. “I’m the worst friend this guy can ever get.”

“Well, you could always end it.”

Jaejoong shifted in his seat and swished the bottle around. “I’ve thought about that too. I thought that when he was going for that out of state college, it’d be better for me. I thought if I distanced myself enough I’ll turn back to normal and won’t feel those feelings, I was optimistic for that change. Then his finances didn’t go so well, he ended up staying here to go to college instead because it was cheaper.”

“So it ended up being a bad thing?”

Jaejoong scoffed, “I think in the long run it will be, at least for me, for now I’m relieved because he’s the type to not really take care of himself. Right now that stupid heater of his might break and he still would just put another blanket on and not complain.”

Yoochun nodded, “Sounds like a good guy.”

“He is, he’s definitely a good guy. A little quirky and naive, and too trusting. If someone doesn’t watch out for him, then something bad could happen to him.” He smiled. “That guy is going to drive me insane.” He stated as he took a longer drink from the bottle.

“You’re pretty perceptive of yourself.” Yoochun said, “You understand your emotions and realize you’re faults. You at least see that.” Jaejoong looked at him. “Yet you don’t see the bigger picture.”

“What bigger picture?” Jaejoong asked, Yoochun his lips as he dropped the bottle into the trash can beside him.

“Friends may get jealous of their friends, but you’re type of jealously isn’t the friendship kind.” Yoochun got up and stretched.

“What do you mean?” Jaejoong raised his eyebrows.

Yoochun turned around and walked up the stairs, as he opened the door he turned to him. “You’re in love.” He finished as he closed the door behind him. Jaejoong froze on the spot for a while, before he stared at the bottle in his hand and finished the entire drink in one gulp.

The man had to be insane, he thought, Yunho was his good friend and nothing more. “That’s it.” He told himself repeatedly. “Nothing more.”

Yet he would soon come to that conclusion, there was no other way to explain it. The relevation lifted a small weight from his shoulders, but laid a heavier burden on his heart. Through the year he realized how painful this love was, it was making him into the green-eyed monster which Yunho didn’t deserve to have around him. He needed better friends, friends who understood him, who would cheer him up and give advice on his girlfriend and who would genuinely be happy for him. Instead he would cheer him up for other things such as school and finances, walk around the advice of the girlfriend and only be genuinely happy when he was solely the focus of his attention.

---

“You’re a good artist.” Yunho stated as he watched from behind him. Jaejoong barely looked up and continued on.

“What are you doing here?” He asked. “Is she busy?”

It was obvious who he meant by ‘she’, it was the only girl in Yunho’s life unfortunately. “She has to make up an exam right now.”

“I see.” Jaejoong answered as he kept sketching, he knew the silence of the library would take its toll on him. In ten minutes he glanced to see Yunho asleep as his head laid on the desk.

Jaejoong placed the tip of the pencil on his lower lip and murmured. “You and those habits of yours.” He gazed at Yunho, all the while his praise repeating in his mind. It was amazing what few words he could say to make him react like this. In the past he wondered if he confused this love with a parental love, a nurturing love. The type where his praises meant close to everything, yet even then he knew it was different. It wasn’t a child begging to be recognized, instead his own monster was just as childish. He craved for his attention and waited to hear his own name being called.

It was an unhealthy love, one that could drive him insane. Yet when he reached the edge of the ice, countless times he tried to escape and reach an internal solace. Except one word from him and he would walk closer to that edge until the ice broke beneath him. He had fallen deeper despite desperate attempts to pull away.

He was afraid to let him go, that much he realized. A part of him wanted to cling onto him but the other part gave him his distance. The jealous feeling he felt when he was around others. Laughing, smiling, and those occasional inside jokes that he never understood. He never liked it, these feelings that haunted him daily was too close to obsession. If he continued to have these feelings, he knew that he would eventually see through his facade.

Then it would all end.

-

A/N: This isn't a new story by any means. This was my first ever fic and kpop fic years back, so my writing might be different. Can say I'm a little attached to my first pairing :)