He can’t settle this feeling of discomfort upon stepping foot in the cafeteria and spotting the swarm of people already gathered for tonight’s show. There’s a bigger crowd than what showed up for the musical, probably because everyone has the idea that Seokjin’s alleged genius will again make its appearance. This time though, credit will be given where it’s due, or there won’t be a team. They’ll make sure of that.

                  Jimin still isn’t sure about that idea. In fact, he’s not sure of anything; he finished choreographing his performance and it’s fine, almost perfect to his standards, but the very thought of taking it to the stage has him ridden with anxiety. He’s not sure if he can actually go through with this, with so many eyes watching him.

                  He’s managed to convince himself that if Taehyung is in the audience, then all will be fine. It didn’t matter how many people were watching as long as Taehyung was one of them. He’d be perfectly okay with his best friend behind him, supporting his every step with the sound of the music.

                  There was just a minor setback.

                  He hasn’t spoken to Taehyung since their argument last day. Jimin never thought they’d put another strain in their friendship, and yet here they are, giving each other the brutal silent treatment they worked so hard to avoid before; as if he isn’t terrified enough already. There’s no guarantee that he’ll have that support anymore, even if Yoongi, Hoseok, and Namjoon were there to cheer him on. He can’t be sure, but it’s not like Taehyung has let him down before. The guy isn’t petty enough to hold out on one of the most important performances of Jimin’s life. Taehyung wouldn’t do that to him.

                  He stands backstage, reading messages of support from his friends and boyfriend as if they held his lifelines. Taehyung’s chat still remains silent. He tries to text the guy, asking him if he was coming or not, if they should still be angry about something and if they should fix it, ten minutes before the show. He doesn’t get a response by the time a small hand slips onto his shoulder.

                  “Hey.” Jimin recognizes that soft voice, and he’s never been so happy to see Chanmi standing next to him, in light of what he’s feeling right now. “Haven’t seen you for a while,” she says, grinning. “And we meet again on the stage.”

                  Jimin offers her a lopsided smile and breathes, “yeah, it’s crazy.”

                  “My team’s going up first,” Chanmi replies, practically beaming. “And then I have one more performance halfway through the show. When are you going up?”

                  “I’m…” He hesitates while all thoughts momentarily leave him. Yes, he goes after Jongin and Seulgi, but before Yugyeom. “I-I’m in the latter half.”

                  She lightly smacks his arm. “Finally. I can’t wait. Good luck, break a leg.”

                  “Th-Thanks.” Jimin sighs as he watches her join the rest of her team, noting their uniform jean-jacket-and-sweats ensemble. It must be nice, having a coordinated team. Performing as a group probably would’ve been easier.

                  The crew members call the final minute before they pull the curtains apart, and all the performers gather off to the side where they can perfectly see every act up close. The murmuring of the audience dies down when an MC walks out and says hello. She introduces the showcase’s theme (‘flight’) and addresses the team leaders to say a couple words.

                  There’s a synchronized moment of held breaths when Seokjin strides out, taking the mic into his hand. “Hello,” he says. His aura is hindered by the fact that his bangs have been styled to cover his left eye, but it’s still quite overwhelming. “While today’s group performances were collective, collaborative conceptions, I would like to assert that our solo acts are purely independent. What you see before you are products of whoever is performing it. Tonight, my team members are their own geniuses. Please enjoy the show.”

                  The crowd cheers as he stalks offstage, passing by all the dancers who stare at him in awe. When he enters Jimin’s immediate area, Seokjin leans in and mutters, “I’m expecting a lot from you in particular,” before disappearing into the cafeteria.

                  Jimin certainly doesn’t feel any better.

                  The MC introduces the first act, and the entire break dance team streams onto the stage with such radiance that they’re magnified as crooning swans. That image is shattered as soon as the music starts, hard beats echoing from the speakers to rattle the skulls of its intended audience. By then, they’re completely wild.

                  Chanmi is front and center, leading her crew with such ferocity that even Jimin needs to remind himself to blink every so often. His heart is pounding as hard as this song is to his ears, and he knows that for as long as he stood on these two legs, he’ll never be able to match up to something so beautiful.

                  He’s rendered envious once again, a feeling that continues to kill him from the inside-out as he waits for Taehyung’s response to his text.

--

                 After Jongin finishes his breathtakingly stunning solo, Seulgi trots off to start hers and Jimin counts the seconds until his impending doom. He’s been a complete wreck, pacing endless circles in a dark corner while staring at his phone. He doesn’t know what to do.

                 Jimin lifts up the edge of the curtain, which is a feat considering how much his hands are shaking. He frantically looks over the crowd smitten with Seulgi’s dancing and whimpers when he doesn’t see that head of orange hair in the audience. Maybe he’s just running late, he convinces himself.

                 “Hey, kid!” Jongin walks up to him, forehead gleaming with fresh sweat. “It’s almost your time to shine. You ready?”

                 A strangled ‘no’ gets caught in his throat, so Jimin shakes his head instead. He prays for some miracle, something to save him from those lights, these sounds, the people. Anything will do.

                 “Aw, you’ll be okay. That nervousness will be gone in no time.”

                 “… I-It’s not nervousness,” he stutters, looking at the audience again. He’s still not there. “I-I don’t think I can do it.”

                 The music starts dying down and an applause follows, signaling the end of that performance. Jongin looks at him, puzzled. “Uh, you kinda have to. You’re up next.”

                 He blinks rapidly, light spots blurring his vision. It’s been so long since he got dizzy like this, since he’s felt completely nauseated; he wants to retch.

                 The MC announces his song. She says his name, and people clap. He doesn’t move. The entire room goes silent as they await his appearance, but he doesn’t move. “Hey, kid?” Jongin waves a hand in front of his face. “You alright?”

                 “Don’t touch him!” Yoongi’s voice suddenly becomes his guiding light, like music to his ears. The older boy appears before him, gently grasping his shoulders. “Jimin. Hey, I’m here. Jimin, breathe, please breathe.”

                 He tries to. “T-T-Tae… I-Is he there?”

                 “Yes, he’s there. He’s waiting for you to perform.”

                 Jimin abruptly fists the ends of Yoongi’s shirt, squeezing his eyes tight. “I-Is Taehyung there?!” he shouts, shaking with every syllable.

                 “… No,” the senior sighs. “I—I don’t know where that damn kid is, but it doesn’t matter. I’ll be watching, okay? You’ll be fine—!”

                 “I can’t!” he cries, hiding his face in Yoongi’s chest. “I-I can’t do it. I n-need him-m there. I-I need T-Taehyung…”

                 Yoongi stiffens for a long moment, and then sighs again. “… Okay. Okay.” He wraps his arms around the boy and holds him tightly, trying to keep him from falling apart. “Okay. Hey, you over there.”

                 Jongin flinches from where he’s been staring. “Y-Yes?”

                 “He’s not going up. Call the next performance.”

                  “R-Right, okay.”

                  Jimin sobs, holding onto Yoongi for dear life. He’s failed yet another venture, and doesn’t even know why he’s surprised. He’s a failure at most, incapable of doing anything but failing both himself and other people as if his life depended on it. He’s failed his friends and family. He’s failed Yoongi. He’s failed his own person, and yet he doesn’t consider it to be greater than Taehyung’s failure to show up.

                  After they get the show on with the next act, Yoongi leads him out of the cafeteria and up the stairs, holding his hand every step of the way. Sometimes they pause so he can wipe the tears off of Jimin’s face. It doesn’t make him feel any less pathetic.

                  “Here,” Yoongi says when they reach his locker. He drapes his jacket over Jimin’s shoulders and fixes up his bangs.  “Feeling a little calmer now?”

                  “I-I’m getting there…” Jimin sniffles. He leans against the wall and sighs. “I hate myself.”

                  Yoongi stands in front of him. “Don’t say stuff like that.”

                  “M-Most people would perform with or without their friends watching…”

                  “True.” The older boy leans in and pecks his forehead. “But you’re not most people. It’s okay if you fall down sometimes. It doesn’t mean you’re any less, so you can’t hate yourself. Alright?”

                  Jimin nods tentatively, releasing the last of his shaky sobs. “I-I just wish Tae was there.”

                  “I know.” Yoongi sighs, glancing down the hall. “I texted him, but—”

                  The smaller boy looks up when he stops speaking, and then turns to see what he’s looking at. Taehyung stands at the end of the hall, blazing orange hair peeking out of a dark hoodie. His lips are pressed in a stiff line, as if he’s trying to compress something inside himself.

                  Jimin reacts first. “T-Tae.”

                  “Jimin.” His friend’s voice is cold, absolutely barren. There’s no life to it. He can only imagine what he’s thinking about to sound so dead.

                  “What the , man?” Yoongi hisses, blocking Taehyung’s way as he steps closer. “He couldn’t perform without you in the audience. Where the hell were you?”

                  “… I was at the arcade.”

                  He doesn’t pause to grab the orange-headed boy by the collar, threatening violence. “Are you kidding me? Your best friend needed you, and you go off to play? Are you ing kidding me right now?!”

                  “PISS OFF!” Taehyung shoves him away. “Stop trying to make this your business! This is between me and him, it has nothing to do with you!”

                  “H-He’s right,” Jimin stammers before Yoongi retaliates. “It’s between u-us. Hyung… please.”

                 The oldest boy looks between them before huffing and slinking off towards the wall.

                 Jimin glances at Taehyung before sinking his gaze into the floor. “W-Why didn’t you come?”

                 His friend looks off to the side. “I didn’t feel like it.”

                 He bites his tongue to hold back another set of tears. “… T-Tae, I needed you.”

                 “So?”

                 “… Y-You know I can’t do anything in front of people. At least, n-not without you. I always backed you up. You always supported me t-too, but when I needed it most…” he sobs. Why does Taehyung seem so distant? He’s standing no more than three feet from him, but he feels like he’s so far away. “… Where were you?”

                 “You wanna know why I didn’t come?” Taehyung lifts a finger. “It’s because you chose him. You chose him over me, Park Jimin.”

                 He moves his gaze to where Taehyung is pointing and looks at Yoongi with startled eyes. Yoongi is just as surprised, if not more so. He opens his mouth to say something, but bites back a response. “Wh-What do you mean…?” Jimin asks.

                 “I told you not to stick around him anymore. But you didn’t listen. Do you remember what you said to me?” Taehyung smiles, though his hands are balled into fists. “… You told me to get out. So I got out of your life. Aren’t you damn happy?”

                  “Why the would I be happy?!” Jimin shouts. “I never wanted my best friend to leave me! Why d-don’t you stop being so passive-aggressive and tell me why you’re so against him?!”

                  “HE’S THE ONE WHO DID IT!” Taehyung screams, scaring them both. “F-ing Min Yoongi is the one who edited that picture of you and put it up online. He’s the one who ruined your ing life. Y-You almost died…” he chokes. “… because of him.”

                  He can feel his chest tightening and suddenly, it’s so difficult to breathe. It takes a moment for him to utter sounds. Everything hurts. “… Y-Y-You’re lying.”

                  Taehyung looks right at him. One tear slides down his face. “I haven't lied to you yet." 

                  Jimin slowly turns towards Yoongi, who hasn’t made a single peep. The older boy is stiff, conflicting emotions flickering in his eyes. They make eye contact and that’s when he feels his entire world crashing down on him.

                  “… I…” Yoongi closes his eyes. “… I never wanted you to find out like this.”

oops