Ah, TOP Hyung. Tall, dark and handsome is basically tailored for him, right? But if you were to ask me, which of these three matches him the most, I would go for dark. I’m not referring to the colour of his skin. Or his hair. Or his eyes for that matter.  This Hyung has a dark personality. It’s a different TOP that you see on stage. He’s the strong silent charisma up there, he’s Bingu for the members and he’s dark for himself. He thinks we don’t notice, but we do. It’s hard not to, when you’ve known a person for that long and live in each others’ pocket almost every day. I think he sees himself in Daesung Hyung in that regard. They both use laughter to cut through barriers, but they keep this other side, this dark one, to themselves. But where Daesung hyung’s darkness is light, TOP Hyung’s darkness is depressing. Which is why I think TOP hyung literally needs Daesung hyung. He needs to stay in the only lit corner that exists in his dark. Hm. I think I’ve said enough. Can we sign an agreement where TOP Hyung is not allowed to hurt me when he reads this interview? I think I need one. Manager hyung, please draft one out right now. My life is on the line here. Why are you laughing?

2009

Lately, it was hard to get hold of Daesung.  Sure, they both lived in the same dorm. Heck, they both shared a room. But most of the time, Seungri found himself alone.

Now that has a whole new set of advantages altogether, so Seungri would be lying if he said he didn’t treasure the quiet moments he had to himself in their room. Well, it had always been quiet even if Daesung was around, but this kind of quiet, the one without Daesung lingering somewhere in his peripheral, is different.

Seungri missed his room back home. He missed being the Hyung, the one who gets his own room and free to do whatever he wants to do, without having to check on things with anyone else first. He sometimes missed just diving into food when he’s hungry instead of making sure all his hyungs have gotten first dibs, or how he had to cut the meat and turned them on the grill and then serve them to four waiting mouths before one finally reached his own.

He was a growing boy damn it, he needed his food!

But yeah. It was hard getting hold of Daesung. Not because Seungri missed the awkward silence when they were together, but because they had a musical to prepare and rehearse, and more often than not, Seungri found himself rehearsing it on his own.

It wasn’t a secret among the members that a tiny weeny bit of jealousy might have been felt after Daesung hyung scored a permanent spot in Family Outing. But Seungri feels that no one was more jealous than him.

TOP and Youngbae hyung have no desire to do variety. Jiyong hyung was more annoyed at the fact that not all four members were ever present at the same time, ready for his back and call whenever an idea or an inspiration hit him and he just needed to ship everyone back to the studio.

Now Seungri, he loved variety. He craved for it. And he wasn’t about to admit it openly, but he was aware that the only other person who could give him a run for his money where variety was concerned, is Daesung hyung.

A lot of people – jokingly or otherwise – said that the variety aspect of Big Bang definitely fell on Daesung’s shoulder, because he has the looks for it. And sure, Seungri himself was guilty of once referring to Daesung hyung when it comes to lacking in appearance, but he felt genuinely unjustified for his hyung that people did not realize what a genius Daesung is at variety.

Because his hyung is exactly that – a genius.

Big Bang’s schedule was getting pretty tight. Sure they were all exhausted, but a tight schedule meant that they were in demand, and that made him feel relieved.

To be wanted.

They had just touched down at Incheon airport after their promotion stint in Japan and Seungri wanted to do nothing other than sleep his Monday away. He also planned to rope in Daesung hyung for a long talk about their musical the next day. It shouldn’t be hard to talk to him as long as it does not require his hyung to talk about his feelings. Daesung is still a hardworking professional, after all.

But at that current moment, he was more confused at the scene in front of him.

Manager Hyung was practically pulling Daesung by his hand, rushing him out of the airport and into the familiar waiting van.

And then it drove away, leaving the other members and a handful of YG staff behind.

“What’s going on?” Seungri asked out loud. “Where is Daesung hyung going?”

But instead of a reply, he found himself with a handful of his luggage. It was heavy and he almost lost his balance from the sudden weight.

“Quickly,” TOP was saying as he dragged his own luggage behind him. “there’s another van waiting for us.”

“But,” Seungri said, pulling at the stubborn handle and dragging his luggage along. “How come Daesung hyung gets his own van?”

“He has Family Outing,” TOP replied short. “Come on maknae, let’s park our butts in the van and pass out the rest of our ride home.”

“Seriously?” Seungri sighed.

“What’s wrong with that plan?” TOP whined. “It’s perfect.”

“Aish hyung, I wasn’t talking about your plan.”

“Then what are you upset about?” TOP asked as they reached the van. “Keep in mind that that was a rhetorical question, you do not have to answer so I don’t have to pretend that I care.”

Seungri rolled his eyes. All his hyungs are the same. If they see an invitation for ‘let’s make fun of the maknae’, they will definitely take it.

“Then you should know that I don’t care if you don’t care because I will still tell you.”

Jiyong and Youngbae hyung were already in the van, so TOP hyung had no choice but to sit next to him.

He counted this as a win.

“We need to rehearse for the musical tomorrow. Do you know that we’ve only had two full rehearsals so far? And the show is coming up soon and there’s still so much to do and now he’ll be gone for two days and then he’ll come home all exhausted and probably sleep his Tuesday away so-”

“He won’t be sleeping his Tuesday away,” TOP cut him off, yawning mid-sentence. “We have that photo shoot thing to do. Remember?”

“Ah jeongmal!” Seungri groaned. “This is so unfair!”

TOP patted his head, which earned him a smack from yours truly. Honestly this hyung is too much.

“What’s unfair is you getting to sleep in that room all to yourself for two days while Daesung is out there working.”

Seungri knew TOP was just teasing, but he felt the sting, regardless.

He turned his attention to the window, allowing his vision to be greeted by whatever scenery they would pass on their way back to the dorm.

Sure it’s work. But Daesung hyung would be surrounded by awesome people like Yoo Jae Suk (Seungri was most jealous of his hyung’s connection with the Nation’s MC. The fact that he made up half of the Dumb and Dumber brothers was too much for him to swallow) and the ever beautiful Lee Hyori noona. Seungri felt weak in the stomach just thinking about the Kim Jong Kook being his small-eyed twin brother.

All these connections with big stars, and Daesung hyung was clueless as to what to do with it all.

That’s his hyung though. The ever so simple Daesung. No agendas behind that popular smile.

All he did was play games and eat good food (if Hyori noona has a say about it) and meet other popular guests. How is that fair compared to him being holed in his room alone?

TOP hyung just doesn’t understand.

-

But Tuesday turned out to be not a normal Tuesday after all. 

Well, it started off normal. Seungri was in his room, practicing his lines and coming up with new ideas that he planned to propose to Daesung when he returned.

Except, Daesung hyung never did.

He’s alive.

They’ll fly him back to Seoul tomorrow.

There’s a spinal injury.

Is it permanent? Will he be okay?

Broken nose.

His arm is –

They found something wrong with his left eye…

Can we see him?

He’s fully sedated.

-

Seungri remembered walking into the ward and seeing him lying on the hospital bed motionless.

They said he was out of danger, but Seungri had seen the pictures online. What was left of the van. The fact that there were no casualties was a miracle.

For the first time, Seungri really took offense at the fact that Daesung was quiet.

He yearned nothing more than to hear his voice, to make small conversations, even if it was to talk about the weather. It could be a hundred times more awkward than normal, but he was ready to take that rather than the silence that had taken the room prisoner.

Jiyong hyung was asking so many questions to the doctor, but they were all white noises to him.

A tissue appeared in front of him. It took him a while to realize that he was crying. He couldn’t even muster the effort to be embarrassed by that. He took the tissue offered and muttered a soft thanks. But it remained crumpled in his fist.

Youngbae hyung was sitting at the other side of the bed, facing him. He had his head bowed so close to Daesung’s head that it seemed like he was kissing him.

And then he heard it.

Youngbae was talking to him. Well, whispering. He couldn’t really tell what he was talking about but Seungri was pretty sure it was words of comfort. And prayers.

“What would you tell him if he’s awake right now?”

It was TOP who had passed him the tissue.

“I don’t know hyung… I just want him to wake up and be okay.”

TOP hummed next to him, as if mulling it over. Seungri doesn’t understand how his hyung could even consider any other options than having Daesung awake.

“They said the first time he woke up, he was in a lot of pain. That’s why they had to sedate him. He looks so peaceful right now, don’t you think?”

Seungri only saw the bruises on his face, the white thing that was plastered over his nose, the dried blood on his chapped lips. There was nothing peaceful about any of that.

“I guess.”

“I rather he sleeps than be awake and in pain.”

-

They didn’t see him again until the week he was to be released.

None of them were pleased, but they had Big Bang commitments to full fill.

Time truly waits for no one.

Seungri never did call nor message Daesung. He knew where he stands with this hyung. They were never close before, so he felt like he had no rights to do so. Daesung was already in so much pain, he didn’t need his awkward maknae to bother him too.

But TOP hyung knew. And he was his source of information.

“Daesung said hi.”

“Don’t lie.”

“He really did,” TOP said. “he said don’t get too comfortable staying in that room alone. He’s coming home soon.”

“That sounds like him.”

“See, I’m not a liar.”

“That’s still up for debate.”  Ha! Using their own teasing weapon against them.

TOP of course had the last say.  Well, in this case, the last action. That was a painful smack to the back of his head for his troubles.

“I think I should swap rooms with Youngbae hyung for a while.”

“Wae?”

Seungri shrugged. “Hyung, you know how Daesung hyung is. He’ll never tell anyone if he’s in pain, even if it kills him. I’m just saying, he’ll most likely confess to Youngbae hyung than me. It’s either that, or Youngbae hyung will beat it out of him with his words.”

He got his hair ruffled and messed up for his trouble.

Seriously this hyung.

“Are you sure this is not just about you getting a room to yourself?”

“Hyung! I may have my moments but I am not that self-“

“Yah, I was joking!” TOP laughed. “Your hormonal changes are making you too sensitive maknae.”

And that was how Youngbae hyung became Daesung’s roommate.

Everyone would tell you that the reason for the swap was to give Seungri his privacy while he went through his puberty years, but Seungri knew the truth.

No one told Daesung the truth either. But Seungri didn’t mind. All that mattered was Daesung’s comfort while he healed completely. If that meant taking him out of the equation, Seungri was glad to be out of the way.

-

2010

No one was home when Daesung hyung returned from his last day of filming Family Outing.  Except for Seungri, of course.

He had spent the entire day trying to put himself in Daesung’s shoes. How he would feel to say goodbye to this other set of people who had truly became yet another family for him.

He pictured a moody Daesung walking through the front door. How he would just say a simple ‘hi’ and then lock himself up in his room.

It would have been easier to get through him if they were still sharing the same room, but since they no longer were roommates, Seungri had to think of other tactics.

He was still coming up empty when Daesung appeared.

“Why are you pacing the living room?”

“I wasn’t.”

He totally was. He just never realized he was doing it until Daesung pointed it out.

“If you say so.”

And that was it. Daesung was making his way to his room.

Seungri was running out of time.  He needed to come up with a solution.

“I saw the last episode of family outing you did before your accident!”

That wasn’t it.

But it was too late to take back.

It was a blink and you’ll miss it moment, but Seungri saw it.

That look on his face.

With just that one sentence, he had managed to transport his hyung back to that day. The one day Daesung had tried really hard to pretend didn’t happen.

But as expected, it disappeared just as quickly as it had arrived, replaced by a smile.

“Ah you did? It was a good episode, wasn’t it? Hyun Jun hyung was really funny. He’s a really great guest.”

Seungri played along.

“That’s right! He –“

Daesung was moving. He was making a beeline for his room. It was really awkward but Seungri followed like a lost puppy, mid-sentence.

“ – he uh, he was really funny. How can anyone mistake a cucumber to a squash? Even I know how cucumber looks like –“

They were now in his room. Seungri had no business to be in here. Daesung had dropped his bag carelessly on the floor and sat himself down on the edge of the bed. Seungri wasn’t sure where to park himself, he just stood there in front of him.

“ – but that’s not the point hyung.”

Daesung hyung looked tired.

Seungri was pretty certain he could read his thoughts right now. How do I get rid of this maknae without hurting his feelings?

“There’s a point?”

Seungri nodded, almost too eagerly.

“ I always have a point.”

“That is up for –“

“ – debate, I know. All you hyungs are getting predictable now, jeez, please come up with new insults, I’m getting offended by your laziness, like, honestly, ev –“

“You were about to tell me about this point of yours.”

Ugh, this hyung is frustrating.

“Right. Okay. My point is, I never knew how tiring it was to film this show until I’ve had a taste of it myself. The sleeping scene where Hyori and Shi Yeon noona were wrapping that flower on everyone’s finger, I noticed you were already asleep.”

“I was? I don’t remember.”

“Yup. And then the next morning when they decided not to wake you up for the morning chore because they knew you haven’t been getting enough rest…I thought…I thought that’s what a real family would do for each other.”

Daesung was staring to the empty space next to Seungri. He could tell that he was lost in thoughts.

“Yeah…they truly feel like family to me.”

“They are your family.”

That got his attention.

“When I guested to fill in for your absence, I truly understand what they mean to you. I thought you’re so lucky to have them. It was nice to be in your shoes for two days.”

Daesung smiled. “My family is your family too. I’ve heard only good things about you from them.”

Woah. Really? “Jinjja?”

“Yup. They said the name Seungri fits you very well. And you know how much Jae Suk hyung likes you after we did Come To Play.”

Seungri forgot about the awkwardness and sat next to him on the bed.

“Ah hyung, why didn’t you tell me all this? I like to know when I’m being praised. Especially by the nation’s MC.”

Daesung laughed. Seungri didn’t realize he was being funny.

“If I tell you everything, will you let me sleep?”

“Of course!” Seungri replied, jumping right back up. “but I’m feeling really generous right now, so I’m going to let you sleep first. You can tell me all about it at dinner tonight. I’ll even spare you from my cooking and call for delivery instead.”

“Ah, universe, bear witness to Seungri-shi’s kindness! I can never repay him back! Please be kind to him and protect him from any harm!”

Sure, Daesung hyung was laughing after he said it. And had passed out immediately after.

But Seungri has learned a few things about his hyung over the years. He can tell a 'thank you' when he sees one.

And that, my friend, was a 'thank you'.

-----

tbc

(apologies for all the grammar mistakes in this chapter...and the previous one....and the ones you'll discover in all other future chapters. I am truly horrible at it).