Episode 4: Awkward (Pt.2)

Pairing: Jimin X J-Hope

Word count : 2K

Summer flew too quickly and it was already time to go back to school. Duh. Jimin would gladly have spent another month or two doing bicycle all afternoon and tanning in his pool. But being a student was a full time responsibility so it's with mixed feelings that he set foot in the gymnasium at the end of the month of august for his fourth year of high school.

He was excited with anticipation of seeing his friends again. Yet, he couldn't get himself to be thrilled by the new subjects. At least they got candies in history classes on Friday!

The only good news was that they changed the classes back to how they first were, meaning that Jungkook was back in the '- - 4' group with him.

Another good news was that he was still in good terms with J-Hope. Better that that, he now spent a little more time with him and his group of friends during recess. Once in a while when they were alone (they were sitting side by side in science class) Namjoon would often nag at Jimin so he would go out with J-Hope. Yet, Jimin still refused 4 years after.

More or less one month after the beginning of the school year, something happened again. It was just before Thanksgiving's holiday (In Canada this holiday is in october.) (Yay! 4 days weekend!) on Thursday, just before the last class,J-Hope asked to talk to Jimin in private. He did not lose any time since the bell was about to ring.

"Would you go out with me?" J-Hope asked. Jimin felt a rush of adrenaline pass through his body, one of the more intense he ever had. He was numb even in his fingertips.This time, it was true. Not the stupid joke-but-not-that-much-of-a-joke Namjoon constantly nagged Jimin with. J-Hope was asking Jimin out for real and Jimin was so not ready for this (though he had doubts this would come eventually.) He opened his mouth to answer, but the shock made him silent. It was the first time, the first in 16 years of living that someone was truly interested in him to the point of taking the step and clearly asking him out.

"You don't have to answer me right now. Take the weekend to think about it, okay." J-Hope proposed, because he knew that Jimin had rejected him all those years.

Jimin's mind was numb, blank, dead. He couldn't believe someone would ask him out: his poor self confidence did not allow him to consider himself as worthy enough. Sience class was the longest Jimin ever attended. Seokjin noticed and asked him if everything was alright. Jimin giggled and confessed: "J-Hope just asked me out" to which Seokjin answered with a rised eyebrow: "Isn't that a childish manner to get a boyfriend?"

Jimin felt a little insulted, but took over himself. Yeah, he was still a child, and so was Hoseok, so what. It was not everybody who were precocious like Seokjin (Jimin knew from Seokjin himself that the other had already slept for more than a year now. It was not everyone who were at ease with the matter, that's it!)

"Yeah, that's childish, but at least he asked me out. I don't know what to do. My mind is so empty."

"Just answer with how you feel about him." Seokjin answered in a rather uninterested tone.

"Yeah, I guess." After that, Jimin reached his seat, still not able to concentrate on anything. His wrist and arm still felt weak when he was writing. In a way he was happy that it was their last class of the day.

Jimin wanted to accept J-Hope's offer after the class. He decided to finally accept, because he was tired of Namjoon always coming back on the same subject, but mainly because he felt he could have some good times with Hoseok (no ual references here. Just in a friendly way.)

He did as fast as he could in order to catch the other before he could catch his bus. Unfortunately, the Hoseok was a fast little brat, so when Jimin finally reached the lockers, he was already gone.

That night in his bed, Jimin realised that they had a long weekend, so he would have to wait 4 days before he could finally catch J-Hope again. He sighed. If at least he had his e-mail, he could chat with him on Msn in the meantime!

When he entered school the next Tuesday, Jimin did his best to avoid Hoseok. He didn't want to see him just yet. He wanted to announce it in a special way. The bell ran, so Jimin grabbed his books. Unfortunately for him, as soon as he got out of their locker row, he fell face to face with Hoseok. To hell with the high expectations.

He handed out his hand for Hoseok to take it. The latter hesitated a little, but then took it and they started walking to class together.

"Did you think about what I asked you?" J-Hope finally asked.

"If I didn't, I wouldn't be here holding your hand, Hobi." Jimin looked directly at the taller boy, who beamed.

That's how they came together. For the following months, they spent most of their recess together, but with their groups of friends. Sometimes they were going out with J-Hope's crazy metal lover friends, and other times they had lazy times with Jimin's lazy limit geeky friends.

Hoseok was good company, but they both knew that they would soon need to take a step ahead of holding hands. They were each other's first, so they truly didn't know where all of this would end. The opportunity was great when J-Hope finally invited Jimin over to 'complete a homework.'

Jimin being a little scared of the teacher's authority insisted that they actually do the job. So for around an hour, they sat in front of their laptops, typing crap even they didn't believe.

But they grew tired of it, so instead they played Wii. You know, that tanks game Nintendo created. Jimin never knew someone could be good at that game, but there again, it was Hoseok, so of course he would be good at it.

Hoseok had proposed Jimin to stay over for dinner. Jimin had agreed, but didn't call his mom immediately. Though, when time came, Jimin realised that he didn't call his mom and that she was supposed to come to get him in 20 minutes, meaning it was too late to call because Hoseok LIVED 20 minutes far from his.

A little disappointed, Jimin gathered his stuff. But then, things started to get awkward again (at least that's how Jimin felt.) They both knew that departure time was coming. They were alone, all alone for the first time since they started going out about a month earlier. The opportunity couldn't be more evident. The fateful moment finally arrived when Jimin's mom's minivan entered the alleyway.

Jimin had his schoolbag and laptop bag in one hand. Hoseok took a step in order to hug him. Jimin returned the hug the best he could. Then they parted. Jimin had his left arm around Hoseok's neck. Before their head could go too far from each other's, he brought back Hoseok's face in front of his. Then he smashed their lips together.

What could have been the best moment of their relationship failed miserably. Jimin was too tensed, not relaxed at all with all the anticipation, so he smashed their lips too quickly, so he ended up kissing only the corner of Hoseok's mouth. He had to do it again, his time feeling ashamed and humiliated from his first failed attempt. In the rush of the moment, Jimin didn't take any time to appreciate the moment. In the corner of his head, he could see his mom waiting in the minivan, not doubting a moment what he was doing. It distracted him.

They finally said goodbye. In the car back home, Jimin tried to contain the creepy smile fron spreading on his face. Of couse he was mad at himself for that disastrous afternoon (not being able to eat with his boyfriend's family AND MISERABLY FAILING HIS FIRST KISS) but on the other hand: HE FINALY HAD HAD HIS FIRST KISS! He was starting to grow worried about himself, seeing everyone around him getting boyfriends and not him. He wondered if he was normal or just socially awkward.

From that point in time, Jimin and Hoseok started not only holding hands during recess, but also exchange a few kisses here and there.

Though, one thing worried Jimin a little. He could understand that they were living a little far from one another, but how come they never did anything as a couple out of school?

Jimin knew he wasn't the more outgoing person. In fact when he was young, his mom had to fight with him so that he would call some friends to go out. Here, the same situation was occurring. Maybe Hoseok was just like him, not calling other people. But there again, if J-Hope was so in love with Jimin for the last few years, he would at least want to see him once in a while, no?

He discussed the matter with Jungkook during a girly sleepover.

"I don't know, we don't even see each other out of school. Isn't that weird?"

"Well, yeah. Why is that?"

"I don't know, I told you. Somehow, I feel like last year when we were good friends and everything. Only, we kiss as a bonus."

"Do you love him?"

"... I know that I like him, if not I wouldn't have accepted to be his boyfriend."

"And?"

"I don't know if I can picture myself having with him. I mean, he's nice, but... As in a very good friend way?"

"I think you should think really carefully about that. If you don't plan to get things further, you should tell him as early as possible."

"........................I'll break up with him."

It broke Jimin's heart to hear himself say such things. Hoseok deserved a better person.

The following monday, Jimin's mood was in his socks. He had thought about the question the whole weekend and couldn't picture another way. He was a coward, so of course he wouldn't aboard the problem in a face to face talk (somehow, important conversations always made Jimin want to cut his veins, or hide in a hole.) He had to face Hoseok like a Man.

At lunch time, just before they both had to run to catch their buses, Jimin stopped Hoseok from kissing him goodbye. Instead, he grabbed both his forearms, looked at him right in his eyes and said:

"It's over."

Then he left, without any explanation.

Hoseok didn't come back for one either.

The school year ended up without Jimin nor Hoseok really talking to each other. They both felt the tension of the unspoken words between them. It scared jimin.

Last year of high schook saw them in a passively courteous relationship. Namjoon once asked Jimin why the latted broke up with Hoseok. Jimin only answered that he didn't have to know since he was not concerned.

Honnestly, Jimin still thinks it his entire fault if their relationship failed. He knows he should have been more honnest, more talkative. But in another way, he ended the story fast enough so he wouldn't end up playing with Hoseok.

He feels like an for breaking up without any warnings. He still would like to fix things, but he keeps what's behind behind. Maybe one day he'll totally forget about all this, but right now, all he wants is to meet someone who would force him to go out of his comfort zone.