019

Rebecca and I step out of the elevator and into the lobby, the enormous floor-to ceiling windows letting in the last amount of late afternoon light as the dark gradient of night starts to tint the sky. 

The boys are all chattering before the doors leading outside, all looking sharp as ever in crisply ironed suits. My chest tightens up immediately when I see Ken dressed handsomely in a suit and tie, his hair styled up and I grip tightly onto Rebecca's arm.

I hear her chuckle softly and like the great friend she is, abandons me the moment she sees Ravi, who looks equally as handsome in a 3-piece suit. 
Ken looks in my direction and his eyes cloud with a look I can't describe, though a shiver runs through me and I find myself walking faster, my heels clicking loudly against the marble floor. 

"You look beautiful," he murmurs into the crook of my neck, his arms slipping around my waist.

"You don't look so bad yourself," I smile. 

I pull back to straighten out his tie, the look he's giving me making my pulse tremble and want to distract myself.

"Hyuk," the young man talking to N turns to me, his hands in his pockets. His entire aura screams classy.

"Look at you!" I exclaim, tugging on the sleeve of his jacket. His ears turn pink and his gaze falls to his shoes, shuffling them awkwardly as she shifts his weight back and forth.

"Th...thanks.." he mumbles.

Sensing his embarrassment, N ruffles his hair, to which Hyuk swears and angrily swats away his hands and rushes off to the restroom to fix his appearance. 

Misa and Miyoko join us moments later, and Leo goes off to practically drag Hyuk away from the bathroom mirror.

Several taxis await us outside and we all pair off, Hyuk mumbling something about having to ride with N. Ken and I slip into the last one in the line before we're off. 

The city rushes by in a soft blur, the streetlights just starting to flicker on. 

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"Somewhere downtown, I can't remember the name," Ken smiles thinly, "AIRCE is covering everything tonight so it should be a nice place,"
I turn back to face the window and snuggle into his shoulder, my fingers absently fiddling with the buttons on his cuff as his soft voice fills the car. His hand rests comfortably on my knee, tracing patterns onto my skin.

The ride is rather long and we're the last to arrive as the taxi pulls up in front of a sophisticated looking restaurant. Large glass windows set into brick cast out a warm light, and the mouthwatering smell of foreign delicacies waft through the air. Ken takes me by the arm as we're led inside through double wooden doors. 

A staircase winds up either side of the foyer, opening up to a massive second story wing adorned with sparkling chandeliers. The sound of clinking silverware fills the chamber as diners dressed in sheik attire chat over their meals, accompanied by the gentle trill of strings as a quarter warms up their instruments on the far side of the room.

My eyes are the size of saucers. I'd never be able to afford this place, even in the next life. 

A couple a few tables away notices us enter and pauses their meal to slightly now their heads in our direction. I glance to Ken in surprise, who makes a face to me that only I can see and I feel the corners of my lips turn up into a smile. 

We're led up to the second floor, past a few more tables until we're brought to a private room away from the other diners. Our candlelit tables line the far side of the room in front of glass walls leading out to a balcony, the only thing separating us from a gorgeous view of Seoul.
Ravi, Rebecca and the others rise as we enter and I feel heat rush to my cheeks, my grip tightening even more on his arm.

"There's no need for formalities, guys. I want this night to be special, don't get all stiff on me," Ken chuckles with a wave of his hand. Laughter ripples through everyone before we all take our seats.

Food is brought out immediately, wave after wave of servers deftly carry countless silver platters piled high with various dishes. The scent is almost hypnotic and my stomach growls violently.

"Oh...my...god.." Hyuk breathes.

Freshly steamed lobster. Champagne. Lamb. Veal. Caviar.

Everything one (with quite an expensive taste) could ever crave and more laid out in front of us. My jaw drops. Never have I ever seen such a luxury assortment of foods.

Fingers brush my chin to close my mouth. I glance up at Ken, eyes still wide. 

"You'll catch flies, darling," he teases softly. My ears burn.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the first course has been served. Please, enjoy your dinner."

My head snaps to meet Rebecca, the same look of bewilderment on her face I imagine to be on my own.

First course?!

Slowly, napkins are unfolded and I stare down at the array of silverware sitting in front of me.

"Why are there so many different forks? Which one do I use?" I whisper to Ken. He smiles, leaning over to murmur into my ear.

"This one, the farthest one out. Start on the outside and work your way in."

"Thanks,"

"Anytime."

I pick up the appropriate fork and the night begins.

~~

"Try this,"

"What is it?"

"Liver,"

"You're kidding. I'm not eating that."

Ken makes a face, his fork hovering over the slab of meat before bringing it to his own plate and cutting up several small portions.

"What're you doing? I don't want any," I frown.

"C'mon, just try a bite. Hyuk told me earlier that it's really good!"

I snort.

"That's coming from Hyuk. He'd eat bull testicals and say it's good."

Hongbin chokes on his drink. Ken ignores him, though I can see him smirking at the humor and he places a piece in front of me.

"Ha ha. Funny joke. Get that off of my plate."

"Please," he whines and sticks out his lower lip.

I huff, stabbing it with my fork.

"Fine. But only if you eat some too."

He grins and brings a mouthful to his lips. 

"Ready?"

"Wait, give me a second to prepare myself."

Ken comically closes his eyes and waves his hand in the air like he's blessing himself. I laugh bitterly and shove him in the arm. Staring down at my forkful, I inspect the meat before a lump forms in my throat.

Is liver supposed to be so hairy?

"Actually, I don't think I can do this."

"No backing out now, Mari. You promised."

"I hate you."

"No, you don't."

"Shut up."

"One.."

"...Two..."

"Three!"

I quickly shut my eyes and pop the piece of meat into my mouth, chewing furiously. It takes me a few seconds for the taste to roll over my tongue before I utter a low "nope," and have to spit it into my napkin. Ken coughs next to me, doing the same.

"So," Hyuk smirks, "how does liver taste?"

"Gross," I rasp and wash it down with a flute of champagne, "but I bet it would taste better than balls, right Hyuk? Want me to order some for you?"

Hongbin has to excuse himself he's laughing so hard.

Coffee and dessert soon follow and we make our way to the balcony. Lanterns illuminate the way to various loveseats and sofas and cast their light against the glass walls, their flickering flames rivaling the stars above our heads. A sudden breeze causes me to shiver against the railing, pulling my shawl tighter around myself as I feel a presence behind me.

"Cold?"

"A little bit."

Ken presses closer, his chest to my back and places his arms on either side of me, effectively blocking me in. His hand finds my chin and tilts my head to the side to fit his lips against my own. Blood roars in my ears.

"Better?" he chuckles, running his thumb over my bottom lip. 

"You're so cheesy,"

A rustle of fabric and warmth envelops me as Ken drapes his suit jacket around me, leaving him in his dress shirt. It smells like him, mint mingled with the faint smell of cologne. 

A scene suddenly flashes in my mind's eye. Pulsing music and roaming hands. An angry drunk. Comforting words. A jacket around my shoulders.

"Come with me, I want to say something to everyone," he murmurs and pulls the two of us towards where the others are. He taps a spoon against his cup and everyone slowly turns to him, seating themselves on the couches. I take an open spot next to N as Ken waits for us to get settled.

"Thank you for coming out with me tonight, there's no one else I would have wanted to spend this banquet with than with you all." Ken smiles. "Tomorrow...well..tonight, tonight I wanted to make memorable, and I think you've all done quite a good job of making sure that happens,"

A breathy laugh spreads through all of us. Ken stares down into his glass with a small smile before a shadow passes over his face and he looks up, looking suddenly tired and weighed down.

"My last night is finally here, but I feel like this last dinner together will help me through tomorrow. I-I just.." his voice breaks and he pauses to flicker his gaze to the city behind us, raking a hand through his hair.

"Every single one of you here has helped me grow. Through the good times and the bad, we did it all together. With that said, I hope you can understand how hard it is for me to say goodbye."

An eerie silence falls over us as we all hang on every word. I wrap Ken's jacket tighter around myself, desperate to keep my tears from falling. 

"So, this isn't going to be a goodbye," Ken says in a quiet tone, his face lighting up with a bright smile, though I can see his eyes are shining in the lantern light. N places a comforting hand on my thigh and that's when I realized I'm shaking. He makes a sound of sympathy before bringing me into his chest. I can feel N shuddering against me and the sudden pause from Ken tells me that we aren't the only ones struggling to keep our composure.

"This isn't goodbye, but only a see you again,"

Ken raises his glass.

"To new beginnings," 

"Here, here," says Leo and drinks. 

I'm a mess by the time the toast finishes. N and I sit there holding each other, sniffling like two babies as Rebecca comes over and gently rubs circles into my back. She eventually starts crying too and Ken scoops her up into a hug, whispering to her about how strong of a person she's been and presses a kiss to her cheek.

Before I know it, it's well past midnight.

"Wait for me back home, I'll only be a bit longer," Ken says, that tired look back in his eyes. I nod silently and give him a weak smile before I murmur quiet goodbyes to everyone and slip back inside and out the front door. 

~~

My legs feel like led as I practically drag myself through the lobby of Skypeak, jamming my thumb on the elevator button. 

I click on the lights to my apartment and feel the mask I wore the whole evening around the others starting to crack as tremors start to rock through me, my hands shaking so violently that I have to hug myself to keep still. But no tears come. I have no more to shed.

I busy myself in the kitchen, setting down my mug of tea in front of the window and the warmth that spreads through my body with the first sip has me sighing contently. 

The view outside is gorgeous at this time of night. The glass window looks like it's not even there with the onyx backdrop of sky and the towering skyscrapers showering the landscape with little pinpricks of neon light. I press my forehead against the glass and look straight down, the sheer drop causing my stomach to plummet all the way down to the cement sidewalk and I swallow the lump in my throat.

Maybe if I stare long enough I'll fall too. I close my eyes with a breathy laugh. No, of course not.

I don't know how long I've been sitting there, mind wandering when recognizable piano trills suddenly fill the room and I'm jolted awake. 
Ken has a music player plugged into the speakers and he takes a seat beside me. 

"Why does this sound so familiar?" I ask him. My brows furrow as the piece continues and I can practically feel the notes pulling at my brain, begging to be remembered.

Warmth touches his eyes as he laces our fingers together with a hum and gazes out at the night sky. 

"Claude Debussy, Arabesque No. 1 in E major. I played this for you the night the power went out."

I smile at the thought of when we crashed at Ravi's place and Ken had poked holes in the flashlight to mimic the stars because of the rain. The memory brings me comfort and it seems like such a long time ago.

"Helps me take my mind off things." he had said.

The warmth from my hands evaporates and just like the night we first met, I look down to see him setting my mug on the table.

"Dance with me," he murmurs. His fingers rest on my hips, pulling me flush against him. I rest my head against his shoulder, hands tucked behind his back as the two of us sway gently.

I've never felt so safe and content than I do now in his arms as the music washes over us. His breath tickles my neck and my eyes fall shut as a sudden calmness spreads through me. 

There's nothing else in the world right now than me and Ken. No Revive Effect. No Augments. No death. He twirls me around, comically bowing like a prince and the image of him smiling that crooked grin reflected against the city lights has butterflies dancing in my stomach all over again. 
Before I know it, the final notes hang in the air and then he's kissing me and I immediately sense his urgency, a hand in my hair angling my mouth to his liking. I let him, sighing as he holds me in place, his lips releasing mine to wander down to the skin behind my ear. 

"Don't ever forget me for who I was, promise me that. Promise me you'll remember me as I am now. Please, Mari," he murmurs breathlessly. He pulls off his tie with a single tug and then I'm drowning in his arms again.

"Even with this face, this body, I won't be the same. I won't be me."

He kisses a line of fire into my skin and his hands press into the curve of my back. He's panting now, hot breath ghosting over the column of my throat.

"Don't ever let me forget you."

He finds my lips again, fingers wandering down the bare skin of my thighs to swing my legs around his hips.

We spend the rest of the night making sure that won't happen.

~~

Ken has an arm wrapped around my waist, his chest rising and falling with each slow, even breath. If this were any other night, I'd turn over and coax him awake with a kiss. But this isn't and I know how much he needs to rest.

"Mari.." he breathes.

I shift myself onto my back, thinking he might have woken up when I see that his eyes are indeed closed, head jerking back and forth slightly, his parted lips turned down in a grimace. Sweat beads his forehead, his brows pulled together.

He lets out a strangled cry and bolts upright, hands twisted into the sheets. His breathing comes in short gasps and my pulse skyrockets, panic sending me scrambling across the bed.

"You're ok," I mumble and my voice breaks, "Ken, you're ok it was just a dream."

He turns to me and in the moonlight I can see tears welling up in his eyes. 

"They took you instead of me," he murmurs, "they took you in my place and brought you to a lab, stuck a metal syringe in your neck while I was forced to watch. I saw your eyes go blank-" 

I fumble for his hand, bringing it to my chest. It's stone cold. His fingers tremble against my collarbones.

"They can't hurt me, I'm right here. It wasn't real. We're safe."

He wordlessly shakes his head, letting out a labored breath as the hand against my chest moves to trace the line of my neck.

"If this is what it's going to be like for you when I'm gone--I-I can't do this, I can't leave you-"

"Yes, you can" I choke. He refuses to meet my gaze as I try to look into his face to catch a glimpse of what he's feeling. Something, anything to tell me if he's speaking from his heart.

"Think of Eos,"

Ken laughs bitterly. "He's the last person I want on my mind right now,"

"That's not true." I retort back, my voice wavering and this time Ken looks at me.

They say the eyes are the windows that open up to one's soul, and in that moment, I see it.

Nothing. There's nothing left in him.
 

He looks so broken, so exhausted, so scared. They hold so much pain and the words I so desperately want to say to set his mind straight die in my throat. He cradles the back of my neck with one hand and brings me forward to rest my forehead against his, so close that I can feel every word vibrate against my lips as he speaks in a soft murmur. 

"The moment I saw you in the quarantine zone I knew you were planning something."

He swallows, his grip tightening in my hair.

"I should have listened to you. We could've run away together, started a new life. But it's too late now. I should have listened."

Ken smirks weakly and kisses the corner of my mouth.

"We had the same idea," he sighs. I'm shaking, the very core of my body turning to ice. Hearing those words sends me over the edge as I dissolve into sobs.

"I love you. I love you so much." I gasp.

"I love you, too. More than you can imagine."