014

I wake up in a cold sweat. I struggle to sit up as I study my surroundings and realize I’m curled up on one of the couches in the hospital commons.

    “Sorry we couldn’t get you a room. The hospital is completely swamped after those ers detonated the bomb.”

    Ravi sits across from me, his hands curled into fists with Rebecca at his side. N is seated next to me, crutches resting against the hand rest, eyes lowered.        

    “It’s ok.” my voice cracks and Rebecca places a hand on my arm.

    “Is my dad d...is he gone?” I whisper. My gaze flickers to all three of their faces before resting on N.

    He glances up at me, one of his hands coming up to smooth back my hair. His silence is enough to answer my question and my breath leaves my chest in a rush. I sink my head in my hands as sobs rock through my body.

    I feel arms encircle my waist and I look up to see all three of them enveloping me in a hug. I can’t help but start to cry harder as I grab onto their shoulders, fingers twisting into the fabric of Rebecca’s shirt as my tears continue to fall.

    “You’re so strong. You’ve been so strong for me, for everyone through all of this, Mari. I’m so proud of you.” I hear her say and I can only nod at her words. Truthfully, I feel the most vulnerable I’ve ever felt in my life, but I don’t have the heart to tell her such a thing.

    “I’ll get you something to eat, ok?” Rebecca kisses my hair before she rises, leaving Ravi, N and I alone. I sniff and wipe at my eyes.

    “Where’s Ken? I’d like to see him.” I say softly.

    N stiffens and his features scrunch up like he’s about to cry. When he speaks, his voice is weak and labored, like he’s hesitant on whether he should tell me or not.

    “He’s...he’s in custody.”

    I frown and N motions for me to let him continue.

    “Skypeak is keeping him in solitary confinement, just until everything blows over. They don’t want him to get hurt for the sake of the Revive Effect.”

    “You mean he’s being isolated so no one can kill him?” the words sound rather accusing as they come out of my mouth and I bite my lip to keep from saying anymore.

    N nods once and I feel like I’m going to throw up.

    “This was a planned attack. We need to make sure he stays safe.”

    Tears sting my eyes and I don’t move to brush them away.

    “With your father,” N continues slowly, his voice soft, “they’ve put me in his place on the board.”

    That’s when I look at him full in the face. He’s trembling, gripping onto his crutches with bone white knuckles.

    “We, meaning my superiors, have figured out how two personalities can coexist in the same body.”

    “N,” Ravi cuts in and grabs him by the shoulder.

    “She deserves to know.” he responds in a whisper. Ravi glances at me before removing his hand, his face written all over with a mix of emotions I can’t point out.

“One has to be eliminated. The risk is too high with two personalities, the vessel could be destroyed.”

I feel myself tense up.

“What do you mean?”

N’s eyes glisten with moisture and tears slip down his cheeks.

“I told them, I ing told them that there was an easier way to do it! Now with this attack, they’ll probably back this whole thing up with some bull excuse about how this will save more deaths in the future. Your dad, he even came up with a backup plan but now-”

“N, what do you mean?” I’m crying again and shake him by the shoulders, demanding an answer.

“Ken’s going to have to die.”

I fall back against the cushions.

“They’re controlling me, Mari.” N says finally with his head in his hands, his voice shaking so badly that it’s difficult to understand him, “they’re playing around with me like I’m a ing puppet. They’re threatening me now too, saying if I don’t follow through with this that-”

He cuts himself off as he struggles to speak, his grip on the crutches so strong that I’m worried his fingers are going to snap off.

“...that they’ll deactivate all Augments in Seoul.”

My eyes flicker to Ravi who’s now turned to stone, eyes closed, his body completely frozen.

N let’s out a frustrated yell that’s choked with tears and slams his fist against the glass table before bringing his hands up to rake them through his hair, rocking back and forth ever so slowly.

“I’m so sorry. I know how you and Ken feel about each other and I don’t want to be the one to do this to you both.”

I bring him into my chest and N stays completely still, even after I wrap my arms around him, like he’s afraid to touch me. I feel his shoulders hunch with fatigue.

My anger is not directed at N, he’s honestly the last person in the world I would be upset with. He doesn’t seem to believe me as he continues to whisper apologies into my chest and all I can manage to do is hold him as my own tears fall.

~~

I have to leave the hospital, it’s all I can think about. With a backwards glance toward the others, I slip out through the hallway and call down the elevator, my heart thudding in my chest at the possibility of being discovered.

I stumble out as the doors slide open and I have to catch myself on the wall as I make my way back to my apartment and hurriedly click open the door.

I haven’t been back home in weeks and immediately the sense of security washes over me as I kick off my shoes. I move over to my control panel near the window and log off ERRI’s system with a heavy heart. Talking with her is the last thing on my mind and she would only remind me of my father. After all, he had been the one who programmed her.

I shower quickly and rummage through my dresser to find a change of clothes, surprised to find one of Ken’s extra sweaters folded neatly. I shrug out of my bathrobe and slip on the sweater and a pair of shorts, crossing over to sit in front of the window with a mug in hand.

It’s not until I take the first sip in the solitude of my own apartment that the stress and weight of reality comes crashing down on me with full force. Ravi and N had almost lost their lives and my father is gone, ripped away from this world by a bomb detonated by an unknown assailant. Someone had his blood on their hands and it made me that much more furious to realize that I may never know who.

Rebecca was right, I had been putting on a brave face this whole time. In front of her, in front of everybody. Images of N’s body being crumpled against Ravi’s fists, the anger in his eyes and both of them bandaged up, yet barely alive in their hospital beds race through my mind. Fast forward to the rumble of the explosion surging through my body and my father’s last fleeting look to me before giving his last breath, gaze unfocused and blank. His features morph and change until I’m looking into Ken’s face and his eyes scream with pain as his irises flicker electric blue, lips parting in agony, features lined with raw fear.

The mug slips through my trembling hands and shatters against the floor, sharp porcelain and hot tea flying everywhere. I clean it up in a hurry, choking on a sob as a whimper leaves my throat.

Fingertips brush against my hips and I’m spun around rather quickly, staring up into an all too familiar face.

“Ken, how--mpfh”

His lips cut me off, his fingers coming up to cup my chin.

“I needed to see you,” he says in a rush, “I told them I was going to slit my own throat if they kept me away from you for any longer.”

The corners of his mouth pull up in a withering smile and he sighs, “they didn’t like that threat very much and couldn’t risk taking any chances.”

He presses his forehead against my own and his eyes flutter shut, jaw set.

“I’m sorry for not being there for you, for making you suffer through this on your own.”

I shake my head and the recognizable burning sensation prickles my eyes.

“Don’t be. Don’t be sorry for anything.” I murmur.

He pulls away, his features twisting with anguish.

“Then promise me you’ll stop crying.”

I find his request rather childish and can’t help but laugh lightly. Ken brushes away my tears and brings himself closer until he finally closes the distance between us once more.

I’ve missed him. I’ve missed this. His smile, his aura, his lips. The effect he has on me is immediate, like I’m able to block out everything that’s happened except for him.

I have to tilt my head back in order to reach his mouth with the way he’s leaning over me. His hands rest on my waist as he deepens the kiss, fingers snaking underneath my sweater to play with bare skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

“This is mine,” I hear him chuckle against my throat as he mouths at the underside of my jaw, running the fabric between his fingers. He walks us slowly backwards until I feel the wall press up against my back, lips unyielding.

I press my palm against his chest to move him away and he shuffles backwards a step, confused, the space between us filling up fast with our ragged breath.

“If you want it back so badly, take it.” I say and slip out of the sweater, tossing it at his feet.

Mischief touches his eyes and he quickly steps over it, a hungry edge now thick on his lips as he barricades me against the wall with his arms, one hand coming up to tangle in my hair, the other pressing against the small of my back to push me flush against him.

“It looked better on you anyway,” he breathes. He coaxes my head to the side with a gentle touch of his lips, exposing more skin to him and he trails down my throat, nipping at my collar bones. Hands cradle my rib cage, thumbs caressing the swell of my chest and I struggle to hold back a moan.

Ken hums against me, like it’s a question of his pride and he quickly yanks off his own shirt, the feeling of skin against skin shooting electricity through my entire body.

I’m completely breathless as he kisses down my stomach, his gaze flaring with heat as he glances up at me and tugs on the fabric at my hip. A shiver that has nothing to do with the cold air runs down my spine and he smiles coyly.

I pull him back up to me by the shoulders and his lips latch onto my neck, fingers brushing against my core and I let out a soft yelp.

My breath hitches in my throat as his fingers continue to move, circling and pushing to create such delicious friction that I gasp against his parted mouth, the arm draped around my shoulders the only thing keeping me upright.

He hooks my thighs over his arms and I instinctively circle my legs around him and he’s quick to move, settling us down on the mattress, cool sheets refreshing to the touch.

He sheds the rest of his clothes in a hurry, lips finding mine again as he whispers against my skin.

“You look so perfect like this, hair fanned out and your cheeks all flushed. God, you’re beautiful.”

His smile makes my pulse stutter and I practically hide my face in my hands.

“I love you.” he sighs, his features soft and relaxed and his eyes flicker across my face.

“I love you too.” I whisper back.

He glances at my mouth before looking back up to meet my gaze, biting his lower lip as he fights back another smile. He then places his forearms on either side of me, shifting his weight so that he isn’t overbearing.

“If it hurts, let me know. Pass whatever pain you feel to me.”

I nod and he places a kiss to my forehead, lips lingering on my cheek as he eases himself into me.

Slow . There’s a slight discomfort, a burning stretch that has me clawing at his back with a low hiss. He stills above me, a desperate moan leaving him before he circles his hips and my vision blurs with white.

He guides my face up to his in a two handed grip and I can’t help but exhale hard against his mouth at the slight change of angle, waves of bliss curling in my abdomen. I ease back on him and his arms brace against my back, the definite feeling of his lips on my jaw a perfect rush.

“More,” I gasp.

His eyes shift to look me square in the face, the smirk on his lips driving me to loop my arms around his neck and pull him to me. I feel hands trail to my thighs, guiding them further apart with soft caresses. He folds himself down into me, hips gradually increasing in speed to a pace that has me arching against the sheets, blood roaring in my ears.

His eyelids flutter, mouth falling open with a helpless groan, his grip on my hips tightening with every . My breath scorches my lungs like wildfire, his hands entwining our fingers together.

“So good, baby.” he moans, his voice breathless and laced with need.

His words have me tumbling over the edge, the spring in my lower belly uncoiling and stars explode behind my eyes, red hot pleasure shattering my vision. His hips falter until he stills, his chest rising and falling with his eyes still closed, lips parted, hair a mess.

When they open again, he separates himself from me with a low sigh and leans down to bury his face in the crook of my neck, panting and laughing, arms encircling my waist.

“That was...that was really nice.”

“For me too,” I giggle back.

He kisses me again, slow and soft, tongue tracing my lower lip and his fingers dance along the line of my spine with a feather light touch, his eyes glowing.

“At least I can say now that Subject Zero got laid,” he teases with a wink. I let out a snort and throw a fist against his chest and he catches my hand, chuckling.

The feeling of euphoria surrounding me quickly evaporates and I’m left with the sinking feeling that Ken will no longer be mine. Before he has a chance to say anything more, I move up against him and tuck my head underneath his chin. Ken hums once, his gentle fingertips brushing at my jaw.

“I’m sorry.” he says.

I fall asleep with his fingers in my hair.