The restaurant Sehun chose was near his apartment and one I vaguely recognized from hazy memories of spending days after school in his neighbourhood with him and Jongin. The restaurant was half-empty; it was still too early for the dinner crowd. Sehun ordered for us; he still remembered that I liked samgyupsal the best. This felt familiar, as warm as Sehun's smile as he turned back to me. I smiled back. This wasn't painful, this wasn't filled with longing, this didn't make me ache. It only reminded me of what we used to be, not of what I could never have. We only needed Jongin to make this complete.

The ahjumma came back with rice, a jug of water and side dishes before retreating back to the kitchen. I filled our cups, pushing one over to Sehun. He thanked me and leaned back in his chair, stretching his legs out. I could feel his knee bump mine under the table, and I shifted automatically, nudging his foot back. He retaliated with a harder shove, and I narrowed my eyes at him. Sehun only grinned at me unrepentantly. I smirked and kicked back, hard.

But Sehun dodged and aimed another one at me, hard enough that I yelped before scowling at him. It was quickly turning into a hard shuffle of feet back and forth, sneakers bumping brutally and mercilessly. A few people were looking over now, but they didn’t seem to mind. Some people were even laughing, perhaps at how childish we were. I certainly was.

“Stop it!” I was giggling even as I whined, and he laughed too, the sound bursting from him like a young bud escaping the thawing ground in spring.

“Do you know how far I had to reach for that?”

“I know I’m short, but there’s really no need to rub it in,” I huffed, but I couldn’t quite hide my smile. My cheeks hurt. Stupid boy.

“That’s nice,” he grinned fondly.

I cocked my head to one side. “What is?”

“Hearing you laugh. You seem a little stressed nowadays.” It was nonchalant, a casual observation. But I felt my stomach turn into liquid because it meant Sehun cared enough about me that he noticed though he mentioned it so lightly it made my stomach flutter. I shook myself, smiling weakly but staying silent as I busied myself with arranging our utensils.

“This is like, what, our first dinner together after you’ve been back for weeks?”

“Yeah. You know what, I realized I’ve hardly spent any time with the others since I got back.”

I raised my eyebrows at him, wiping chopsticks down before handing one pair to him. “Maybe that would change if you—I don’t know—actually came to school.”

“No, not that.” He waved his chopsticks, dismissing my pointed remark. “Even in school, I hardly get to talk to people like Taemin, Jinri, Soojung….I think the only time I actually talked to Soojung for more than five minutes the past few weeks was before the party? She’s always with or talking about—”

“Minho oppa?” I finished for him knowingly.

“Exactly. It’s disgusting.”

“It’s adorable and I’m happy for her, but it’s kind of gross how in love she is.”

“Well,” he ruffled his hair, grinning wryly. “Minho hyung is crazy about her too.”

I laughed out loud at that. “He has a picture of her as his phone's background and you can even see, like, honey coming out of his eyes when he talks about her.”

“Soojung is just as bad, honestly.” Sehun shuddered delicately. “Who would have imagined the great Jung Soojung falling so far.”

“She really, really likes him.”

“Yeah, I kind of noticed. It’s hard not to, actually.”

The ahjumma approached, laden with the meat and more dishes. We waited for her to finish setting the meat out before thanking her. As she left, I started picking at the kimchi and Sehun started to lay out the strips of meat on the grill. It was a familiar set up to fall back into, a well-oiled routine that we had perfected with much practice.

“Soojung didn't tell you about it when you guys talked, when you were in China?”

“She did mention they were together, but I never knew it was this serious.”

 “Hmm.” I shredded the kimchi on my plate methodically into thin strips, pursing my lips thoughtfully. “I don't know....I always had the feeling that she wanted it to seem less serious than it was for a really long time.”

“Why?” He paused. “In case it didn't work out in the end?”

“That, and….well, I guess because she was just being kind of careful after—”

“Jongin?”

“It was hard on her when they broke up.”

Sehun squinted at me, flipping a strip of pork over. “Did he—?”

“Break her heart?” My lips twisted wryly. “Depends on how you look at it. She broke up with him.”

Sehun's eyebrows drew together in obvious confusion as he heaped cooked meat on my plate. “Careful, it’s hot—you mean Soojung liked him but broke things off anyway?”  

"Jongin genuinely cared at the start, but after awhile...." I shook my head helplessly. "He tried, but his heart just wasn't in it anymore."

"And Soojung realized it and her pride was hurt," Sehun surmised accurately. "So even though she still liked him, she broke up with him."

“Jung Soojung,” I sighed, as if that was all the explanation he needed. In many ways, it was. Soojung was just like that. Soojung was just that—was just Soojung. 

“Wow,” Sehun muttered, shaking his head. “Soojung's pride is really no joke."

“My mom used to tell me I should never date a boy who didn’t like me more than I liked him.” My mother had told me a lot of things back when she wasn’t sick. Depressed. Crazy. Things had been so different then. I shrugged, picking up some pork. “Maybe Soojung thought the same way.”

“Your mother was always a smart woman. Soojung too,” Sehun nodded in agreement before his face turned serious and he pointed the metal tongs at me sternly. “Don’t even consider a guy who doesn’t like you as much as you like him. Too much heartache.”

I didn’t say anything for a moment too long, and his eyes softened, liquid and knowing. They were the kind of eyes that glittered with unspoken secrets, dark and bright all at the same time; they were eyes I had fantasized about waking up to in mornings and looking into for the rest of my life. I looked away, gaze falling to my plate. If I looked at Sehun any longer, I'd be lost once again. 

My mother and Soojung were smarter than I was, I thought to myself. I kept my tone casual. “Some things are worth the heartache.”

“Some things,” Sehun agreed, voice matching mine, light, flippant. There was only the briefest beat of silence.

“Well.” My voice sounded falsely cheery even to myself. “Soojung liked Jongin, but at least she wasn’t in love with him.”

“Yeah,” he laughed. “We probably wouldn’t be still be a group if that had happened, if Soojung had really been in love with Jongin.”

I laughed too, a little too shrill. “Thank God.”

Another longer, slightly uncomfortable pause.

“Speaking of Soojung, I happened to see her older sister before the party at their house.”

“Sooyeon unnie? What about her?”

“She’s even hotter than I remember,” he breathed dreamily, popping a piece of meat into his mouth as if to emphasize the point he wanted to make.

I swallowed a little too fast, choking. “Uh huh.”

“Her chest is amazing for someone that slim. Do you think it’s fake?”

I scrunched up a paper napkin and threw it at him. “Really, Sehun?”

“Just saying. Guys can’t really tell unless….you know.” Sehun held out both hands in front of him, curling his fingers inwards a few times with a smirk that made it all too clear what he was talking about.

I reached for my water, ignoring him pointedly.

Sehun raised his eyebrows at me, undeterred. “So, is it?”

“What?”

“Her chest, did she get it done?”

"Why don't you ask Soojung?"

"I don't have a death wish, thank you very much." 

I rolled my eyes at him. He waited.

“Looked real the last time I saw her," I finally muttered. 

“Daebak,” he said in awe.

I grumbled under my breath. “I always thought Miyoung unnie or Taeyeon unnie were prettier.”

“Who?”

“You know, Sooyeon’s unnie’s best friends.” He looked at me blankly. “Miyoung unnie’s the other American with a bob cut and Taeyeon unnie was the short, cute one. You know, the one who used to win all the school talent contests?”

Sehun frowned before lighting up, a grin spreading across his face. Obviously he didn’t have a problem recalling pretty or cute girls. Sehun had always been incorrigible as far as attractive females were concerned. “Oh, yeah, they were kind of cute too.”

“Miyoung unnie was really pretty,” I mused. I had looked up to her for ages back when I first met Soojung and had been introduced to her older sister, and by extension, her friends. She was always cheerful, friendly, and had the sweetest eye smile I had ever seen, prettier than Jinri’s even. But Sehun wasn’t in love with Miyoung unnie like he was in love with Jinri, so there was no carefully hidden envy or buried resentment there and I worshipped the American girl freely.

“Yeah, Miyoung and Taeyeon noona were pretty, I guess,” Sehun said offhandedly. “But Sooyeon noona was the best.”

“Beauty is subjective, I guess.”

“Nah.” His mouth stretched, curling upwards lazily in a Cheshire’s Cat smile. I could almost predict what he was going to say—  “For guys it’s all about the chest.”

He dodged the kick I sent his way and I kneed the bottom of the table instead, making the dishes rattle as my chopsticks fell off and hit the floor with a loud clang. A few other customers glanced our way.

“Sorry.” Sehun shot them a winning smile. “My girlfriend here isn’t very good at footsie yet.”

“Sehun!” I hissed, aiming another kick at him. He dodged that one too, tutting at me disapprovingly.

“Really, Arang, please.” He held up a new pair of chopsticks, waving them at me mockingly. His eyes were wicked, gleaming with laughter. “Not in public.”

I snatched the chopsticks away from him, scowling. “So, this is what you invited me out to dinner for? To make comments about people’s chests and gossip?”

“Gossip?” Sehun’s eyes twinkled at me through the smoke that rose from the grill. “Hmm. Something like that.”

“Something like that, huh.”

“Who else would get me up to speed? Jongin’s never around or glued to your side, Soojung doesn’t talk much unless it’s Minho hyung, and Jinri’s always texting that boyfriend of hers.”

“Ah, right. Him.”

We shared a long, significant look.

“I’m not one to talk, but—”

“The was shocking, wasn’t it?”

“Again, I shouldn’t be making comments on it, just.” Sehun lifted a shoulder casually. Let it drop in tandem with the corners of his mouth. “I thought she would have better taste. I mean, how do you go from me to him?”

I eyed him, amused. “You’re not the only guy Jinri ever dated, you know. Let’s just say Jinri likes….variety.”

“So the first was the best?”

I rolled my eyes so far back I was quite sure he could see the whites of my eyes.

“I don’t know, I don’t get what she sees in him but….” I shrugged, attempted to defend Jinri. “Maybe she’s in love?”

“Jinri, in love?” Sehun scoffed. “No, wait. Jinri, in love with anyone other than herself? That would be the day.”

“You dated her too,” I reminded him.

“I know. I don’t regret it, just that—” Sehun broke off and sighed. “Never mind.”

“Not over her?”

“I am,” he said too quickly. Then, “Well, you’ll always have a special soft spot for your first love and all that, you know.”

I laughed quietly to myself. I knew all too well. I took a long drink of water before carefully setting my cup down and shook my head, returning to our initial topic. “Jinri’s crazy about him, but….”

“But?” he prodded.

“It just gives me a bad feeling,” I admitted. “She’s not even legal, and she’s dating a guy already in his thirties.”

“How did they meet?”

I grimaced here. “At a club.”

“Oh. Wow. How did Jinri even get into a club?”

“I bet even you have gone clubbing.”

Sehun waved the comment away impatiently. “It’s different in Beijing.”

I shrugged pointedly. “She’s pretty. I reckon pretty girls are always good for clubs.”

He nibbled on the end of his chopsticks. “Her parents?”

“Obviously they don’t know. Well.” I paused to laugh quietly to myself. “Maybe even if they find out, they wouldn’t be able to do anything. You know Jinri.”

Sehun hid a smile. Of course he did. Almost better than anyone else, except maybe Soojung. He spun his spoon in between his fingers, lips pursed. It was a habit we shared, fiddling with our hands when we were nervous or thinking. But what came out of his mouth right after made me question if he even had a thought process at all. “Did she sleep with him?”

“What on earth makes you think I would know? And—” I held up a finger, silencing him just as he opened his mouth to speak, “I certainly don’t want to.”

“Do you think she did?”

“Why are you so curious about Jinri’s life?”

“I mean.” Sehun shrugged. “Jinri’s one for making bad decisions, isn’t she?”

“You were the first,” I joked.

He rolled his eyes at me even as he grinned. “Oh, screw off.”

I laughed, raising my hands, waving a metaphorical white flag. He was still laughing even as he made himself a wrap.

“I sure hope she doesn’t get herself into anything stupid,” Sehun muttered barely a minute later, his mouth still full. “Can you imagine if Jinri gets pregnant with an old guy?”

The tone of his voice made me look up, eyes narrowing. Something dark and ugly twisted inside my gut, stirring awake after years of lying dormant.

“Worry about yourself, not Jinri.” It came out too sharp, edged with bitterness and envy, and I tried to soften my voice. I swallowed the familiar jealousy, forcing it down where it settled sour and persistent in my stomach even as I faked a light laugh. “She’ll be fine. Jinri’s always fine, no matter what.”

It was true. Jinri was the kind of person who seemed blessed by Fate, with a propensity for foolish decisions to balance it out. She was unbelievably beautiful, with height and looks and a lovely smile and heaps of charm, but also a glaring lack of common sense and a tendency to make questionable decisions that stemmed from being sheltered most of her life by people who felt a need to protect her. But she could get away scot free with anything because she was Jinri—lovely, guileless Choi Jinri. Yes, Jinri would be just fine, no matter what.

Sehun let the matter drop despite seeming unconvinced. I dug into my rice, keeping my eyes on the grain of the wooden table.

“So, what’s going on with everyone else?”

Seh