Taeyang, freshly showered, stood before the full-size mirror in his and Daesung’s room, wearing only a white bath towel loosely tied around his waist.

“Mmm hmm,” he hummed, as he studied the reflection of his half- body. “Yep, yep, yep. I’m the .” He smiled, the dimples deepening in his cheeks as he ran his hands down his wet chest, feeling the hardness of his pecs. “Cause I’m T to the A to the Eee…” he said, in sort of a sing-songy rap as his hands then bounced down his six-pack abs, stopping just below his belly button. “Y to the A N G,” he said. “Hot!”

Daesung, who was lying on his bed, mindlessly scrolling through some websites on his tablet, looked over at Taeyang. “Hyung, are you like… in love with yourself or something?”

Taeyang glanced back at Daesung, seemingly not embarrassed that he had been caught talking to himself. “Tell me the truth, Daesungie. If you were a woman, you couldn’t say no to this body, right?” He turned around and puffed out his chest to show off his physique.

“Erm…” Daesung didn’t know how to answer. “I guess… no?”

Taeyang smiled and bit his lip, his dimples deeper than ever. “That’s right. ‘Cause I look damn good.”

Daesung shook his head and turned his attention back to his tablet.

Taeyang, meanwhile, continued checking himself out in the mirror, his hands now gliding over the trail of hair that led from his belly button down to his… “Master Spike is totally getting some today,” Taeyang said. “No doubt.”

“Master Spike?” Daesung asked, looking up from his tablet once more.

If Taeyang wasn’t embarrassed before, he was a bit now. He blushed and kind of shrugged.

“You named your… your thing… Master Spike?” Daesung asked, astounded.

“Yeah, you know…” Taeyang mumbled, trying to be cool despite his embarrassment. “Don’t you have a name for yours?”

“What? Of course not!”

“Oh, come on,” Taeyang said. “Every guy names his… thing.”

Daesung quickly hid his face in his hands. “Yah, stop!”

“Ah ha!” Taeyang said. “You totally named it, didn’t you? What is it? Tell me!”

“No!” Daesung yelled, as he held his hands even more tightly against his face.

Taeyang leapt onto Daesung’s bed and began bouncing up and down. “Just tell me!” he yelled. “Come on, Daesungie! You know mine! It’s only fair that I know yours!”

Daesung slowly lowered his hands from his face. “You won’t tell anyone?” he quietly asked.

Taeyang stopped bouncing and calmly held his hand to his chest. “I swear on my life,” he said.

Daesung bit down his lip, trying to control his embarrassment. “Mr. Turtle,” he said.

“What? Mr. Turtle?”

Daesung nodded.

“But… why?”

Daesung shrugged. “Because… I don’t know… it’s cute. And it peeks out. Like a turtle.”

Taeyang couldn’t hold it in any longer. He burst out laughing, falling to his side on the bed. “Oh my god, oh my god,” he said, gasping between laughs. “Mr. Turtle!”

Daesung grabbed his pillow and began whacking Taeyang with it. “Stop laughing!” he said.

Taeyang, still chuckling, sat back up and tried to be serious. “Daesung, you need to give it a man name. Not some cute name. You need, like… a powerful name.”

Daesung pouted. “But I like its name.”

“Yeah, but Daesung, what girl wants to have with… Mr. Turtle? Now, Master Spike, on the other hand, that’s something women want. And I’m totally getting some today.”

“From who?” Daesung asked. He couldn’t imagine any of the 2NE1 girls falling for Taeyang’s charms. They knew his game too well.

“From one of the alien chicks we’re going to meet today,” Taeyang said.

They had been scheduled to stop at the Splaarsh planet, otherwise known as the Slimeball, the previous night for the first concert of their tour; however, due to their run-in with the SM Starship and due to Captainbot’s malfunction, they ended up missing the concert. As a means of making things right with the Splaartians, Hyun Suk had arranged for Big Bang and 2ne1 to stop at the planet today, where they would have a private dinner with a group of fans.

“You’re talking about the Splaartian VIPs?” Daesung asked. “You can’t have with them! They’re our fans!”

“Who said we can’t have with fans?” Taeyang asked.

“Well, erm… no one, but… it’s just not right,” Daesung said.

“How is it not right?” Taeyang asked. “That’s what the fans want! Our bodies!” He hopped off the bed and walked back over to the mirror, staring at Daesung now through the reflection as he hastily styled his wet hair. “I just want my fans to be happy,” he said, coyly smiling. “Like, really happy. So happy they won’t stop smiling for days.” He turned to wink at Daesung then. “And who knows? Maybe Mr. Turtle will get some, too!”

As the YG Starship penetrated Splaarsh’s glowing, neon green atmosphere, the Big Bang boys and 2NE1 girls began making their way down to the docking bay, excited about this first stop at an alien planet.

“Wait!” G-Dragon suddenly called out, holding his arm out to stop the others from entering the docking bay. “Did anyone get rid of that poop puppy?”

“Oh my god, seriously?” CL asked, as she looked at the others. “No one got rid of that thing yet?”

“It’s probably dead by now,” Seungri said. “I mean, it can’t just live in the docking bay with no food or water, right?”

“Erm…” Bom mumbled.

Everyone turned and stared at Bom.

“You’re not feeding it, are you?” G-Dragon asked her.

Bom pouted. “Well, I couldn’t just let it starve to death!”

“Great,” G-Dragon said, shaking his head. “When was the last time you fed it?”

“What does that matter?” Bom asked.

“Because I want to know if we’re going to get pooped on or not!” G-Dragon yelled.

“We can just make a run for it,” Daesung said.

At that moment, they felt the ship set down on the planet’s surface and could hear the door inside the docking bay open, followed by the ramp unfolding out.

“So, we’re just going to run?” Minzy asked.

“On the count of three?” T.O.P. asked, looking at everyone.

The others nodded, and upon T.O.P.’s signal, they opened the door and sprinted through the poop-stained docking bay. Fortunately, the poop puppy was napping, but they continued running anyway, not stopping until they were outside, where they then struggled not to slip on the slime trails that covered the planet’s surface.

“What… what is this?” G-Dragon asked, as he looked down at the white gooey slime they had all just stepped foot in.

Dara held onto G-Dragon’s hand to keep from slipping upon the goo and then looked up at her surroundings, seeing that the airfield they had landed in was in the outskirts of what appeared to be a Romanesque city just ahead, with white stone buildings that were capped with dome roofs and straddled between large decorative columns extending up into the neon green sky. Dara was about to express her awe at the sight, but then she saw two Splaartians approach and was rendered speechless.

“Welcome,” one of the Splaartians said, as she slithered forward on one slimy limb like a snail, leaving behind a trail of goo. From the waist up, however, she looked quite human… and quite , with her enormous s exposed and bouncing against her chest. “We proud YG stans. We welcome you. We love you.”

Dara immediately covered G-Dragon’s eyes. “Don’t even think about it,” she whispered.

Daesung looked over at Taeyang, trying to read his expression to see if the playboy had been turned off in any way by the fact that these alien creatures were slimy and snail-like from the waist down, but Taeyang’s eyes were glued to the Splaartian’s s.

“Nice to meet you,” Seungri said, as he stepped forward to greet them, but he only managed one step before slipping on one of the slime trails and landing in a deep puddle of the milky white substance. His entire body was submerged for a moment before he came up, completely covered in goo and gasping for air.

The two Splaartians immediately began giggling to themselves and ogling Seungri. “You look Splaartian now!” one of them said. “y Seungri,” the other said.

Taeyang jealously watched as the Splaartians both helped the gooey Seungri up and then practically cradled the maknae against their bosoms. For a minute, Taeyang thought that perhaps he should purposely fall into a puddle so as to receive the same treatment, but he quickly decided against this, thinking that it would be too obvious.

The two Splaartians continued to dote on Seungri while leading everyone to the vehicle that would take them into the city for dinner. Seungri was red-faced but loving the attention. Taeyang, meanwhile, kept thinking of possible ways to steal that attention.

The idols were driven through the slime-covered Romanesque city under that great neon green sky, soon arriving at the restaurant, where a handful of VIPs and Blackjacks waited. As soon as the doors to the private dining room opened and the idols walked in, the Splaartian fans all cried out in their excitement.

“Omo! Wow! Daebak!”

There was only one male fan there. Like the female Splaartians, he was also topless, his chest quite muscular. He quickly ran a hand through his hair and then slithered over to Bom. “I dream you,” he said. “I dream you at night. Every night. Only you.”

Bom blushed. Before she had a chance to reply, however, T.O.P. suddenly stepped between them. It was almost like he acted without thinking, not understanding why his body felt compelled to block Bom from her male admirer. For a moment, he thought it might be jealousy, but he quickly dismissed this thought and attributed it instead to his overprotective nature.

The male fan, seeing T.O.P. cut in, immediately smiled and pulled out his autograph pad for him to sign. “You go bare in Tazza movie,” the alien said. “Splaartians like topless T.O.P.”

At that moment, what had been a relatively steady level of excitement suddenly came to a roar, full of giddy screams and laughter as the fans spotted Seungri, who was still covered in slime.

“Aigoo!” they yelled. “Seungri must be fan of Splaarsh! Seungri my bias now!”

Taeyang rolled his eyes at this, knowing that Seungri had fallen into the puddle accidentally rather than as some tribute to the planet. Just that clumsy fool’s luck, Taeyang thought.

Fortunately for Taeyang, the excitement around Seungri was interrupted then, as the two Splaartians who had met the idols at the airfield were now directing everyone to the long dining table for what would be a traditional Splaartian dinner.

In the confusion of everyone finding a place to sit, Dara realized that she had lost G-Dragon, who had already found a seat between two of the fans. Both fans had s so large that the edge of the table in front of them essentially served as rests. G-Dragon couldn’t help himself. He stared down at the s that had been plopped down on the table at both sides of him, not even realizing that he was tonguing his lips while staring. Dara watched jealously.

Further down the table, Seungri was also situated between two female fans, both of whom were turned in their seats toward him, brushing back his slime-covered hair and pinching his slime-covered cheeks. “Omo! Slimy Seungri so y!”

Taeyang sat across from them, trying hard, unlike Dara, to hide his jealousy.

The double-doors to the kitchen behind them were pushed open at that moment as the waiters brought out the first course, which appeared to be an ice cream cone, only instead of ice cream, each cone held a medium-sized egg.

CL knew more about the alien worlds that they would be visiting on this tour than anyone else, having studied them back on Earth in preparation for the trip; however, her research of Splaarsh was limited to the language. She hadn’t known, for instance, what the Splaartians looked like, and she certainly had no idea what this egg cone was about. But she did know the language and so she decided to try to ask about this food now… in their alien tongue. “Splickadick spit spit spit canoodle splack?” she asked.

All of the fans at the table turned to look at her with confused expressions. “Spit spit spit?” they asked. And then, as if all realizing at once, they nodded. “You spit!” one yelled. “You no say spit. You spit!” The fan then spat three times on the table to demonstrate this.

“Oh!” CL grew red-faced. Her textbook hadn’t made clear that she was supposed to actually spit rather than just say the word spit. Too embarrassed to ask again about the food, she instead stared at the egg in the cone curiously.

Daesung was also staring at the food. Everyone else was holding their cone at the table but no one had yet attempted to eat it, not even the aliens. Daesung was waiting for them to make the first move so that he could observe the proper way of eating it, but his stomach was rumbling and he soon grew tired of waiting. Anxious to eat, he picked up one of the forks beside his plate and tapped the edge of it against the hard shell of the egg.

The fans all whipped their heads toward Daesung, their eyes wide. “No!”

Daesung froze with that cone in one hand and the fork in the other.

“Don’t do that!” one of the fans said. “You scare them.”

Daesung was more confused than ever. Scare… them? He had no idea what they were talking about… but then he found out.

Everyone’s egg began slowly cracking with these tiny holes appearing, as if something inside was trying to break out. And then, out of those holes, hundreds of insects – what looked like little green spiders – began pouring out and running circles around the exterior of the shell. The aliens immediately began lapping up the insects with their tongues, around the egg as if it was, in fact, an ice cream cone. The idols, contrarily, all instinctually threw their cones down, disgusted by what they now realized was supposed to be their food… all except for Taeyang, who still held the cone in his hand, watching the bugs run laps around the egg.

The fans continued furiously, all smiling and delighted to catch as many insects as they could, but they soon noticed that the idols were not enjoying this meal. “You no like?” As they looked around, they noticed then that Taeyang had not yet given up on the cone. The two fans that were sitting on either side of Seungri stopped paying attention to the maknae now, focusing instead on Taeyang. “Try! Try!” they said, encouraging him to eat.

Taeyang smiled, his dimples deep in his cheeks. He knew what he had to do. He looked across the table at those two fans, flashing them his iest eyes as he stuck out his tongue as far as it would go and then rolled it around the insect-covered egg shell, collecting a tongue full of those tiny creatures in one smooth .

“Ooh!” the fans said, biting their lips as they watched him. “You like?”

Taeyang swallowed hard, trying not to think about what he was eating as he continued staring at the girls across the table. “Oh yes,” he said. “I like.” He again, and again, his long tongue sensually encircling the egg.

“Ooh! Omo!” The girls giggled, their eyes lustfully watching Taeyang, who and until there was nothing left but a hollow egg sitting in that cone. Afterward, the girls and Taeyang exchanged what could only be described as obvious flirtatious glances, which made the other idols at the table feel somewhat awkward.

“Erm, sorry for not eating,” Minzy said, trying to break the awkwardness while also trying to cover for their rude behavior. She stared down at the cone on her plate. “We’re just not used to this food.”

Everyone began casually engaging in conversation about the food then, trying to ignore the ual energy still being exchanged between Taeyang and those two girls.

The two girls, however, interrupted this conversation as they suddenly stood from the table. “We go to restroom,” one of them said, as she flashed Taeyang a wink. They slithered out of the room, full of giggles as they continually glanced back at Taeyang, seeing if he was going to follow their slime trails.

Taeyang leaned back in his seat and patted his belly. “Well, I’m stuffed,” he said. “I, erm, think I’ll go for a walk to digest.”

The 2NE1 girls rolled their eyes.

T.O.P., embarrassed at how obvious the scene was, hid his face in his hands.

Daesung watched Taeyang chase after the two girls, confused as to how his roommate could so eagerly engage in with aliens. Wasn’t Taeyang concerned about space STDs? Was that even a thing? Daesung didn’t know. For the next few minutes, he sat at that table only half-listening to the conversation happening around him, his mind too focused on Taeyang. At one point, he heard the conversation veer toward the 2NE1 girls, with the fans asking the girls if they would go topless as a sign of acclimating to Splaartian culture, which caught Daesung’s attention for a moment, if only because of the sheer absurdity of the suggestion. The girls, of course, declined, and Daesung’s thoughts then drifted away from the table again to what he imagined was happening between Taeyang and the aliens. Too curious to ignore it any longer, he stood from the table, excusing himself. “I’m just going to see if everything’s okay,” he mumbled.

The slime trails led to the restroom door. Daesung knocked but no one answered. He then pressed his ear to the door, hoping to listen in, but that slight weight against the door ended up pushing it open and he nearly fell inside the room then. As soon as he caught his balance, he was instantly sprayed with a splash of slime. He quickly wiped his eyes, trying to see, and then just as quickly wished he couldn’t see… because what he saw was Taeyang, completely , in some sort of slimy sandwich on the floor, with him straddled between the two girls as slime continued to spray out from unknown parts of the aliens’ bodies, splattering everything around them with that milky goo.

Daesung stepped back, horrified at what he was witnessing. But before he could even think about leaving, one of the girls noticed Daesung and swung her snail limb out to him, curling it around his legs. His hit the floor, his body sliding across that slippery surface as the girl reeled him into the .

Taeyang saw what was happening and smiled. “Mr. Turtle’s going to get some, too!” he said. “Woohoo!”

Daesung tried to crawl away but his hands couldn’t get a grip on the slippery floor. “Yah, stop!” he yelled, as he tried to untangle himself from the girl’s slimy limb.

“Me want D-Lite!” the girl yelled.

“No!” Daesung yelled. “I’m… I’m… I’m a !”

Taeyang suddenly stopped, frozen, as he stared at Daesung. “You’re… what? Are you saying that, erm, Mr. Turtle… has never come out of his shell?”

Daesung sat panting on the bathroom floor, finally untangled from the slimy mess but now embarrassed by his rash confession. Unable to make eye contact with Taeyang, he looked aimlessly off to the side. “He comes out… just… never with a girl before.” Feeling even more embarrassed now and wanting only to run out of there, he quickly gripped onto the nearby sink to pull himself up and then shimmied over to the door, which he then yanked open.

Standing just outside the restroom was Seungri, who took one look into the room as Daesung scurried out, seeing the slimy ness on the floor, and then grabbed his shirt, as if about to rip it off and join in on the fun.

“Nope, not gonna happen, Seungri-yah,” Taeyang said.

“But… but…” Seungri pouted as the door swung back shut.