Everyone was down on the second floor in the dark theater room, all squished together on the couches that were haphazardly arranged in front of the mini movie screen, watching Titanic.

“Chaerinni?” Seungri asked, nudging her as he gestured toward the screen. “Do you think that’s really an old lady or just a normal-aged lady with old lady makeup on?”

CL was squeezing out the excess water from her wet hair, happy to be clean again after the poop incident but still quite annoyed and angry at what had happened. She rolled her eyes at Seungri. “Are you going to talk through the whole movie? It’s only been on for ten minutes and I swear you’ve talked nonstop.”

“Yeah seriously, Seungri,” Daesung said. “Some of us actually want to watch it.”

“You actually want to watch this, Daesunggie?” G-Dragon asked. “We put this on to cheer the girls up. It’s a girl movie!”

“It’s not a girl movie,” Daesung quietly said.

“Eh, I don’t know, Daesunggie,” Taeyang said, shaking his head. “Think I have to agree with Jiyong on this one.”

“But it has all these action sequences!” Daesung said. “Especially at the end when the ship is like straight up in the ocean with all those people falling off and hitting those propellers and… and drowning!”

Seungri’s mouth fell open. “Why’d you go and ruin the end for me, hyung?!”

Everyone stared at Seungri.

“Are you serious, maknae?” G-Dragon asked. “You didn’t know how Titanic ends?”

“I’ve never seen the end!” Seungri yelled.

Dara shook her head at him. “Yeah, but it’s Titanic! You know this happened in real life, right?”

“Yeah, erm…” Seungri mumbled.

“Seungri!” CL yelled. "It’s the damn Titanic! It sinks! That shouldn’t be a surprise!”

Seungri began feeling defensive. “Well, if everyone already knows the end before they see it, then why do they see it?”

Minzy’s star phone vibrated inside her pocket at that moment. She stealthily pulled it out and read the incoming chat message.

ShyDancer94: Hi Minzy. This is Kai.

Minzy glanced up at the others crowded in that dark room to make sure that their attention was elsewhere, and then began quickly texting back.

GongGongPow: Oppa? How did u get my star chat number?

ShyDancer94: It wasn’t easy kekeke. Had to ask around. Is that ok?

Minzy smiled. Perhaps Bom was wrong about Kai being gay, she thought. Maybe he was actually into girls… and maybe one girl in particular. Why else would he have gone through some trouble to get her number?

ShyDancer94: Just wanted you to know that I didn’t know about Stinky.

GongGongPow: Stinky?

ShyDancer94: The dog. I had nothing to do with that. I love dogs. I would’ve never let them do that if I knew.

GongGongPow: You wouldn’t have loved this one. Trust me.

As Minzy continued to chat with Kai, the others continued chiding Seungri.

“Those who don’t know the past are doomed to repeat it,” T.O.P. said.

“That’s stupid,” Seungri said.

T.O.P. arched his eyebrow at him.

Seungri folded his arms across his chest. “You’re saying that just because I didn’t know the Titanic sank in real life that… that what? That I’m going to cause a real ship to sink?”

“Maybe,” T.O.P. said. “Or maybe not literally. What I’m saying is that we learn from past mistakes.”

Just then, the door was yanked open, that dark theater room now filled with blinding light from the open doorway. Everyone stared at the silhouette of a robot standing in the entrance, not recognizing it as the captainbot until their eyes adjusted to the light and they caught sight of its black eyepatch.

“System.In.Distress.System.In.Distress,” it said, as it raised its arms and began wielding them wildly.

Bom reached for the remote and paused the movie as the captainbot moved throughout the room chaotically, its head rotating completely around like a spinning top as its arms continued to flap about.

“Distress.Distress,” it said, as it circled the room like a cyclone and then exited just as quickly as it had entered.

Everyone sat in the aftermath of the captainbot’s strange behavior, staring at the now closed door in silence.

Seungri suddenly shrugged and resumed the conversation as if nothing had happened. “Who said I don’t learn from past mistakes? You don’t think I learned anything from my scandals?”

T.O.P. ignored Seungri and glanced around at the others, wondering if anyone was going to bring up how strangely the captainbot had just acted.

“And anyway,” Seungri continued. “It’s not like I need to know about ships sinking. We’re in space! Ships don’t sink in space!”

T.O.P. rolled his eyes at Seungri, effectively ending that conversation, and then turned to look at G-Dragon. “Did you turn Captainbot back on the right way, Jiyong?”

G-Dragon scoffed. “There’s an On button and there’s an Off button, hyung. Don’t think I can screw that up.”

“I’ll go check on it,” CL said.

“I’ll come with you,” Dara said, quickly following CL out of the dark theater room and into the brightly lit game room just outside. They soon saw the captainbot sitting at the bar at the far end of the game room, slinging down beers.

“What are you doing, Captainbot?” Dara asked. “You can’t drink! You’ll… you’ll get electrocuted! Erm, probably.”

The captainbot spun around on the stool to face them. “What.Is.Captainbot,” it asked. A wisp of smoke was seeping out of the joints that connected its white plastic helmet-like head to its torso. “System.Dis-dis-dis-dis-dis…”

“Distress?” Dara asked. “Well, beer won’t help!” She rushed to its side and grabbed the bottle from its hand. “Now you just relax and tell me what’s wrong,” she said, as she patted the robot on the back.

“Don’t treat Captainbot like a baby, unni,” CL said.

“I’m not! I’m just trying to be nice.”

CL approached the robot then. “Why aren’t you on the bridge?” she asked.

“What.Is.Bridge,” it asked.

“Oh ,” CL said. “Jiyong must’ve rebooted it or something.”

“Then it is a baby in a way,” Dara said, smiling. “It’s like a newborn that doesn’t know anything.”

CL bit her lip, not knowing what to do.

“Oh my god, we can teach it things!” Dara said.

“I think we should call Papa YG,” CL said.

“What? No way! If we do that, he’ll just ask how it happened and then we’ll have to explain how Jiyong took over as captain. I don’t want him to get in trouble.”

“Bridge.As.In.Overpass.Structure,” the captainbot suddenly said, as if jogging its memory. “Bridge.As.In.Dental.Contraption.”

“Oh my god, so cute,” Dara said, biting her lip as she began thinking about all the possible uses she could have for a new robot friend. “I’m going to call it Babybot,” she said, as she grabbed its hand and began leading it out of the game room.

“Where are you going?” CL asked.

Dara shrugged. “I don’t know. To teach it things.”

CL shook her head and returned to the theater room, where the others had resumed the movie.

“Everything okay with Captainbot?” T.O.P. asked, glancing over at CL in the doorway.

“Erm, no,” CL said. “Its mind is blank.”

“What?” Bom asked.

Minzy looked up from her phone. “What do you mean its mind is blank?” she asked.

“It just doesn’t know anything. It didn’t even know its name.”

“What the hell did you do to it, Jiyong?” T.O.P. asked.

“I didn’t do anything!” G-Dragon yelled. “I just pressed the damn On button!”

“Erm, hyung?” Seungri asked, looking at T.O.P. “I have a theory.”

“No one wants to hear your theory, maknae,” G-Dragon said.

“No, seriously, I think I know what’s wrong. When it came in here before, its head was spinning around like the Exorcist girl.”

“Yeah, so?”

“So maybe that’s why it’s messed up. Maybe we just have to spin its head back the other way around.”

Everyone stared at Seungri.

“Something is really wrong with you, Seungri-yah,” Daesung said.

Suddenly, G-Dragon’s star phone began blaring out the chorus of Red Velvet’s Happiness. La-la La-la-la La-la-la La-la Happiness!  “Oh no,” he mumbled.

“Why’s your phone playing Happiness?” Taeyang asked.

“That’s my ringtone for Papa YG,” G-Dragon said.

“Happiness?” Taeyang asked.

“Yeah, you know how the boss is,” G-Dragon said, smirking. “Just a sweet bundle of joy.”

“Yeah, right,” Taeyang said, laughing.

“You have a separate ringtone for each person?” Bom asked.

“What’s your ringtone for me, hyung?” Seungri asked.

“You don’t want to know,” G-Dragon said.

“What? Now you have to tell me, hyung!”

“I don’t have to do anything,” G-Dragon said, as he stared at his phone. “Great, now I missed his call.” He pressed the button for his voicemail and held it to his ear but then quickly pulled it away when he heard Hyun Suk’s screaming message.

“What’s he saying?” Taeyang asked.

“He’s yelling about something,” G-Dragon said, as he continued to listen. “Looks like he knows we left the highway… and… I guess we’re way off course now?” He listened to the rest of the message and then put his phone away. “Erm, we’re in trouble,” he said. “For some reason, when we ditched the SM Starship on the highway, we just kept going farther out into space. So, erm, we’re probably going to miss our first tour stop now.”

“For some reason?” T.O.P. asked, sarcastically repeating G-Dragon’s words. “You know exactly what that reason is, Jiyong! You screwed up Captainbot and now no one is in control of the ship!”

G-Dragon stared at T.O.P. “I’m going to switch ringtones and make Happiness yours, hyung. You’re an even bigger bundle of joy than Papa YG.”

T.O.P. folded his arms across his chest and looked away. “Whatever.”

“Where did Captainbot go, unni?” Minzy asked, looking over at CL.

“With Dara somewhere.” CL suddenly began worrying as to what exactly Dara was up to. “Maybe we should go check on them.”

“What about the movie?” Daesung asked, pouting as he stared at the paused screen, which showed a close-up of the old lady’s face just as she was about to recall her memories of the Titanic. “Can’t we just have one normal day when we can just sit down and watch a movie like normal people?”

“We’re not normal people though,” Seungri said.

“You’re the only one who’s not normal, maknae,” G-Dragon said. “You suggested spinning Captainbot’s head around to fix it!”

Seungri shrugged. “Who knows? Maybe it would work!”

Everyone laughed at Seungri and then headed out of the game room and into the elevator pod. CL thought that Dara might have gone back to their shared bedroom, so they traveled up to the fourth floor in search of her.

When they arrived, G-Dragon suddenly blocked Seungri from exiting the elevator. “You’re not coming with us,” he said. “I’m giving you a job.”

“A job? What job?”

“If we find Captainbot, we’re going to have to figure out how to fix it, so you need to go find a manual or something.”

“Where the heck am I going to find that?” Seungri asked.

“That’s not my problem,” he said, as he pushed him back into the elevator pod. “That’s your problem now.”

“You know what about being the maknae?” Seungri quietly asked, pouting as he stood alone in the elevator while everyone else began walking down the corridor to CL and Dara’s room. “There’s no way to ever not be the maknae! It’s not like I can age faster or something!”

The others ignored Seungri and continued walking until they reached CL and Dara’s room. CL opened the door, her eyes instantly widening at what she saw inside.

Dara was sitting on her bed with Captainbot, the two facing each other. She had taken off its eyepatch, revealing the eye that had gone black ever since Daesung had short-circuited it with that flying bowl of ramen, and was now in the process of painting a red dot on the broken eye with nail polish.

“What the hell are you doing to it?” CL asked.

“I’m giving it an eye,” she said, as she carefully dabbed the tip of the nail polish brush to create a fake red pupil, trying to match it to the other one.

“Why is it wearing a dress?” G-Dragon asked. “And what’s with the hair?”

Earlier, Dara had gone through CL’s things, finding a red satin gown that she dressed Captainbot in and some blonde hair extensions that she attached to its head, making it look like a girl.

Dara leaned over to whisper at Captainbot while pointing to G-Dragon. “Just ignore him, Babybot. That’s the boy I was telling you about.”

Captainbot turned to look at G-Dragon. “Jiyong.Should.Appreciate.Dara.”

“What the hell?” G-Dragon asked, as he looked at Dara accusingly. “What did you do… train it? And why are you calling it Babybot?”

The Captainbot continued repeating what Dara had taught him. “Jiyong.Should.Not.Look.At.Other.Girls. Jiyong.Needs.To.Grow.Up. Jiyong.Has.Kiwi.–”

“Enough already!” G-Dragon yelled. He shook his head at Dara. “Do you realize no one is flying this ship right now? We’re just heading aimlessly off track. And you’re here turning Captainbot into… a y girl?”

“Babybot’s not y,” Dara said, as she now began applying the red nail polish to Captainbot’s mouth like lipstick. “She’s just speaking the truth.”

“She?” CL asked. “SHE?”

“I know girls,” Taeyang said, before pointing to Captainbot. “And that thing is no girl!”

“Robots don’t have genders, Dara,” T.O.P. said. “You know that.”

Suddenly, everyone caught a whiff of something foul.

“Oh my god,” Bom said, covering her nose as she turned around to face the source of the smell.

Seungri had just arrived, covered in poop. “The manual was in the docking bay!” he yelled. “You know what else is in that docking bay? Yep, that’s right. The damn poop puppy!”

“Oh , I forgot about him,” G-Dragon said. “We should really do something about that.”

Seungri shouldered his way inside the room as the others recoiled back, trying to keep their distance from him lest they get smeared by poop.

“What are you doing?” Dara asked, as Seungri approached the bed.

“I’m saving the ship!” Seungri said, as he grabbed Captainbot’s head and began screwing it on right. As he tightened it, the smoke that had been seeping out from beneath the captainbot’s white helmet-like head finally dissipated. Seungri turned to look at G-Dragon then. “What did I tell you, hyung? Didn’t I say its head was spinning around and maybe we just needed to spin it back? Hmm? Didn’t I say that?”

G-Dragon rolled his eyes.

Seungri then looked at T.O.P. with a sarcastic smile plastered across his face. “Guess I didn’t need to watch that dumb movie to save this ship, hyung!”

“That’s not what I was saying,” T.O.P. said. “Ai, forget it…”

“You feel better now, Seungri?” Taeyang asked, laughing.

“I do, actually,” Seungri said, smiling proudly. “There’s just one more thing…” He reached into his poop-filled pocket for his star phone and then swiped the screen to call G-Dragon, needing to know what ringtone his leader had personally selected for him.

G-Dragon didn’t understand what Seungri was doing, not until he suddenly heard his phone begin playing Stan by Eminem.

“Stan?” Seungri asked, as he watched G-Dragon pull his ringing phone from his pocket. “Why’d you pick that ringtone for me, hyung?”

“Because you’re my stan, maknae!”

“What?”

“Just admit it,” G-Dragon said. “You’re obsessed with me.”

“I am not!” Seungri whined. He stomped his foot a bit, mad that his proud moment only lasted two seconds before G-Dragon quickly put him in his place again.

G-Dragon smiled.