(BACKSTORY)

(34) BAEKHYUN I

Hate is a strong word. It was the only word Baekhyun knew of when he was growing up. Hatred for his mother who barely came home, and an especially strong hatred fueled glare he’d direct at his father whenever the man had his back turned.

Baekhyun hated everything. From the way their house reeked of cigarettes and smoke, to how garbage piled up all around the house, occasionally releasing a pungent odor of rotting, half-eaten microwave dinners.  It wasn’t him, either, since the only place Baekhyun really frequented was his bathroom, room, and hallway connecting the two. The other places he’d be were either at school or at a relative’s house, but that was during those special days of the year like Christmas or New Years.

If he ever got hungry, he’d have to wake in the early hours before heading off to school to swipe something from the kitchen. They’d feed him in school, though Baekhyun didn’t know how long that would last before he’d run out of money in his lunch account. It was getting hard to take money from his father when the man always spent whatever he had as fast as possible. It was the same with his mother as well.

It was different in her case, though. In her case, she was just never around.

Being born from a woman that sells herself for a quick buck, Baekhyun had learned an incredible amount about the truths of life at an extremely young age. Though, it is mostly because his father would call him a son of a , or the spawn of a , or if he got lucky, a pure mistake. His father was clear when telling him about how his mother wouldn’t stick around after he had grown up enough. Baekhyun should have known to take his word seriously a little bit earlier.

In school, his teachers weren’t much better. They’d confuse the smoky smell clinging to Baekhyun’s clothes as another sense of truancy. ‘It was my father, not me’ he’d say, but he is known to be ignored, anyway.

It was true that he’d skip school, but it was never something he’d choose to do on his own.

Sometimes, his father would throw his empty beer bottles at him when he walked into the house after returning from school, the shards embedding themselves into his skin and even getting stuck if Baekhyun didn’t look hard enough while cleaning up the cuts. Other times, Baekhyun would walk through the front door and suddenly wake up locked in his room with a large bruise on his eye. Smaller ones would scatter among the rest of the healing ones as well.

He didn’t know it was abuse at the time and just thought his father hated his life too, taking his anger out on poor Baekhyun because he was frustrated. Baekhyun understood that people got angry. He knew they had to let it out sooner or later.

When his father locked him in his room, it was impossible to escape unless Baekhyun wanted to risk breaking or spraining a bone from jumping out of the second story window. It was the same for if he was injured. His father was strict whenever he had bruises or cuts anywhere a shirt or long pants couldn't cover, so Baekhyun is forced stay at home to be beaten even more for wasting money on school and not even being able to attend.

Baekhyun didn’t understand adults. He hated them, too.

It only really began for Baekhyun once his father told him he couldn’t go to school at all. Apparently the man had better plans for Baekhyun that included going around town and stealing anything he could for his father. It was difficult at first for Baekhyun to even bring a simple six pack of beer home because of his scrawny bruised arms, but eventually he had gotten the hang of it.

When he did good, his father would lean down and ruffle his hair with his grubby hands, mouth spewing a foul smell and half hearted compliments. Other times, if Baekhyun hadn’t done what his father wanted, he’d just be sent back out to go and find what he wanted.

Baekhyun liked his life better when he wasn’t being beat and relished each time his father would send him into the outside world. Out there, his father never followed him, leaving him to be as free as he wanted. He’d roam around the local bakery until the shop owner would feel bad for the bad state he was in, tossing out a couple of stale bread chunks for him to eat. If he was really lucky, the man would actually hand little bags of cookies to him, tied up in the plastic wrapping and all.

He’d learned a lot while he was out there too, it affected his personality to this very day. Baekhyun needed to be quick witted and smart in order to steal. Some days he wouldn’t want to make contact with anyone besides his father, who he didn’t have a choice with anyways. Baekhyun would sneak around the stores or pretend to belong so some clueless couple that also walked in at the same time, slinking over to the beer aisle and yanking out the twenty four pack before making his escape. He’d actually stuck around a couple times to see what had happened after he’d gone and see those couples being interrogated because the store owners really thought they were related somehow.

Other times, Baekhyun was angry, so angry he’d want to make a scene everywhere he went. Baekhyun would run into the stores and purposely shove over the larges stack of wine he could find, not caring that the glass shards and sour smelling liquid all over the floor. It attracted a lot of attention and Baekhyun would merely give a snide smirk before chucking everything he could at the shop owners, from little rocks he picked up outside to the umbrellas that rested in the carriers by the door.

He’d whip anything that was everything around, breaking glass windows and even the security cameras while he was at it, not stopping until everyone in the vicinity was cowering and trying to take shelter. It was only then that he realized how what he was doing actually affected others. His violent streaks and foul mouth, all leading up to one conclusion.

He was becoming like his father.

Each thought that make a connection sent a strong tremor through Baekhyun’s body, to the point where he’d actually fallen to his knees after bringing back another case beer. The gravel dug through his skin, but he didn’t care. All he could think was that he was becoming like that man he hated so much.

Dragging himself back home, he’d dropped off the case of beer next to his father’s sleeping side, unaware that his careless movements had actually woken him up.

“What the - Oh, good job kid.”

That was it. Not even saying the name his father and mother gave him as a kid. Baekhyun stomped up the stairs up to his room and paused when he had gotten a whiff of perfume wafting down, the scent all too familiar as he ran up and followed it into his mother’s room.

She was there, miraculously sitting down on the bed while taking a drag of her cigarette. He didn’t know she smoked, but put that aside to run over to her with a smile on his face. No matter how much his father belittled his mother, there was always something in him that wanted to smile seeing her.

“My little Baekhyun, you’ve grown so much since the last time I’ve seen you!”

Even though Baekhyun knew the fondness in her voice was fake, it was so nice hearing someone at least try to appreciate him and treat him nicely. He buried his face into her chest and rubbed it around in the soft cotton, not caring that he could smell alcohol on his mother as well as the smoke everywhere.

She’d stood up after pressing a little kiss to the crown of his head, turning to grab a small bag from the bedside before setting off down the stairs, not turning around even as Baekhyun followed like a shadow. His father saw Baekhyun trailing behind her like a puppy and scoffed, throwing in a couple of vulgar words at her before she left.

While she was getting into her shoes, Baekhyun couldn’t help but want to ask when she’d be back. It’s been so long since he’s seen his mother, and even then, the only thing that changed about her was that she cut her hair and bleached it blonde. She still had the same wrinkles around when she smiled and had the same neon piercings lining her ears.

His mother stopped before leaving though, turning around and giving him a little smile.

“I won’t be coming back Baekhyun, but take care of your father for me, alright?” She cooed, bringing the hand with the cigarette up to his head to ruffle his hair.  

The ashes from the burning end of her cigarette dropped down into the back of Baekhyun’s shirt, but the burning pain was numbed by the fact that his mother, whom he barely got to spend any time with was leaving, for good this time.

He knew her kindness was too good to be true. The sweet gestures and purposely kissing him like what he’d imagined her doing a thousand times, it was all a final parting gift. It was maddening. That somehow, after receiving such a simple present that Baekhyun’s wanted for so long was because she was finally abandoning him.

She spun around on her heel and opened the door to leave, only turning around to give a little wave to Baekhyun before strutting off, her heels clicking against the pavement before she had gotten into a car that was parked on the side of the road. Baekhyun’s legs were too weak for him to follow, but he still tried. He tried so hard to follow her, to catch her finally, but with his hands shaking and legs like jelly, all he could do was watch as the red car drove out into the distance.

“Good riddance.” Baekhyun’s father coughed, opening a new bottle of beer up and chugging it down in one go. “Close the door on the way out, yeah? And pick up some food on your way back.”

His father didn’t care at all. That was the only reason why Baekhyun never did anything about the constant beatings he received from the man. It was because Baekhyun was born that his mother never stuck around too much, making his father upset because he loved her enough to beat his own son in rage. That was what Baekhyun told himself everyday to keep himself sane.

But that was a lie.

Storming into the living room, Baekhyun didn’t say a word as he picked up two bottles from the case of beer he had brought back for his father, chucking it his way. The glass shattered as it crashed against the dirty walls, the loud noise sending his father into a fit of rage. Baekhyun was only able to flip over the TV before his father had caught him, grabbing the boy by his shirt collar and landing a solid punch to his cheek.

It hurt, but Baekhyun was too blinded by his own anger to care. He’d reached down and pulled his father’s hand into his mouth, biting down despite how he could already feel the blood oozing from his gums. That was enough to get his father to release him, and from there Baekhyun ran.

He continued to run throughout the house and continue to kick down any glass or breakable items in sight, already having pushed off his father’s entire reserve of expensive wines he’s been saving for years now.

To think he actually helped this man was an atrocious thought.

Once everything looked broken, only then he could realize that his father was hot on his tail while he was running after him. Baekhyun was quick to rush outside and let out a ear splitting scream, continuing to scream as hard as he could as he ran down the street and away from his father.

Baekhyun was still a kid, so he didn’t get far. But being a kid meant that people were concerned by his blood curdling screams that sounded like he would die. They peeked through their windows and grew concerned as Baekhyun’s father caught up to him, grabbing him by the back of his collar and not caring anymore.

He beat Baekhyun right then and there on the street, not caring that there were people watching. Baekhyun wasn’t able to stay conscious much longer and was glad when his father stopped, or rather, was tackled down by some of the guys in the neighborhood. No matter how much of a ty place they lived in, nobody liked seeing a child get beat. Any person that did that was considered lower than scum.

That was the day that Baekhyun was saved. As his eyes began to close, he could hear the sirens in the distance, a bit glad that he finally did something about his ty life.

--

When he woke up, he found himself hooked up to a bunch of wires, the white walls almost blinding him as he shut them again. Once his head was starting to feel less dizzy, he’d looked down to see a woman sleeping by his bedside, her face hidden as she slept, only her backside was really visible.

Sleep sounded good. So that’s what Baekhyun did and his body went limp as he fell back asleep.

He woke up again hearing voices all around him. From the higher ranged voices, he figured that they were female and a picture of his mother appeared in his mind, the thought causing a tear to escape his eye.

Mother.

Baekhyun wanted to see her again, even if it was just for a little. He’d opened his eyes while hearing the voices grow louder, and instead of being met with the white walls of he saw the familiar faces.

“Oh, Baekhyun’s awake!”

The faces of these people turned blurry as they had gotten closer to the bed Baekhyun was sitting on and he couldn’t help but try to back away at suddenly being cornered.

“Baekhyun, sweetie? Do you remember us?” One of the older women asked.

“Can he really have amnesia?” One of the kids said from somewhere in the back, but he is quickly shushed by another person.

Baekhyun stared up at the woman that asked him if he remembered, knowing exactly who she was. His Aunt, or rather, his father’s sister.

“A-Aunty, I’m so sorry, I… I…”

His Aunt shook her head and pulled Baekhyun into a hug, “No, Baekhyun, I’m sorry… I should’ve been there. Because I wasn’t, you were…”

He didn’t say anything as his Aunt continued to apologize to him. He couldn’t rather, since he thought she’d be upset that he put her only brother in jail. The rest of the people were the two other sisters and their families. From what he knew, this Aunt in particular had a spouse, but he passed away a few years ago. He always thought it was unfair since she was the kindest one.

They spent another few minutes trying to get her to calm down before the other Aunties came over to give him little toys and snacks they’d snuck in, everyone trying to uplift the mood until the nurses came in and had to shoo them out. That one Aunt of Baekhyun’s had stayed behind to make sure he would be okay while the rest of the family went home for the night. Through the crowd, he wasn’t able to see his mother at all.

He’d almost forgotten that she’d left for good, nails digging into his palms as he tried his best not to shed a single tear.

And maybe his anger came with a little bit of hatred for himself.

--

Baekhyun was naturally sent to a new school once moving into a new neighborhood with his Aunt. The school was much more different from the previous one he went to, even the air around the place being so much more uplifting and bright.

It’s only natural he wouldn’t fit in. He always found ways to spite the teacher and his own classmates for being stupid and idiotic, or at least in his book they were. They all pissed him off by how fake they were. And Baekhyun couldn’t find a genuine person there until meeting a certain ferret loving geek.

How the boy cared so much for animals more than himself, Baekhyun couldn’t even comprehend. Animals barely lived for a year and yet a kid who'd been living ten times that amount was willing to run into a street to save one. Whenever Chanyeol would stop to play with little ladybugs or birds out in the courtyard, Baekhyun could see it. He could see the truth behind a kid that always got bullied and how he was just a regular kid like him.

So that’s why he became friends with Chanyeol. They laughed a lot, went over to each other’s houses like friends should. Heck, they even got in trouble together. If Chanyeol was going down, then Baekhyun would go with him just to irritate the adults and other kids.

The suspension back in school must’ve taken a toll on Chanyeol’s mental state, because he barely spoke when the two of them were being taken home that day. Chanyeol rushed his goodbye and hopped into the car, heading home while Baekhyun waited for his Aunt.

Baekhyun wasn’t aware of the fact that Chanyeol didn’t like him getting in trouble for his sake.

--

They weren’t allowed to come back to school for a mere week and Baekhyun has never been so antsy in his entire life. Chanyeol had failed to call him like he told him, but he let it go knowing that his parents were still upset about what happened. His mom and dad weren’t mad at him, though Baekhyun was able to hear them scolding Chanyeol before he had gone home that day. It was now Monday and Baekhyun arrived in class late to see Chanyeol not in the room. He walked right up to his teacher, whom of which was reading a magazine with her heels propped up against the desk.

“Where’s Chanyeol?” He demanded, unsuccessfully pulling her attention away from the shirtless men on glossy paper. “Hey lady! I asked where Chanyeol was.”

His teacher slapped her magazine against the table and leaned down over Baekhyun with a grimace. “He transferred schools, didn’t you know? Guess you two weren’t good enough friends for him to tell you.” She was enjoying the shocked look on Baekhyun’s face and leaned back in her chair with a smirk. Baekhyun was just the unlucky student that was on the top of her list.

He trudged to his seat and stared blankly at his own desk, not even phased by the cuss words that were scrawled out in pencil. It was too much to handle. His friend had left school and didn’t even bother to tell him? This had to be some kind of sick joke.

“Hope you liked our present.” Baekhyun glared up at Jungmin who tapped his power ranger’s pencil on the boy’s desk. Only now did he see the gray scratches and looked up to see the teacher ignoring them once again to read her magazine.

Baekhyun didn’t even need to reply and took the boy’s pencil right from his hand, snapping the red writing utensil in two and tossing it in the trash. Jungmin was too surprised to retaliate and opted on telling the teacher, and she was glad to send Baekhyun to the principal’s office. He didn’t care though. Not about breaking the boy’s pencil or even that his Aunt would be called again. All he could feel was the bitter ache in his chest because Chanyeol was gone.

And he didn’t even bother to hold back his tears on the way there.

--

As expected, breaking a pencil in half is not a big deal at all. The principal sighs at the situation with a little groan, back-talks his teacher, and shoos her off back to class. Baekhyun is left sitting in front of the desk, hands clenching the sides of the chair, seething.

“This is very unnecessary,” The principal mutters, putting aside some of his paperwork as he punches a few numbers into the phone. “I’ll still have to call your Aunt, unfortunately. You’re not in any real trouble, though.”

Baekhyun grits his teeth while the principal talks. It’s not a long conversation, and within a few minutes, there is silence again.

“Would you at least mind telling me why?”

Baekhyun sniffs. “Because he’s an idiot.” The principal lets out a chuckle, somewhat amused.

“Look, I know Jungmin can be pretty clueless up there, but that doesn’t mean you can just-”

“Not him!” Baekhyun roars, stomping his foot once onto the ground. “I’m talking about Park Chanyeol! He’s the idiot!” And at this, the principal’s expression softens, but also somewhat darkens.

Leaning back in his chair, the principal bites his lip. “Park Chanyeol… As you know, was one of our special kids. Sweet, innocent boy. People just never gave him the chance.” He leans forward now. “Until you came along… I swear, a delinquent student like you getting along with a slow boy like him? It’s unheard of.”

“I don’t care about him anymore,” Baekhyun grunts, angrily sitting back down. “He left. He doesn’t need me anymore. He’ll forget about me sooner or later, anyway.”

The principal smiles. “I was astounded, if you were wondering. Because of you, I could tell that Chanyeol felt true happiness, even if he had always faked it before.”

It’s quiet again, but Baekhyun’s lower lip quivers. He brings his forearm up to his face and rubs his eyes on it.

“That damn Park Chanyeol,” he sniffles, chest aching the more he thought about it. “That stupid, ferret-loving geek.”

--

A good five months pass, and Baekhyun has barely uttered a word since. He’s been salty all this time, refusing to speak up in class, or even to any of the other kids who mostly just poke at him for looking so angry. He’d gotten back into his violent stage again, threatening kids or even throwing punches when they didn’t heed his warnings. It was the last straw for the principal and he had to send the boy to another school before too many parents complained.

Baekhyun still, didn’t care. He was glad to be gone from that school. Baekhyun even wrote a little note for his favorite teacher, taping the crumpled piece of paper on the principal’s desk about her stealing money from