(BACKSTORY)

(16) YIFAN I

Before he was known as Kris, he was known as Yifan, and there wasn’t any violence or hatred that channeled through his veins and eyes. Instead, there was something much sweeter than that, and gentle too. Because up until he turned ten, his life was good. He had a mother who loved him, and a father who taught him, and it didn’t matter if he lived in a small poor neighborhood where the food was scarce and the water was dirty because he was still happy.

But as the years passed by, Yifan would notice small changes in the town where he lived. It was small, and that also meant vulnerable. Men clad in black and navy suits invaded the town one day in their rusty and bulky windowless trucks, forcing everyone out of their houses for inspection checks that didn’t exist until that day. Many children cried, and Yifan admittedly did, too. The men were patted down and the women had their blood drawn, and when they finished searching the people, they searched the houses.

Yifan expected them to take their belongings. When they pile into their sleazy home, he tugs lightly at the hem of his mothers shirt with worried eyes. She looks back at him with a small smile on her face, though, whispering a small “Don’t worry” before pinching his cheek a little. He then glances back at the door and tries to look for the weird men again.

They come out not too long later with nothing, though, and Yifan suddenly remembers that everything they own is cheap and tasteless. There’s definitely nothing considered sketchy in that town, nor pricey or valuable.

This all happens when he is only six. It gets worse as time moves on, and now there’s weekly inspections and the violence is common.

There’s two guards that look over small sections of the village with small shifts, and they force strict rules onto the town.

“Curfew is half past seven at night, no later.”

Everyone followed this rule with ease. Though, some children had to be scolded in order to fully grasp the new rule. It was a good time, and it wasn’t too strict. No one really got caught out and if you were lucky enough, you’d be set free. The only exception was for those who had a pass because of work hours. This didn’t mean that Yifan was foolish enough to break the rules, though.

“Fifty percent of your work pay will be given to the government to improve education in high-priority schools.”

Yifan didn’t really understand this one because he was much too young. The only thing he noticed that changed was the weary looks on the faces of the adults, and his father was gone for work a lot longer than he had been originally to the point where it became rare for Yifan to see him. In fortunate cases, he would come home a little before bedtime to talk until Yifan would finally fall asleep. In the morning, he would be gone again, though.

As the years slowly pass, there isn’t any more father to teach him how to grow up because he’s too busy with work. He grows more grumpy as his mind develops as well, and in the end, there’s only a sinful achievement of bruised knuckles and purple blemishes and busted lips. The first time his mother hears about the fights, she scrambles towards him with worried fingers fluttering against his injuries. He’s all patched up and well taken care of, but it’s useless because it happens again and again and again. For every scar that heals comes a new one.

And then there was one final rule that really, really changed his life, and it is set when he is just turning ten, and that is:

“From here on out, under absolutely no circumstances is more than one child allowed to be born within a single household.”

It had happened the day Yifan was suspended from school for fighting with another kid in the class. His father had the day off, but refused to pick him up from school that day, and he has to walk home as always. Lately, they have been drifting away and it was getting especially worse since their personalities clashed with a burning hate. Yifan was always one to speak his mind, or at least do what he thought was right. He would be the first one to run in when something was wrong, earning the trust of a lot of the people that lived in his neighborhood. His father on the other hand, turned into the introvert once the military was stationed near their home.

It was bad enough that the guards on duty always messed around and never did their jobs properly, but it was worse because they took out whatever anger they had on the innocent civilians. Last week, they were terrorizing one of the old ladies that sold fruit down the road from his house and Yifan bolted to save her, only to be pulled back by his dad who kept quiet and shook his head sadly.

“Why are you doing this, father? She needs help!” Yifan cried, eyes still locked on to the woman as the two guards flipped the stands and purposely smashed fruits under their boots. She squatted and curled up into a ball with her hands raised over her head as they attacked, entirely merciless as everything went to ruins.

“Do not go against the military, Yifan. It will only get you into trouble.” By now, his blood was boiling at his father’s poor decision. It was the first time that he had spoken to him in months and he’s wasting his breath on those military dogs?

“But she needs help!”

Ignoring the boy’s yelps and growls, he threw Yifan into the living room while locking the door, not even sparing the old woman a glance. “Father, what are you doing?”

“Stop making such a racket or the guards will come!” His father peeked through the blinds to check and see if anyone was around, completely ignoring his son who was having a fit.

Yifan was disgusted. He wanted to run away from home and never return, especially after that incident. The more his father or the military angered him, the more he lashed out, eventually taking out his rage on his teachers or classmates in school. The fact that they were adults and yet did nothing to help made him sick.

Going back to the day he was suspended, he arrived back home to see both parents sitting on the floor. They were so absorbed into their conversation that they didn’t notice him walk in until he slammed the door shut, already stomping his way to his room. “Yifan, please... come back and sit with us.”

That voice made him stop in his tracks. No matter how much he hated adults, he never hated that one person. His mother was like his safe haven and he couldn’t help obey, sauntering back to the main room where they both sat together. She was the only one that truly understood him, or at least she tried her best unlike his father.

“How was your day at school today?” His mother asked softly, running her fingers through his hair in a way that made his shoulders relax from being so stiff. He gave a short reply and looked up to see her faint smile going across her lips.

“Why were you suspended?”

Of course it was about this. He had to resist the urge to roll his eyes as his father went straight to the point. Like he said, at least his mom tried.

“Because the teacher in my class said that the military is all knowing, and that we should all aspire to be like them when we grew up.” He spat, digging his nails into his pants as remembered it word by word.

It was the most incredulous, ludicrous, most baffling thing he’s ever heard, and he made sure to tell his parents what was on his mind. He didn’t stop when his father stood up to go and check the windows again for any guards nearby. Not even slowing down a bit when his mother pulled him into her lap. His words only began to falter after realizing that his extensive vocabulary was coming to an end, summing it up about how he just hated the military that much.

“My son is so smart! I didn’t even know half of those words when I was your age.” His mother cooed, looking at Yifan with sparking eyes.

She continued to shower him with praise and eventually he began to talk about his day and why he got into a fight with his classmate. Usually, Yifan wasn’t one to start fights, unless it was to help someone else out, but this was purely for self defense, and well, maybe just a little anger. The kid that was sitting next to him was boasting about how he was going to join the military when he grew up and, Yifan being himself, said that it was a stupid aspiration. His classmate didn’t know what that word even meant, but Yifan’s glare and venomous voice ticked him off, walking right up to the kid and punching him in the back of the head. They ended up getting into a little scuffle and by the time the teachers had come to split it up, Yifan was back in his seat with a book in hand, ignoring his crying classmate who had a raging bloody nose. He made sure to make him hurt for hitting him first, but he wasn’t heartless like the military was. He only hit him hard enough to scare him and make his nose bleed.

“This is why I hate all of those other kids. They don’t know right from wrong and are just following whatever the military tells them to do.” He huffed, leaning into his mother’s chest as it warmed the side of his cheek.

He listened to her heartbeat as it thumped softly against his ear, almost falling asleep if it weren’t for the light droplets hitting the top of his head. His mother had tears dripping from her cheeks and Yifan quickly sat up to wipe them away, copying what she did for him when he cried as he kissed her tears away. “Don’t cry mom. I’ll stop fighting! Just don’t cry…”

“You grew up so fast, and you’re so smart too… Don’t worry about me, I just feel a little happy knowing that you’re such a good boy despite how much we’re not able to care for you.”

Yifan bit back the agreement on his father’s side and shook his head, giving a smile to his mother. “You are the best mom anyone could ever have.”

Her light chuckles made the dreary room brighten up and Yifan was happy to call this woman his mother. Even with the wrinkles lining her face and dark circles drawing down her chocolate eyes, he would always call her the most beautiful woman on Earth.

“I actually… Well, we, meaning your father and I, have a secret we’d like to tell you.” She hummed, his head as he raised an eyebrow.

“In about nine months,” she trailed off with a happy grin on her face, “you’re going to be a big brother!”

Yifan’s cheery grin grew bigger once his mother told him the news, but withered away once he had realized what this meant. He would always be happy with whatever made his mom happy, but this choice would lead to serious consequences if she was found out.

“But dear, the guards, and- rules- and-don’t want the military to find out-”

She shook her head and looked up at her husband with the same cheerful smile. “I know that silly, that’s why it’s going to be a secret!”

Yifan’s eyebrows scrunched up together as he could not find any source of joy anymore. And despite his constant bashing towards the idiotic rules and government, he couldn’t help but feel a strong surge of fear swirl in his stomach. He takes a big gulp after a long pause, slowly nodding his head as his face remained contorted and cold.

“Would you want a little brother or a little sister?” His mother asked, genuinely curious now that he had finally agreed.

Having a little sister would be fun, especially since he would vow to watch over her and beat up whoever made her upset, without his mother knowing of course. But then again, having a little brother meant that he would have someone to teach cool stuff to, like how to ride a bike or fight, also without his mother knowing. For the record, he didn’t like to fight, but always thought it was a good way to self defend one’s self. Growing up while learning martial arts taught him how to exercise his power fairly and he would continue to uphold this if he wasn’t pulled out of the program due to money problems. Either way he would make sure to take care of them equally, the surge of affection already swelling in his chest just by the thought of it.

But everything about that was unlikely, because things weren’t the same as before. So the only thing he’s able to do is stare into his mother’s eager eyes and watch in silence as she begins to blink out the tears that catch on her eyelashes. They dribble down her face and plop onto his own underneath his eyes and nose, and he can taste the saltiness of her tears when some drip onto his lips. He doesn’t tell her that the sight of her crying only makes him speechless, teeth clenching together as he can’t figure out what else to do.

“I love you, Yifan…” she says with a whisper, pressing a kiss to his forehead before she lets him go back to his room for the night.

He dreams of something different and something better, but his hopes are shattered when he wakes up to stone cold reality every day.

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