~Chapter Five~

Swallow Back Your Tears

Taemin's POV~ 

“Did you get any useful information from the files I gave you?”

“They helped me a lot hyung, thank you.”

“Ah...about that...My uncle told me a few things that were...weird, so I want you to answer a few questions for me.”

“Go ahead.” I nod.

“Is it a possibility that you and the dead Lee Taemin are the same person?”

“What do you mean hyung?” I ask him while I try to devise a proper lie.

“I...I know how to edit photos...and I have a picture of you for your caller id on the phone and...I edited it. Its looks like a healthier version of the “other” Lee Taemin. It just made me wonder. How can two people who look that similar, use to be close friends, and-”

“Are you trying to say that I was lying to you this whole time hyung?” The best way to get out of a situation like this is to act angry...right?

“O-oh no! I wasn't thinking that way. I was just...I'm sorry Taemin-ah, I told you I wouldn't look at the files, but I did my own research. Apparently, the article on the newspaper was not correctly updated and it only stated that Lee Taemin was on the verge of dying. It was actually never updated due to the school's protest...I...I noticed that you get angry at Minho very easily and I just thought that you held a grudge on him because-”

“Because he was the one who killed him? Because Choi Minho was the one that has bullied him and led to his death? If it wasn't for Choi Minho, my friend wouldn't be in this mess. He wouldn't have lost his father's chain and-”

“Yes! You sometimes mention the chain. How close were you to the other Lee Taemin? If you knew he lost the chain, why didn't you help him? If you were present during the accident, why didn't you save your own friend? Why can't Minho remember you nor him, except for the fact that he thinks they were friends? Taemin-ah, please tell me the truth. There are so many questions that go against all of the points that you have made so far and I-”

“How do you explain what Minho hyung said then?! He said he didn't know him, but he goes around telling us that they possibly were friends. If he was his classmate, can't he at least remember him? Even an outsider like you see that him and I have similarities. If Minho was “close” to him, he should notice something. Why did he move? Did he leave due to guilt? Was he trying to escape punishment? If he was so clean and not a criminal, can't he just talk to the police? They even lost his files. Explain that to me. How the hell do you explain to me the fact that he came to my father's grave and told him he has a debt to pay? What kind of debt does he need to pay my father!? Why else?!”

“Your father?”

“M-my father?”

“You just said “what kind of debt does he need to pay my father.” Meaning that Lee Taemin's father is your father. Meaning you are none other but the same person.”

“I-I...I said the wrong words...That's all. I can't speak correctly when I'm angry...”

“Don't you mean you speak your mind when you're angry? Taemin-ah, I can't help you if you don't tell me the truth. Do you not trust me?”

“I just don't trust...anyone.”

“That's so...sad.”

“Not as sad as my life before.”

“C-can you tell me about it?”

“This is how my life was...not what Lee Taemin's life was like...okay?”

“Anything you say Taeminnie.” Onew hyung wraps his arm over my shoulder and sits us down on my couch.

“Five years ago...Scratch that, seven years ago, we were best friends...He use to give me banana milk everyday...He would smile ear to ear, as he watches me swallow down the sweet drink. My cheeks would grow warm from the rush of happiness and I would unconsciously bounce up and down each time the drink runs down my throat. I would stare at that wonderful smile, and his warm brown orbs, that twinkle in the sunlight. I would always save him the last sip, which he happily takes...I always remembered how I use to let him listen to the MP3 my brother gave me, and I would try to dance in front of him, always earning claps and cheers for just a simple pop move. I remember we use to copy off each others homework, and hang out way before school. I would listen to music, while he would shoot some hoops, showing off his skills, and later play soccer, to show off even more. Never once have we broken promises and we have never gotten mad at each other for over a class period...Later on...he would look away at me awkwardly if he would stare at me. He wouldn't drink the last sip of banana milk. He would stay very quiet...and we didn't have any kind of skinship anymore...not even a simple hair ruffle...I thought he changed since he thought we were childish...but...I never imagined of the day he would betray me...

~FLASHBACK~

“Did you see them bully Taemin?” I look at hyung with hopeful eyes. He has been ignoring me, but he won't lie for them.

“N-no Mrs. Park.”

“So you're saying that Lee Taemin is lying about his homework being stolen and his name engraved in the chalk board?” Hyung nods. Betrayal. My heart shatters in millions of pieces as hyung lowers his head, as the bullies smirk at me. How can this be? “Lee Taemin, you are in big trouble. Your mother will hear from this-”

“Why not his father?”

“You didn't hear? Taemin's appa was f***ed so hard that he lost his breathing and died.”

“Really? I thought he had a heart attack! My mistake.” The two chuckle and exchange teasing smirks. Did the teacher not hear them at all? She just let them swear and talk about my father like that?!

“Hyung, say something.” I whisper lowly and pull on his sleeve lightly. He yanks his sleeve away and step closer to the bullies.

“Omo, oppa!”

“Hyung-nim!”

“F***ing Lee Taemin!” The punch came so hard that I didn't even see it coming. I crash down on the ground and I look up. Hyung is being “protected” by his “friends.” They were afraid my nasty body would bump into his once again.

“You son a a b****! You f***ing dare touch our brother like that!?” Slap. “Look at me when I speak to you!” Hyung. Slap. Aren't you going to do anything? Punch. Yell at them. Slap. Stop them from hurting me. Punch. Tell me to stop crying. Kick. Comfort me. Yank. Protect me. Punch. Tell me that you will never abandon me. Darkness.

“Not so tough now huh?” Kick. “You have nothing to say?” Kick. “Any concerns?!” Kick. “Why so quiet b****?!” Stomp.

“If you didn't hit me every other second, maybe I would be able to talk back!” I yell.

“What bastard?!” He stomps on my chest and I cough multiple times. “Are you asking for an early death?”

“Even if I wasn't asking for one, I would die with all of this torture!” The bully pulls me up by my collar and I dumbly spit in his face with bloody saliva.

“You son of a b-”

“Hitting him is useless, he will still act annoying and bother you unless you give him a true lesson.” Hyung says after grabbing the bully's fist. He steps forward and the second bully holds me still. He unhooks the chain and wears it around his neck. “With this, he won't bother us anymore, and you wouldn't have to waste you energy on him.”

“You better wish his words are true. If not...tsk tsk tsk...I would hate to make you join your father.” The bully ruffles my hair painfully. “I won't go easy on you next time.”

“Minho hyung!” I cry as I run after him. His body tenses up and I take the chance and grab his legs, since I was on the ground. “Please hyung! You know I have to have that chain back! Please! I beg you! For our past friendship! Please! That's all I ask for. You can let them punch me, kick me, choke me, possibly even let them torture me to death, I need that chain back!”

“Go get it.”

~Reality~

“I don't get it.”

“What do you not get hyung?”

“Why would he help you if he was your enemy?”

“Help me? He took away my only prized possession, and that's called helping me?”

“If it wasn't for him, you would have been far more beat up...and...If you don't mind me asking...can you tell me the names of all of the people you mentioned in your story?”

“It's not important.”

“It is to me.” Onew hyung hugs me with one arm. “What was your hyung, and who were the two bullies? Are they in our school?”

“Taemiri! Umma's home!”

“Get out.”

“What?”

“Get. Out!” I open the back door and push him out.

“Yoboseyo?”

“Taemin-ah, can you come over earlier? My mother wants to spend some time with me and wants us to finish earlier.”

“Ah, neh hyung. I'll be there in a few.” I hang up and ready myself. After a good five minutes, I walk to hyung's house. I ring the doorbell and he opens it with a huge smile.

“Thanks for coming. I was really nervous about the whole singing thing. I know I should have asked Onew or Jonghyun, but I felt awkward...”

“It's fine with me hyung.” I nod.

“Oh, come in!” He smiles cheekily and leads me to his room. “I...” He scratches his hair. “I never sang in front of anyone-” Yes you did. You sang to me. “So I hope you won't laugh at me.”

“Don't worry hyung! Taeminnie will give you full support!” I salute him jokingly.

“L-let me go into the bathroom and practice once more...” He blushes shyly.

“I'll be waiting~” Hyung leaves the room and I look around. His room is arranged almost exactly the same as it use to be, accept all of the things are now larger and more mature. Has he changed a lot? Did he miss me...even once? Has he been healthy? Happy? Better? Without me.

“Honey, I brought in some snacks- You! Why are you here?!” I look at the door and see his mother. She has dropped the tray of food and is glaring at me. I can almost feel the flames burning me alive. “Why do you keep bothering my son!? Can't you leave him alone?” She grabs my arm and pulls me away from his bed. “Wasn't two years enough?” She shakes me powerfully. “Leave my son alone!”

“We're just friends-”

“Friends?! You call that friendship? You were changing him! You bastard! Get away from him! Get away from this house!” She swings me by the arm and I trip. “I swear. If you dare to corrupt my son one more time-” I tune her out. What does she mean by all of this? Have I been the one who was hurting Minho hyung? Was I thinking wrong this whole time? He only wanted to bully me to...protect me? So he became guilty and all stressful? Was I the one who was ruining his life? I can feel warm tears flow down my face. My lips quiver as I start crying a bit harder. She really hates me. Was the bullying in the past all well deserved? I was bullied because I was an annoying bastard.

“Umma!” With my blurry eyesight, I can see Minho hyung pull his mother out of the room, yelling something. I put a hand over my mouth and try to muffle out the crying. “–memory is gone umma!” Is all I heard before he slams the door shut. “I'm so sorry my umma acted that way.” He embraces me gently as he rubs my back. “Did she hurt you anywhere? Did she touch you? Did she tell you anything?” He asks me questions continuously. I simply bury my face into his shirt and cry. If only he comforted me like this five years ago. If only...

Can you guess who were those mentioned in his flashback!?

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