You don’t meet the people in your life by accident. You’ve cross path for a reason. Sometimes, neither of you will know why.

Kyungsoo kept thinking about the picture from that day. It was like a cruel game of fate, for him to meet and stay beside Jongin, only to bring him more pain. Kyungsoo started to think that maybe it’s his fault for showing up Jongin’s life. Other times, he think that it’s just fate. Their meeting was bound to happen.

Kyungsoo doesn’t know when. He missed and yearned to see Jongin’s smile again. His heart felt uneasy whenever he watched Jongin think or stared into space. Without realizing it, it became a habit for Kyungsoo to watch and wait for any hint of a smile on the other boy’s face.    

“Why are looking at me like that? Do I have something on my face?” Jongin’s eyes never left the article Kyungsoo just handed to him

“H-huh? Kyungsoo snapped out of his thoughts. “What? Ah no.I-I’m not looking at you. I’m just looking at...space, but your unpleasant face happened to be in the same space..?” He stammered.

“I didn’t say anything” Jongin looked up at the boy. “Why are you so worked up?” Jongin pointed at Kyungsoo’s face. “Ah, but you have something on your face!”

Kyungsoo immediately brushed off his face. He remembered that he ate some mocha bread this morning, maybe some crumbs were left over. He kept searching for the “thing” on his face when Jongin bursted out in a satisfied laugh.

Kyungsoo froze. Not because he realized that he was fooled, but because Jongin was laughing--for the first time. Kyungsoo continued to stare at Jongin with his rich, white eyes until Jongin returned to his stoic face. Kyungsoo turned away with tears threatening to escape his eyes.

“Kyungsoo, are you crying?” Jongin asked concerns.

“No. Just dust in my eyes”

Kyungsoo mentally slapped himself. “Idito, you’re standing in a closed off office with air conditioning that not even a bit of dust can pass through..”

“I was just joking”Jongin stood up from his seat and headed towards Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo felt Jongin’s body heat as he moved towards him. It reminded him of that night, that back hug. Kyungsoo turned around and attempted to pushed Jongin away, but realized that no one was standing there. Jongin slipped in front of him, surprising Kyungsoo.The shorter boy jumped backwards, lost his balanced and was about to fall when he felt a tug on his hair. They both landed on the floor.

“Why did you pull my hair?” Kyungsoo attempted to stand up, but his hair is stuck.

Jongin grunted, “Stop moving! Your hair is stuck to my watch, let me get up first!”

But Kyungsoo was too stubborn. He would rather be in pain than let people misunderstand the position they’re currently in. He continued tugging to get rid of Jongin’s watch. Jongin’s arm rose and fell with each tug, until Kyungsoo’s head ached. He gave up, lying on his back on Jongin’s arm now.

“Calm down Kyungsoo-ah. No one’s going to do anything to you. Now, let me get up first” Jongin sighed.

Jongin puts his hand on the floor over Kyungsoo’s body to help him get up. He came face-to-face with Kyungsoo, so close that Kyungsoo could feel his warm breath. Jongin immediately regretted meeting the shorter boy’s eyes. Jongin retreated his hand and landed back to where he started. Gave up, but hearts continued to race as the two laid on the floor.

“Jongin please, take off your watch!” Kyungsoo closed his eyes.

“Ah ah right!” Jongin immediately took off his watch, jumped back up and helped Kyungsoo up.

“Why didn’t we think of this earlier?” Jongin said as he tried to get rid of the hair stuck on his watch and laughed like an idiot. Kyungsoo remained quiet until he left Jongin’s office, but his face and ears were red as a tomato. The rest of Kyungsoo’s day went by with images of Kim Jongin popping up in his head. He desperately tried to understand why he was so affected one man.

“It’s New Year hyung, you’re not going back to your hometown?” Sehun asked.

“I don’t know yet. Knowing that no one is waiting for you to come home makes me not want to go home. My parents are with me. They’re here” Kyungsoo chuckled as he placed his hand on his left chest. “But maybe I have to go back, it’s been a year since I’ve visited their graves”.

“All these times...how did you hold on? If it was me..I would’ve..” Sehun sighed.

“If you’re in my situation, you’ll probably act the same way Sehun. You have to continue living. It’s life, you’ll learn to be independent sooner or later”. Kyungsoo raised his coffee cup, breathes in its aroma to clear his head. He watched Sehun work through the vapor.

Grey was crowded as usual, especially during the end of the year. People rushing in to enjoy a warm cup of coffee in the cold weather. There weren’t much cars outside because most people already left on the train or bus to go back to their hometown for New Year.

Kyungsoo concluded that here are things that belong to many people, but in fact, they don’t really belong to anyone. For example, Seoul. Many people left their hometown for Seoul to  live and adapt to its lifestyle. Seoul is not as bad as some people think because it have never rejected anyone. One just need to want Seoul in order for Seoul to belong to him/her. Even if a person is used to Seoul, they still can’t forget where they came from. And just like that, Seoul have never belonged to any particular individual.

Kyungsoo doesn’t belong to Seoul. He’s afraid of coming back home to cold glances and treatments from his father’s family. His father’s family have never liked Kyungsoo’s mom in the first place because she was orphaned. After the accident, the family blamed his mom for everything. Kyungsoo have never forget the day his grandma pushed his mom out of the house and cut their ties. He often asked himself, “How can one have the courage to come back to a family like that?”

“I’m going to spend New Years Eve in Seoul. I’ll visit my parent’s grave the next day and return that night” Kyungsoo smiled.

“You’re not going to visit your relatives?”

“Relatives? I don’t recall having them. Or they probably forgot my existence already”.  Kyungsoo lifted his cup and took a sip of coffee to hide the tears threatening to fall, but the coffee was already cold.

Sehu