“There’s something I would like to discuss with you, Sungmin-ssi.”  Sunny had finished taking me and CL’s vitals, and CL had gone to her daily counseling session with Minho.  Now, it was just Sunny and I, sitting in Room 707.

I looked up from my fingers and stared back at her as she spoke again.

“Remember last week’s trip to the café?”  She tucked a strand of wavy blonde hair behind her ear and leaned forward in her chair.  “When you guys got back, Leeteuk-ssi told me how you seemed to have a hard time making decisions.  Do you remember that?”

I raised an eyebrow and resisted the urge to roll my eyes at her.  My mood instantly dropped as I pursed my lips, irritated.  She had literally had this exact same conversation with me three days ago.  Did she honestly think my memory was that bad?  It wasn’t like I had Alzheimer’s or anything.  Nevertheless, I gave her a small nod.

“Do you also remember how we had talked about making right choices in life?  About making decisions more easily?”

Yeah, I remembered.  I remembered wanting to punch Sunny in the face because she was taking everything way the wrong way.  Honestly?  It was completely natural for me to hesitate when ordering food, especially if I had never been in that position before.

Sunny continued to prattle on about decision-making and I dug my nails into the palms of my hand.  The problem wasn’t my decision-making skills.  It was my anxiety, which was something both Leeteuk and Sunny had apparently failed to notice.  So much for being the ‘trained specialists’ they claimed they were.  I bit back a scoff.

Panic attack-- a sudden urge of overwhelming anxiety and fear.  That was the dictionary definition, as Ryeowook had told me that Sunday night.  Even though Ryeowook had never experienced one of those, he tried to understand what it was like and tried to help me as best as he could.  I could barely describe my panic attacks myself.  After Sungjin had died, everything felt out of place.  Uncomfortable.  Every little thing upset me to the point where I couldn’t think straight and my chest felt like a house had fallen on it.  They were hard to predict, but so far, I had managed to spend two weeks at Incheon Psychiatric without the social workers noticing.

Well, they either didn’t notice, or they didn’t care altogether.  Was Leeteuk blind or what?  Not that I cared whether or not Leeteuk helped me.  As the days passed, I became closer to Ryeowook.  I never opened up to the social workers and the nurses.  Not even the other patients in the ward.  Why would I do that when I could trust Ryeowook?

As I felt myself wanting to strangle Sunny and stop her incessant, irrelevant chatter, I took a deep breath and did as Ryeowook had taught me what to do.

Breathe, Sungmin.  Don’t let yourself get angry.  She’s the one that’s ignorant and stupid, not you.  You can talk to someone else about it later, just not now.  Don’t let your mind drift off.  Focus on something else until you feel steady enough.

I stared at a pink bobbing flower on the table and pretended that it was Ryeowook giving me instructions.  I focused on my breathing as Sunny kept talking, oblivious about how much annoying she was being.  Slowly, when I had calmed down, I tuned my ears back to what she was saying.

“Now, onto what I actually wanted to discuss with you,” she said, clicking her pen a few times before putting it down.  “You know Kim Ryeowook?  Your roommate?”

I bit my lip and my eyes narrowed slightly.  He was my roommate, for God’s sake, how was it possible for me to not know about him?

“Yeah,” I said shortly.  “What about him?”

“Onew and Leeteuk and I have noticed that the two of you have become very close over the past two weeks.”

Well, good for you.  That proves that you’re not completely blind.

“Yesterday, Onew overheard you two talking to each other about his eating disorder.  Is that true?”

I froze in my seat.  I knew that even though this was considered common knowledge in our ward, Ryeowook absolutely hated it whenever someone brought it up, especially the staff.  It had been hard, getting him to talk to me about his struggles with anorexia.

“Onew was eavesdropping on us?”  There was a faint bite to my voice, but Sunny smiled, completely unfazed.

“No.  He just happened to walk by the two of you and he overheard a few words, that’s all.”

“Isn’t that an invasion of privacy?”  I muttered under my breath.  If Sunny had heard me, she pretended not to notice.  To be honest, normally, I wasn’t nearly this aggressive towards Sunny, but today, she was acting more annoying than usual and had managed to completely piss me off just ten seconds into the conversation.  Congrats, Sunny.  It’s a new record.

“Anyways, as you know, all of us have been monitoring your progress for the past two weeks.  And we’ve all noticed that you’ve been talking to Ryeowook-ssi quite often.”

She looked up at me expectantly, and I gave a faint ‘mhmm’ even though the statement didn’t exactly call for a response.

“It’s good that you’re talking to more people, Sungmin-ssi.  Studies show that it helps when people talk to others about their problems.  It relieves their stress and makes the problem seem less daunting.  Furthermore, it benefits the person you’re talking to, especially if the person is in a similar situation.  It can help them solve their own problems as well.”

“Yeah, I know,” I said carefully.  What was this supposed to lead up to?  It wasn’t going to be good-- that was for certain.

“Trusting more and more people with your problems is good for your mental health.  The others have reported to me that you only talk to Ryeowook-ssi in your free time.  Sometimes Heechul-ssi, but mostly Ryeowook-ssi.  I think it would be better if you opened up to more people.”  She gave me a bright smile and clasped her hands together on the table.

“What?”  I stared at her, confused.

“I’m inviting you to open up to me and the other therapists as well, not just your peers.  While they can help you, sometimes it’s better to get professional help.  And Incheon Psychiatric has just that.”

I blinked several times before frowning at her.  Who the did she think she was, forcing me to tell her what I had told Ryeowook?

“No,” I said firmly.  “That’s alright, thanks.”

Sunny’s smile wavered slightly.

“I only want the best for you, Sungmin-ssi.  I understand that there might not be many people in the world you can trust, but I assure you, you can trust me with your worries and thoughts.  All these interactions are strictly confidential.”

Right.  Confidential meaning ‘will-be-analyzed-thoroughly-and-noted-in-my-medical-records-so-that-my-family-and-future-employers-and-every-imaginable-person-can-access-them-and-find-out-that-you-think-I’m-insane’.

“No,” I said again, my frown deepening.  “I’m not comfortable with talking to you.  I think I’ll just stick with Ryeowook.”

Whatever made her think I would talk to her, out of all people?  Out of all the members of the hospital staff, Sunny was one of my least favorites, and this conversation was only dragging her further and further down the list.  I didn’t like her bright, overly-cheerful attitude towards us, similar to that of a nosy preschool teacher.  We weren’t children, for God’s sake.  The majority of us in the ward were in our late teens or early twenties: adults already.  We could decide whatever we wanted to do, and no one could force us to talk to someone we didn’t want to talk to.

“Why aren’t you comfortable with talking to me, Sungmin-ssi?  One of my many goals here is to help you talk to others more easily.  And you need to start somewhere, don’t you?  Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable around me?  So we can open up to each other?  We’re all equals here in this place, after all.  There’s no reason why we can’t be good friends.”

I wanted to barf at her last few sentences.

“For the last time, no!”  I snapped at her, finally losing my temper.  “What the do you mean by ‘we’re all equals here’?  We’re not equals and I don’t want to be friends with you because even though I know you’re trying to help, it’s not helping.  In fact, it’s doing the exact opposite.  I told you already, I’m absolutely fine with talking to only Ryeowook, so it would be wonderful if you stopped being so persistent and just left me alone.  I would greatly appreciate it if you stopped prying into my personal life.  It’s just a tad bit annoying, Dr. Lee Sunkyu.”  Her name came out of my mouth as a snarl.

For the first time since the conversation had started, Sunny’s smile disappeared and was replaced with a stern look.  Apparently, I had struck a nerve.  She stared at me for a few seconds, her face unreadable.

“Sunny, Sungmin-ssi,” she said quietly.  “Even if you don’t agree with my intentions of friendship, I would prefer it if you called me Sunny.”

“And I would prefer it if you gave me my personal space,” I muttered.

Her large eyes narrowed into infuriated slits for a brief second, but was soon replaced by a blank expression.

“I don’t like your attitude today, Sungmin-ssi.  This is very unlike you.”  Her voice was lower than normal and she was giving me the most condescending look I had ever seen her give anyone.  “I understand that since you’re under a great deal of pressure from both your family and the rest of the world--"

“Don’t.  Just don’t,” I shot her the most ferocious glare I could muster.  “I thought I told you to never bring up my family background or my social status.”

“I’ve refrained from doing so.  But there comes a time when you need to address such problems and--”

“Don’t!”  I screamed, standing up abruptly and slamming both my hands on the table.  The pink bobbing flower clattered to the floor, along with several other objects.  Sunny jumped back in her seat, startled.

“It’s not just my family background and my social status that stresses me out.  It’s you, Dr. Lee Sunkyu.  You’re aggravating me to the point where I--”  Before I could say that I wanted to strangle her, I realized that such talk could get me removed from the ward.  I took a breath and opened my mouth to say something else, but Sunny cut me off.

“If you’re trying to do this to get extra attention, Sungmin-ssi, you’ve already succeeded in doing so.  There’s no need to take it any further.  Now, I suspect that your actions have become more impulsive because of a lack of sleep, caused by your insomnia.  That’s why you’re being so cranky today.”  She slid her eyes off of me and started to write something on her clipboard.  “I’ll let it go this time and remember to prescribe you a larger and more effective dose of sleeping pills.”

It took everything I had to stop myself from murdering her with my bare hands, right then and there.

Needless to say, I was in a bad mood for the rest of the day.  The inside of my mouth became ragged and bloody as a result of all the times I had bitten down so I wouldn’t do or say anything I would regret later on.  I stayed quiet and fumed, not talking to anyone unless they approached me first.

Ryeowook walked into our room about halfway through visiting hour and found me lying on my creaky mattress, staring blankly up at the ceiling.  I looked up when he walked the door, but I was still pissed off from my previous encounter with Sunny.  I didn’t bother to get up and greet him.

“Hey,” I heard him say quietly.  I grunted in response and continued to stare to count the pale blue ceiling tiles.  At least Ryeowook could tell that I wasn’t in the mood to talk, unlike the other social workers, who had spent most of today pushing me to tell them what was wrong.  Namely Onew.  Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as Ryeowook took out a manga and lay down on his own cot.  He caught me watching him and gave me a tiny half-smile before going back to reading.  I sighed and rubbed my fingers over my eyes.

You can’t mope around forever, Sungmin, I scolded myself.  Go do something useful.  Don’t just lie here like the pig you are.

Useful?  What’s there to do here that could be classified as useful?

Come on, even if there’s nothing productive to do around here, stop thinking about someone as stupid as Sunny.  She’s not worth your time.  Don’t let her get you down and do something to take your mind off her.  That’s what Ryeowook said to do, remember?

I stood up and took my sketchbook out from under my cot, along with a pencil.  I sat down on the hard ground, crossing my legs.  Flipping to a blank page, I leaned back against the foot of my cot.  What could I draw?

Normally, the only things I drew were pokemon or fictional characters.  Glancing around the room for inspiration, my eyes landed on Ryeowook’s thin figure, his dark hair covering his eyebrows.  He was completely engrossed in his manga, unaware that I was watching him.  Although I had never drawn an actual person before, I decided to try.  I sketched out the cot and the walls around it, and then I began forming the outline of his body.  As the minutes passed, a rough sketch of Ryeowook appeared on my paper, line by line.

I felt a bit better.  Drawing always helped calm me down, and even though I hadn’t done a very good job because it was my first time drawing a realistic subject, I didn’t mind too much.  Closing my sketchbook, I slid it back under my cot so I could work on it again later.  I sat back on my cot and turned my gaze to Ryeowook, who was still reading, but looking slightly worried.  His jaw was set and his eyebrows were slightly furrowed.  My eyes furrowed together as well as I thought about what Ryeowook was probably thinking.  Dinnertime was approaching.

“Hi, Ryeowook,” I said quietly, out of ideas on how to begin a conversation.  But as soon as the words left my mouth, I felt like slapping myself.  That’s a bit overdue, isn’t it?  He came in over twenty minutes ago.  Oh, well.

Ryeowook looked up in surprise and raised his eyebrows.

“Hi, Sungmin hyung.”

“So how was your day?  Did anything interesting happen to you?”

“It’s been two weeks since you’ve gotten here, hyung.  I hope you’ve realized by now that almost everyone in our ward has the exact same schedule.  Chances are, I did the exact same things you did, just saying,” he said dryly before returning to his manga.

“Anything you feel like talking about?  Has anything come up so far today?”

There was no response from Ryeowook.  I had learned over the past few days that it wasn’t that Ryeowook didn’t want to open up to others; he was just afraid that everyone would think he was merely seeking attention.  It was still hard for him to put his thoughts into words because he rarely talked about his problems with others.  Similarly, I still wasn’t exactly sure about how to talk to people who needed help, but every day over the past week, before mealtimes, I tried to say something encouraging to him so he wouldn't feel as bad at the thought of eating, or something that might brighten his mood.

I made an effort to push any remains of anger towards Sunny out of my head, and focused on Ryeowook instead, who was watching the clock and looking more and more troubled as the seconds ticked by.  Taking a deep breath and choosing my words carefully, I addressed the topic at hand.

“So how do you feel right now?"

Ryeowook turned to look at me and shrugged.

"Maybe you might not feel like eating, but one day, it won't be like this anymore.  You won't feel like throwing up when you see food anymore.  I know that you can pull through this.  I believe in you."

I was met with a barely audible sigh.

"I know I can't help you directly because it's something only you are able deal with, but I care about you and I want you to be healthy and happy.  I don’t want you to get to the point where you have to go to an actual hospital if your eating disorder gets any worse.  I know you’ve been improving a lot and I’m proud of you, but it still scares me to think of you lying in a hospital bed and hooked up to a bunch of machines.”

Silence.  My mind flashed to the image of Ryeowook that I had just described.  He had just told me few days ago about the time where he had to go to the hospital because his condition had deteriorated drastically.

“I know that my opinion of what you look like is irrelevant, but remember that even though you might not always like it, eating healthy is the best option, and people here are trying to help you.  Even if they can be complete s sometimes, who knows?  Maybe deep down somewhere, they actually want us to get better.”

That elicited a scoff from Ryeowook, who put the manga down and sat up, propping his chin up with one hand.

“So who pissed you off this time?  Sunny?  Onew?  Hyolyn?  Or someone else?”

I snorted, feeling some of my frustration returning.  I forced myself to ignore it.

“Guess.”

“Sunny?”

I nodded and Ryeowook let out a small chuckle.

“Maybe they mean well, maybe they don’t,”  He shrugged, his bony shoulders moving up and down.  “But it’s up to us, really.  Their presence doesn’t really make a difference.  They might as well toss us in here and leave us alone altogether.”

“Yeah.  Might as well.”

Ryeowook opened his mouth to say something else, but before he could the dinner bell rang  His dark eyes grew large but he closed them for a moment and muttered something under his breath before slowly getting to his feet.  But before he got to the door, I clambered off my own cot, the loud creak filling the small room.  I enclosed his thin body in a tight hug, slowly rubbing his back.  As soon as did so, I felt him relax in my arms immediately.  He rested his chin on my shoulder and sighed softly.

“I should go now,” he muttered after a second or two.  “Maybe I’ll see you at closure group.”

“See you,” I gave him a small smile before heading back to my cot to get my pink slippers, which I slipped on over the pink bunny socks I always wore, regardless of whether or not they matched my outfit.

“And thank you, Sungmin hyung,” I heard.  But when I looked up at the doorway, Ryeowook was gone.  Presumably rushing off to dinner so his psychiatrist wouldn’t lecture him and accuse him of trying to skip a meal.  Which-- at least I hoped-- he wasn’t going to.

Hi my readers/subscribers ^^ late again... as usual O.O and this is also kinda short compared to my other chapters... sorry D;

To those of you who don't know, I've been editing Hidden in the Shadows and I'm revising pretty much the entire thing so that'll take a long time... as always, my next update will be whenever I have inspiration and motivation to write XD

Thank you for reading, comment, subscribe, and upvote if you haven't already, and have a lovely day everyone ^^