Jinyoung clenched his teeth as he continued to stomp away from the school hall as fast as possible, watching his feet take steps across the glossy tiles, his dusty canvas sneakers next to the shined pointed-toe leather shoes of passing students. Everything on him reminded himself of his poverty, how he was lacking compared to the other students.

He never liked receiving help from people. When he was nine, he had a friend, a friend who was so unlike a friend that Jinyoung refused to remember his name. The tall, lanky boy had grown closer to Jinyoung in the first month of that school year, and followed him everywhere around the school, until one day when Jinyoung stood helplessly in front of the canteen stall with a penny and an empty wallet. This went on for the entire week, for Jinyoung’s father lost his job. His friend had allowed Jinyoung to eat half his share for the first two days, but stopped doing so after he found out about Jinyoung’s plight.

And so he starved, for many days in school, picking morsels of leftovers from the plates left behind on the canteen tables. The friend came to him on one of those cold and hungry days, smiling as he offered Jinyoung some money to buy himself a snack. He remembered how his heart swelled with gratitude as he reached out to receive the money, but he recalled even more vividly how the boy turned to his side and threw the coins right into the bin beside them, each thud of a coin hitting the bottom of the trash stabbing him straight in the heart. “You really think I was going to help you?” The boy had guffawed disgustingly as his finger pointed at Jinyoung. “I’d rather throw my money away than help you, loser.”

Of all things to be, Jinyoung knew he didn’t want to be a loser. He disliked help and pity ever since. Hate for his “friend’s” actions welled like a never-ending fire, scorching him from inside out. It hurt, but each lash of the fire was a stark reminder for him to stay strong on his own.

His steps slowed as he felt the natural wind taking over the cold from the air-conditioning in the school. The scent of the grass and its verdant green invaded Jinyoung’s thoughts, and he realised he had unknowingly arrived at the school garden. The nature calmed him from his complicated thoughts, and he immediately thought of Mark, who was probably still stunned by his odd behaviour. Jinyoung knew that Mark only meant well; he knew the red head would never offer help because of pity or sympathy, and definitely not do that to mock him, but he couldn’t control his actions. It was a conditional reflex, his brain taking over his body to shun away from monetary help. As much as Jinyoung regretted snapping at Mark and walking away without a care, the deed was done.

~~~~~

JB was so shocked when he witnessed Jinyoung lashing out at Mark and storming off without a second word, he was surprised he didn’t find his jaw on the floor.

“I’ll get him.” He briefly patted Mark’s shoulder then went running towards his seething best friend. As he weaved his way through the crowd, he made sure to keep an eye on the raven-haired boy, who was speeding off faster than a bullet train.

What happened to him? JB was confused, having not seen his friend act this way before. He understood that Jinyoung did not feel comfortable with receiving monetary help, but he was usually calm even when provoked in the rudest manner. Jinyoung was the most happy-go-lucky person he had known in his life, and a small remark like Mark’s would not cause him to walk off in a raging mood.

When JB spotted the raven-haired boy slowing to a walk in the school garden, he heaved a sigh of relief, then approached him cautiously.

“Jinyoung?” He questioned, tapping the dazed boy on his shoulder, who cringed in surprise before turning around and softening his expression at the sight of his best friend.

“What are you doing here, JB?”

“Do you think I could’ve went back to lessons knowing my best friend just snapped at and walked away from the boy he’s interested in?” JB rolled his eyes, albeit his genuine concern deep down.

He got Jinyoung’s attention, for the boy glanced sharply at him, before retorting, “I’m not interested in Mark.”

“Lies.”

“I don’t have to repeat myself, Im Jaebum. I said I’m–”

“–not interested in Mark?” JB interrupted, furrowing his thick eyebrows as he continued. “Stop lying to yourself, Jinyoung. Mark changed you. You’ve become more sensitive and observant. You began to speak with such caution I’m kinda missing your mean comments. I’ve not seen you even attempt to dress properly last time, and now you bombard me with all your ridiculous outfit experiments and try to loan all my nice clothes without returning them to me. Before he appeared, you were just happy and smiley Jinyoung laughing at my jokes all day. Now, you don’t even bother about my jokes anymore and you only smile at Mark! You don’t even spend time with me!”

Flailing his hands dramatically, JB rambled on and on. Jinyoung’s eyes widened slowly and gulped as he got buried under JB’s avalanche of accusations.

“Most importantly, your mood changes with Mark’s. For the past decade I’ve known you, I’ve only seen two sides of you, happy, and well, annoying.” He waved down Jinyoung’s gesture of protest and continued. “And after Mark appeared, in a mere week I’ve seen you go from excited and overjoyed to angry, depressed, gloomy. Your heart practically lives for him, Jinyoung, and you tell me you’re not interested in him.”

Jinyoung eyes darted around, hoping to find a rebuttal but he only managed to stutter. “But… but how is it possible that I like Mark? Don’t you remember? I dislike people who… pity me.”

JB sighed, for the umpteenth time in that hour. “Precisely. That’s what I mean by your heart living for him. You’re so affected by what he thinks and what he does. Usually you would just politely reject the offer and think of it positively, but when it comes to Mark…”

~~~~~

Jinyoung was speechless. He was overwhelmed by JB’s explanation, and he thought it made sense for a while, but then the myriad of thoughts flying in his head confused him. Sure, he did find Mark attractive, and he likes him as a friend, but does he like him?

He ignored JB’s questioning look and simply shrugged before walking away. He did not know the answer.

~~~~~

JB couldn’t help but ponder about Jinyoung and Mark after Jinyoung left so unceremoniously, without giving him an actual answer on his thoughts of Mark. Love is complicated. Those who love each other don’t know their love for each other, or do not bear the courage to love, whereas those who loved could no longer love due to many reasons. Or maybe, they simply fell out of love.

Did we fall out of love or…?

His heart still hurt when the scene of Youngjae cheating on him replayed in his mind. It repeated again and again, like a broken record, and no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t will himself to forget about it and move on. The feelings of betrayal died away after the first week, but then regret set in.

If I had given him a chance to explain… maybe… just maybe…

“Ouch! Oh my gosh I’m so sorry!” JB exclaimed as he felt someone slightly shorter collide straight into his chest, which caused the person’s books to fall and scatter across the width of the corridor. He frantically picked up the loose sheets of paper and books closer to him before handing them to the owner. As he looked up, he caught a glimpse of fluffy blonde hair, which looked so familiar. He had seen that hair ruffling against his cheek when he awoke next to…

Youngjae.

JB gulped visibly, his hands wrapping around the books he picked up like a pale starfish as he shoved them into Youngjae’s arms.

“Jae! Hyung…” The blonde stammered, surprised. “Wait, hyung!” He raised his voice, in a futile attempt to hold back JB, who had already fled.

The silver-haired boy pushed his glasses up his nose bridge with a trembling finger, trying to regain focus and calm his racing heart. It was the first time they had met since that day, and Youngjae looked somewhat skinnier with his slightly sunken cheeks and heavy eyebags. Emotions overwhelmed him as he thought of the brisk physical contact they had a minute ago; he knew he never really stopped loving Youngjae. He was still hurt, and he couldn’t help but wonder: Was it hard for him too?

~~~~~

For a moment after JB’s chat with him, Jinyoung thought he felt sorry towards Mark for behaving as he did that morning. But now, he was raging, his fists clenched till his knuckles turned white as he deliberately stomped hard onto the cement road leading to his house.

Mark had not appeared in any of their common classes; neither did he turn up at their usual meeting spot where they would head off to the bus stop from. Ever since Jinyoung snapped at him, he disappeared, without contact. As much as Jinyoung was guilty for being rude to Mark that morning, he was undeniably pissed that the red head hadn’t bothered to contact him and missed all his texts and calls.

Ugh, stupid Mark.

Jinyoung was planning on how he would throw his backpack at the corner of his room then dive into his bed to sleep and not think about Mark when a familiar red head caught his attention. Sitting on the dirty grass right in front of his doorstep was Mark, who was engrossed in scrutinising the frills and mended patches on Jinyoung’s guitar case.

“Mark?” Jinyoung rubbed his eyes, perplexed.

The redhead stirred from his focus and looked up, a smile instantly plastering across his face. “You’re finally here!”

“What are you doing in front of my house and how did you get my guitar and –”

“No time for questions, Jinyoung. Follow me!” Mark dragged a dumbfounded Jinyoung alongside his excited footsteps, beaming to himself whilst ignoring the latter’s squeals of dissent.

~~~~~

Jinyoung was deadbeat and panting heavily when Mark finally stopped at their destination – the street he frequented as a busker. Before he could catch his breath, Mark opened the guitar case and retrieved the vintage instrument from it, proceeding to leave the opened case on the pavement. This scene seemed just too familiar to Jinyoung…

“Do you remember?” Mark asked with a hopeful expression.

“Remember?” Did he mean our first encounter?

“Almost two months ago, I saw you here, busking on this street at this spot. You talked to me.” Mark said gingerly, blushing as he remembered his sheepish behaviour back then. “You sang a song you composed and… and I really liked it.”

An involuntary smile crept up Jinyoung’s face. He remembers. He remembers and he liked my song. It meant the world to him, for his friend to appreciate his composition and performance. “I remember too. I remember your dazed expression and how you took forever to snap out of it.” Jinyoung chuckled, for one, effectively embarrassing Mark as the redhead fluttered his eyelashes and looked away bashfully, and also as a little form of revenge he wanted to take on Mark for his unintentional words that morning.

Just being with Mark, conversing with each other and laughing, lifted Jinyoung’s spirits by leaps and bounds; he wondered why he even felt anger towards Mark. He wished he could take back his actions, but for now, he was just grateful that the redhead wasn’t alienating him.

“Hey,” Mark scratched his head as he began, “about today, I’m so sorry.” Jinyoung’s smiley eyes drooped and turned glassy upon hearing his friend’s apology. Mark continued, playing with his fingers out of nervousness, “I figured that I probably was too insensitive to just offer you money for the camping trip fees. I didn’t think my words would affect you so much but after JB explained to me, I understand now. I’m sorry, Jinyoung ah.”

Jinyoung groaned inwardly. Why are you such an angel, Mark? Why? His heart was cold as stone before he came, and Mark melted his heart with just a few sentences. Taking a deep breath, he too apologised. “I’m sorry for snapping at you and walking off like that too, Markie. I didn’t know why I acted like that but I’m glad you understand.”

~~~~~

Though it’d been uncountable times, Mark’s stomach still flipped when Jinyoung called him Markie. The nickname made him feel so loved and special, which was important because Jinyoung is important to him. He silently rejoiced their reconciliation. The entire day was so unbearable because he was so afraid that Jinyoung would never stop being angry with him. He didn’t dare to contact him or see him, until JB came to explain Jinyoung’s insecurities, and as though he read an instructional manual, Mark understood instantaneously.

It was the same vulnerability they both had, only in a different context.  And for that, for Jinyoung, he wanted to help him in a way both of them would be comfortable with.

“But why are we here again?” Jinyoung asked, his inquisitive eyes looking into Mark’s questioningly.

Mark smiled, touching Jinyoung’s hand ligthtly. “I have been thinking. We could both earn your camping trip fees together, by busking. We may not earn a lot but it’s better than nothing, right?”

They wasted no time at all, Mark setting up the audio equipment he managed to stuff in his backpack while Jinyoung warmed up his voice. Mark couldn’t help but feel that the raven-haired boy’s attractiveness shot through the roof when he was focused on his performances. He’s so handsome and… perfect. It reminded him of the first time they met at this very spot, and how he fell into the spell of Jinyoung’s amazing voice.

Mark genuinely wanted to attempt to gather more audiences, but his mind was too enthralled by Jinyoung’s voice that all he could do was sway from left to right and smile like an absolute idiot beside the singing boy, before clapping like a trained seal after each performed song. He could stay by Jinyoung’s side forever.

It started off with a few lone pennies hastily flopping into the case, and then Jinyoung’s voice, like a captivating spell, drew more people over. A few satisfied audiences even endowed the humble guitar case with large notes, much to the surprise and immense gratitude of the two boys.

~~~~~~

The once salmon and purple sky transformed into a vast expanse of jet-black that engulfed the town. As time passed, the dwindling crowds brought with them greater quietness that held a peace and tranquility that caused Mark and Jinyoung to feel even more contented. They prepared to pack up and Jinyoung eagerly counted the money painstakingly earned, which summed up to more than seventy percent of the fees required, much to his delight. He could afford the remaining money with a little bit of saving, or he could busk with Mark again, and then he was all set for the trip.

Mark had speedily kept everything, and was waiting patiently for Jinyoung to calculate their earnings. As seconds ticked by, fatigue took over and he slowly dozed off, head nodding towards his chest as he leaned against the concrete wall.

“Markie, could you pass me the water?” Jinyoung asked as he zipped up his guitar case carefully, but was met with no reply. Curious, he turned around and bit his lip to contain his giggles when he caught Mark almost falling over from nodding his head.

It was at times like this when Mark was most beautiful, when his features are relaxed and his expression free from his lingering pain from the loss of his parents. He still had not deciphered his true feelings for Mark, if he really felt the way JB thought he did, but it didn’t matter then. All he could think of was how thankful he was to have Mark by his side.

Gazing at the redhead was a bad choice. Jinyoung couldn’t control himself any longer, stepping forward and taking one last look at the adorable sleepyhead before pulling him into a gentle hug, which startled him and caused him to wake. Both of them were partially in a state of shock, but neither let go of the fragile embrace.

“Thank you so much.” Jinyoung whispered, and Mark let his eyelids fall, then smiled.

♥♥♥

Hellooooo lovelies! I am back after so long! Thank you so much for staying with me despite me taking forever to update and giving such ty updates all the time... All I can say is... school has been hell. Oh wells, what's new? 

I don't have time to proofread this so hopefully there aren't any major mistakes! :o Hope you all enjoy the chapter! A little best friend jealousy + talk + more developments in Markjin's relationship!! ^~^ Again, I hope you guys don't find this too slow and draggy... 

I will try to update more often T__T Comments spur me to write so *hinthinthint*. Thanks for all the subscribers and upvotes too! <3