“What are you doing here?”

The tone of the boy’s question pierced through Jinyoung’s heart like a sharp spear, hurting him as though it drew blood.

“Mark, we have a graded term project and it’s due after the weekend. I couldn’t contact you in any way and you weren’t in school so I got your address from the principal…” Jinyoung explained, eyeing Mark’s reaction, and he gulped when he saw the red head lowering his eyes, looking away.

What did I do wrong? Please tell me, Mark.

Jinyoung bit his lip, then asked cautiously, “Are you okay, Mark? You look very –”

“Terrible, I know. It’s all because of you, Jinyoung.”

“Me? But…” Jinyoung stood rooted to the floor. The carpeted ground gave his feet a warm and snuggly feeling before. Now, the material felt like a bed of needles, triggering pain that shot right up to his heart. His eyes darted to the floor as he slowly moved his hands behind him, fingernails peeling at his own skin, as if physical pain can numb the emotional pain.

He never expected Mark to feel that way. He did not understand. Mark simply disappeared, and when he appeared again, his attitude changed completely. It was almost as though Jinyoung accidentally missed a part of his life – the part where he hurt Mark and caused him to deteriorate into this state.

Jinyoung was nervous for the first time with Mark. He could feel that every word he said stung Mark with venom, hence he would rather not speak. But then again, his emotions overwhelmed him as he watched the red head, and three words fell out of his mouth.

“I missed you.” It came out almost as a whisper, but Mark definitely caught it, for he blinked several times in disbelief of what he had just heard.

Ugh, why did I say that? Now Mark won’t even want to talk to me. Jinyoung slapped himself mentally, and then tried to avoid eye contact with the surprised Mark.

~~~~~

At first when he heard those three words, Mark’s stomach flipped. Did I… did I hear him say… “I miss you”? Upon realisation that he wasn’t hearing things, he could not help but smile inside, while heat crept up his neck and cheeks.

Jinyoung misses me… Does he? But… he didn’t even care about me when JB…

The thought of JB drove Mark to feel betrayed again. Jinyoung practically ignored him for an entire week and then abandoned him that night, all for JB. He looked into Jinyoung’s eyes and stammered, “Well, you’re… you’re probably gone for more than an hour now. Don’t you think JB misses you already?”

~~~~~

Jinyoung was stunned. He had never seen Mark acting this way before; he was usually bashful and shy, soft-spoken and passive, yet he asked such a question.

Is Mark… jealous?

Jinyoung’s expression softened. Mark was indeed jealous and he found it so adorable. Taking small steps towards Mark’s bed, he sat beside the precious boy and rested his hand on the boy’s knee, giving him a small but assuring smile.

“Hey, Markie,” he spoke with the gentlest voice, “about JB, he’s my best friend, alright? He needed help with his film project so I can’t really say no to him. And on that night, I swear, I really, really, really wanted to have dinner with you.”

Mark raised his eyebrows skeptically, and in response, Jinyoung patted his leg comfortingly. He continued, “But JB broke up with his boyfriend, Youngjae, and he needed someone to be there for him. It so happens that I’m that someone.”

Mark’s eyes widened. He bit his lower lip guiltily as he heard Jinyoung’s explanation; never did he think that such a thing could happen to JB. He didn’t give Jinyoung a chance to explain, and he regretted it instantly. If only he did not shut Jinyoung out of his life for that one week, things could have been a whole lot better. Tears were welling up in his eyes and he wanted to break down and apologise to Jinyoung profusely, but the raven-haired boy spoke.

“I’m sorry, Mark. I’m sorry for not telling you.”

~~~~~

Mark observed how Jinyoung’s facial muscles softened when he looked straight into his eyes. From the way Jinyoung was focusing on him, he was sure the boy could see his tears threatening to fall out.

I’m sorry too. I’m sorry, Jinyoung.

Mark was almost completely convinced by Jinyoung. He truly missed his presence; his presence could take him through any hardship. However, a part of Mark needed assurance. He wasn’t sure if he could handle another fall from the heavens if Jinyoung were to suddenly neglect him again. His wings were broken and if he fell again before they recovered, he wouldn’t live. That wouldn’t matter a month ago, for life anyway. But it’s a different story now.

Happiness is like soda. It’s fizzy, sweet, but it doesn’t last long. If one yearns for it too much, he may end up with cavities. Mark didn’t mind losing all his teeth for Jinyoung. He yearned for the happiness the latter had given him, but he was insecure.

“Why are you even explaining to me, Jinyoung?” Mark sputtered. “I’m… I’m not even important.”

His heart thumped violently as he waited for Jinyoung’s response. The raven-haired boy was silent for what seemed like eternity. He stared at Mark with an incomprehensible expression, then his lips twitched slightly, burning a hole in the latter’s heart.

He agrees with me. I’m not important. He doesn’t want to say it but it’s true…

I am nothing.

Depression washed over Mark again, and he quietly shifted himself, inching away from Jinyoung.

It’s over –

And the next thing he remembered was Jinyoung grabbing his hand and pulling him out of his room. Mark stumbled along and gazed at the boy pulling him. It wasn’t an overstatement to say that it felt like a scene from a movie, neither was it to say that Mark’s heart almost jumped out from his throat when he felt Jinyoung’s pulse against his.

Palms pressed against one another, hearts beating in syncronisation.

“Ahjussi! I’m taking Mark for the evening!” Jinyoung shouted as he stepped down the stairs, and Mark could only look at him in awe as he tried to follow his quick footsteps.

“Where are you taking me?” Mark asked, between huffs and puffs.

Jinyoung simply chuckled, “You’ll see.”

~~~~~

Ever had that feeling where everything appears to be happening in slow motion? It was as if Mark could see how his five senses were being processed in his brain, as if he could count the number of hairs being swept up every time the breeze caressed him, as if the colours around him could be broken down into pixelated pigments. The only thing that was going off at rapid speed was his heart.

When they finally stopped to catch their breath, Mark gasped, “So where are we going?”

“Shhh… Be patient, it’s just around the corner.”

The silhouettes of the surroundings began to register in his brain and Mark realised that he had been here before.

Isn’t this…?

“We’re here.” Jinyoung flashed a proud smile at the red head.

It’s Jinyoung’s house.

“This is my house.” Jinyoung confirmed Mark’s thought. He turned to Mark and saw his perplexed expression, and scratched his head sheepishly in response. “Yeah, I’m kinda poor so my house isn’t really a nice sight, but I assure you it’s cozy! Hope you don’t mind!”

So, Jinyoung’s parents didn’t tell him about my visit…

He would be too embarrassed to admit that he once followed Jinyoung to his apartment from school, just to know where he lives. He insisted that it wasn’t stalking, nor was it an obsession; it was more like a need to fulfill his curiousity. Either ways, it was obvious that Mark was interested in Jinyoung.

“I don’t mind.” Mark averted his eyes from Jinyoung, to the small apartment standing in front of him. It looked different when it was pitch black; he didn’t notice the faded paint on the exterior and the rusty doorknob. Not that it mattered, for Mark was never one to judge others based on their financial capabilities or living conditions. “But… why did you bring me here?”

“I want to show you how important of a friend you are to me.”

Jinyoung was doing it again. That boy is a powerhouse: heat, electricity, everything was coursing through Mark’s veins when that sentence dropped, just like a drug, and Mark was addicted.

He continued, looking into Mark’s eyes sincerely, “You’re the first friend I’ve brought home,” he smiled as he watched Mark’s cheeks turn pink, then added, “not even JB has been to my house.”

Really? Mark was truly surprised, his lips parted but no words came out. If this was Jinyoung’s way of comforting him and assuring him of their friendship, it worked for Mark. The fact that he was the only one Jinyoung was willing to bring home made him feel special.

Feeling special is such a strong emotion. Mark was floating with happiness. He felt valued and of importance; for once, he felt like he was the exceptional one.

~~~~~

Jinyoung flew to cloud nine as he saw the hint of a smile on Mark’s face.

I can save our friendship, I can.

He grabbed Mark’s hand again – an action he had grown used to doing in a mere hour, for he felt secure when they are connected physically – and brought him to the doorstep, stopping in his tracks as he remembered something important.

“Mark, I have to tell you something.”

The red head looked up at him with a questioning look.

“My mum… well… she’s blind. So, don’t be too shocked when you see her, alright?”

Jinyoung let out a huge breath after he’d said that. He usually would not share this with other people – so far only JB knew – but he could trust Mark. Besides, he wanted to tell Mark everything about himself. If there was one thing he valued, it was trust. Trust is the basis of any form of relationship: kinship, friendship, and romantic relationships. And honesty is the first step to building trust.

Mark attempted to hide his astonishment with a small smile and a nod. “No worries,” he said, and Jinyoung heaved a sigh of relief. Learning about Jinyoung’s financial situation and his mum’s disability ignited a sense of sympathy in Mark. He could empathise with Jinyoung, who struggled to live. It was similar to how Mark lost the reason to live after his parents left him; both of them have tough lives. He unwittingly gripped onto Jinyoung’s arm tighter, feeling a sudden urge to protect him.

Inserting the key into the rusty keyhole, Jinyoung opened the door and called out to his mum, as he did every day.

“Omma, I’m back with a friend!”

“Omo, bring him over, Jinyoungie.” The familiar friendly voice replied.

Soon, they were face to face with a petite woman. Her hair had tints of silver-grey, and wrinkles were deeply etched on her forehead and at the corner of her eyes. Age was not something she tried to hide, but it was not obvious in any way, for her bright smile outshined it.

“Good evening, Ahjumma.” Mark spoke timidly, hiding behind Jinyoung. It was his first time formally meeting an adult in a long time, and he was afraid he would come off as disrespectful. Plus, the resemblance between Jinyoung and his mum was so striking that he could not help but feel a little intimidated. After all, if one Jinyoung could make his insides do somersaults, what possibcould two Jinyoungs do?

The lady chuckled softly. “Don’t need to be so formal, young man. You can call me omma.”

“O…Omma.” Mark responded shyly, blushing even harder when Jinyoung grinned at him. 

“Come, have a seat, and don’t mind me if I accidentally hit you with my walking stick.” Jinyoung’s mum joked, lifting the atmosphere of the tiny apartment. “You must be Mark.”

It was Jinyoung’s turn to be shocked. Flabbergasted, he looked from his mum’s smiling face to Mark’s equally surprised expression. “How did you know, mum?” His voice raised several pitches.

Jinyoung’s mum recognised Mark’s distinct, deep yet shy voice from his short conversation with her husband at their doorstep that night. She knew from Jinyoung’s tone that he did not know about Mark’s visit, and silently decided to help the boy keep his little secret. “Oh, considering how much you rave about him at home, I figured!”

“Omma! Stop it!” Jinyoung whined. Both boys turned red from the comment and Jinyoung hurriedly tried to change the subject. “Anyway, can Mark have dinner with us tonight?”

“Of course, my dear. Dinner is almost already. You boys, please set the table, will you?”

~~~~~

Mark was blown away by how Jinyoung’s mum could prepare dinner without sight. The way her hands worked effortlessly reminded him greatly of how Jinyoung’s fingers skillfully plucked on the guitar when he first met him. It was still so surreal. What coincidence did it take for the two to meet again, in the same school, taking the same course? Surely, it was destiny.

Mark’s thoughts were interrupted by a whiff of the aroma from the kitchen.

“Dinner is ready, boys!”

They hopped over to help with carrying the dishes, then settled down around the small table. “Dig in, boys. Mark, I hope my cooking is up to your standard!”

Mark smiled back, even though he was aware that Jinyoung’s mum would not be able to see the smile for herself. Having dinner in such an environment was so vastly different from what he had been experiencing. Compared to having an overly huge table to himself, Mark very much preferred the current set-up, with a table so small that it’s overflowing with dishes, and stools so close their knees are touching. It felt so much more… comfortable, heartwarming, happy.

There were enough examples to fill up a notebook to prove that Mark hated being lonely, and there were now almost as many to prove that ninety-nine percent of the time, Jinyoung was the source of his happiness, at least for the past decade (and they only met slightly more than a month ago).

Mark missed the feeling of kinship. He missed his family, and this dinner was a stark reminder of how much he loved his family dinners, yet he could never have another. But for now, Mark was grateful for the care he was receiving from Jinyoung’s mum. The lady never failed to neglect Mark. She asked for his opinion on the food, offered him more meat, and she spoke to him like he was her own son.

“Our Mark is so polite and has such a nice voice!” She complimented, and the red head’s heart swelled with emotions. She complimented him like how a mother would compliment her child.

It had been so long, twelve years, to be exact, since he felt a mother’s love. His throat tightened, but he willed himself not to show his sorrow.

~~~~~

An hour had passed and the three had gotten along well, engaging in a conversation full of laughter.

“Aigoo, my Jinyoung is always talking about you, Mark. What’s your charm?”

“Omma!” The two boys protested in unison, then turned to look at each other, embarrassed.

“It’s nothing like that, omma.” Mark replied meekly.

“I’m sure you’re a very handsome boy.” With that, Mark’s cheeks burnt. He stole a glance of Jinyoung to catch his reaction, and he spotted the boy pouting at his mum.

“Do you mind?” She asked sincerely. “Do you mind if I feel your face?”

Mark stuttered, confused. “Feel… feel my face?”

“Omma wants to know how you look like.” Jinyoung explained, giving Mark an encouraging gesture, beckoning him to sit closer to his mum.

“O…okay…” Mark’s voice trailed off as he felt a pair of hands cupping his cheeks. Jinyoung’s mum gently moved her hands over Mark’s porcelain skin, fingers tracing the contours of his features. As her fingers moved lightly, Mark could feel the warmth radiating from her hands. He could feel the soft skin with a little bit of roughness at certain areas – callouses from the housework she had done over the years. Mark closed his eyes as she reached his brow bone. The sense of her touch was stronger now that he wasn’t looking at her.

Her hands felt just like…

Omma…

Mark cried inside, not for “omma”, Jinyoung’s mum, but for his own mother.

Mum… Omma…

He missed her so much. He missed her face, her voice and her touch. The ache of longing for his mother to return had just grown from a dull throb to excruciating pain. When he closed his eyes, it almost felt like his own mother was caressing his cheeks lovingly.

She is not my own mother.

My mum is not coming back.

She is gone… Twelve years ago, she had already been gone.

The pain of the truth was unbearable. It was like someone forced Mark to wake up from the best, most beautiful dream ever. But no, it was worse than that. Reality is cruel, merciless, and Mark would never be able to escape its talons no matter how hard he tried. It will forever be a fact: his parents are dead.

He could not take it anymore. Standing up abruptly, he bolted out of the door, accidentally kicking the stool on the way. As the stool fell to the floor with a thud, so did Jinyoung’s heart.

♥♥♥

Dear readers, an update for you all! ^~^ Firstly, I'd like to say that YOU GUYS ARE SO AMAZING. I received so many comments for the previous chapter! I never felt so motivated to update a new chapter for y'all! Sigh, writing is seriously not my talent. I take forever to write, and this whole time, I've been feeling so guilty for not being able to update ASAP. I hope the wait isn't too long! 

And another thing is... I feel like my inspiration is crumbling. I don't think this chapter is that great (it's far better from my first draft but I just don't feel satisfied, I'm not sure why), what do you all think? Comment to let me know! And remember to subscribe if you haven't done so, and upvote to tell me that you like the story!