Taeyeon yawned loudly as she looked for a little bran bar that she thought was in the sea of things that composed her disastrous room. Truthfully, her room looked like a tornado had passed and left no survivors. T-shirts, shorts, pants, even underwear lying on different piles throughout the room. Remnants of food and drinks scattered around her bed, sofa, and desk. After a while, she found the little bar under one pile of t-shirts she hadn’t washed in weeks. She wrinkled her nose as a not so nice smell filled her nostrils. She ought to clean this pigsty, but who had time for that?

She was truly sleepy right now, being 2 in the morning. Normal people would sleep, but Taeyeon couldn’t, only wanting to do the thing that she was sure she was born to do, follow THE idol Tiffany Hwang.

Kim Taeyeon was the tech administrator of one of the biggest fansites/forums of Tiffany. She had escalated in the ladder of the fansite, until she became one of the most influential and important people needed for the site to run. That’s why she usually would have two to three hours of sleep every night, having not only to check everything in the site was running well, but also needing to know everything that could be known about Tiffany.

She sipped the straw of the small can of soda she was drinking and continued writing some codes, trying to fix a bug in the profile names. She never had dreamed that the bachelor’s degree her “parents” forced her to get would be of use. Now, she thanked those guys for pushing her to do it. Why? Not only because she was able to help others to know about the glorious Tiffany, but also because she felt she was contributing with something important to others.

She opened the bran bar and gave it a little bite. Her stomach grumbled as she savored the little piece of food. Not having a job made her be like this. Her “parents” kicking her out of the house made her be like this. It didn’t matter, though, as long as she could see her blinding star.

It had started some years ago, when her “parents” kicked her out of the house, justifying themselves by saying that she was old enough to live by herself. She knew better.

In that time, she really didn’t have anywhere to go. Being always someone antisocial led her to have zero friends, so she had no one to go to.

With the little money she had, she went to a jjimjilbang, hoping to live there for a while until she found a job. However, the job market is like a jungle, and like Darwin said, only the fittest survived. So she ran out of money before being able to get a job, and again she got kicked out of there.

For some time, she wandered through the streets, sometimes having to do the humiliating task of asking strangers for money by playing her guitar. She continued looking for a job, but every time she looked more disheveled, the opportunities went farther away.

One night, she decided to follow the counseling of a homeless person and go to a kind of shelter for the homeless.

I would go myself, but they strip you out of the good stuff. He had said.

She never arrived to that place, because some thugs decided that her already dirty and overused clothing in her backpack was worth stealing. Oh, and they also decided it would be fun to stab her. Jerks.

She laid there for a while, feeling each passing second more miserable. She lost her family, her home, her dignity, anything of value, and she was dying. Wasn’t that what her “parents” wanted anyway?

Someone had mercy on her and took her to the hospital. However, she was left with the bill. Having no meanings to pay for the care at the hospital, she demanded to be checked out. She left the hospital per her request, but she was still hurt.

She walked to the park, feeling more miserable than ever. Before, she wanted to live to spite her “parents”, but now all she wanted was the exact opposite. She sat at a chair where someone was typing something on her phone.

She got lost in her thoughts. If she died, would anyone care? She didn’t care anymore, so it’s was almost completely possible that no one would. If she tried to live, how would she live? She had already tried by all means to make a living and lead a decent life, but to no avail.

She shivered in the night, more than anything feeling the stinginess of not only the lack but also for something that had been growing in her chest since long time ago, loneliness. She needed someone who would care, who would be there for her.

“Hey.”

Taeyeon turned her head to the girl she believed was typing on the phone.

“Um… hi?”

The girl just smiled with an inscrutable toothless grin.

“Do you need a place to stay?”

Sooyoung was a nice person who let her stay with her for as long as she needed. She helped her and heard her woes. She took care of her, but somehow, it didn’t seem enough for Taeyeon, who had found a companion in Sooyoung.

Everything started after a few weeks of staying in Sooyoung’s little apartment. They were watching a game for the baseball league, and she and Sooyoung were discussing about the teams that had played.

“Let it go, Kim. My team won and your team bulgogi,” Sooyoung said as she stood up to make hot chocolate for her and Taeyeon.

Taeyeon just huffed. She was always a sore loser. She moved in the sofa so she could be able to see Sooyoung making the warm beverage as the TV news started. Even though Taeyeon was watching her companion making hot chocolate, she could still hear the voice of the dude who announced the news. Something about a fansign of a dumb girl group, a story of an animal-like hero, a suicide in a poor district of Seoul, a car accident in a main road, she didn’t care at all.

“Hey, can you change the channel?” Sooyoung asked.

“Sure, where to?”

“Channel 256.”

Taeyeon arched an eyebrow. “The music channel? I would have never imagined that you had interest in such a channel.”

Sooyoung just shrugged her shoulders. “I like to see it from time to time. It helps me to keep with popular songs.”

Taeyeon changed the channel just as Sooyoung came to the sofa, giving Taeyeon a cup of heaven. Taeyeon immediately took a sip and sighed in contentment. In such rainy days, where every type of coldness went through her, a cup of hot chocolate was always welcome.

“What?” Taeyeon asked as she heard a groan from the taller, but younger girl.

“There’s no music, just a program of Tiffany Hwang!”

“Who?” Taeyeon didn’t really keep up with celebrities. She never had time for that. She was always busy trying not to die.

“This new artist that has been appearing everywhere! I see her at television, billboards, and bus advertisements. It’s driving me crazy!”

Taeyeon hummed, a little interested with this apparently new-to-the-industry girl. She turned her head to the TV, where a sight took her breath away.

Anyway at this point may think that her beauty was that took Taeyeon’s breath away, but no. Her beauty was amazing, but what made her breathless where her eyes. Eyes that spoke of warmness and kindness, things so foreign to her since she was a toddler.

“I’m going to change the channel,” Sooyoung warned Taeyeon, as if she didn’t want to scare her with the sudden change.

“NO! KEEP IT THERE!” Taeyeon yelled, feeling unable get separated from that person, even if it was just a recording.

“Ok, ok, jeez…”

Since then, her heart was attracted to the beautiful Fany. Seeing her messages to her fans and her dedication to them made her smile in bliss. Her eyes, always caring and living, made her heart flutter. Her I love you’s and flying kisses would always swarm in her mind like bees without sting. She definitely couldn’t leave her, not for a second.

She smiled as happy memories with her beloved mushroom filled her mind and sleepiness closed her eyes.  She will forever love her, to death.

A pair of eyes became crescent moons as she watched in her screen the now asleep small girl. One of the most pleasant sights for her was seeing her sleep, when she looked the cutest. It makes me wanna kiss her! She squealed internally.

She had been waiting for years for the right moment, and every time she watched her sleep, she knew that the time came closer that she would be with her forever. She had everything planned, they would meet, and they would look into their eyes, falling in love once again. They would get married and live happily ever after, with no one to separate them or break them apart.

She squealed again. She felt so giddy just by thinking about it. She just needed to be precise in her timing, and everything would go as it should have gone the first time. She grabbed a little pink notebook and opened it in a blank page. She wrote the date.

Dear Diary,

Today I was able to watch Taetae longer than usual. As always, her expressions are adorable, but nothing can ever compare to watching her sleep. SO CUTE! It had been a long time since I last saw her sleep, so watching her today makes me happy. It makes me happy to think that soon we’ll together forever. Forever. Forever. Forever.

“Miss Hwang, the car awaits.”

Tiffany just nodded, exiting the camera program and closing her mini laptop. She stood up and followed the male who had just called.

“You seem happier today,” the man commented as they made their way through the corridors to the building’s exit.

Tiffany just limited herself to smile as a single word floated in her mind. Forever.