I fixed the crease in my dress for the nth time, something I’ve learned to use with time to hide my stress and anxiety. I knew doing so wouldn’t do anything, nor fix the crease nor solve the thing that made my heart beat like in a marathon. I couldn’t help it. I was going to do this. I had to do this. I needed to do this.

 

All the lights of our former high school theatre were off, so I was in the obscurity, both physically and mentally, waiting for the right time when she would enter the place.

 

I had been rehearsing this for months, even though I have heard the song thousands of times and knew the lyrics by heart. It’s just that the anxiety was eating me because I knew this was it.

 

“Unnie,” a voice rang suddenly beside me and I jumped, a little bit startled by the intrusion of the voice in the quiet atmosphere that matched the obscurity of the theatre. I turned to look at the place where the voice originated and even through the dark I could distinguish her face. I smiled.

 

“Oh, Joohyun-ah, you made it.”

 

Joohyun just nodded.

 

“Did you bring the score with you?” I asked, feeling more anxious by the minute, knowing that the arrival of Joohyun marked the proximity of the start this event.

 

“Of course, who do you think I am to forget the score?” she answered playfully. I just stuck my tongue at her in a weak retaliation, but after that there was silence. I never really had much to say, but I had even less to say in these kind of moments, where fixing my crease every three minutes was something to calm my much altered nerves.

 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” she asked for the 20^th time that week. I nodded, feeling a shiver going down my spine. I would have wanted to answer something verbally, something to reassure her that even though my hands were clammy beyond belief and my heart was beating so loud and so fast that I could barely hear anything else, I would be ok.

 

The thing was, I couldn’t trust myself to open my mouth now the she asked me this question.

 

“I am going to take my position,” Joohyun said. Then there were another few moments of silence that, to my liking, were comfortable most of the time, but this time, were very unwelcome. She left, her destination being the piano that was settled at the side of the already open stage.

 

Everything had already been planned since a year ago. All the girls agreed to this since the beginning, and they had been rehearsing this with me all this time to make this work. Something so special was a one-time thing that screwing up was out of the question. It is one of those moments that, whether the first time came out well or not, the second time wouldn’t have the same effect.

 

I had worked so hard, not only to battle my fears and anxiety, but to be able to convey my feelings subtly into the song, even if the circumstances weren’t the best to do so. I knew this was the last chance I had to convey my feelings, whether they would be understood and reciprocated or not. I hoped this would suffice to my heart and subconscious.

 

I heard a vibration coming from a chair. I picked my phone and answered.

 

“She’s almost there.”

 

“Thanks, Yuri,” I said and hung up.

 

This was it. It was now or never.

 

I took my place at the center of the stage. I fixed the crease of my dress again and closed my eyes, waiting for the inevitable.

 

Soon enough, I heard the creak of a door opening and closing, followed by the sound of heels clinking against the wooden floor. I opened my eyes, and again I couldn’t see in the darkness of this place.

 

“Hello?” a sweet, yet husky voice said uncertain. My breath hitched and my heart started beating more erratically, if that was even possible. Now the low confidence I had to do it had dissipated at the sound of her voice and I wanted to run away, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t ruin this for her.

 

I tried to calm down unsuccessfully and locate her, but darkness continued to blind my eyes.

 

Suddenly, there was light. It was pointing at a seat in particular, at the front of the rows of seats of the school theatre, where a bouquet of roses was waiting for the lovely girl that was making her way to the seat.

 

At last I could see her in the light. She looked beautiful. I mean, she’s always been beautiful, but tonight she looked so beautiful in a different way. Her hair and makeup done, and that beautiful dress I had suggested to her two years ago. I felt a lump in my throat, but I forced myself to swallow it.

 

I had to do this. I repeated this to myself in my own thoughts, over and over, until she sat at the seat prepared for her.

 

For a few moments I concentrated on her face. Her face didn’t give any emotion away, but her eyes sang a different song. There was confusion, excitement, nervousness, and another emotion I couldn’t quite place.

 

She looked expectantly at her sides, waiting for something.

 

The sound of a piano started, and I knew it was my cue to begin.

 

I swallowed again, trying to not only swallow the again-formed lump in my throat, but also to swallow all the bad feelings that were drowning my heart into the Marianas Trench.

 

Then, a light flashed upon me, and I was visible to the world, more namely, to a girl named Stephanie Hwang.

 

She looked a little bit surprised and tried to say something, but I stopped her with a hand gesture. We looked at each other’s eyes for a few moments before I opened my mouth to do what I did best.

 

I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.

I still feel your touch in my dream.

Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why

Without you it's hard to survive.

 

I closed my eyes, not wanting to see Tiffany staring at me. Instead, I concentrated in conveying my feelings.

 

'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling.

And every time we kiss, I swear I could fly.

 

Unwittingly, every memory of our friendship flew to me, every laugh, every tear, every hug, every brush of our hands when we walked together, every caress when we watched a movie together; it came like a punch in the gut. I knew my voice sounded weak, but I couldn’t, or in this case, didn’t want to do anything about it.

 

Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.

Need you by my side.

'Cause every time we touch, I feel the static.

And every time we kiss, I reach for the sky.

Can't you hear my heart beat so...

 

I felt with more force the already existent lump in my throat and I felt close to tears. I knew what I was singing next were the selfish feelings of my heart, and that wounded me.

 

I can't let you go.

Want you in my life.

 

Your arms are my castle; your heart is my sky.

They wipe away tears that I cry.

The good and the bad times, we've been through them all.

You make me rise when I fall.

 

I remembered our darkest times.

 

I remembered the day of the funeral of my parents, where she comforted me and wiped away my tears.

 

I remembered the day she came to my house crying, telling me the horrible truth that her mother and she suspected for months, but didn’t have proof of it until that day; her dad was cheating on her mom. I remembered how on that day I held her until she cried to sleep in my arms. I didn’t let her go for a moment, not even to relieve my necessities.

 

She needed me, and I needed her.

 

I started singing more strongly, pushing my very obvious weakness and pain away from my vocal chords. She deserved the best of me, even if it was just my voice.

 

Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling.

The end was close and I really wanted to run away.

 

And every time we kiss, I swear I could fly.

I didn’t want to do this.

 

Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.

I tried to convince myself that I did. But who was I fooling?

 

Need you by my side.

I really didn’t want to do this.

 

'Cause every time we touch, I feel the static.

 I never did.

 

And every time we kiss, I reach for the sky.

Can't you hear my heart beat so...

I can't let you go.

Want you in my life.

 

I opened my eyes and, without sparing a glance at her, since I couldn’t stand to look at her in that moment, and looked behind her, at the doors that were opening, revealing a masculine figure.

 

'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling.

And every time we kiss, I swear I could fly.

Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.

Need you by my side.

 

He approached quietly, sensing that Tiffany hadn’t felt him enter the theatre. I looked at Tiffany, not wanting to oust the male that was there. Her gaze made my stomach clench. It was a gaze that I couldn’t decipher, no matter how much I tried to, but what I could see was that it was intense, extremely intense. I quivered a little under her gaze.

 

'Cause every time we touch, I feel the static.

And every time we kiss, I reach for the sky.

Can't you hear my heart beat so...

I can't let you go.

Want you in my life.

 

Then… silence.

 

 We looked at each other for a moment. Again, it seemed that she wanted to say something…

 

“Tiffany,” the male that now was next to her, voiced.

 

She turned around, very surprised.

 

“Nichkhun?”

 

Without any warning or introduction, he started reciting the small monologue I had heard him say and rehearse a few months every day we got together. I blocked his voice, however, not wanting to hear him. I decidedly stayed rooted in my place.

 

I was hurting so bad, but not because of the handsome boy that was now taking the attention of Tiffany, but because I couldn’t let her go. I knew that letting her go was for the best, because she needed a man to rely on, to protect, love, and cherish her. Not in a million years could I ever accomplish that, at least, not in the way Tiffany deserved.

 

She deserved someone better, and that better was Nichkhun, the handsome young man who had won her heart and the hearts of all their friends.

 

At first, I tried to hate him, I really did, but I came to realize, after meeting him, that he was the one that Tiffany needed, the one that could make her happy.

 

He was getting on one knee and I heard Tiffany gasp. I turned around and started to do what I had wanted since the beginning, run away.

 

I heard Joohyun whisper, calling out to me, but I didn’t turn back to her. My tears where threatening to spill and the lump in my throat threatened to materialize in a sob as I walked away from my only love and her destiny, happiness.

 

I reached the back door of the theatre that led to outside, while I heard that masculine voice say.

 

“Would you marry me?”

 

I opened the back door and touched the fabric of my dress, but this time, I didn’t fix the crease, and left.