POV Baekhyun

I sighed as I closed the door of her room. Where did she go again? I hated when I didn't know where she was. Indeed, my little sister had a bad habit. She was cutting herself. I tried many times to stop her but it didn't work. So the only way I found to prevent her from cutting was to be with her. Always. However that was impossible. I couldn’t' force her to always stay by my side. I had to let her some space. Thanks to that, I was always worried about her. I wouldn't forgive myself if something happened to her. She was my everything.

I turned around and walked toward my bedroom. Maybe I would be more lucky with my phone. I picked it up from my desk and dialed her number. I waited a few seconds but she didn't answer. I closed my eyes and clenched my fingers on the phone. The urge to throw it on the wall grew in me. I took a deep breath and remembered the Doctor's words. I had to think about something calm. The picture of the ocean appeared in my mind, but that didn't calm me down. The urge to punch something or to throw something was still there. The other advise that the doctor gave me was to walk. I then decided to walk my dog.

I grabbed my jacket and my dog's leash before going downstairs. I whistled and let out a little laugh as Goofy ran toward me. I still don't know why I named the dog like that. Maybe it was because of the first time I saw him. He jumped out of excitement and slipped and fell. I had never laughed so hard my whole life. It was my Doctor's idea to get me a dog. They said that it would help me to contain my anger. I must say that it did help me.. a bit. I still have anger issues. I sighed a bit and put the leash around Goofy's neck. It was a two year old black pug. He was quite cute though. It took me some time to admit that my dog was cute. I hated to admit things like that. It's weird, I know.

I was about to get away when the front door was opened. My mother and a man I had never seen entered. She seemed surprised that I was here. Yeah.. I was supposed to be at school. She didn't scold me and just shrugged. She then explained me that she was getting married to the man she was with. I looked at him. He was wearing a black suit and looked wealthy. He extended his hand to me with the hope that I would shake it. I rolled my eyes and ignored him and my mom's voice. Their relationship wasn't going to last anyway. I didn't want to be friendly with someone I knew I wouldn't see anymore. I took my keys and quickly walked outside.

Once there, I picked out my phone from my pocket. It was only then that I realized I was shaking. I was so used to feel anger that I couldn't recognize it from other feelings. I was feeling angry just like I was breathing. It became automatic. Sometimes it had its , like when I felt the urge to throw my phone on the wall. I dialed my sister's number and tried to call her again. This time she answered. She told me that she was at the mall with Luna, one of her friend from the school. I sighed in relief. At least she wasn't alone. I didn't ask her why she wasn't attending school. First I didn't care and second she could ask me the same question. I just told her that I was walking Goofy and that I would pick her up so she had to stay around the mall. I looked at Goofy.

-”Should we go?”

-”Woof”

My lips stretched in a small smile and I began to walk. I decided to go to the dog park located behind the mall. I could let Goofy play around a bit and then pick my sister up. I started to think about her and the first time I saw her cutting herself. It was a few months ago. We just began to attend the cooking school. She then fell in love with a certain Xiumin. I didn't know him until she showed him to me. They then started to date but he left her after just a few days. He didn't even have the guts to break up with her face to face. He just texted “we are over” to her. I heard her crying in her room. When I came in, I saw her with bloody scissors. I immediately understood and called the hospital.

Since then, my hatred toward Xiumin kept on increasing. I almost killed him once. He was walking in the corridors with his three stupid friends. I was holding a knife for one lesson. Not stabbing him was the hardest thing I had ever experienced so far. Every time I was seeing him, my anger was coming at its . He was the reason of my little sister's sadness. I couldn't forgive him for that. I shook my head. I shouldn't think about him. The purpose of this walk was to calm me down. Thinking of him wasn't helping me.

As I walked, I felt my muscled relaxing little by little. I quite liked that feeling. I guess that it was my anger fading away. I couldn't feel the anger when it was there but I could clearly feel it fading away. I took a deep breath. The weather was pleasant. Not too hot nor too cold. Just the perfect weather. I wasn't living far from the dog park and I arrived there quickly. I looked around. There were many people. Too many people. I didn't like people. Anyway people didn't like me neither. They had always been afraid of me. Mostly because of my anger problem. I was indeed born like that. With the time, you have a certain reputation. Mine was that I could easily come out of control and hit everyone, even my friends. I once had a friend. But he eventually followed everyone and left me.

I opened the gate and entered in, followed by my dog. I then took off hi leash and let him running away. I then spotted and empty bench. I slowly stepped toward it. I sat and took my phone and my earphones. I didn't want anybody to talk to me. The best way to indicate that you want to be alone was listening to music. That worked every time. I started the playlist and looked for my dog. He was playing with a little Terkel. I closed my eyes. I felt relaxed.

After a few minutes, I felt a pain on the back of my head. Without opening my eyes I knew who it was : Chanyeol and his friends. They were bullying me since the first year of high school. After an accident that happened when I was in 10^th grade, I was forbid to fight back, even to protect myself. These guys understood that well and pleasure themselves by hitting me. At first it hurt as hell. But then I got more and more used to it. Now I wasn't feeling anything. One of them pull my hair backward. I winced a bit and opened my eyes. Kyuhyun.. This one wasn't really the stronger but he was the one with the worst idea. It was him who once suggested them to make me drink detergent. It cost me a whole month of hospital.

A punch on my head made me fall from the bench. That strength was Taemin's. Although he was the thinnest boy I knew, his strength was no joke. I heard Chanyeol's voice laughing at me. I frowned a bit. Where was Minho, the fourth one? I felt my hair being pulled up and a face popped up in front of mine. Oh there he is. He let me go and I fell on the ground. Chanyeol squatted down in front of me.

-”Baekhyun, Baekhyun, Baekhyun.. What should we do? You actually sat on OUR bench. Your mommy didn't teach you not to take what's not yours? Oh right, she was busy satisfying her client” he said

-”Your mother was a good teacher” I answered

I wasn't looking at his face but I guessed that he looked annoyed. I saw his leg going up and befell on my head. The hit was powerful. No doubt, Chanyeol was definitely the strongest of all. My nose started  to bleed. It was painful, but not that painful. They did worse to me anyway. One by one they kicked me while laughing. And they called me a psycho. As always, I was alone. The people in the parc pretended not to see me. It was fine, I was used to it. Either they hit me in a crowded place or in a desert, it would be the same. People don't like to get involved in situations like that.

How I wanted to stand up and fight back. I would destroy them. I knew I was stronger than them and they also knew it. That was why they were bullying me. They knew how strong I was and that I couldn't fight back. So they were hitting me. Maybe they thought they'd look stronger. I just patiently waited for them to stop and endured all the kicks. I heard my dog barking at them. I wanted to shout “attack” but if Goofy attacks them, he will be put to sleep, and I didn't want that. So I kept silent. They eventually stopped. Not all of my bones were broken but I was badly injured. Anyway it wasn't as if someone would care. Chanyeol bent down on me and patted my head while saying “see you soon” before walking away.

Goofy ran toward me and liked my wounds. Oh yeah I was wrong, Goofy would actually worry about me. I tried to stand up but when I contracted my muscles the pain kept me on the ground. I rolled on my back to face the sky. Clouds appeared but it was still sunny. I didn't know when I would be able to stand up. I sighed. I could take a few minutes like a few hours. Nobody knows. I closed my eyes once again when I heard someone shouting.

-”Oh my God ! Are you okay?”

I ignored it, convinced that it wasn't for me. I felt some shades on my face and opened my eyes. A girl was standing above me. She was looking pretty worried. I frowned. Was it her who shouted? Was it addressed to me? We stayed silent for a few seconds, without doing anything. She then bent down and helped me sitting up. She repeated herself but I couldn't answer. I didn't know how to answer that. It was the first time someone else than Goofy ever cared about me. I nodded. She looked relieved. I frowned. I didn't get her. I didn't know her and she didn't know me. Why was she helping me? What was wrong with her? I looked more closely at her. She was European. Now that I was thinking of it, she was talking with an accent.

She picked a bottle of water  from her bag and handed it to me. I lifted my arm and took it before drinking a bit. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. As if looking at her could help me understanding her actions. I handed her bottle back. She then helped me to stand up. I checked if my ankles were broken. They weren't. I sat on the bench. Goofy jumped on it and laid next to me, resting his head on my lap. The unknown girl sat next to me. She was definitely looking worried about me.

-”What did they want? Did they stole anything to you?” she asked.

I shook my head. They weren't interested in money. They just wanted to kick someone and I was that someone. But I couldn't possibly tell her that. For the first time I was ashamed. Ashamed of being bullied. Ashamed of not being able to fight back. Ashamed of my anger problems...Ashamed of who I was. I still wasn't sure why. I never cared about those kind of things before. Was it because of her? Was it what they were calling love at first sight? I heard sighing.

-”You're not really talkative.. Anyway, are you really okay? Are you sure you don't need to go to the hospital?”

-”... I am fine” I answered

-”That's a relief. Anyway My name is Enola ! What about you?”

-”Baekhyun.."

She wasn't very talkative either. It was fine, I didn't really mind it. She was just sitting next to me. I glanced at my hands. They weren't shaking at all.. That was unusual.  I kept on looking at them. Why weren't they shaking? I must have been angry about what they did to me. And yet.. my hands were not shaking. Why wasn't I angry? I sighed deeply. Enola looked at me and tilted her head.  I shook my head to tell her that nothing was wrong.

We stayed like for a few minutes. Without anyone of us talking, just looking at the dogs running around and me caressing Goofy's head. It was strange. It had been some times since I felt like this. Fully relaxed. I glanced at her on the corner of my eyes. Her hair was cut just under her jaw line.  She was blond. I couldn't remember what color were her eyes. I wanted her to look at me but she didn't. I looked at her wrist and widened her eyes. She stood up quickly.

-"I'm going to be late !"

Enola bowed at me. I didn't say anything. What could I say? No one ever bowed at me and I couldn't stand up to bow back. She smiled at me. My heart skipped a beat. I frowned. Something was definitely wrong with me. She turned around and walked away. I watched her back fading away. I sighed in relief. I didn't smile at her. I was still myself. I took out my phone and looked at the time. It was three pm. It was the time to get my sister.

I pushed Goofy a bit to make him get off of the bench. I deeply breathed and stood up. All the places they hit hurt at the same time. I couldn't breathe for a few seconds. When I finally breathed normally, I put the leash on Goofy and started to walk. The first steps were the hardest. Then I got used to the pain. The people were looking strangely at me. Well my face must have been full of bruises. I didn't really care about their look. Just like everything, I was used to it. I walked out the dog park and turned left to walk toward the mall.  I wanted to call her but I was lazy to take my phone at of my pocket.

I walked a few minutes until the mall. I tried not to think about her but my brain didn't agree on that. Her face wouldn't fade away from my mind. I wanted to get back home quickly so I could forget about her. I didn't want to get myself involved with anyone. I was alone and perfectly fine like this. It had always worked. It shouldn't be changed. I wouldn't see her anymore anyway. I sighed. Yeah.. She would soon be just a memory.

As I arrived at the mall, I looked around. My sister wasn't there. I bit my tongue. She was annoying. I picked my phone and called her.  Nobody answered. I was about to throw my phone away when I heard someone calling me. I turned around. It was her. She was alone. Did she lie to me earlier? Well, who cared..

-"Sulli.. The teachers want to know where you were yesterday."

-"My my, what's with your face? Anyway, I was at the mall. Xiumin  texted me and told me that he was doing a work here. So I came to cheer him up.. But he avoided me !"

She looked at me and started crying. I grabbed her in my arms. I didn't like to see her crying like that. I slowly caressed her hair to make her calm down. After a few seconds she pushed me away. I winced at the pain. She stopped crying.  Sometimes I wondered if she wasn't faking it. Like, was she really in love with that Xiumin? Well, whatever. This man would pay what he did to my sister. She cut herself because of him and I would never forgive him.

People are often shocked by the relationship I have with Sulli. She simply doesn't care about me. I could be in the hospital, it wouldn't change a thing.  It was like that since she was born. So it was pretty normal to me. She grabbed my arm and pulled. I stepped ahead and walked next to her. I glanced at her. Her smile was frightening. But honestly I was used to this smile. I grew up with her. So I knew her well. I knew that even though her smile was frightening, it didn't mean that she was about to do something bad. It was just her way for her to smile.

After a few minutes, we arrived at home. Sulli walked in first. I followed her with Goofy. As I entered in, I heard someone screaming. I didn't rush nor was I afraid. I knew that scream so well. It was my mom. I squatted down and took off the leash from Goofy's neck. I passed by the living room. My mother was kneeling and crying. My sister was next to her and was hugging her. I sighed. She must have been dumped again. It wasn't the first time. I was tired with all of this. She was putting a drama every time she was dumped. She didn't even love the guys. I climbed the stairs and walked into my room. I closed the door and locked it. I then stepped toward the bathroom. I looked at my face.

-"Pathetic" I said to myself.

I took off my T-shirt. I winced in pain and coughed a little bit of blood. My whole body was covered with bruise. I wouldn't be able to go to school for a whole week. Well, that wouldn't be a problem. They were used to that anyway and I was going to be expelled. Indeed, I had skipped too much days already and the school had sent us a letter. Well, it wasn't as if anyone cared anyway. I looked at myself in the mirror again. I took a deep breath. And another one. And another one. And another. I couldn't take it anymore. I lifted my arm and punched the mirror. Some blood was dropping from my clenched fingers. I hated my life. I hated myself. Yeah, I really hated myself.

POV Luhan

-"And so to finish, I'll hand you the schedule for the filming"

I startled as someone handed me a paper sheet.  I bowed to that person and mumbled some apologize. I was lost in my thoughts and didn't listen. I bit my lower lips. I hoped that I didn't miss anything too important. I glanced at my manager. He was looking at the wall in front of him. His body was here but his mind was somewhere else. I pouted. It was like this since yesterday and it bothered me.  I didn't like seeing him like this.  Suho was like my second older brother, I wanted to see him happy.

Someone tapped on my shoulder. It was Shin Hye. She gently smiled at me. I smiled back and then realized that everyone was heading toward the door. Aah, I was lost in my thoughts again ! I glanced at Suho again. He was gone already ! I looked around. There were only a few people who were still talking about the drama. It had never happened before. He would always wait for me. It hurt a bit. I shook my head, I shouldn't jump in conclusions. He must have waited for me outside.

As I crossed the door, I turned my head on my right, then on my left. No one to be seen. I frowned. So he really did leave me behind? I just couldn't believe it. How dared he ! I puffed my cheeks and started to walk randomly in the corridors. I had no idea which way was the right now. It was the first time that I was walking alone since I started my career. Suho had always been with me. I suddenly realized how dependant I had been of Suho.  I decided to change. I wouldn't be the old me anymore. So I shouldn't always count on him anymore too. I wasn't the same scared Luhan that he met years ago. Now I was stronger. Well, I must become stronger. I looked around. Where was I? I turned left at a corner and walked a few meters.

-"A dead end.."

I turned around and walked back on my step. I wandered for a few minutes. I had this bad impression that I was only walking in circles. I couldn't remember from where I came. I started to walk faster. I bit my lower lips. Where should I go? Where should I go? I kept on looking around, focusing on every detail of every corridor in case I would recognize something... But nothing. I kept on walking fast. It became harder and harder to breathe. A strong fear seized me.

Xi Luhan.. Luhan? Where are you hiding? Come on! We just want to play!

I shook my head. These memories appeared again. I had to chase them. Those memories I wanted to burry. I was now running in the corridors. I wanted to shout but no sound came out from my mouth. Where was I? Why nobody was there? I bit my lower lip more to prevent me from crying. I promised myself that I would be stronger. I didn't want to cry, even if I felt like I was about to die.

We won't hurt you this time ! We will be nice. Get out!

I had to stop walking. I was breathing so hard that Oxygen could hardly pass in my blood.  I sat down and tried to remember what I was told. Inhale, block for three seconds, exhale. I repeated it a few times and eventually calmed down a bit. I didn't know what to do. I looked around. I was sure that I had never been in that part of the agency before.

I pulled my knees on my chest and rested my chin on them. I was lost. Completely lost. I couldn't help but remembering the first time I went to a school trip. We went in a forest and I lost myself. I waited for hours before someone eventually found me. I shivered a bit. It was awful. I hoped that it wouldn't be the same this time. I had this urge to see someone. I didn't know who. Suho..Jongdae..Xiumin..  I bit my lower lips as I felt tears going up. I didn't want to cry. I wanted to be strong. But I was so scared...So scared.

I let out a tear dropping on my cheeks. I buried my face in my knees and started to cry silently. I could feel the warm and salty water running down on my neck. I was alone. Like always. I didn't try to hold back anymore. I was now crying loud. It felt like all of my fear was fading away with my tears. I don't know how many times I stayed there while crying.  My tears slowly stopped. I guess that I didn't have any water in me anymore to cry. I kept my head buried in my knees and closed my eyes. I just had to wait.

I suddenly lifted my head as I heard someone shouting my name. It was Suho's voice. I jumped on my feet and shouted back at him. I couldn't help but smiling. I was relieved. Someone came. Someone came to find me. Someone cares about me. The moment I saw him I ran into his arm. My legs were shaking. All the fear suddenly came again. I had trouble to breathe again. Suho wrapped his arms around me and caressed my hair gently. I closed my eyes and snuggled my face in his neck. I wanted to cry again but I couldn't. I had already cried all of my tears out of me.

After a while, I finally calmed down and pushed myself slowly away from him. He smiled at me gently and ruffled my hair. I knew that he must have been worried about me. I pouted and hit his shoulder. It was his fault ! Why didn't he wait for me? Why did he suddenly disappear like this? Everything was his fault. I was scared to death ! He knew that I couldn't find my way alone. I looked down at my feet and sulked.

-"Well well, I'm sorry that I made you angry" he said "I was thinking about something else and I thought that you were right beside me. Gosh.. I really almost had a heart attack when I realized you weren't there. I am really sorry.."

He bowed in front of me. I bit my lips. I didn't like seeing him bowing like that in front of me. I felt like I did something wrong. I shook my head to tell him that he was forgiven and we walked away toward the exit. I asked him if I had any schedule after. He answered negatively and I sighed out of relief.  I looked at my hands. They were still shaking. My heart was still beating fast as well. It was like my body was still controlled by the fear although my mind wasn't anymore.  I hid my hands in my pocket. There was no need to worry Suho any more than he already had been.

I smiled a bit at the idea that I had my whole afternoon free. Indeed, I had woken up at 5 am and didn't stop until now. I first had to film an ad. It took us four hours to shoot it. I puffed my cheeks as I remembered how difficult the director was. He changed his mind like a thousand times, and he kept on scolding me. Then I had a photoshoot with Park ShinHye for the posters of the drama. I had then to train my songs, then I had my fan meeting and now I then I had the drama meeting that lasted two hours. I was really exhausted.

After a few minutes, we finally found ourselves in the main hall. I had never been this happy to see this place. I searched in my bag and took out my sunglasses. My eyes were still swollen because I cried too much. I put the sunglasses on and walked toward the front door. I was thinking about the things that I could do once I was home. I wondered if they had finished their work. I wanted to spend some time with Xiumin. I stopped walking. W..what did I just think of? I wanted to spend time with Xiumin? What did that mean? I had no idea. As Suho stopped as well, I started to walk again not to raise too much question in him.

There weren't too much fans outside. It was pretty calm. I loved my fans but sometimes they were just too noisy. I preferred when it was calmer like this day. I was about to enter in a car when I noticed a girl behind the few fans lined up in front of me. Something bothered me with her. She was wearing a scarf so I couldn't see her face. She was staring at me. But her stare wasn't blank, it was pretty intense. It was like she was piercing me with her gaze. I shivered. I couldn't take my eyes away from her. She tilted her head a bit on the side then turned around and walked away.

-"Luhan?"

I startled as I heard Suho's voice.  I looked back toward the girl. She had disappeared. I frowned a bit. It was a really strange feeling. I shivered again and got in the car. As we were driving back to my apartment, I couldn't stop thinking of this mysterious girl. Who was she? What did she want? The way her gaze pierced me was frightening. It was like she saw through me. Like she had discovered all of the things that I had buried deep inside me. I clenched my teeth. A fear filled my body. I didn't know why but I knew that she was somehow dangerous.

I glanced at Suho. He was looking at the road but it was obvious that his mind was somewhere else. It started to annoy me a bit. Something was bothering him and I didn't know what it was. I wanted to ask him but I didn't have the right to. I was just the actor he was in charge of. Although I was considering him as a friend, it didn't mean that he was considering me as one. That thought hurt me a bit. It had been a few years since I met him. For all these years we have seen each other every day. And yet, I still didn't either he was considering me as a friend or not. I was afraid to ask. I was afraid that the answer would be negative. I sighed and looked through the window. I was so pathetic.

We eventually arrived at my tenement. Suho parked the car and the both of us got off. As I was walking toward the front door, all of thoughts I had in the car disappeared. I just had one. Xiumin. I didn't know why but I wanted to see him. But like, I really, really wanted to see him. Something must have been wrong with me. I never felt like this before. I tried not to climb the stairs too quickly and talked to Suho. We mainly talked about the schedule and the debut of the filming. When I arrived at my floor, I took a deep breath. I was going to see him.

I pushed the door and took off my shoes quickly, followed by Suho. I heard some noise coming from the living room. I stepped in and stopped. Jongdae was holding Tao by the neck and was shaking him. At first I thought that he was strangling him but then I noticed that his fingers weren't clenched on Tao's neck. Lay was trying to calm Jongdae down by patting his shoulder while Kyungsoo was simply sitting on the sofa and just looked at them with an amused smirk. I was not really sure about what was going on.

-"Chef, I think he understands now. You can let him go" Said Lay while nodding at his own word

-"No way !" replied Kyungsoo "I allow you to kill that guy. That wouldn't be a great loss anyway"

-"Do you think that I need your permission to do something?" Answered Jongdae while glancing at Kyungsoo.

-"I suggest that we throw him by the window. That way we can say he suicide himself and we don't have to hide the body" suggested Kyungsoo

-"What a great idea !" approved The Chef

-"WHAT??? DON'T YOU DARE DOING THAT ! MY GHOST WILL HAUNT YOU! And I already said that I was sorry" Whined Tao while trying to break free

I blinked. They still hadn't noticed me nor Suho. Jongdae walked toward the window while Kyungsoo opened it. Tao shouted lout and whined more. My hyung then let him go. The three of them then burst out in laugh as Tao was crying. As if they were really going to kill him. I couldn't help but smiling. I was happy to see that they were all doing great. They eventually noticed us and came to greet us. Tao immediately came and whined to me. He complained that Jongdae woke them early and made them run ten kilometers and then they forced them to be waiters in a crowded restaurant and..and..I stopped listening to his whine. Not that it wasn't interesting, but I was looking for someone.

-"He is in the room" Said Lay while looking at me

Without knowing it, I was blushing. My cheeks were burning and I covered them with my hands. Why was my body reacting to this? Yes I was looking for him but my body was just overreacting it. I pouted a bit as I was blaming my body. A few seconds later, Xiumin popped out in the living room. He saw me and smiled. My heart skipped a beat. I held my chest. Okay, what now? I was kind of getting tired of my body's reactions. Kyungsoo noticed that he was holding his wallet and asked him where he wanted to go.

-"The convenient store. Anyone want to come with me?" he answered

-"Okay but I drive" said Jongdae as we all agreed.

We then found ourselves sitting in the car. Tao was still whining that Jongdae had been mean to him. My brother tried to hide his smile. To be honest, it was the first time since I saw him acting like that. Normally, he wouldn't care about his students or anyone except me. These four boys really have something special. I looked at the road. Suddenly, the picture of that girl from earlier came back in my mind. I shook my head to chase it away. It was really scary. As we were arriving, I wore my scarf and put on my sunglasses not to be recognized. Jongdae did as well. Sometimes being a well known actor was a pain.

I was the last one to get out of the car. I closed the door and waited for my hyung to lock the car before stepping toward the convenient store. I glanced around to look for Suho but I couldn't find him. I puffed my cheeks. What was wrong with him? Was he ignoring me? Fine then ! We entered in the convenient store and I bowed a bit. I heard some people chuckling. I turned my head and saw Xiumin smiling. He was talking with a girl. I had never seen her before. She was European and talked with an accent. I tried to hear her name. Enola. Xiumin laughed. His cheeks were a little red, as if he was blushing.  A huge pain appearing in my chest startled me. I lifted my hand and held my chest. I looked at them.... Was I jealous?