She found herself constantly wondering how did it come to this point.

Days had turned into weeks. The voice in her head had quieted down, as if her own conscience had gotten used to the guilt. It couldn't be healthy, she thought, to feel so jaded and tired in her first year as a professional. She felt that she was losing the passion she once thought she had.

All those years of training going to waste over something so trivial? No, I'm not that weak.

―(Are you done playing your little games and leaving me in the dark?)

It was funny - no, hilarious, she mentally corrected - how he still had the nerve to say such things, as if she hadn't been as clear as a bell when she said they had to stop seeing each other, and that certainly included exchanging messages. It wasn't her fault that he hadn't taken her words seriously. Why do you have to make everything so difficult?

―(I'm afraid I've been giving you the wrong impression this whole time.)

How heartless. How superficial. How typical of her.

―(Shut the up.)

―(You don't fool me, I can see through you.)

―(You begged me to say something and now you're telling me to shut up?)

But then again, it wasn't his fault that she was such a hypocrite.

She had chosen the worst path, always playing along with his antics, and now there was no way on turning back, hoping that things would fix themselves and everything would go back to normal. That had never been an option. She would either have to face him directly, or spend the rest of her life in agony while trying to avoid him and pretend that they don't even know each other.

Nowhere to run.

She wanted to reach for somebody who had gone through something similar and ask whether it was as easy as they made it look. Maybe someone like Taeyeon had a lot to say on the matter, but she doubted that her words would be of any help to her anyway.

One thing was certain, though. Dating scandals were no good to both parties, but the girl always seems to suffer the most in the end.

Then again, it was not like she was dating him, to begin with...He had made that pretty clear.

There should be no problem. She couldn't even pinpoint what she was so afraid of anymore. Afraid of the media? The commitment? Of what people would think?

―(You're trying to fix a so called problem in the most ruthless way possible.)

―(Glad to know I mean so little to you.)

It made her wonder when exactly did it start to go wrong. Perhaps on the way they had handled the whole situation ever since the beginning? That would mostly be her own fault, then. If she had cut ties with him earlier, there would be no issue to be dealt with. And perhaps he wouldn't make her feel so damn awful every time she tried to make it right, for both of them.

―(I don't think I'll ever understand you...)

―(That doesn't mean I'm not willing to try...)

―(Please...)

.

one week ago

"So this is what it feels like..."

Seulgi had been on the verge of closing her eyes and counting sheep when she heard Irene's quiet voice by her side. "Sorry?"

"Did I wake you?" Irene faintly gasped, making Seulgi smile at her concerned tone.

"You know I can't sleep during flights." It was partly a lie. Seulgi was certain that she could fall asleep anywhere, just not when there was caffeine coursing through her veins due the espresso she had gotten at the airport, much to the manager's displeasure.

'I'm pretty sure that coffee is not included in your diet', he had said. Oh, please.

"I was just thinking to myself..." Irene paused, trying to refrain herself from giggling, "How is it possible to feel so...absurdly happy?"

Seulgi couldn't help but mirror Irene's wide smile. A few moments ago, the four had gathered for an improvised toast, openly laughing as they recalled the last time they had done such thing back at the dorm with apple juice, rehearsing their fake speeches over and over again. This time, the speeches and emotions had been real, and the award going back home by their side was the living proof that it had not been a dream.

"Do you think they'll allow us to keep it at the dorm?" Irene stared off into the distance, as if she was talking to herself. "We'll have to clean the place and find a nice spot for it!"

"I'm sure that won't be a problem."

"I'm sorry..." Irene's cheeks flustered as Seulgi kept on softly snickering. "I'm being silly, aren't I?"

"What? No!" Seulgi quickly added, "I just don't remember the last time I've seen you acting this way...well, not sober, at least."

"I can't help it..." Irene unconsciously laced her fingers through Seulgi's and clasped their hands together. "I feel that we're finally on the right track..." She sighed contently, unaware of the way Seulgi's grip on her hand had lessened.

The more Irene smiled, the more Seulgi felt tightening, making her desperately try to swallow the familiar lump and blink away any side effect that it may cause. She wasn't sure why she was reacting in such way, if anything, she would usually be the one to encourage the preaching of positive words, but at that moment, everything suddenly felt...bittersweet.

"Ah, Seulgi...It's okay to cry." The faint sound of Irene's laughter interrupted her momentary thoughts as the latter gently pinched Seulgi's cheek. "If anyone in here earned such privilege, that person is you."

Seulgi could only nod her head, letting out a weak laugh, "Crying is no privilege, Joohyun."

"Yes, it is." Seulgi didn't know if she was imagining things, but there was something extremely comforting on Irene's tone, as if she was reassuring her about everything.

It was a false hope, but for now, it was more than enough.

It had barely been a day since she came back from Beijing, so receiving a message that demanded for her to go to 'their meeting spot' had been quite unexpected. What the hell is he talking about? Apparently he had named that one block he had dropped her off last time as their official meeting spot, and impatiently demanded that she were to drop whatever she was doing and go there.

Her initial reaction had been to roll her eyes and curse at his audacity, but by the next minute, she was already reaching for her coat.

Before she could carefully walk out the door without raising any suspicion, Wendy planted herself in front of it and blocked the way, making Seulgi take a step back in surprise.

"And where do you think you're going, Sunshine? It's a bit late, no?"

"I'm just going for a walk, like I always do." Seulgi casually said.

"Is that so?" Wendy's lips lifted into a small smile. "May I join you?"

"I, well-"

"Leave her be, Seunghwan." Irene's voice startled both of them. "If she wanted company, she would have asked for it."

Wendy frowned for a moment before taking a step aside, allowing Seulgi to walk past her. "Very well, then. Just don't be late. We got schedule tomorrow."

Seulgi didn't think much of Wendy's sarcastic tone as she made her way out, looking back from time to time, as if she actually believed that the latter would be insane enough to follow her.

.

Once she spotted the familiar automobile, she wasted no time in getting inside, but not before taking a quick scan around the area, making sure that no passerby was looking at her.

"Do you really think there's someone aro-"

"I'm waiting." She interrupted him as a teasing smile graced her lips.

Mino furrowed his brows in confusion then leaned in towards her without hesitation. Before he could reach his aim, Seulgi quickly stopped him by placing her fingers against his lips and breaking in a fit of laughter.

"What do you think you're doing?" She said in between her amused giggles as he shrugged his shoulders.

"What, I don't get it!" He whined in frustration, sounding nothing less than a spoiled brat, "We haven't seen each other in weeks! If it's not a kiss you're waiting for, what else could it be?" Seulgi sighed in annoyance.

"Well, a simple 'congratulations' would do." She said matter-of-factly, tugging a lock of hair behind her ear, "I just won a 'Rookie Award', in fact," she grabbed his face with both of her hands and pinched his cheeks as if he was a little kid, making him wrinkle his nose, "a 'Best Rookie Award'."

"Oh, my sweet, naive child..." Mimicking her actions, he placed his hands on her cheeks and brought her face closer towards his, "Babe, please..." He paused to gauge her reaction as his breath tickled against her lips, "I have, like, ten of those."

Once she let his words sink in, Seulgi widened her eyes as fell agape, then hastily tore his hands away from her. He managed to stay serious for five seconds before laughing at her offended expression.

"Are you kidding me-" She couldn't even bring herself to finish the sentence as she started to hit him anywhere she could reach, his response being a mix of mocking laughter and resentful cries.

"Well, actually, there's probably more than ten-" His voice cracked once he felt her fist meet his gut, making him lean forward and hold onto the steering wheel while trying to muffle his exaggerated whimpers. "Are you trying to make a grown man cry?"

"How so?" She made a dumbfounded face, trying to trick him into thinking that his pitiful pout at her wasn't effective. "I don't see no grown man in here, is he your imaginary friend?"

"Have you always been this bitc-" As Mino noticed the warning look she was giving him, he cleared his throat, "...beautiful and sarcastic?"

She innocently shrugged her shoulders and crossed her arms. "I'm still waiting, though."

It happened too fast for her to react. In one moment it looked like he was about to start the engine on, then in the next he had grabbed her face and kissed her cheek vigorously, making sure that the noise of his lips smacking against her skin was as loud as possible.

"Congratulations on both of your awards, Kang Seulgi from Red Velvet." Seulgi wiped her cheek with a scold as he shot her a goofy smile.

"Both?"

"Yeah, that gold and useless thing plus my beautiful and soft lips." He scoffed at the way she grimaced. "Now, if you feel like sharing the latter with the rest of Red Velvet, it would be my honor, really. My lips are always open for services."

Seulgi threw her head back in laughter, but not before punching him in the gut.

Again.

.

She felt her hands unwittingly start to tremble.

Whether it was because she had never been somewhere so open and full with him before or simply because hospitals made her feel uneasy, she wasn't sure.

"It's a hospital, Seulgi." Mino had assured before her thigh in a comforting gesture, "I'm pretty sure that the nurses and doctors in there have better things to do other than take their iPhones out and snap a picture of you and me together."

"Right. But why are we here, anyway?" She had questioned while reluctantly taking off the seatbelt.

"We're here to visit someone...a friend. It shouldn't take long."

He had been right. As they walked past the receptionist, she only acknowledged them with a polite smile and nothing else. Apparently Mino knew his way around. They walked in silence while Seulgi tried to think of a convenient way of questioning him even further.

The magnolia walls were decorated with black and white photographs, most likely of the retired hospital staff and whatnot. With every few steps, they passed by different set of double-doors with hand sanitizer dispensers, and