Music recommendation: 혁오 (Hyukoh) – 공드리 (Gondry)
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Envy
[en-vee]

The wanting/desire/admiration of or for what another person has. Commonly confused with jealousy, but not the same.

Jealousy
[jel-uh-see]

It means that you care a lot. It means you're scared to lose someone or you feel like attention has been drawn away from you.

You can feel envy about something you don't have but want, but you feel jealousy over something you already have but are afraid of losing

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“You know, I missed this.”

“Missed what.” said Youngjae turning his gaze from the train window curiously to Daehyun who was attentively watching him.

“You know, this.” he nodded towards the people standing at the door, all wearing coats and scarves, a few of them holding umbrellas.

“Autumn.. I think Summer ended a little too quickly. We barely had anytime to hang out on the beach.” sighed Youngjae.
 

“Because you and Jongup had to compete at this arcade. I told you from the beginning that no one will beat Yongguk, he is just too good. Oh man and you forced us to watch!”

Youngjae just laughed and slapped Daehyun's shoulder. Since their sleepover everything changed. Their friendship became more natural and relaxed. When they were together the teasing and jokes wouldn't stop, they were like Tom and Jerry. Daehyun was Tom, the fat House cat. Youngjae was Jerry the little mouse. Because when you spent time with them together, you get the vibe that Daehyun is the mean one and you are more likely to get mad at him and not Youngjae. Simply because the younger one was more cute and just had to bat his eyelashes and everything was forgiven. In reality Youngjae was really rough with Daehyun and sometimes he would take his jokes a little too far. But as soon as he noticed that he went too far, he would hug Daehyun tightly, cling onto his arm, pinch his cheeks and coo how sorry he is and that he didn't meant it. All of this in privacy.

Lately Daehyun began to do the exact same thing in public.
Daehyun threw his arm around Youngjae's neck and literally dragged him to their destination while Youngjae look like he wanted to kill him. He poked his cheeks, ruffled his hear and even fed him.
Youngjae didn't liked any of it. He didn't liked PDA at all. It's not cute, it's just embarrassing and annoying. But Daehyun didn't cared at all, he just loved it when Youngjae got so frustrated and annoyed that his face got all red. But as soon as someone hurt Daehyun..

Once they were on their way to the grocery store to pick up some juice.
Daehyun accidentally bumped into somebody and quickly excused himself but the man didn't cared. Immediately he blew up and said the nastiest stuff to him and Youngjae saw red. “Say that once again. I wanna ing see you try. I swear I'll personally you to the gates of hell'! Come on you want to fight so badly, mhm? Let's see how good you are-” He stepped forward and the man stumbled backwards. He shut his mouth quicker than he could blink. “Yeah that's right, barking but no biting! off you dickhead!”

When they were hanging out with the whole crew, Himchan said something to Daehyun and Youngjae reacted similar. They quickly learned that “Don't mess with Youngjae” was wrong, rather it was “Don't mess with Daehyun- or Youngjae will come for you”.
 

It was a mutual feeling of comfort whenever both of them spent time together, something which Daehyun didn't even felt with his parents. But as much as Daehyun wanted to get to know Youngjae better, the younger still liked his privacy which is also one of the reasons why becoming roommates was out of question. “You two living together would be like the cleanest mess ever.” said Himchan once.
Daehyun knows the basics of living alone, obviously, but it was nothing compared to Youngjae's tidiness. As soon as someone was staying with him for longer than 24 hours, his good intentions crumbled like pizza crust on his coffee table in the living room.

It was just too easy to give up cleaning when you had a cleaning bug like Youngjae was.

“But it's not my junk I am cleaning. I am just doing this for me, not for you Punk. Because honestly I don't wanna imagine what a flirt like you has already done to this poor couch.” said the younger man kneeling on the floor, spraying some more of the cleaner on another stain on the carpet.

“You should just get rid of it.”

“No way! It holds too many memories-”

“That's what I am saying.”

Daehyun hugged the cushion, legs sprawled out on the said couch and smirked.

“But you like to sleep on this thing, it's comfortable, that's all you need!”

“BUT”, Youngjae sat up “last time, I found a splenda packet, something I identified as rock hard pizza crust and used ing tissues. I don't know how you can live like this.”

“Then move in and find out!”

“We both know that that would be a terrible idea.”

Daehyun could see why it wouldn't work out. Yet. But he still keep a tiny bit of hope that someday Youngjae would give in. He would never forget how cute he was that one morning. Whatever happened that night, neither of them forgot and neither of them dared to talk about it.
It was the night that Daehyun fell head over heels for Youngjae.

His dark brown hair, always doing whatever it wants to but every wave and strand is still perfect and glossy. A cute button nose which he scrunches whenever he thinks hard about something.
Cheeks flushed and round and peachy that Daehyun would love to pinch them every time.
Adorable pink lips, always pouty, reminding him of a rosebud and he was curious if they would taste just as sweet.
His fragile stature yet broad shoulders, his slender fingers, how cute he was with bangs. How incredibly mature he looked with his hair styled away from his forehead.
His gentle eyes.
The smartest person Daehyun ever met and yet the super quirky energizer.

Moving in with him would be a terrible idea.

For Youngjae, it had different reasons.

Seeing him walking around shirtless for at least an hours in the mornings before he finally would put on a shirt. He probably sleeps too.
How he makes jokes out of everything and manages to lighten up the darkest mood.
He was like Youngjae's own personal sun and Youngjae felt like a sunflower, always turning to him for his dose of sunshine. But he would never, ever admit that because Daehyun would have something else to with.

But Youngjae also thought about Daehyun a lot, in a different way. It was his little secret.
His luck with love had been very limited, almost non existing.
He would rather daydream on cloud 4 than actually fall all the way down from cloud nine again.
As sassy as he was, he was just as insecure as anyone else.

Someone falling for him was not even thinkable, he who barely felt comfortable in his own skin and to think that Daehyun...

Both of them clung onto these moments, often late at night when the hang out together, when they let their guards down.
Drugged with sleep, eyes barely open – that was when Daehyun laid on the couch, watching Youngjae lightly smiling at the flickering TV screen and sometimes back at Daehyun.
It was safe for them and another secret.

As goofy and loud as Daehyun was, he was scared of rejection too.

Something nobody would think of him. Or at least nobody really thought that someone as loud and funny and positive could be so insecure. Love, such beautiful pain.
 

Daehyun had a new student in class.

A very young and very pretty girl. Also very attracted to her vocal coach Mr Jung.
She really tried her best to get Daehyun to like her back.
It was a futile attempt since Daehyun was into guys and his mind occupied anyways but she was so persistent that after a showcase of their music academy, she finally got to talk to Daehyun on a more personal level.

The concert was a success.
Daehyun wasn't necessarily strict with all of his students, just those who had other intentions then learn everything about composing or harmonizing with other singers. She was one of these students.
He never let his guards down, just that one evening.
Celebrating with sparkling wine, something which makes him giggle very fast and very easily.
So, the drinking lightweight was cracking jokes for a small also semi intoxicated crowd.

Lizzy, the girl, she pulled Daehyun aside later that night.
She thanked him for everything she learn. It was her first and last concert with this academy since she moved away and also her only opportunity, which she took, without any hesitations.
Youngjae, with the worlds worst timing, managed to catch the moment when she had her hands on his chest, lightly pulling him closer by his shirt.
Her lips on his.

It really was the worst timing.

He his heels immediately, arms tensed up, fists clenched that his knuckled turned whiter than his face. His whole daydreaming world shattered like glass. He know that he misinterpreted Daehyun's gentle hugs and his kind words. On his way to the exit, he stumbled into Jongup who was with a laughing Himchan.

“There you are-” said Himchan excitingly.
 

“Youngjae where are you going?” asked Jongup, the smile falling when he saw Youngjae's clenched jaw and furrowed eyebrows.

“Not feeling well, don't worry. I think its the air or something. I will call you tomorrow.” was all he managed to say before hastily putting on his coat and disappear through the foyer doors.

He was on sick leave for a week. Chills and fever, stomach pains, sore throat and this uncomfortable feeling of cotton in your head.
 

Daehyun was worried for his friend and visited him three days after the incident at the party.
He wanted to visit as soon as he heard that Youngjae was sick but the latter didn't wanted to infect him too.
“How did that happened?” he asked worriedly, covering Youngjae with another blanket.

“Coughed it on the way back home from the concert. Forgot my wallet so I couldn't hail a taxi.”

“But Yongguk offered you a ride back before?”

“Yeah but he was talking to some other people, didn't wanted to bother him.” Youngjae murmured.
Youngjae was certain that Daehyun would kill him if he found out that Youngjae was melodramatically running through the pouring rain in downtown, not wanting to take the bus or a taxi. All because of him.

He wasn't sure if Daehyun believed him but at least he didn't asked any further questions.
Now it just felt like there was a gap between them and Youngjae made sure that everything they did was male-friends-appropriated. After all they were just bros. Two dudes chilling. Gay but not for each other. Just hanging out. Hell, a girl kissing him after Daehyun confessed him that he was into guys totally threw him off tracks.

Daehyun started to feel like he did something wrong. He couldn't remember anything from the party. When Lizzy kissed him, he firmly pushed her away. Irritated he looked for Youngjae who apparently left. It was Himchan who handed him one glass of champagne after the another and got him hammered. 

Youngjae told him that he didn't wanted to infect Daehyun, that's why he hid in bed, shivering under Daehyun's pondering eyes.
 

Hey y'all.
First bullted chapter after one year of nothing.
I'm really sorry. /flips a table/
I am never satisfied with anything I write, this was my attempt to not write as ty. I still don't like it.
Thank you to every single one who read, liked and upvoted this nonsense (´•ω•̥`)

How was the year for you?
A rollercoaster ride for me! On October 21, I'll be flying to Seoul for 3 months. CRAZY!
See you guys!

- instanttoffee