Ever since Kyungsoo and Euna had decided to remain together three months ago despite Euna’s affair with Kris, Kyungsoo tried countless of times to persuade himself that he’s happy. Something that he really wasn’t.

But, he really wanted to believe that lie. Lies, sometimes, were better than the truth. It would hurt less to actually believe in it than to face the reality that would bring nothing than heartache. For Kyungsoo that was.

Everytime Euna would tell him that it’s time for her to go; he would feel his heart breaking twice as much as the night before because deep inside his heart, he wanted Euna to stay. Small gestures like tugging on the hem of her dress or holding her wrist tightly then pulling her into a bone-crushing hug or his begging owl eyes were the few best he could do. Yet, none of them worked. Euna was too deep into Kris’ spell and Kyungsoo could never compete to that.

He had tried to touch Euna too, he had missed making love with the other but as soon as he did so, flashes of Euna and a man ing her roughly would arise from deep in his mind and successfully prevent him from going further. For that reason, all the more Euna wanted to see Kris. Kyungsoo couldn’t even fill her ual needs. Not when he thought of things that disgusted him.

Basically, when he found out about Euna’s affair, he had stopped touching her although he wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms, kiss her fervently and be one with her in both physical and emotional aspects. He loves her, there’s no denying that but for some reason he wouldn’t admit, he just couldn’t look at her the same way as before. He couldn’t look at Euna and still think that she’s the innocent, young, lovable and sweet girl Kyungsoo had grown to love. In the end, those became his inhibitions that resulted into Kyungsoo refraining from touching the one girl he had always wanted to touch and make love with.

Euna felt it; she knew that Kyungsoo was abstaining from touching her but she said nothing about it. After all, she’s with Kris too and Kris, unlike Kyungsoo, fulfilled her desires. Kris filled her cup while Kyungsoo was her cup. There was a difference but both are equally needed for a serve of coffee and so, she decided it’s better to be selfish and have them both for herself.

Today marked the 6th anniversary of their first meeting and Kyungsoo remembered. He always remembers. He prepared a romantic candlelight dinner with food he cooked himself and a bouquet of fresh red roses to express his love and affection for Euna but the woman couldn’t be contacted. He had called her countless of times and sent her numerous texts but all for naught since she won’t answer nor reply.

He watched the candle thaw mournfully on the holder before he closed his eyes. Eyes that couldn’t seem to stop crying when it came to moments like this. Warm tears flowed down his cheeks as he pathetically clutched his chest; trying to soothe the pain and the loneliness. Images of Euna and another man, possibly each other’s name again flashed on his mind while he’s here, crying for a love long gone.

Slowly, he opened his eyes and soullessly let the pair of dough eyes wander across the kitchen. He remembered Euna once tried to cook steak that ended with them eating dinner out. He wanted to relieve those moments. He reminisced the laughter and the loving kisses; the soft whispers of ‘I Love You’s and the lingering romantic touches.

He could still vividly remember the first time they kissed. He touched his lips because it felt as if it was only yesterday.

He could still feel Euna’s warmth when she finally told Kyungsoo that it’s okay to touch her; to be one with her. Kyungsoo was hesitant that time; he had always thought of Euna as someone very fragile, someone easy to break but Euna said the words, “It’s okay Soo, it’s love.” Kyungsoo let all his control go out the window.

Warmth.

He missed Euna’s warmth. Their love was once a burning passion that now had faded in the coldness of winter. Kyungsoo cried as if his tears could turn back time but of course, it couldn’t.

Slowly, the faux hope he had built for himself to believe crushed down and now, all that’s left was his insecure self and the reality that Euna doesn’t love him. Not anymore.

What should he do? He asked himself as he looked at the candle’s fire. He smiled to himself. It was a defeated smile; a smile that lost hope and faith; a smile that Kyungsoo never once thought would rest upon his lips.

He rang Euna’s phone again but as he expected, only the receiving machine answered him, “Hello! Kim Euna is currently busy but do leave a message after the beep.” Beep! Kyungsoo his lower lip hesitantly, thinking twice whether he should leave a message or not but in the end, he decided he should.

“Hey babe, I… uhm I wish I’m not bothering you or anything. I just want to say that I love you and I miss you. I miss you so much and I will continue to miss you. I’m tired of this and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for forcing myself to you even if you obviously don’t want me anymore. I’m sorry for making life difficult for you. You don’t deserve an incapable man like me. I want you to be happy with Kris and I know you already are but because of me, and your pity… for someone like me, you’re not able to get your full happiness. I’m such a bother aren’t I? I’m sorry… for being me. Make sure he takes care of you… wait, you already said he does. What am I saying here? I’m such a wimp. Maybe that’s why you don’t want me anymore. I’m sorry for being a wimp. I’m really sorry baby… for not being enough. Always remember that I love you forever and always hm?” Kyungsoo tried to sound as enthusiastic as he could but he just couldn’t. “I love you, forever and always,” He clicked the hang-up button and heaved a heavy sigh. “Please remember.” He pleaded while looking on his phone’s wallpaper which was Euna’s smiling innocent face.

It’s beautiful. Kyungsoo missed this smile.

After calling Euna, he decided to call his best friend and surely, only friend Kai, and to his delight, the tanned male answered. If there’s anyone in this world, he owed a lot to, it’s Kai. So, he only thinks it’s fair to call him this night.

“Sup Soo?” He groggily answered and Kyungsoo thought that maybe he just woke up.

“Hey, man,” He said softly; his face painted with despair. “I’m tired.” Everything is just so… exhausting all of a sudden.

“What?” He could imagine Kai raising his eyebrows, right now. “You called me just to say you’re tired? The heck, Soo. I have a lot of things to do.” He continued and Kyungsoo just chuckled dispassionately. “I’m typing an affidavit of loss and I’m not rea-“

“I meant, I’m tired bro,” Kyungsoo cut Kai’s rant. This time around, Kyungsoo was going to be the one ranting about how life . “I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of my girlfriend not loving me anymore. I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of not being able to kiss her, to not be able to touch her, to not to be with her. I’m tired of us being a wreck but still pretending that everything’s fine. I’m tired of her wanting another man. I’m tired of trying and trying and trying but still being insufficient. I’m tired, Kai. I’m tired of this life.” He said in between breaths and Kai was silent until he’s heard that Kyungsoo’s tired of his life. That sounded so much like a goodbye. A goodbye that had the biggest possibility of never coming back or rather, not being able to comeback. “I just called to ask you to watch over Euna because I don’t think I would still be able to do it.”

“ Soo. What are you planning to do? I’m coming over. Don’t do anything reckless.” Kai muttered in panic. Kyungsoo could only chuckle, Kai had always been like that. He worried about things he should not worry about. He would miss the guy and his crazy antics but not more than Euna. No one could compete with her.

“Thank, man. For everything. Really. You’ve been such a good friend for the past fifteen years.” He said lastly before hanging up. He faintly heard Kai’s profanities and something like, “Don’t you dare Kyung--” on the other line before he hung up but he didn’t care anymore. Not anymore.

In order for Euna to be perfectly happy and not to be torn between two lovers, he should take it in his own hands and make Euna’s life much easier.

He blew the candle fire softly, his eyes b with tears and took one last glance at his and Euna’s photos together; hurting himself emotionally a little bit more before heading out the door.

It was cold causing Kyungsoo to pull his jacket closer to his body while breathing warm breath in between his palm then rubbing them together in attempt to be warm. He could faintly remember that one