“The marks humans leave are too often scars,”

– John Green

Soundtrack: (x)

The digital clock on the wall indicated that it was already half past nine, only half an hour before the visiting hours end. It was horrid how Chanyeol received the news- after the fifth time calling Mina on her mobile phone, someone finally answered him. It was Minseok, hurriedly telling him that Mina was not fine, that she coughed out blood and collapsed and therefore not allowed to leave the hospital. Chanyeol could literally feel his heart sink after hearing the news, and it took him quite a few seconds to finally get himself moving from the front steps of Mina’s house all the way to the hospital.

He watched from behind closed doors the sight of her sleeping soundly in her designated hospital bed. Chanyeol didn’t know what to feel- sad, guilty, repressed? The both of them anticipated Mina’s dismissal together, and at that moment, it felt as though his heart was crushed into a million of pieces.

“Chanyeol,”

Minseok’s voice was soft- a little bit airy in Chanyeol’s humble opinion, but firm when his name came out of the older boy’s mouth. He gulped, nodding in response.

“Is she… is she alright, hyung?”

“Come sit with me for a bit,”

Chanyeol finally noticed how tired Minseok was. He has always looked tired with his office job as well as taking extremely good care of Mina at the same time, but tonight was the last straw. His eyes were dull and hazy due to exhaustion, and his mouth was set to an obvious frown.

“Do you want anything to drink? Coffee, perhaps?”

“Thank you but that’s alright, hyung. I just want to know what’s wrong with Mina,” Chanyeol still held onto the paper bag filled with his lunch boxes and red velvet cakes, settling them onto his lap as his feet tapped against the floor in anxiety.

“There’s nothing terribly wrong with Mina, really. Nothing out of the norm, really- apparently, her chemotherapy session is not reacting as positively as we all hoped. The doctors are now discussing with her parents on what to do. It’s either they increase the dose or… or they stop chemotherapy altogether,”

Chanyeol could feel anger erupting from inside out. How dare he say that nothing was wrong with Mina? He could list down the many wrong things that were happening to her, but Chanyeol knew better. He swallowed all of his anger in one sitting, gripping at his knees a little too tight, eyes downcast just so Minseok would not see just how seething his anger was.

“Hyung, they can’t… they can’t stop the chemotherapy,” Chanyeol mumbled quietly.

“They’re doing what’s best for Mina, Chanyeol,” Minseok replied back with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

“They can’t. They can’t do that- just continue the chemotherapy as it is. Give her a larger dosage,” Chanyeol chose to be stubborn this time. That was how she lost Hana to cancer- when the doctors chose to stop her chemotherapy sessions. He lost a companion and a great friend once, and he wasn’t ready to lose another.

“And watch her suffer in more pain than she’s already subdued to? And who are you to call the shots, huh? I’ve known her for most of her life and I don’t even have a say in this- what makes you think you’re of any relevance in this situation?”

Minseok’s reply was sharp and piercing and all of Chanyeol’s arguments died down with it. He attempted to take deep breaths, trying to water down the anger that was building in him. He fluttered his eyes shut in a poor attempt to not cause another scene in front of Mina’s old neighbour. As much as his words were hurtful, they were nevertheless true. He knew the girl for about a week and Minseok probably knew her since she was still in diapers. Chanyeol knew that he definitely did not earn a place to offer his opinion.

“Look, Chanyeol-ah, I’m sorry for saying these things to you, I really am. But Mina… you have to understand this- Mina feeds on positive energy. She tends to have extremely high hopes for things and sometimes, it gets to the point where something fails her and she… she crumbles, and I’m so afraid of that. I’m afraid of the things she will do to herself. I need you to do me a favour,”

Minseok placed a hand on his shoulder and Chanyeol lifted his gaze, settling it for his soft but tired face.

“She’s dying, Chanyeol. Everyone knows this, even she knows this. I need you to accept the fact that she’s dying,”

“Eat,”

Mina turned her attention from the light streaming into her room between the blinds towards the boy that was sitting on her bed. His face was so happy and bright and joyful that it was sickening to the stomach. On other days, Mina would appreciate the joy and laughter Chanyeol brings with him, but on that day, she was just getting plain tired- of Chanyeol, of life, of everything.

“I’m not hungry,” That was her curt reply, and she could literally feel the buzzing tension that was in the room. Her parents regretfully have to leave her again, work getting in their way. Minseok was at work, and even if he insisted to send Luhan to accompany her, she would’ve denied him. Honestly, she didn’t need any company at all for the time being, but Chanyeol insisted on staying- he is the problem she had to deal with, and she wasn’t all too happy about it.

“Don’t be silly- you barely ate for the past few days. I’m sure your stomach’s going to throw a riot soon if you don’t feed it,”

Chanyeol pushed her lunch box towards her. It was a mixture of rice and seasoned chicken and it was definitely her favourite but Mina felt sick to the stomach. As inviting as the meal was, Mina didn’t want to see it, smell it, let alone taste it. She was getting angry at so many things- herself, her life, her cancer, and Chanyeol. Most of it was channelled to him as she glared at him with a pair of scrutinising eyes.

“I said I’m not hungry. Which part of ‘not hungry’ do you not understand, Park Chanyeol?”

If there was something else that was about Chanyeol, it was that he was persistent. He kept urging the container towards her, offering her a pair of chopsticks. “How are you going to get better if you’re not going to eat