Beneath Her Beauty

Author: xoxoexo

Story Link:  Beneath Her Beauty ♡

Genre: Angst, romance

Oneshot/chaptered: Chaptered (ongoing)

Brief Summary: 

Kwon Areum is a rich entrepreneur, and owner to one of the top companies in Korea. She's smart, beautiful, talented, extraordinary—

However, she has one problem: her past.

In comes the hottest bachelor of South Korea, and by just one look, Kim Jongin figured everything out. He could see beyond her rigid posture, her cold demeanor, her merciless nature; he could feel the pain, the fear, the hurt, and he saw through the lies.

But what exactly is she hiding from?

Good points:

► Intriguing title

► The description was well-written

► The sneak peak on the foreword ignited curiosity

► Your grammar was good. There were only minor errors.

► Your flow was also good.  I was able to follow through the story without any confusion.

► Your characters each had distinct personalities that added to the goodness of your writing.

►Creative Plot

Weak points:

► Here are some of your few grammatical errors:

I. WORDING

Original: She couldn’t tolerate this type of behavior; even worse, by opposing her views.

Modified: She couldn’t tolerate this type of behavior; the fact that he was opposing her views just made things worse.

Original: Several times have she reminded Jaehyun that this contract could potentially bring the company’s stocks down.

Modified: Several times did she remind Jaehyun that this contract could potentially bring the company’s stocks down.

Original: Towards her employees, her customers, and her business partners, she has been always known as the notorious ‘ice queen’.

Modified: To her employees, customers, and business partners, she has always been known as the notorious ‘ice queen’.

Original: “But I’ll meet you in a few bits…

Modified: “But I’ll meet you in a bit…

Original: …exiting out of her office

Modified: …exiting her office

*to ‘exit’ is to leave or get out off, therefore it’s redundant to say ‘exiting out’ (^_^)

Original: and still is she as stubborn as stone

Modified: and she is still as stubborn as stone

Original: The first thing she thought of was what who the hell he is.

Modified: The first thing she thought of was who the hell was he?

Original: the intruder from yesterday night.

Modified: the intruder from last night.

Original: Areum spent her day absorbing herself to the office’s daily routine.

Modified: Areum spent her day absorbing herself in the office’s daily routine.

II. RAMBLING

1. Every single one of her employees bowed down at the sight of her, and just the thought of not doing it scared them to pieces, but Areum gave them small nods before walking to the parking lot.

*Rambling is informal, unless placed in a scene during a conversation.

This is something people wouldn’t mind in blogs, but not for published works; you must appropriately put periods to prevent long sentences from getting out of hand.

► You tend to jump between using past tense and present tense. Please decide which one to use so as not to confuse the reader.

►The following requires your concern:

“She trusts her the most, and to make her PR do it is a little… embarrassing.”

Some people might not know what this stands for. Make sure to clear it up by placing the meaning inside a parenthesis or in an Author’s note at the end of the chapter.

Tips for improvement::

►  Your grammar is already good, so I just advice to reread your work before publishing it. You’ll see mistakes you didn’t notice when you were writing.

Enjoyment:

It was good :D

► The story was quite interesting; the plot was well thought out. Areum’s brother being a prisoner really caught my attention, and the time I was reading I couldn’t help but wonder “what did this guy do?”

► It all seemed sort of realistic to me. I don’t know if you understand what I mean, but what I’m trying to say is that the plot comes close to ordinary human life. People all go to work, all have stress; all have loyal and (at times) idiotic best friends. They have people they care for, and fears that hold them. So I liked this aspect.

I actually don’t read these kind of fics often, but setting aside my biases this fic is good. The pacing is just right, and I’m sure it has many things in store for the readers

Extra Notes:

► This is based on a ten-chapter review so I supposed I haven’t gotten to the good parts of your story yet (>_<) I look forward to how things will end. Sorry I didn’t have time to read it all!

'

Overall:

Overall, the characters all had colorful personalities, suiting the roles they played. There was a hint of mystery that will keep you thinking, and the realistic plot can help you relate to the lead character. This story has many miles ahead of it, and I look forward to what surprise the author will dish out.

We all have masks that we wear; getting caught is what makes things difficult, because this person will know who we really; know what we try to hide, concealing our weakness. This story showed that if we get caught by the right person, then things may not be so bad. 

It is an interesting story, and I haven’t found something that really pulls me in yet, but I’m sure if I stick around, I might just be able to find the hook I’m looking for. 

 Thanks for requesting! Hopefully this review helped!

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