“There’s this new ice cream shop downtown I want to check out. We should go together, hyung.” Jongin told Kyungsoo happily.

“Ok. I’d like that! Sounds fun.” Kyungsoo replied, eyes turning into crescents as he smiled gleefully.

Jongin couldn’t help but smile back because of how cute Kyungsoo was, especially with his cheeks all bunched up like that when he smiled. Jongin proceeded to pinch the elder’s cheeks, and Kyungsoo pouted, which did nothing to stop the tanned male but actually seemed to encourage him.

“Aigoo, where would I be without this face, huh? Where, where, where?”

“Yah, stop it Kim Jongin, you embarrassment!”

“Even when you’re angry, you’re cute. Like a mad Chihuahua.”

“Aaaaaarrgg! I’m going to class ahead of you! Don’t sit with me if you’re going to be this annoying!”

Kyungsoo angrily ran off towards the direction of their classroom, leaving Jongin smiling to himself as he anticipated their trip to the ice cream shop. Students who passed by the tanned male gave him strange looks. Like they always did. They didn’t understand why Jongin was talking to himself, smiling to himself and pinching air. Of course, no one understood. It wasn’t like they ever asked.

Jongin was in high school now; much taller and a bit more mature from the little seven year old he was when he first brought Kyungsoo to life. Ever since that day, he stopped yearning for his parents’ love and wanting friends. Instead, he isolated himself even more than he already was. He no longer tried to bridge any connections with other people.

He found himself content with Kyungsoo and only Kyungsoo.

Years passed by since their encounter, and well, it was safe to say that Jongin couldn’t have asked for a better companion. He made it through grade school with only Kyungsoo by his side. Afternoons spent doing homework together, and summers chasing each other under the sun. There were movie nights, and star-gazing nights, plus cuddling-every-night nights. Sometimes the maids would notice how strange Jongin was, to be animatedly talking with air, smiles and all. But hey, the young master could be as crazy as he wanted as long as they got their pay. Of course, Jongin’s parents never noticed their son’s new behavior. They were too busy roaming around in Spain, the Netherlands, Rome, and everywhere else in the world. They were usually out for months, then came back home to stay for a few weeks. After spending their time in their lavish room, smoking cigarettes, drinking expensive wine, and playing in a casino they frequented, they were off once again to the next destination. Needless to say, this was a cycle that continued until Jongin got to high school. 

By that time, Jongin’s parents had already sent him to live in his own place. He was supposed to have maids there too, but he rejected them. All he needed was Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo… just seemed to become more and more vivid—more human, each day. Tracing all the way back to their first encounter, Jongin had noticed some things about his imaginary friend that weren’t there before. It seemed like his brain went on autopilot and added more features to Kyungsoo; made his personality a little more detailed.

Kyungsoo was now thought to be older than him and attended school with him. Also, he had the ability to cook and clean, and this beautiful deep voice he often sang with for fun. Then there was Kyungsoo’s “umma side,” where he often checked up on Jongin’s studies and health. A cute new feature was the way Kyungsoo got embarrassed and agitated quickly, whenever Jongin would get all mushy and say sweet things to him. He was just so adorable.

And then there was Kyungsoo’s touch too. It seemed to feel a tinge real. Just a tinge. Whenever Jongin hugged himself, imagining it was Kyungsoo hugging him, he almost felt that it was tiny arms wrapped around him instead of his own. Almost. He still hadn’t lost sight of reality, but sometimes Kyungsoo was not so imaginary. Not so. Like whenever they told each other “I love you.” Recently, it’s been different—like Kyungsoo was actually replying to him. Other instances included whenever they held hands, when Kyungsoo cupped Jongin’s face, and when Kyungsoo kissed him on the cheek. Even though he knew no one was really touching him, somehow he felt warmth. Somehow, he felt as though the soft palms of tiny hands were there, making him feel so loved. His hyung didn’t seem so imaginary. Not so.

Pretty soon, Jongin had forgotten about not getting too attached to his imaginary friend. It came to the point that he tried to force Kyungsoo to be more than black and white—he forced his mind to believe that Kyungsoo was real. Because by now, he knew he would never be able to let go of someone so dear, even to look for a real person as a friend. Kyungsoo was so much more than anyone else could ever be.

“Yah. Yah. Kyungsoo hyung. Hyuuuuung~” Jongin called out as he and Kyungsoo walked the school hallways, during dismissal.

“Don’t talk to me. I’m still mad at you.”

“Nooo~ You can’t~ You were made to love me. Literally speaking.” Jongin chuckled.

Kyungsoo just stuck his tongue out. “You are such a brat.”

“Yup. Your brat. Let’s go to the ice cream shop now?”

“… Sure, I guess. But you’re paying for mine as an apology.”

“I still don’t know why I have to apologize for fawning over you, but okay~ Because you’re so cute~”

“SHUT UP, I AM NOT CUTE!”

“Oh, you’re right. Angry Kyungsoo is like, super-duper cute.”

“GAAAHHHH! JUST BE QUIET!”

Later in the shop, the two ate their ice cream peacefully. They had two scoops of vanilla and two more of chocolate inside their glasses, sprinkles all over the top. Again, people wondered why Jongin ordered two ice creams, only to have the other placed across him on the table, towards an empty seat; that he was talking to thin air, and offering to spoon feed ice cream to a mass of nothingness. This boy seemed to have lost his marbles. Jongin and Kyungsoo just chuckled to themselves, noticing the people’s confusion.

On the way home, the two passed by a small shop filled with little trinkets. One of the display items were friendship bracelets, which were made out of beads spelling out a person’s name. Jongin quickly got excited.

“Hyung! Hyung!” Jongin tugged at Kyungsoo. “Let’s get those!” he said, pointing at the friendship bracelets.

“Umm… Jongin…”

“We can make for each other! You make a bracelet with your name on it and give it to me;”

“Jongin…”

“ then I’ll make one with my name and give it to you!”

“Wait a minute…”

“Then we can both wear them and be all matchy!” Jongin squealed in excitement, as he jumped lightly up and down. He may have been in high school already, but sometimes childish excitement got the best of him. “Let’s go in the shop, hyung! Kyungie, let’s goooooo~”

“Jongin, wait a second.” Kyungsoo said a little seriously as he held onto Jongin’s shoulders, stilling him. Jongin was still excited, though.

“Why, hyung? The bracelets are waiting for us~”

“Jonginnie…”

“Whaaaaat? Let’s go! Can’t wait to wear your name~ And, I can’t wait to see you wearing mine~”

“Jongin, I don’t have a real wrist.” Kyungsoo finally said.

Jongin’s smile gradually started to disappear.

So much so, until it was a full-on frown. 

“Hyung.”

“You can buy the bracelets, yes, but I won’t be able to wear it. I’m just a figment of your imagination, remember?” Kyungsoo continued.

Jongin knew that Kyungsoo wasn’t real. It was already bad enough knowing his most precious friend was nothing but a concept of the mind, but hearing it being said to him by Kyungsoo himself just made things worse. He frowned at Kyungsoo as a bit of loneliness crept into his heart. “Hyung, don’t say that.”

“I’m sorry, Jongin. You just can’t put a bracelet on me if I don’t really exist.”

“But hyung, you’ve felt so real all this time.”

“And that’s because you believe in me so much. I love you for that, and I appreciate you for that. But… you can’t make air wear your bracelet. You can’t make someone imaginary wear something real. You could imagine me wearing it, yes. But truth is I’m not. And I’ll never be able to.”

“Hyung!” Jongin whined, anger seeping out. “Stop that!” He really didn’t want to accept the truth. Kyungsoo’s been such a big part of his life already. He’d rather stay in believing the elder was real.

“Jongin, please just accept that I don’t exist. In fact, I’m only supposed to be here until you find a real friend. You’re already high school now, so don’t worry; I’m sure someone nice will find you soon and make you feel real love. Something I cannot give you.” Kyungsoo said with an encouraging smile.

That was Jongin’s rational mind speaking. But the child that grew up knowing only Kyungsoo’s love refused to submit to reality.

“How could you say that, hyung!?” Jongin asked in both anger and sadness. “Do you want to leave me? Are you anticipating the day I stop imagining you!?”

“What? No, Jongin, that’s not it. I just don’t want you to get too attached to me that you actually think I exist. Because I don’t and you need real frie-”

“Shut up! You exist to me! You're real, Kyungsoo! You're real!”

“Jongin, calm down…” Kyungsoo tried, his eyes pleading. “You don’t have to accept it now, but you will have to sooner or later.”

“No! Never... How could you be this way, Kyungsoo?” Jongin’s lips trembled, as tears started to gather in his eyes.

Kyungsoo cupped Jongin’s cheeks, and looked at him tenderly.

“Hey… Listen to me, okay?

Jongin, I know you. I know you’ve grown to love me, but at the same time you wish for real arms to hug you, real lips to kiss you and a real voice to tell you you’re loved. I can't give you any of that. Even though I really really want to; even though I was made to love you, I can't love you fully.

You want and need someone that exists. Nothing about me is more than fantasy. 

You mustn’t cling onto me, because Jongin, I’m not enough. I will never be enough.

You’ll need to… you’ll need to grow up some day.”

The tears rolled down Jongin’s cheeks one by one. Kyungsoo tried to wipe them away, but Jongin backed off from him.

“I hate you, hyung…” Jongin sniffed. “You don’t understand; you don’t know how much you mean to me!”

“Jongin…”

“But if this is what you want; if you want to leave, then that’s fine!” Jongin wiped at his tears, but they just kept coming.

“Since you don’t regard my love with importance;

since you say you’re not enough even though you’re all I ever needed and wanted,

then that’s alright with me!

Go away and don’t ever show your face again!”

Kyungsoo tried to get nearer to the tanned boy, but for every step he took forward, Jongin took one backwards.

“Jongin… you know that I love you.

I’m sorry that I can’t be more for you.”

Jongin cried even harder; he felt so alone; his entire world was crumbling down.

As he closed his eyes when everything was too much to bear, the next time he opened them, Kyungsoo was gone.

Jongin ran home, with a fresh batch of tears cascading down his face.

***

Author's note:

It's the third chapter now! Please give any suggestion or feedback at all if you have any~