Joonmyun's hands tremble uncontrollably as he runs them through his hair over and over again. He's pacing, walking back and forth on the limited floor space, and his mind, which is still muddled by the aftereffects of his recent , is working so hard to keep up with everything that it makes his head pound.

He had with Yixing. He had with a man. This isn't the way it's supposed to be. He's supposed to find a nice girl to get married to and have kids and settle down the way his family expects him to, the way society expects him to. Yet here he is, with a man, who has made him feel better than any woman he has ever been with. Is something wrong with him? Is he not normal?

Joonmyun quickly comes to the conclusion that he would rather not think about what this means and that it's easier to just ignore it all, so does what he does best: he forces those thoughts to the far back of his brain and buries them under a thick, now very familiar blanket of confusion and fear. He's not going to think about it. Not right now.

Still, there is something he can't stop from occupying his mind no matter how adamantly he tries: he doesn't understand why this sudden dread hit him now of all times. It would make so much more sense for it to happen when Yixing first made him hard or when he kissed Yixing or even all the way back when he first realized how warm and tingly Yixing's smile makes him feel. Joonmyun has kissed Yixing more times than he can count, he has touched Yixing everywhere, just like Yixing has touched him. Yixing has even had his mouth on Joonmyun's and his fingers inside of him before this so why, why is it right now that the panic has decided to set in?

In the end, Joonmyun succeeds in pushing those thoughts away as well, and instead he lets his mind wander to how mind-blowing it had been when Yixing ed him. How Yixing's had felt as it throbbed inside of him, the noises Yixing made all because of how amazing Joonmyun made him feel, the way his dark eyes were constantly fastened on Joonmyun's face, Joonmyun's body, as if Yixing wanted him more than anything. As if he couldn't believe that he was really allowed to do what he was doing. As if...

The recollection is enough to stir up the still smoldering embers of the fire recently extinguished in Joonmyun's belly. He can feel himself growing hard again even though the from the he just had hasn't even fully coagulated on his stomach yet (he should probably clean that off, by the way). Joonmyun sighs as he leans on the sink, head bowed. He had with a guy, and he liked it more than he ever imagined he would. He doesn't want to think about what that says about him as a person, but he knows that Yixing makes him feel good. Joonmyun homes in on that one thought. That's all that matters. That's all that matters.

Once Joonmyun is cleaned off (and has calmed down his ), he takes a deep breath and leaves the bathroom. He hadn't really considered that his abrupt departure could possibly be cause for concern, but Yixing does look worried, perking up when Joonmyun walks in. “Are you alright?” he asks as Joonmyun approaches the bed Yixing is still in, now sitting upright.

“I'm fine,” Joonmyun says sheepishly. He didn't mean to make him uneasy.

Yixing doesn't appear to believe Joonmyun's lie. He gives Joonmyun a slow onceover as though the truth would be printed on his skin. “Are you sure?”

“Well...” Joonmyun caves in, gaze flickering. He feels very exposed and vulnerable, standing there completely in the , so he gets on the bed as well and pulls the blanket up to cover himself. “I... might have needed some time to, uh... process what just happened.” His face heats up.

“Oh.” Yixing nods in understanding. “I'm sorry, it must've been a lot to take in all at once.”

“Not to mention the fact that my brain is kind of turned to mush right now,” Joonmyun adds in a mutter. It seems to take a moment for Yixing to get the implications of that, but when he does get it, he grins. Joonmyun shoots him a dirty look. “Don't get too cocky.” Yixing's grin turns cheeky now and Joonmyun isn't really in the mood to hear some kind of joke involving the word '' so he uses his lips to silence Yixing before he can actually get the words out.

Yixing wiggles so he laying back down, pulling up the covers and letting out a sigh of satisfaction. Joonmyun stares incredulously at Yixing, who shoots a questioning look back. “What?”

“You're really going to go back to sleep? Really?”

Yixing pouts. “Hey, you were the one who woke me up early.”

“I don't know if I'd call nine am 'early'.”

“It is when you get home at four,” Yixing retorts.

“Oh.” Well. He is kind of right about that, Joonmyun supposes. Joonmyun got home pretty late last night too, so perhaps he should join Yixing in getting some more rest. Pacified, he lay down next to Yixing, and Yixing wastes no time and immediately scoots closer to rest a hand in the dip of Joonmyun's waist, his thumb gentle circles into Joonmyun's skin. “Did you guys perform last night?” Joonmyun asks.

Yixing shakes his head. “We were just hanging out at the bar,” he says. “Drinking, talking, having fun. Everyone was there. I wish you could've been there as well.”

“Me too.” Joonmyun reaches out to Yixing's face, running his fingers along the line of his jaw. Yixing exhales another content sigh. He's smiling as his eyes slide shut, lashes fanning over his cheekbones. He looks beautiful. Joonmyun gulps. “I like you,” he mumbles so quietly that the only reason why it's audible at all is because the room is completely silent safe for the sound of his own racing pulse pounding in his ears.

“I should hope so,” Yixing chuckles. He sounds sleepy already. “Especially after what we just did. Having is kind of a big deal.”

A brief pang of panic flares up in Joonmyun's chest once more, squeezing at his lungs so tightly he has to gasp for air for a moment, but he manages to suppress it. “Y-yeah,” he mumbles.

Yixing's eyes are still closed so he can't see the signs of inner struggle on Joonmyun's face. He also doesn't see it when Joonmyun leans in to kiss him, though it doesn't seem to surprise him all that much either, judging by the way his lips and tongue move against Joonmyun's almost right away. Now Yixing opens his eyes to look inquiringly at Joonmyun. “Are you sure you're alright?” Joonmyun says nothing and just kisses him again. He'd rather not think about it.

All of Sunday is spent relaxing. They nap together and have lunch together (Yixing proves to be terrible at ordering takeout and has to call back three times because he keeps forgetting stuff) and shower together and watch movies together and nap some more and spend time just lying in bed, talking, sharing secrets. And they do other things as well. It's everything Joonmyun needs on top of the hectic week he has just had. Yixing, on the other hand, admits to mostly going along with it because he likes cuddling. That doesn't really matter, though. Joonmyun is happy anyway.

Midnight passes and Sunday turns into Monday. Joonmyun knows he should probably start to consider going back to his own place soon, but he finds that he really doesn't want to. “I don't want to go home,” he mumbles into Yixing's neck. They're still in bed together, cuddled close, and it's so comfortable, Joonmyun wishes he never had to move again in his life.

“Don't you have work tomorrow?” Yixing asks.

Joonmyun shakes his head. “No, they gave most of the people in my department a few days off to make up for all the hard work they put us through.”

Yixing runs his palm slowly up and down Joonmyun's arm. He appears to be thinking over what he's going to say before he finally mutters: “Then stay.”

The idea is very inviting. Still, Joonmyun hesitates. “Are you sure that would be okay?” he asks. “I don't want to cause you any trouble or be a nuisance or make you feel like I'm intruding or–”

Yixing kisses him quiet. He's smiling when he pulls away, and now he has a hand on Joonmyun's face, his thumb over his cheek. “Do I really need to repeat how much I like being around you? How much I want you with me all the time?” Joonmyun swallows thickly, eyes flickering down to Yixing's lips. He leans in to press his own against them for a brief moment. “You can stay as long as you'd like,” Yixing says, and once more Joonmyun feels as though his heart is going to well over with emotion. He likes Yixing so much it almost hurts.

“I'll stay until tomorrow,” he says. He thinks he can taste happiness in Yixing's smile when he kisses him again, but he'd rather not get his hopes up and fool himself. He doesn't want to put too much into all of this and get hurt in the process.

Unlike Joonmyun, Yixing has to go to work on Monday. His shift at the restaurant doesn't start until noon, though, so he gets to sleep in and spends about an hour with Joonmyun before having to get ready (they get a little carried away in the shower and suddenly Yixing has to rush and even skip breakfast so he won't be late for work). Joonmyun kisses him goodbye by the door, Yixing leaves, and then Joonmyun is all by himself.

He takes a look around. It's so quiet now that he's alone and he should probably feel awkward being in Yixing's apartment without Yixing, just like he felt the first time he was here, but he doesn't. It's kind of strange, really, how this feels much more like home to him than his own apartment ever has, even though he's only been here a few times. Maybe it's because it actually looks like someone lives here rather than something that would appear in a furniture magazine.

Or maybe it's because the entire place reminds him so much of Yixing. From the music sheets and various other papers scattered just about everywhere to the acoustic guitar placed in its stand in the corner of the living room to the art decorating the walls, even the scent that hangs in the air. Everything, down to the smallest detail, is very Yixing. And Joonmyun likes it. A lot.

He casts a glance in the direction of the front door. Before he went to work, Yixing had taught Joonmyun how to lock it behind himself in case he should want to leave at some point during the day. Joonmyun doesn't want to. Not yet, anyway. Yixing had also shown him where he keeps the fliers from the nearest food delivery and he had shown him where things are in the kitchen if he felt the need to cook. Yixing seemed to have thought about nearly everything.

Joonmyun chews on his bottom lip as he contemplates his options. Stay or go. He takes a deep breath and then, nodding to himself, he makes his final decision. He's going to stay at Yixing's apartment. At least for a little while longer.

~*~

A/N:

yes hello hi, it is me! I'm here!! with another pointless update!!!!! or... 'meaningless' if you will. 8D .......... get it? because the chapter title is 'meaningless'? no? not funny?

/coughs loudly/

anyway. to be honest, I'm not sure why I am even writing this author's note right now because I literally have nothing to say about the chapter. I mean, nothing really happened (joonmyun had a meltdown and decided not to think about it anymore, and then sulay were fluffy and gross, what else is new?), and what did happen kind of speaks for itself.

I guess I just really wanted to use that alaska gif. :c

hhhhhhhhhh...

ps. so I herd u liek hunhanz. lookie here.