Part III

“Great job everyone” Yixing smiles as the song wraps up. The duet has come along beautifully. Yixing and Luhan’s voices meld in really well. While Luhan has a soft soothing tone, Yixing has something sharp, rather unique about it. The contrast would be jarring elsewhere but for this song they emote well. Jongdae admires their talent.

“Rather awesome huh?” Haneul asks, leaning in to whisper to him. “Yeah. I can’t believe they get to do this every day” Jongdae says. Yixing and Luhan were Music majors and they were composing an album of songs for their semester project. The central theme was to illustrate the effect of different types of instruments on a common theme. The two had taken the easy theme of romance and were now looking forward to creating abstract music based on it.

Jongdae’s sweatshirt hangs off his shoulder. Haneul came by the recording studio to return it after her dance practice and ended up staying to listen to the final product on Yixing and Luhan’s insistence for reviews from someone who hadn’t been cooped up with the song from the start. “I like it” Haneul says, giving the duo a thumbs up. “And I liked your vocals too. You should sing more” she says, turning to Jongdae. He laughs and shrugs it off. Singing is a hobby on the side for now.

“Wait, you just ‘like’ it?” Luhan asks with a pout. “You don’t adore it? Love it? Find inspiration in it?” he exaggerates playfully. “Oh I was just lying cause you are a friend. I totally abhor it. Detest it. Feel darkened and depressed by it and all those colourful words” she replies in the same tone. Yixing laughs as Luhan lifts Haneul and threatens to throw her out of the window. The fact that the glass window is sealed shut to be soundproof is ignored. “I was just kidding. I loved the song!” she says, after Luhan sets her down and Jongdae helps steady her.

“This calls for a coffee celebration!” Luhan cheers. “You are addicted Lu ge” Yixing says warmly. “Am not. By the way, Minseok’s shift at The Shack started and I am dying to have some of his legendary coffee” he informs them. “I already have a coffee date set up with Sehun and Kai” Haneul tells them. “Invite them as well?” Luhan suggests. “Sure you don’t mind?” Haneul asks. “The more the merrier” Luhan says. “Kai?” Jongdae asks her. “Yeah. The performer Kai. Like the absolute god Kim Jongin. He’s enrolled here as a dance major but he never attends. Is good friends with Sehun but they are complete s to each other. You’ll like him. He’s tamer than Baekhyun haha” Haneul laughs. Jongdae smiles weakly. Haneul doesn’t know that he already likes that Kim Jongin.

Jongdae looks at Haneul. Despite the occasional wayward glances to look for her friends, she mixes in easily with the entire team. Turns out she has inside jokes with Luhan. Haneul has inside jokes with everyone. Haneul is the type of person who can draw you in to a conversation easily. She tends to draw people into a safe protected bubble that leaves you reassured that your secret is safe if the conversation ever turns scandalous. While Jongdae notices this, he can’t help wonder about Jongin.

Jongin is enrolled in his college. Jongin has been this close to him and he never realised it. What will he say when Jongin shows up? What if Jongin recognizes him? What if he doesn’t? He probably won’t. It’s been a few years, quite a few months and many many days. Jongin won’t even remember him. But anyone who knows them separately will figure out that they went to school together. What should he do then? Jongdae decides to play it cool. Even if they attended the same school, no one will ever figure out that they dated once. No one will ever ask. Will Jongin acknowledge it if ever asked?

Many scenarios run by his head and Jongdae tunes the world out. The entire group is busy teasing Luhan for being addicted to Minseok’s coffee and Minseok occasionally drops hints to Yixing about some very scandalous secret of Luhan’s that he knows. An uproar starts with Luhan protesting too aggressively for what Minseok claims is a tiny secret. While everyone is busy clamouring Yixing to spill the beans, Haneul turns to Jongdae.

“I’m tired” she announces and rests her head on Jongdae’s shoulder. He is used to Baekhyun’s weirdness and Haneul seems no different. Jongin used to do the same after his dance practices every day. He would come out of the practice room, all sweaty but insisting the older boy drag his body home because the younger one possibly couldn’t. It was all in the starting though. When Jongin could still afford to make time for Jongdae. People are pulled apart by forces of time and Jongdae learns it the hard way. Somehow today all thoughts lead back to Jongin.

Jongdae sighs and tilts his head till it accidentally bumps Haneul’s head. She glares at him and then pouts and snuggles closer. Jongdae laughs at how much of a kid she is being. This time he purposefully lays his head on top of hers and she sighs and gives up. Her attention is on the conversation so Jongdae knows that she isn’t consciously playing with his fingers. It’s the way that Jongin used to. Jongdae wishes the dreadful meeting could just get over with.

“They’re here!” Haneul exclaims. She moves abruptly, hitting Jongdae’s chin as she does. Somehow that also results in Jongdae biting his own tongue sharply and the pain doubles, causing him to hiss. “. I’m sorry Jongdae!” Haneul apologises, rubbing his chin in order to ease some of the pain. “You really hate Jongdae huh” Yixing jokes, watching the two. Haneul has the decency to blush. “Jongin and Sehun distracted me!” she protests indignantly. “The lovebirds are here?” Luhan asks, in a desperate attempt to steer the conversation away.

“Don’t call us that” Sehun protests as he pulls up a chair for Jongin who has just arrived behind him. “But we are dating” Jongin laughs. Jongdae’s throat constricts. It’s the same laugh, the same loving look, the same Jongin. Jongdae feels a rush of bitterness against Sehun. He schools his features into a smile he feels nothing for when the aforementioned brat turns to him. Sehun responds with a shy smile and Jongdae understands how he feels. It’s hard not to relent to Jongin’s genuine affections. Jongdae just wishes this wasn’t happening in front of him.

“I’m not going to bother introducing you since you seem to know everyone here” Sehun tells Jongin upfront. “Okay” Jongin laughs. “He hasn’t met Jongdae yet” Haneul reminds Sehun. “Oh yeah. Jongin this is Jongdae hyung” Sehun says enthusiastically, drawing the chocolate skinned boy’s attention to the older boy. “Jongdae hyung?” Jongin says slowly. Jongdae’s heart skips a beat. “Are you Haneul’s boyfriend?” Jongin asks looking at their intertwined hands. Jongdae had forgotten about them being there. He notes his extra strong grip and starts to let go but Haneul holds on firmly. “He’s my pillow for the day” she tells Jongin in all seriousness and then hugs Jongdae. “Uh...” Jongdae trails off articulately.

“Well actually eww no. I don’t wanna date Jongdae” Haneul says sitting up straight and pushing him away. “You make me feel loved Haneul” Jongdae smarts. Haneul laughs and blows him a kiss before concentrating on her second glass of milkshake that has just arrived. Jongdae rolls his eyes at her. “My mistake I guess” Jongin says warmly and smiles at the two. Jongdae shrugs. Jongin doesn’t remember him. He is safe for now. He doesn’t want to push his luck.

“I have some work so I guess I’ll be off” Jongdae says standing up. “Keep me posted when Luhan spills his secret” he says to Haneul with a grin. He waves a good bye to everyone else at the table, fighting off Minseok’s insistence to stay for longer half heartedly. “Wait I’ll come with you!” Haneul says suddenly. “And hold hands while walking back to college?” Sehun snickers. “Of course not, Jongdae is going to give me a piggy back ride.”

“So, about that piggy back ride” Haneul starts once they are on the highway road that connects their campus to The Shack. “I’m not really going to give you one” Jongdae tells her. “Why not? It’s fun!” Haneul protests. “Only for you” Jongdae laughs. “Of course it is. Why would i suggest it if it wasn’t” Haneul snorts. Jongdae rolls his eyes. They continue walking as they talk. Haneul whines but doesn’t really put more effort into getting that piggy back ride.

“So, since when have you had the hots for Sehun?” she asks casually in between topics. “What?” Jongdae exclaims incredulously. “So you are telling me that the entire scene at the Shack was just my imagination? Oh come on Jongdae. I know drunk and forlorn people” Haneul tells him. “I don’t like Sehun” Jongdae clarifies. “Yeah right. And Luhan ge doesn’t like coffee” Haneul retorts. “I don’t like Sehun Haneul” Jongdae says firmly.

“So it’s Jongin then? I thought you didn’t know him” Haneul says. “I used to know him” Jongdae replies with a sigh. “Not a denial I see” Haneul points out. “We were friends. Then Jongin got scouted and got busy with performing. He eventually forgot about me and I didn’t see the point in reminding him about it today” Jongdae said simply. “Will you tell him eventually?” Haneul asks him. “If he brings it up then maybe. But not really no” Jongdae confesses. Haneul nods to herself.

“So... high school puppy love?” Haneul asks knowingly. “Can you not put it that way? You almost made me sound cute” Jongdae gags. “Why? Were you the love struck one pining after him?” Haneul asks with an eyebrow raised. “Pfft. I’m too awesome for that” Jongdae counters. Haneul raises her hands in mock defeat and Jongdae playfully punches her shoulder. “I had a high school crush too” Haneul shares. “Were you the one pining?” Jongdae asks. “Yeah. It was so pathetic to be honest. But fun” Haneul agrees. “Fun?” Jongdae raises an eyebrow. “The idea of liking someone felt nice back when I believed in it” Haneul admits. “And you don’t anymore?” Jongdae asks curiously. She shakes her head.

“What happened with the guy?” Jongdae dares to ask. “He left for higher education in Canada” Haneul tells him. “People have the habit of leaving” he says bitterly. “Yeah...” she agrees. “And I never got to tell him I liked him. So that day I decided that if I really like someone I’ll let them know. The regret is not worth it.” “I thought you didn’t believe in liking anyone romantically anymore” he points out. “True. But happens” she shrugs.

“I’m confused” he says with a frown. “About what?” she asks him. A small footpath begins and Haneul takes the opportunity to walk on the edge, balancing herself by placing one foot in front of the other. “Your idea of love” he tells her honestly. He feels a little dumb since Haneul gives him a look which says it is the most obvious thing in the world. “It’s simple really. I’ve given up on the idea of finding love. True soul mates are hard to find and I don’t want casual flings. Go big or go home. I still like the idea of having someone but I am not actively looking or interested in finding them any time soon” she explains.

“Besides, I want to take the time to figure out who I am apart from my relations and labels. I want to figure out the kind of person I am when I am alone. I want to be independent and do everything in my bucket list before being bogged down by life. And what better time than now?” she says with a smile. Her hands stretch out in order to balance herself and to Jongdae, Haneul looks like she is flying. She seems free and independent and that she might take off at any moment. Baekhyun’s words make sense now. Haneul is not the type to stay. She’ll be there of course, but always as a separate unreachable entity. He envies her confidence but feels estranged due to it too.

“Oh look, we’re back on campus” Haneul points out, jumping off the footpath. “That was quick” Jongdae says, surprised. “It’s not a long walk. Even shorter when you are talking to someone you like” Haneul says with a laugh. “I guess this is where we part ways” Jongdae starts with a mischievous grin. “Don’t you dare pull a cheesy line on me now” she warns, but her grin betrays her amusement. “But you will be in my heart Haneul” Jongdae sing-songs. “Oh my god the grease is going to give me heart problems” Haneul cries, holding her hand over her chest. “I try” Jongdae says proudly and Haneul rolls her eyes.

“Oh, um there is this movie I remember Baekhyun wanted to watch. Now You See Me, I think the name was. I have the movie on my laptop. Maybe this weekend we can get together and watch it. We’ll get Baekhyun and Chanyeol too. Taeyeon and Dara are on a trip so you don’t have to worry about girlfriends and PDA” Haneul sticks her tongue out. “Sounds like a plan. I’ll ask Baek and Yeol” Jongdae agrees. “Cool.”

-x-