Part VI

Jongdae doesn’t look at Haneul. They are in the recording studio with Yixing and Luhan and Baekhyun. Baekhyun is recounting a funny story from his strength of materials lab and Haneul laughs. The invisible tension in the air is unnoticed. It’s been a week since they’ve kissed and no one has talked about it. But it’s been a week and Jongdae has had time to think on it. He doesn’t like the results he has come up with. He needs to talk to Haneul.

“I forgot about some work I have to do!” Haneul exclaims suddenly. “Again?” Lay asks knowingly. “Yeah” she admits sheepishly. “Off with you then. You are troubling all of us anyways” Luhan says. “Jongdae can you to the place wherever it is” Baekhyun speaks up. For the first time, Jongdae feels glad that Baekhyun is an inconsiderate . “I’ll be fine. I just have to go down a floor to the dance studios” she tells him. Jongdae frowns. “I’ll still go with you” he insists. Haneul is caught between the headlights. She knows she can’t refuse without giving away something is wrong so she complies. They gather their things (Jongdae was done anyways) and walk down on the steps silently.

“Haneul” Jongdae is the first to break the silence. “Hmm?” she asks, not looking at him. “Haneul stop” he says holding her hand. Haneul stops and stares at their hands. “We need to talk about what happened” he says firmly. He doesn’t like this wall between them. He wants to resolve it as soon as possible. She takes a deep breath and looks at him. “I was awake then” she tells him. Jongdae feels strange. Awake for what?

“Awake when you called me Jongin” she replies, reading his mind. “Haneul, you know I didn’t mean to” he starts only to be cut off by her blank stare. “Did you do it out of pity for me?” she asks emotionlessly. “Do what?” he asks, knowing the answer. “Did you kiss me out of pity because I told you I was lonely?” she asked.  “Haneul...” Jongdae falters. He knows that it is exactly how it started. But he didn’t mean to kiss her. No, that was about something different altogether.

“And on top of that, you called me Jongin. Is that the entire reason you’ve been spending time with me Jongdae?” she asks sharply. “Because I am some sort of substitute? Did you ever stop loving him?” Jongdae gulps. These are questions he has already asked himself. The answers are clear. She pulls her hand out of his hold. “You don’t have to like me. You have no obligation to me at all Jongdae. But stop treating me as some substitute to someone you never got over. And at the same time, get over him. He likes Sehun now. He really does” she added coldly.

Jongdae doesn’t say anything. He is left standing as she descends the stairs and walks away to the dance practice rooms. He has a lot of thinking left to do.

“Did you have a fight with Haneul?” Baekhyun asks, nudging the bundle of blankets cocooning Jongdae on his bed. Jongdae groans and his hand comes out to wave Baekhyun off. He isn’t in the mood to talk about Haneul. He’s not going to do this now. “Get over yourself and come out of the blanket Kim Jongdae” Baekhyun commands. Jongdae rolls out of the blanket and falls off the side of the bed. He climbs back up haphazardly and sits with his back to Baekhyun. Then he realises his mistake and turns around to face the diva.

“Are you two having a couple’s fight?” Baekhyun asks impatiently. He has a class in half an hour and he knows this emotional drama will take long. “I came out” Jongdae says. “I always knew you were gay. Moving on to what you said to Haneul” Baekhyun snaps. “I messed up” Jongdae groans burying his hands in his face. “What exactly did you do?” Baekhyun asks. Jongdae opens his mouth but then clams it shut. He can’t bring himself to say it because he feels guilty. He knows what he did is wrong but how does one go about apologising for this situation? He flails and buries himself in his blankets again. Baekhyun rolls his eyes. Just like Haneul and Jongdae to not talk about their problems when it is really needed. They can flirt loads but come to serious relationship talk and both back out.

“Kim. Jong. Dae” Baekhyun says menacingly as he pulls the blanket away from his face. “Look at me.” Jongdae looks up sheepishly. “The first step to solving an issue is admitting it exists. So you admit you ed it up with Haneul. Do you care enough to resolve it?” Baekhyun looks Jongdae in the eye while asking him. “What do you mean? Of course I want to” Jongdae snaps. It’s just that he has no idea how. “I am asking you if you really like her” Baekhyun clarifies. “I do” Jongdae admits in a small voice. But the problem is he doesn’t know where his feelings for Jongin are.

“What’s stopping you from going to her then?” Baekhyun asks. “She won’t forgive me easily” Jongdae tells Baekhyun. “Doesn’t mean you wuss out and never try” Baekhyun reprimands. “Do you want to fix this problem or not?” “I do” Jongdae says, sitting up with a bolder intention. “Then go. Go talk to her. Haneul is an amazing woman Jongdae. Don’t lose her over something you say is small” Baekhyun tells him. Jongdae nods and gets out of bed, looking for a good tshirt to wear.

“Go take a shower first. Haneul won’t appreciate it if you turn up stinking like a skunk” Baekhyun points out. “I’m not going to Haneul first. There is something I need to do before I meet her” Jongdae says firmly. He needs to talk to Jongin. He needs to sort the mess in his head before sorting things out with Haneul. “Either ways, shower first. No one likes a smelly cat” Baekhyun comments offhandedly as he stands to leave. “I’m not a cat” Jongdae replies. Haneul... “Sure sure” Baekhyun says before disappearing out his door. Shower first it is then.

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