“Dearest Joonmyun,” he exhales, eyes closed. He can hear Wu Fan’s voice as he reads, deep and serious. He opens his eyes again and sees the script of Wu Fan sloppily on the letter.

“I woke up one morning and I smelt you, smelt your scent around me. And I realized I was sleeping in one of your rather too large tees. And it made me happy and sad all at the same time. I wished I could say I miss you but that would be unfair of me, and unfair to you. There are times when everything feels too hard and I think of you to get through but I mostly think of how sorry I am for everything. How sorry I am for leaving you like that. How sorry I am for chasing a different dream. How sorry I am to not have told you beforehand. How sorry I am for not being the person you thought I was.

I’m sorry Joonmyun, just so sorry.”

His eyes well with tears and he stops them from falling but they don’t stop. He feels overwhelmed. He’s wanted to hear this for soo long now.

He hears a knock on the glass door. Joonmyun’s head turns toward the glass door and it’s Jongdae. He quickly wipes his tears and answers with a smile.

“Hey Jongdae,” he forces a smile.

“Hey do you have some- omg Joonmyun are you okay?” Jongdae grabs onto his arms. “Joonmyun? Joonmyun? What happened?” Jongdae cups his face, looking him up and down as if Joonmyun was injured. “Joonmyun? What’s wrong?!” Jongdae seemed soo urgent and worried. His voice was strong and piercing in a way Joonmyun’s ever heard in Jongdae. It made him feel safe.

“He said he’s sorry,” Joonmyun cries with a smile on his face (he also loved the concern in Jongdae’s face).

“Joonmyun,” Jongdae exhales and grabs him into a hug. Joonmyun feels Jongdae rub small circles into his back and he feels comforted but also weak and stupid.

“I’m sorry,” he pushes away Jongdae, but Jongdae doesn’t let go.

“It’s okay Joonmyun,” his expression still full of concern.

“No I’m sorry,” he manages out of Jongdae’s arms. “Sorry,” he walks away to sit on the sofa. But he starts crying again.

Jongdae walks over, he carefully places his thumb on Joonmyun’s temple, creating small circles. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No,” Joonmyun quickly answers, looking up at Jongdae. “No sorry it’s not – did you need something?” he stands up.

“No,” Jongdae answers, he sees the hurt in Joonmyun’s eyes, “that doesn’t matter right now. Are you okay? That’s what matter.”

“Yeah I’ll be okay,” he shakily exhales.

“I can stay with you longer if you like,” Jongdae places a hand on Joonmyun’s waist.

“Thanks Jongdae,” Joonmyun reaches over to hug him this time. Jongdae feels a heavy exhale being released into his neck and few sniffles. He holds Joonmyun close, wishing there was more he could do.

“No problem,” Jongdae wishes to never let go.

“Its just I’ve wanted this for so long,” Joonmyun says after a long silence. “And I got it now. But it doesn’t feel like it matters anymore,” he pulls his arms apart from Jongdae, but he stays in place, in an intimate closeness to Jongdae’s body.

“Of course it matters, it matters to you,” Jongdae looks at him.

“Right,” he wipes his tears. “I feel soo stupid.”

“That’s alright too…this guy was your ex?”

“Yeah, long story,” Joonmyun chuckles.

“We don’t have to go into details, if you don’t want to.”
“Thanks Jongdae,” Joonmyun feels relieved.

“You just sit here,” Jongdae places his hands on Joonmyun’s arms and pushes him back down to the sofa. “And I’ll cook something for you to eat.”

“But Jongdae,” Joonmyun quickly protests.

“I’ve been working on my cooking okay,” he assures Joonmyun.

“Okay,” Joonmyun smiles. He loves how Jongdae is trying so hard to make him feel better. He was starting to feel better. “thanks Jongdae,” he watches Jongdae go through his kitchen. He sees Jongdae feed Byul first and it makes Joonmyun smile. “I thought you were feeding me?”

“I will,” Jongdae gives a playful glare that pulls at Joonmyun’s heart.

“You don’t have to do this, you know,” Joonmyun walks into the kitchen now.

“I want to,” Jongdae says.

“I don’t want to be a burden to you.”

“Joonmyun,” Jongdae stands close to him. Joonmyun watches his hand land on his shoulder, the other taking in his hand so casually and his hearts nearly drops. “I want to do this for you.”

“Okay,” he smiles full of nerves and excitement at the same time. “J-just don’t burn down my condo please.”

“I won’t,” Jongdae groans, walking back to the explore Joonmyun’s kitchen.

“Can I play some music?” Jongdae asks when it’s too quiet.

“Sure,” Joonmyun answers. He sits at the dining table and watches Jongdae. A part of him wants to squeal at how cute and sweet Jongdae is right now. The other half wants to scream at the mess he’s making. “Oh,” he stops thinking when he hears Jongdae sing. “Wow,” he smiles and he smiles some more. Jongdae pretends he doesn’t hear a thing (or he really doesn’t) and continues on with the cooking (and singing).

By the time he’s done singing and cooking he realizes how quiet it’s been and what little conversation there has been.

“Tada!” he brings a plate to Joonmyun.

“You didn’t make any for yourself?”

“Oh yeah I did,” he smiles.

“Good I didn’t want to eat alone,” Joonmyun half smiles.

“Don’t worry,” Jongdae fetches his plate. “Enjoy!” he returns shortly. It was the one dish he actually liked to make, lemon pepper salmon with asparagus and brown rice.

“Thanks Jongdae,” Joonmyun smiles across to him. Jongdae waits for him to take a bit and it makes Joonmyun laugh. “Don’t watch me!”

“I’m waiting for a reaction,” Jongdae laughs.

“Well stop looking at me.”

“Then how will I see your reaction!?”

“Jongdae you’re unbelievable,” Joonmyun laughs. “Just cover your eyes.”

“Fine,” Jongdae covers his eyes. “But I need to hear a reaction then.”

“YUMMMM!” Joonmyun exaggerates, laughing loudly.

“You’re soo full of it!” Jongdae gets up, pinching Joonmyun’s neck.

“What? it tastes great!” Joonmyun tries to block Jongdae from hurting him. “It really does! Yum!” he does it again, and Jongdae pinches his neck.

“Yah don’t lie.”

“I’m not,” Joonmyun pinches back. “You’re the guest remember! You can’t treat me this way!”

“fine,” Jongdae walks back to his chair. “Next time you come over I’ll show you.”

“Go ahead, I ain’t scared,” Joonmyun glares at him, taking a large bit of salmon. They eat in silence except a few snickers and giggles and their eyes were stuck to one another.

"Hmm?" Joonmyun says, raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing," Jongdae smiles.

"Your phone though," Joonmyun points.

“Oh crap,” Jongdae picks his phone up. 238478372473 messages from Baekhyun and Chaneyol.  “Do you have any butter? I forgot that’s why I came here in the first place.”

“Oh yeah,” Joonmyun walks to the fridge. Jongdae follows with their empty plates and looks at Joonmyun’s thin frame. His eyes trail up and down Joonmyun.

“Is this enough?” Joonmyun asks.

“Oh yeah,” Jongdae feels caught. He places the dishes in the sink and grabs the butter. “thanks.”

“You coming back for dessert?” Joonmyun has a cute expression on his face.

“Of course,” Jongdae smiles before leaving.

He runs across the space between their condos and doesn’t even open the door, just goes through it. “Hey sorry about that,” he places the butter down on the counter.

“I thought you guys were having so I didn’t want to just walk over but GEEZ!” Chanyeol grabs the butter.

“What!?” Jongdae laughs. “No he ..was …crying when I got there.”

“Oh is he okay?” Baekhyun asks.

“Yeah he’s better now.”

“Oh better eh?” Chanyeol wiggles his eyebrows.

“Yeol,” Baekhyun smacks him on the arm.

“Well I’m gonna head back, he asked me to stay for dessert.”
“Oh dessert?” Baekhyun now wiggles his eyebrow.

“Goodbye, both of you.”

“Bow chicka wow wow,” Chanyeol says.

“GOODBYE!” He walks through the door.

“Do you like sprinkles?” Joonmyun asks when Jongdae returns.

“Oh yes,” Jongdae smiles. “Are you making banana splits?”

“Yeah,” he smiles back. “I don’t feel like making anything extravagant today.”

“It’s okay, I enjoy anything you make.”

“thanks Jongdae,” Joonmyun chuckles. Jongdae was telling the truth.

“Are you feeling better?” Jongdae asks suddenly. He kinda regrets it once it leaves his mouth. He knew Joonmyun wasn’t 100% or anything, he shouldn’t have asked.

“Oh yeah, a little,” and Jongdae wonders if that was a forced smile, like they’ve been all week.

“Good.”

“Jongdae,” Joonmyun pours on the nuts now. “I met a guy I thought I really loved and I gave him the best 2 years of my life, and things just didn’t work out.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Yeah me too,” he exhales. “But you know, time moves on and I should too. I shouldn’t let his letter affect me this much.”

“Nah it’s okay if it does,” Jongdae says. “Stuff happens and people deal with them differently, you just took a little longer,” he chuckles.

“Yeah,” Joonmyun acknowledges. “I just held on too long, I guess. Hoping that he would change his mind and come back.”

“And did he?”

“Nope,” he feels a sting in his chest. “He never did and I’m pretty much okay with it now. I know he wasn’t ready to settle down or be this way with me.”

“How come he left?” Jongdae didn’t want to ask, but he wanted to at the same time – he really just didn’t want to make Joonmyun relive that heartbreak.

“Well change in career paths and he decided he needed to move to pursue his dreams, and it wasn’t with me – I wasn’t in them.”

“Maybe that’s for the best,” Jongdae says. “Maybe it’s a good start for you too.”

“Yeah it is Jongdae,” Joonmyun hands him a bowl of ice cream. Jongdae holds his hand over Joonmyun’s. “It could be,” he smiles.

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sorry this took sooo long T T but i hope you guys are still interested and supportive of this story!!! ^^ xox