“It was the last thing I heard, or the last thing that came from Baekhyun… “ Kyungsoo let out a sniffle, still trying to brush his tears away but the feeling was bigger than him to just brush it away “-I – Last thing I remember” Kyungsoo stopped, taking as much air he could to help him breath. He felt his longue failing him and its stiffened.. he couldn’t breathe or swallow the lump in his throat but then, Jongin hands tightening on his, the warmth that jongin sends to him, made him regain his composure and calm a bit… “People were running, shouting and, cars beeping, it was … Noisy, but … Suddenly too quiet..” Kyungsoo stopped again, he closed his eyes, feeling every second of that day coming back to him. It was like a new memory everyday. Everyday it’s there in his minds like something would never fade away, it wasn’t like any other memories he had .. he couldn’t wash away, he couldn’t just let it pass and forget it when he felt guilty …. He was guilty..

Tears were streaming down Kyungsoo cheeks unknowingly, he just felt the warm of his tears flooding but not realizing the source of it. He was absent minded, he was far away into that specific memory that he could never let go …. Baekhyun smile rushed in front of him making him smile too but, Sadly.

He missed him, he missed Baekhyun smile, Baekhyun voice, Baekhyun craziness, Baekhyun everything ..

“He was Laying there, Next to me … too close, but when I called for him, he .. He didn’t answer”

Regret was filling him… For days Kyungsoo couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t close his eyes, he just … couldn’t!!

 “his eyes were closed but, he, he was still breathing … hardly … I could hear it, I heard it, he was too close … too close to see.. b- blood”

The images couldn’t leave his mind. Whenever he closes his eyes, he would see Baekhyun… Baekhyun smile, Baekhyun joyful face …. BaekHyun’s blood…

“I managed to drag myself up, to reach him …. I shook him, I wanted him to answer me, to talk to me… his eyes slightly opened and there was, a faint smile”

Baekhyun, what did happen? Why are you lying there? Why are you bleeding? Answer me please ….

“that was all I could do, cry … when I realized it… why was he lying down… bleeding…” Kyungsoo muffled, he could barely speak but he felt the need to continue, he felt the need to cry his heart out “apparently, Baekhyun got the hit for me” Kyungsoo gulped “The car..  the car was supposed to hit me, me… but, he …” Kyungsoo shut his eyes once again, tears flooding down his cheeks, breathing heavily “ he protected me… because of me” Kyungsoo started sobbing, he was unable to talk, he was unable to think of any words that can express that scene. Jongin pulled him into a tight hug, humming some coherent words that Kyungsoo did not even understand or hear him, he could only hear his own sobs, hear the silent that took place, that day …. “it’s my fault … if I didn’t .. “ Kyungsoo tightened his arms around jongin, pressing hard into him, feeling guilt eating him from the inside “he, he’s gone because of me…”

“I’m sorry, I could not stay longer beside you … please, don’t blame yourself … Kyung S soo, be happy, I love you more when you smile”

The words Baekhyun last said, he could remember them clearly. They were still ringing in his mind but, never digest them…. “Don’t blame yourself” .. he did blame himself… “Be Happy.. “  he was not!! He couldn’t be happy, when he felt guilt, when he had no one other than himself to blame “I love you more when you smile” but!!! How could he smile when he was the reason for his best friend death … “do Kyungsoo, I Love you… “ the words he wouldn’t admit hearing him say, the words he didn’t want to remember but yet, still ringing through his mind, whenever he closes his eyes, whenever he dreams of Baekhyun with a smile on his face “I love you” he could hear him saying over and over again “Do Kyungsoo, I love you” The smile, Baekhyun last smile fixed on his face… Why was he smiling, he did not know. Baekhyun last goodbye was, Was he happy ??? Why???

 

“It’s okay, Hyung … “ Jongin kept on moving his fingers on circles n Kyungsoo back, trying to calm him down. He knew that Kyungsoo needed to cry, he badly needed to let out all the emotions he was holding inside. He knew how the elder was, how the he always hides his feelings from everyone, pretending to be okay but, he knew… jongin was happy, seeing Kyungsoo crying wasn’t a happy scene for sure but what made him happy is, Kyungsoo trusting him with his worst nightmares, Kyungsoo opening up for him and finally letting himself loosen in his embrace so, yes.. he was happy. Happy for Kyungsoo to finally, finally let out the pain and suffering he was hiding inside…

“It wasn’t your fault, it was Baekhyun choice” Jongin spoke, when he felt Kyungsoo sobs were almost subsiding “He chose to protect you, he chose to sacrifice himself for you” He continued, feeling Kyungsoo stiffening in his arms, against his chest “If it was me, I’ll do the same, I’ll do what Baekhyun did” jongin stopped, seeing Kyungsoo pulling off of him, still holding his arms tight, eyes fixed on him questioning “ why “  …..

“ Because I love you….”

Kyungsoo eyes were still lost, having a lot of questions without answers.. Why ??? was the most important question to him… Why did Baekhyun … Why would jongin …. ?

“ Because I love you, He loved you… if you turned back the time and things would put in rewind, I’m sure Baekhyun would do the same thing again, he would choose to protect you, because … Because he loved you… I understand he must felt at that moment, seeing you in danger, I can relate to it…” Jongin took Kyungsoo face in his face, tenderly brushing his tears away “ Because I hate to see you hurt, I wouldn’t forgive myself seeing you hurt without doing anything, how would I live with this feeling, that’s how Baekhyun felt… Because he loved you”

 

“To live knowing the one you love isn’t there by your side, is the worst punishment human can get. It would torture you eve