We’ve really gone and done it this time.

This is going to be good.

---

This morning had been pretty normal; everybody got up, fought over the showers, shoved some food in their faces, and then somehow they all miraculously made it to the van on time to be shipped off to the studio for today’s schedule.

Kyuhyun had of course been one of the first in and out of the showers. He snuck in while the idiots were arguing about it. Donghae and Henry’s faces as he shut the door on them had been priceless. He made sure he spent extra-long in there too, just so that they’d freak out at him after.

He’s pretty sure Donghae is still not talking to him. He doesn’t even care a little. It gives him a little peace and quiet.

Their recording this morning had gone off mostly without a hitch. Almost weirdly so. Donghae hadn’t even turned anything into a vegetable yet, much to Geng’s obvious shock and delight. That was also good for Kyuhyun because it meant that he was left alone. Even the angels didn’t seem to be super demanding of Siwon for a change.

In fact, everything was going too smoothly; so smoothly in fact, that Geng looked like he was going to burst into happy tears.

So of course, that’s when everything went catastrophically wrong.

Because he did burst into tears. And he looked shocked for a second, before his face contorted into a look of horror.

“But I’m not even-”

He was gone in a puff of smoke.

The members all stared at him in shock.

“That was… unexpected?” Zhou Mi ventured into the ensuing silence. Kyuhyun couldn’t even believe his eyes.

“Was he just so happy that he… pineappled?” Donghae stared down at their fruity leader, absolutely dumbstruck.

“I didn’t know that that was a thing,” Kyuhyun replied, his mind racing with all the implications of this new knowledge.

“Well, he has been under a lot of pressure lately,” Ryeowook bustled over, scooping the pineapple up in his arms and cradling it protectively against his chest. Kyuhyun felt like he might burst into hysterical giggles any minute. This was golden.

“Let’s just get him home,” Zhou Mi had obviously decided to be the voice of reason. Kyuhyun snickered, and grabbed his bag, leading the way to the van while the other members trailed behind him in various states of shock.

Kyuhyun was sure Geng would be fine by the time they got him home.

---

Geng is not fine by the time they get home. Or by the time dinner is ready and everybody’s eaten. Or by the time they all finish watching the first Harry Potter movie in Donghae, Henry and Kyuhyun’s hotel room.

This is the longest amount of time Geng has ever been a pineapple in the entire time that they’ve known him.

They’re all gathered in Geng’s hotel room for an emergency band meeting. Siwon clears his throat and everybody falls silent. Zhou Mi sits up a little straighter.

“So,” Zhou Mi begins, “Our leader is still a pineapple. How long has it been since he changed?” Zhou Mi glances over at Donghae who is studying his iPhone in concern.

“Five hours and seventeen minutes,” Donghae reports, his whole face twisted with worry.

Kyuhyun is perched on Geng’s bed and watching the proceedings with amusement. This is absolutely golden. Half of the others look like they might burst into tears at any second. Kyuhyun wishes he’d thought to bring popcorn.

“Five hours and seventeen minutes,” Zhou Mi confirms, “This is like some kind of horrifying record. We need to figure out how to snap Geng out of this, stat.” He looks around at everybody kind of sheepishly. “Does anybody have any ideas?”

Kyuhyun snorts and Zhou Mi glares at him.

“What?” he asks, rolling his eyes, “We’ve been trying to get him to turn back for hours. Ryeowook tried singing to him, Donghae sat there for fifteen minutes his leaves, and Henry played him some violin. Nothing is working. And Siwon already asked the angels,” he snickers internally at that “And they were freaking useless, so I don’t see that there’s much else we can do.” Kyuhyun ignores the death glares that Siwon is shooting him, taking all the more pleasure from needling him. He’s too easy.

Zhou Mi just looks more worried. Kyuhyun supposes he should feel bad about stressing him out more, but the whole thing is just too funny.

“We need to come up with some sort of solution,” Zhou Mi tries again, looking around at everybody else desperately. “We can’t just leave him like this!”

“It’s not like any of us can ask him what’s wrong,” Kyuhyun points out reasonably, waiting for the rest of the room to arrive at the conclusion that he’d reached ages ago. Zhou Mi chews on his bottom lip for a second, before his whole face lights up.

“Heechul!” he exclaims, and suddenly the room is full of happy grins.

“Do his powers even work over the internet?” Ryeowook asks doubtfully, but Zhou Mi isn’t listening, already bustling around, hooking Geng’s laptop up to the hotel internet and booting up Skype. He locates Heechul’s icon in Geng’s contact list, and he and Donghae cheer when it appears that Heechul is online. They press the call button, and the whole room waits with bated breath while the computer dials.

When Heechul’s grainy image appears on the screen, he looks happy, but that looks is quickly replaced by a scowl when he sees who’s staring at him over the webcam.

“What do you idiots want?” he demands. “Where’s Geng.” He’s craning his neck as if that’s going to change what he can see by changing his viewing angle. What an idiot. Kyuhyun keeps his opinions to himself though. You don’t piss of Heechul-Hyung.

Zhou Mi gulps a little, but takes a deep breath.

“Actually, that’s why we’re calling,” Zhou Mi says, his voice shaking a little. Heechul’s eyes narrow.

“Spit it out, Seasoning. If anything bad has happened to my Geng you all better not come back to Korea because I will hunt you down, grind you all up into fertilizer and feed you to my plants!” Zhou Mi whimpers a little. Henry snuggles closer to Donghae who pats his head comfortingly.

See. Heechul-Hyung is scary.

“It’s nothing serious,” Zhou Mi rushes to reassure Heechul, before he pauses for a second. In a much smaller voice, he continues, “We think.”

“You think?” Heechul’s voice is low and dangerous. Kyuhyun is watching, absolutely enraptured. This is better than any TV drama. “What do you mean you think?” Zhou Mi gulps.

“He’s been a pineapple for,” Donghae glances down at his iPhone screen, “Five hours and twenty seven minutes.” Heechul’s expression is growing darker and darker.

“Oh, has he now,” Heechul’s voice sounds light, but there’s an underlying tone of menace that sends a shudder through most of the room.

“Yes,” Donghae replies meekly, and turns and buries his face in Henry’s chest, while Henry pats his back reassuringly.

“And why, exactly, would that be?” Heechul asks pleasantly.

Zhou Mi gulps again. He’s paralysed with fear. Siwon takes the reins of the conversation dutifully.

“Well, he was so relieved that there were no issues or huge incidents at all all morning and all day, and he burst into what I assume was happy tears and then… poof.” Siwon makes an accompanying poofing hand motion, and Heechul snaps.

“YOU MADE MY BOYFRIEND SO STRESSED OUT THAT HE’S BEEN A PINEAPPLE FOR OVER FIVE AND A HALF HOURS? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!” Everybody in the room winces, even Kyuhyun. “Ugh, you’re all hopeless. I should never have let him go anywhere without me. Where is he?” Heechul demands, and Henry helpfully pushes Geng in front of the camera. As soon as he lays eyes on Geng, Heechul’s whole demeanour changes.

“Geng!” he practically coos, “What have these idiots done to you baby.” Heechul turns his attention back to the other occupants of the room. “Get out, and leave me and Hannie alone!” he snaps, and everybody scurries to get out of the room. Kyuhyun thinks he’s safe because he’s probably just out of range of the camera from his position on the bed.

“You too, Kyuhyun,” Heechul snaps, and Kyuhyun sighs.

“How did you know I was there?” he asks on his way out. Heechul tsks at him.

“So insubordinate. There’s no way you’d miss a drama like this. You had to be in the room somewhere.”

Kyuhyun cackles, and salutes the pair, closing the door behind him on his way out. It’s a shame he can’t stay to watch Heechul be revoltingly sappy at Geng; he wanted to tape it for blackmail material later.

Oh well. There’s always next time.

Kyuhyun happily wanders off to go and mess with somebody else’s head. Zhou Mi sounds like he’s the best prospective target. He’s so stressed out by the whole thing he looks like he might explode from all the built up tension.

Kyuhyun should go help him with that.

With a smirk, Kyuhyun wanders down the hallway in the direction of Zhou Mi’s room.

Let the fun begin.