Stars
Through Angel Eyes (Kris' twelve whishes)A/N: I actually wrote this before I posted the last past, but it all got deleted. That was kind of sad. Anyways, I decided to continue posting this story, as I like writing it. It also might have something to do with the fact that I wrote the last chapter first but shh
I thank everyone of you for reading this, I didn't really expect it to get any attention at all! I am really grateful.
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They sat in a circle on the floor. The attention was directed at Joonmyeon, who with his legs crossed on the dark, wooden floor. On his left side Chanyeol had positioned himself, and on the right side Sehun sat, slightly hunched forward. No one said anything, and the empty silence surrounded all of them. Even though the heater was turned up to max and they all wore thick sweaters, the cold still seemed to find a way to slip through and under their clothes, sending shivers down their spines. The weather was weird, the kind when the winter hadn’t really come yet, but the autumn still seemed to have let go. It was freezing cold as golden leaves left the trees one by one and the wind blew. The grey clouds loomed over Seoul like a blanket, and they hadn’t seen sun in over a week. The sky grew darker and darker each time, threatening to give in and let cold rain on the edge of slushy snow fall down on the streets. It wasn’t very festive, but then again none of the members really minded. They didn’t want to be festive anyways, and with the weather like this it was like the Earth was mourning with them. Joonmyeon, who sat closest to the door on the wooden floor, held a glass jar in his hands. It was full of small paper stars, all in different colours. He had asked Minseok to make them earlier that day, and he had folded them without asking why. On each of the stars it was written a wish, and only Joonmyeon and Chanyeol knew what. In total, there were twelve stars, each containing one of Yifan’s wishes. Joonmyeon had decided to do it this way, making a small game out of it. They would each pick a star, and then do what was written inside. They were to open one star at a time, not picking a new one until the last one had been fulfilled. There was a simple reason to why Joonmyeon had done this. He wanted it to be special, something they could cherish and happily do. He knew Yifan wouldn’t want them to be sad while fulfilling his wishes, so Joonmyeon had created this instead. It made it less ceremonial, making it feel less like something they had to be serious about. When they got serious, they couldn’t be happy. What was the point in not being happy, not smiling when they did this? Even though they had attended his funeral and memorial service, Joonmyeon thought of this as a last goodbye. By doing this, they were paying their respects to their cherished former leader. “So…” Baekhyun muttered after a while, not really wanting to break the silence. He shivered a little bit, sitting closest to the window. The floor was cold, and he sat with his legs crossed, his feet drawn beneath him to keep the numbing cold away. Not that it did, because instead of physically coming, it attacked him mentally. He was usually the one making noise, the mood maker along with Jongdae. But he hadn’t felt like saying anything for weeks, which was a first. And he still didn’t. The silences the whole group experienced evenly, like now, had brought them closer together. They had been colleagues and friends (some even best friends) before, but now they were on a whole new level. They could read each other so easily – people who were like unfinished puzzles to each other became beautiful pictures to admire. In one way, all of them were bound by contracts now. An unwritten contract that was burnt into their bones, that ran in their veins. The relationship they now had, where they were now standing – even the term ‘brothers’ couldn’t quite cover it. They had exceeded that level by far. Yixing, sitting beside Baekhyun, drew his knees up to his chest, throwing his arms around them. He was wearing a knitted, cream white sweater, and even though the rough threads itched as they touched his skin he didn’t care. Slowly, with sad but curious eyes, he turned his head to Baekhyun when he heard the latter start a sentence, but never end it. “What?” he asked in a mild voice. He was maybe the one handling the situation with his friends the best. Yixing’s personality was gentle, kind and mild, and though he was fun and energetic as well, he emitted an aura of comfort, like the one sought by children from their mothers. Overall, Yixing had handled the others breakdowns more frequently than his own. But still, Jongdae was sure he could hear the sounds of muted sobs against pillows in the middle of the night. It was quiet for a while longer, before Baekhyun spoke up again. He felt as he was being strangled, and he chocked on his words as his words became stuck in his throat. His tongue twisted, and he used a minute to get enough control over his body to speak. “I mean… Should we start?” he asked. It was the reason they were here, after all. Yifan’s stars. From beside Yixing, there was an agreeing murmur. Tao. He had finally recovered from his condition of way too frequent breakdowns and hysterical breakdowns. But honestly, no one really knew if Tao’s new way of being was any better. He had become expressionless, silent. Instead of crying when Jongdae tried to crack a lame joke about his favourite ge to lighten the mood, he just sat there, zoning out. His eyes became glassy, his gaze fixed on the nothingness of the air and the empty space in front of him. It was like Tao had left himself. Left himself to go search for Yifan. But on the bright side, Yixing had started caring about the younger like Yifan once did. He took Tao in, and Jongdae who originally shared a room with Yixing, moved to give Tao his space. And the two would talk low and rapidly in Chinese, no one else but Luhan understanding what was said. It calmed Tao down. Whenever he reached a shock-like state much like anxiety-attacks, Yixing would start whispering mildly in their mother tongue to make him relax. And it did help as well. Yixing was good for Tao. The elder of the two shot Tao a comforting smile, and the younger replied by leaning on his shoulder, still as expressionless as before. But Yixing didn’t react to it, and the others had become used to it ages ago. Tao had turned into that state, and it was the easiest to let him remain as he was with Yixing, until he returned to the smiling, goofy and clumsy maknae of the Chinese line. Joonmyeon, who had been staring up at the ceiling, turned to Baekhyun and nodded at his comment. They couldn’t stay like this forever; they had to get something out of it, there was a reason they were here. “I just wonder…” Baekhyun muttered, looking down on the jar with the stars. Light purple, baby blue. They were a blend of different, all colours represented. And maybe, just maybe, it reminded Joonmyeon about their own group. They were so different, yet they lived in harmony with each other. “Who should pick first?” he asked, looking around in the circle. Kyungsoo and Jongin sat beside each other, their gazes at their feet rather than up at anyone else. Minseok and Luhan both had expressions that showed that they didn’t really want to, and neither did Chanyeol or Sehun. Usually they would all want to be first, and end up play rock, scissors, paper about it. But no one had the will now. And this fact was just a contribution to realize how much was now changed. Would it stay like this forever? “I think you should,” Jongdae suddenly said. Unlike Kyungsoo, whom he sat beside, he looked up with an honest stare. At Jongdae’s words, everyone turned their heads to him. For the past weeks, he hadn’t really been participating much, and his usually prominent presence had vanished little by little. But as he spoke now, it returned. Oh yes, Jongdae was there all right. Joonmyeon furred his eyebrows, not really sure. “What? Why?” he asked. But the honest stare Jongdae had, just became stronger. “You’re the leader. Right now you’re our center, keeping us together. You should be first,” he said truthfully. No one had really thought about it, but it was obvious that Jongdae had. Slowly, they all did a move to show that they were agreeing. It was what seemed most right. Joonmyeon lowered his gaze to the jar with doubting eyes, before he looked up again. His eyes were more determined now, as he nodded for himself. “Okay,” he muttered. “I guess I’ll do it.” He held the jar with one hand as he put the glass-lid away, reaching inside it. The top was kind of narrow, so he had to tilt in slightly to get a star out. As soon as he felt the small paper touch his hand, he closed his fingers around it and got it out. It was small, and in a pastel green colour. And even though it was cold and grey outside, it somehow reminded him of spring. “Well,” he declared as he held the small star up between his thumb and ring finger, studying it. “What do you think Yifan wants us to do first?” And so, he opened the first of the twelve stars. |
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