Tao POV.

I knew it. They’re annoyed by me. I heard them mention my name a few times, and when I opened the door I heard that Suho said that I am annoying. I knew it. No one cares about me. I’m a loner, like I always was. Nothing had changed back than since the debut or my audition. My only friend left, my group mates are annoyed, my manager probably too. It really would be better when I vanish…now but first I want to try it one more time…

I took the Phone, and called Kris, as expected no one took of the phone until the very last moment, I was at the point throwing my phone through the room. But when I heard Kris voice I hold it at my ears right away.

‘Hello? Who’s there?’

I stayed still…why did he ask me who was calling? Didn’t he have my number saved under my name? In his contacts…oh wait…yeah as thought, he wouldn’t come back to Exo so why should he have them saved furthermore?

‘Hello?? Anyone’s at the Phone??’

‘uuhhm…’ I started stuttering. I didn’t know what to say.

‘Who’s there?’ Kris asked again

‘Here is uhhm…Tao…Huang Zitao…’ I stuttered trying not to start crying again, like I always did the last couple days.

‘Yeah u don’t need to say your whole name…I know you Tao so it’s not necessary’

‘Kris Hyung How are you, what are you doing, do you miss me like I miss you, because I really miss you, I mean everyone does, but it’s so empty in my room here without you, no one I can talk to, will you come back to Exo? Why did you leave…I miss you…Pabo…’ I started crying… I wanted to stay strong but I couldn’t stand it.

‘Panda…’ That was the only thing Kris said when he heard a sob

Kris POV.

I heard a sob coming from the other phone. Tao is crying again. I can imagine that he did this the whole week.

‘Panda, stop Crying, you’re a man not a okay?! , when I tell you why I left you won’t understand anyway. I wasn’t treated like a human, our manager treated me like a machine, the whole time, and now I don’t want to be a machine anymore. And no…I didn’t miss you or the others. I’m a bit happy to get away there. It was like a cage, I was caged with 11 young childish kids, and one of them is a and cries over everything, get your life together you can’t stand on your own feet’s, before you call me begging to come back learn to stand by yourself without help by others…Panda…till then…never call me again okay…’

BEEP BEEP BEEP that is the sound Tao should hear by now…I can imagine him crying now on his bed. But this is better than making him hope. I miss them all so hard no one could even imagine…but the most I miss Tao. He was my best friend…no brother and now he’s gone, I am gone. I want to call him back but something stopped me. So I just let things take his way…I should have call him back and apologize for the things I said…

Tao POV.

That’s it…I’m finished with everything, I’m finished with Kris, with Exo, with live. I threw my phone in the corner of the room, my tears rolling down my cheeks. It hurt when Kris said that he didn’t miss us…because I did... Do…whatever. It’s too late.  I stood up, and walked to the door, slowly open it. No one’s around, they probably left because I cried to loud…see no one cares about me again. I went straight to the bathroom. I opened the door, stepped inside and closed it; I checked two times that it is locked so no one would come in. I pushed the handle of the bathtub open so the water floods the bathtub. I turned around, opened the little shelf next to the bathtub, and searched for the blades we usually use to shave our legs or whatever… I went in the bathtub fully clothed…since I do ‘this’ I won’t care how I look. I shoved my pullover up my arm so my forearm was completely visible. I set the blade on the right side and cut though until I reached the left side…now it was done…no one will miss me…no one ever cared about me. And now…they all will forget me…I said my last farewells

- I really loved you Hyungs… -

This words where the last Tao left…we never really talked about why he did this, because everyone knows

We should have be more carefully with him…

Tao was a weird Person, his face was different so he was noticed everywhere, you really could easy remember his Face, he had a strong Presence but in his inner he was feminine and weak. He tried to teach us Material Arts, even when we all hurt us we laughed, we laughed with him…with this angel who left us…we all cried when we came back with a surprise for him…we picked up Kris on our way out. He was on the way to our dorm…he said he wants to apologize by Tao…he cried…we all cried so hard…and a piece in us died with Tao…we have so many good memories with him…with our Panda…the Movie night, the haunted house, the fun we made of him in the first episode of Showtime, the fan signs, the concerts, his voice, his presence, his whole being followed us still today I can feel him near me every time I turn around I expect a laughing Tao…but there is no Tao…there is no one no one who could get his place in our hearts.

Even after 3 Years…we still miss him…the thoughts he must had, the pain he felt, the loneliness he felt, everything haunts us…we killed our brother and I will never forgive me. Kris came back to Exo, to fulfill Tao’s dream…

We Miss You Panda