Regrets

Saying Goodbye (SuLay)

~Hi I'm so sorry I haven't posted anything for ages but scholl....well you all know what school can be like *cries inside* I hope you like this chapter...it's a long one..I don't even know if anyone will read this but anyway haha~\

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“Hey Lay, I thought you might be hungry.” MinSeok tells me as he slides two eggs onto a plate and pushes it towards me with a worried look in his eyes.

“Thanks MinSeok but I’m not really hungry.” I say, I feel bad for turning down MinSeok’s offer but I really haven’t been feeling like eating lately.

“Lay you have to eat something.” MinSeok whines and I just look at my hands that are crossed together. “You didn’t eat dinner last night and you hardly touched anything when we ate lunch with the boys yesterday, I’m worried about you.” MinSeok tells me with a soft voice. I don’t know why but suddenly I feel really angry at the boy sitting in front of me.

“You know what Min? You don’t have to look after me all the time. You’re not my mother and I might have depression but that doesn’t mean I can’t look after myself and I told you I’M NOT HUNGRY!” I shout at MinSeok who looks like he is now on the verge of tears but before I can do anything else I find my feet are carrying me out the door and I slam it behind me.

I take off down the street at a run and my mind is numb with shock at the way I have just spoken to my best friend. “Poor MinSeok he was only trying to help and I went all crazy on him.”  “I’m so stupid!” “He doesn’t deserve to have such a crappy friend like me in his life.” I think to myself as tears of regret and frustration start to roll down my face.

I keep walking and I look up to find that I am back at the park where I left my friends yesterday. I wipe the tears from my eyes and take a few deep breaths and I stuff my hands in my pocket and curiously pull out a tube that is in there. It’s my prescription pills. I start to fiddle with the tube absent-mindedly as I hear a voice call out from my left.

“Lay, over here!” I turn around to see SuHo sitting alone on a bench in front of the park lake. My face goes red as I remember the dream again and I wave at him shyly. “It was just a dream remember, it doesn’t mean anything.” I think to myself for the second time this morning. SuHo makes a gesture for me to join him and I start to walk over warily.

“Lay, how are you?” He asks me cheerfully as I reach him and I just give him a small awkward smile. “For a second I though you weren’t gonna come over here.” He half jokes as he gestures for me to sit next to him. I sit down on the edge of the seat as far away from him as I can. “It’s okay Lay, I don’t bite.” He laughs as he pats the seat right next to him and I stare at it for a moment before reluctantly shifting over to sit next to him. I look away from him over the lake to the playground where children are laughing and running around happily.

“So, what brings you to the park on this fine morning?” SuHo asks me animatedly and I turn my head to see him staring at me and I look away again and I feel embarrassment making my face flush as I remember my puffy eyes from crying.

“Oh, I just needed a walk to cool off a bit since I had a fight with my room mate this morning.” I tell SuHo who looks surprised.

“I know I don’t know you very well but you don’t really strike me as the type to get in fights.” SuHo informs me and he smiles with a bit of embarrassment.

“No, usually I don’t get in fights but I didn’t sleep very well last night,” I stop as I realise what I have just said and I look at SuHo but he doesn’t seem to suspect anything.

I lean back in the seat and I can feel SuHo’s arm along the back of the seat, I hadn’t noticed that he had put his arm there and I can feel my palms start to sweat.

“So, um, you know TaeYeon the girl who served you at lunch yesterday?” SuHo asks me shyly. I nod to let him know since I can’t trust myself to say the right thing.

“Yes? Well she wanted to know if you were, you know, in a, um, relationship.” He tells me awkwardly and I smile as I see how obviously he is lying. He turns away from me suddenly and starts to fiddle with his hair, combing his fingers through it and making it stand on end in some places.

“No, you can tell her that I’m not in a relationship at the moment as I’m interested in someone but I don’t really think I’m up for dating anyway.” I tell him and I look at him and notice that he does in fact look a bit disappointed.

“Oh, okay. Can I ask why not?” He asks me and I smile as I see the curiosity make his eyes shine.

“Yes, I just got out of the hospital.” I explain and I roll up my sleeve and show him the ugly jagged scar that runs down my forearm. He looks at it and I can’t tell what his facial expression means but it looks kinda sad. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have shown you, I think I’d best be going now.” I say panicked as I roll my sleeve back down and try to stand up.

“Wait.” SuHo says quickly and he puts his hand out to stop me and his fingers brush my hip where my jumper has gone up a bit. I freeze and look down at him. He doesn’t appear to be affected by the touch. “Sorry, it’s just that one of my best friends killed himself in high school.” He trails off at the end as he explains to me.

“Oh.” Is all I can say as I sit down again. We fall into silence as we both watch the ducks gliding across the surface of the lake and I can feel that SuHo is a bit tense now sitting next to me.

“I have to get going now because I have work soon but can I get your number?” SuHo asks me nervously and I nod as he hands his phone to me and I put in my details. “Thanks Lay, anytime you wanna chat remember you can pop into the restaurant and I’ll be there.” SuHo says as I hand him his phone back. He gets up and walks off and I watch him go, he turns around and waves to me and I wave back as he walks off.

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Evak_1234
#1
Chapter 9: Okie dokie....