Somethings never change, as much as you want them to. Youngjae had felt great that morning. He had felt as if his life was going to go back on track. That was until he saw Junhong and all his emotions came running down. Two days. It had been two days since he last left his apartment. Youngjae can't seem to leave his room, and the worst part of it all is that Jaebum and Daisuke are out of the city. Jaebum has a mission in Kyoto whilst Daisuke is in Germany for a photoshoot with famous models. Both of them are living their dreams while Youngjae is living in fear. In fear of the world and in fear of his mind. Why did it seem as if life hated him?

Life isn't complicated, He kept telling himself that, I just make it complicated. Life is wonderful. So stop crying and get yourself together.

After spending his days crying, he decided it was time to shower and get ready for work. He worked from home even though he was a bit behind but no one scold him considering he always had his face on. Even his boss didn't pay much attention to him. Isn't it funny? Everyone at work considered him as a bitter soul and they're not far from it. The only one that does not ignore Youngjae is Jaebum and Kim Joonmyeon. Kim Joonmyeon is a few years older than Youngjae. He's a very nice person to everyone including Youngjae. When he brings his team coffee or pastries, he always brings Youngjae one as well. How could someone be that nice and happy all the time? Youngjae likes to wonder if Joonmyeon has his life put together as he seems. He only hopes he does. 

"Hey, it's JB. I was just letting you know that the mission went well and finished a little earlier than we all expected. I'll be there by eight so I hope we can catch dinner or something. I'll see you later." The voicemail was left two hours ago which meant Jaebum had ten more hours to go before he was back in Tokyo. After all those months, Youngjae still wonders how Jaebum does it. How he does he do it without getting attached to anyone he ever encounters in the missions. 

Is it because I'm weak? Am I too much of a weakling like my father had said?

Yoo Youngjae didn't have a very bright life growing up. He grew up in one of the few elite families of South Korea. He grew up with money and a little bit of fame for being his father's son. He got everything he wanted. Everything but his father's love and attention. Youngjae's father never paid much attention to him considering he had his older brother Youngwon. Youngwon was manly compared to Youngjae and his dad could clearly see who was the leader from the two. His sister adored Youngjae though, she always told him she saw potential in him. His sister encouraged him in so many ways that his parents could never do. His sister was the only who he had growing up.

Youngwon was a different story. They didn't hate each other, but they were never close. They rarely talked, and when they did it was for Youngwon to help him out on his homework for school. When Youngwon left to  NYC for his studies, Youngjae didn't hear from him for three years. When Youngjae did hear from him once again, Youngjae was in his first year of college. Youngwon hadn't changed one bit, and Youngjae had changed but not too much. He just changed his hair and Youngwon noticed right away teasing him for dying his hair blond since father didn't approve, but Youngjae couldn't care less. 

Even now, Youngjae barely speaks to Youngwon, even now that their beloved sibling has left they don't talk. When was the last time Youngjae spoke to his father? Perhaps some time around Christmas, which was a few weeks ago. Jaebum's family treated him more as family than his real family ever did. He never did feel sad though for having a distant family, he was happy the way his life was growing up even without his parents tough love. Youngjae always knew he was the black sheep of his family, but he tried denying it when his grandma pointed it out. Youngil, his sister, laughed at him and told him not to pay attention to her because being the black sheep of the family wasn't a bad thing. It just meant he'd have more adventures, and YOungil was right. When Youngjae entered high school, he found himself having the best moments of his life. He lied to his parents a lot of his whereabouts to go on road trips with his friends, or the time he took an accidental trip to Russia instead of China. He never got to tell Daehyun about those stuff because he couldn't, it would have blew up his identity but now all he wants to do is sit down and tell him everything from when he was born to when he met him. There's something disgusting about missing someone knowing the other person doesn't and Youngjae doesn't understand why he hasn't moved on. The memory haunts him, and he has a feeling it will for the rest of his life.

Youngjae shakes his head and snaps out of his thoughts and grabs his laptop from the desk beside him and opens up three tabs with all types of SNS. He has to look up Daehyun and see if he has any social media. Daehyun always seemed to be the type back in the day, but who knows about now right? Youngjae only hopes because he wants to see his face. He wants to see his smile and his cute mole below his eye that he adored so much. Who is he kidding? He still adores it.
Luck seems to be on his side for once because he found his Facebook quite easily. Daehyun had posted a picture of himself exactly two weeks ago and Youngjae wanted to scream of joy because he hadn't seen his face in years, months. He scrolls through all his posts and pictures feeling overwhelmed.

He looks well and healthy. He looks just as beautiful as before.

Something in Youngjae's mind went blank and he shut his laptop quite hard, feeling a tad angry. Daehyun is well, he can see that, so why isn't Youngjae well? Daehyun clearly moved on, posting funny stuff and all that bull crap. Youngjae shakes his head feeling pathetic. He had erased every type of SNS he once had for the same reason he was doing to Daehyun. He hadn't want to be found by any of them, but now he finds himself wanting to be seen. He wants to face them, he wants to stop hiding from his fears. 

I can't keep hiding forever.

Youngjae stands up and goes to the bathroom to wash up. He has a new mission, and that's finding BAP.

I am so sorry I haven't updated in so long. I had another laptop where I would write my drafts, and I had the best ideas on there but it sadly BROKE AND I LOST ALL MY MOTIVATION TO CONTINUE FOR A WHILE LOL. I couldn't rewrite this chapter how I planned it out in my old laptop and it upsets me a lot because it was long and had more .. how do u say.. "detail" but I adore Daejae and really want to finish this story bc. 

Long story short: i'm sorry for the wait and how short and crappy this chapter is. I'll try my best in the upcoming ones xoxo