Although things had gone somewhat smoothly in Youngjae's unstable life in the past few weeks, he knew it wouldn't last. It was bound to happen and he had a gut feeling. He was hoping it wouldn't be nothing bap related so he tried to enjoy his day as it came. He woke up early, stretched as much as he could since his arm still wasn't repaired. He made breakfast for his roommate and himself. Luckily his roommate was also vegetarian which meant he didn't have to cook individual meals. His roommate was the complete opposite of Youngjae. His roomate was very tall, lanky and he was covered in tattoos. He had a dark sense of fashion that made him look cool yet chic whilst Youngjae was nowhere like him. Somehow they got along great and he couldn't be moe thankful that he didn't have an obnoxious roommate. Daisuke, his roommate, surprisingly wasn't a push over either. He knew when Youngjae neded his space to drown in is self pity. He also knew when he had to give a hand to him when Youngjae needed it.

"Daisuke? I made breakfast. I'm gonna go out for a bit alright?" He said, grabbing the keys, "I'll be back in an hour or so." Youngjae didn't bother to stay long enough to hear a reply. He had not taked his antidepressants that morning. He wanted to feel more, he wanted to feel more human. How was he going to start his new life while he took his antidepressants? He knew it would be easier than getting off his xanax. Some people killed to have those and yet there he was, basically getting them for free without getting in any sort of trouble. He had recently admitted to himself that he a had a slight problem. That was a good start right? Being honest with yourself. Youngjae was more afraid of admiting it to someone else. He knew Jaebum would not freak out as bad but he couldn't help it.

Youngjae ended up in Asukayama Park. He hadn't had a destination at first but the pink colour caught his attention. If he couldn't lift weights, the least he could do was walk. Asukayama was a bit crowded considering it was the start of spring and the cherry blossoms were blooming. So, that was how Youngjae's afternoon went. He walked all around the park snapping pictures (with a few difficulties) of everything and everyone he could until it was 1:00 pm and once he finished, he decided he should sit down somewhere for a bit. He never bothered to look at them before, and he secretly regretted it. He also regreted not bringing Daisuke because in front of him was a marvelous sight. He felt a warm feeling in his body and smiled slightly embracing the feeling he was having. He would have to come back with Daisuke considering they both enjoyed photography. Although Daisuke was a professional photographer and photographrd models. That was his job and Youngjae envied him for it. Sometimes, he would bug Youngjae to pose for him and Youngjae would without arguing. How many times is a professional photographer going to ask Youngjae to take pictures of him? He always bothered Youngjae to become his offical model. Daisuke knew people and Youngjae knew, he knew he could make it into the modeling world. He had potential but he was afraid. He was afraid of the shame he would bring to his family. Youngjae shook his bad thoughts and stared at the beauty of trees once again.

Spring time reminded him of Daehyun. His favourite season had always been spring. He had said everything came to life, even love. He kissed Youngjae afterwards as cheesy as that sounds. He could still feel everything if he thought of it hard enough.

Did Yongguk already tell him I'm in Tokyo too? Maybe they were here for vacation or something.. Maybe the rest aren't even here. Maybe Yongguk is alone. So many maybes. Maybe I'll see him again one day? He probably doesn't want to see me. I betrayed his love and trust. I never told him how much I loved him. I hope he's doing well.

 Youngjae started feeling sad, a feeling he hadn't felt in so long. He closed his eyes and embraced the feeling. Pain. It was a sign that he was alive and that he would be alright. Things weren't temporary. Wounds healed, even if they left scars. 

"Youngjae?"

Youngjae's eyes snapped open to the sound of a familiar voice. He turned his to the right and stared wide eyed baby faced giant that looked as surprised as him.

"Oh! It really is you."Junhong gasped walking towards Youngjae. Youngjae was terrified.

" Hyung said he saw you but I thought he had been imagining things but wow, it really is you." Junhong decided it was best to sit in front of him, "Don't worry, I won't hurt you. I'm not mad anymore. You had to do what you had to do." Junhong shrugged as if it didn't bother him but Youngjae knew too well that the boy was a bit saddened.

"Zelo, I--" Youngjae sighed, "I didn't mean for you guys to get arrested that night."

Junhong shaked his head slowly, not understanding "Then why were you there? Why did we get arrested?"

Youngjae smiled sadly, "I did get kidnapped. That wasn't part of any sort of plans I swear.  I didn't want any of this to happen. I wanted them to get arrested, not you guys. I didn't think they would contact you guys so my best friend contacted the police. You guys were there at the wrong time."

"But that was your task." Junhong sighed heavily, "We were supposed to start a new life here in Japan. No gang relations. We were going to leave that all behind... Were you even going to come with us when you said you would?"

Junhong looked so broken in Youngjae's eyes when he asked that question that it made Youngjae tear up a bit, "I was, if course I was. I had thought I would give up my job and start a new one here." Youngjae wiped the years off, "It's funny though right, we still ended up in Tokyo somehow."

Youngjae was a crying mess because of Junhong. Talking to him made him bring so many emotions, emotions that he had buried long ago. The nightmares, the wounds.

"Hey, hey."Junhong's eyes widened at Youngjae's reaction. His old friend was a crying mess, " Why are you crying?"

Youngjae couldn't talk so all he could do was shake his head. He wanted to tell him everything that he had to deal with the passed two years. The endless guilt. The nightmares. The suicide attempt. His noona's death. The reminders. Everything but he couldn't. He couldn't do it. He didn't deserve Junhong as a friend anymore.

"Youngjae, snap out if it." Junhong grabbed his shoulders and shook him, "Stop crying please. It hurts to see this because I have non idea what is happening."

"Why--" Youngjae croaked, "Why are you so nice? Why are you even speaking to me? I'm so ashamed right now and yet here you are. Being civil with me."

"I can't hate anyone and you know that." Junhong smiled, even though he knew Youngjae couldn't see him.

"Junhong?" Youngjae sniffed, still looking down, "I am sorry. I'm sorry I ruined your life when it had barely started."

"You didn't ruin it too much. You shed some light. Just a bit. I'm in the criminal justice major now so you totally didn't ruin it." Junhong chuckled, "Please stop crying. You look ugly."

Youngjae smiled as he wiped his tears, "This almost feels like old times. Almost."

"Nostalgic. " Junhong mumbled, "I think I'm going to leave before the others come looking for me. The others aren't.. As, um, forgving as me." He stood up, tall, taller than ever, "I'll see you around though."

Youngjae watched his old friend walk away. He had grown into a fine young man. He wasn't the little boy he had to take care of ever time Yongguk did a deal. Junhong always showed more caring nature to everything and everyone so he was a bit satisfied that Junhong wasn't too angry.  The others, the others were a different story. Daehyun. Daehyun hated him, and Youngjae knew it. The truth always hurt.