It’s been at least two months that I'm now part of the top group of freshman and then only after a month of being rookie. I would not have imagined that it would be even harder, but that does not mean I do not amuse me. I am accepted by others and I am dealing not only with the other recruits, but also by other artists. I'm still the girl who does not show his emotions, but I am less cold to the delight of others. There is a rumor circulating throughout the company and that excites me apart female recruits. They say JYP think about creating a new female group and I know I would not be chosen because I am a rookie in the last three months. I'm sure the eonnis my group are chosen because they are excellent especially four of them. I started using terms like oppa, eonni, sunbae, hunbae, etc. I am in the same group as Saejin, Yi-Ting and Feng Huo eonnis I met on my first day here and there was another part of their little group. Her name is Tanaka Asami and she’s Japanese. She’s the same age as Saejin, but the elder. Yi-Ting and Feng Huo eonnis are the same age and they are two years my senior. They immediately accepted me all the time I stepped into the new space and I've never felt better. I work more than the others because I did not stop beating me against new choreography we must learn because it's not really my style. I'm kind of Hip Hop, but this dance is the most feminine and y genre. So I have to arrive earlier and leave later. For cons, I have no problem in my singing lessons perhaps apart my lack of emotion in certain song because I do not know how to express myself. Every day, every week, I constantly improve myself and it impressed my teachers. Since I'm not someone who easily shows his emotions, so I do not complain of hard training I receive. My schedule is busier than the others since I have to catch up and go to the same level as the rest of the group, which is not easy.

8: 00-12: 00 Dance classes (a 10-minute break after every hour or two hours)

12: 00-13: 00 Lunch

13: 00 -15: 00 Training at the gym (Monday / Wednesday / Friday) / Martial arts-gymnastics courses (Tuesdays / Thursdays and Saturdays)

15: 00-18: 00 Singing Lessons

18: 00-19: 00 Supper

19: 00-22: 00 Free Workout

There are days I start earlier and I finished later. Normally, we leave on Sunday, but I happen to cause me a bit just in time that the staff strength from me.

We are dancing our routine under the eagle eye of our coach when the door opens to let the important people from the company that Jung Wook WCC, JYP, composers and our singing teacher. One is surprised to see them, but continues to dance just in time as the music ends. It bows to them and we look wondering what is happening. The door opened once again and two men enter. This is my Sensei and the martial arts Gymnastics and I wonder why are they here.

"You're probably wondering what we are doing here," said the CEO. "We come to evaluate you and decide who would be ready to debute."

"So the rumors are true" asks a rookie. "A female group will debute?"

"Yes, but not only a female group," he replies. "But as a male group. The female group will debute before and one year later it will be the turn of the male group. "

"We will evaluate you in different skills specific to you," adds JYP. "We shall begin with the dance where you will dance the choreography learned. Then we will go through song by separating you into two groups: the rappers and the singers. Lately, we will evaluate the recruits who have other talents such as martial arts, gymnastics or those who play one or several musical instruments. "

Now I understand why my Sensei’s are here and I nibble lips thinking they will attend my hard drive that I was hiding them. It stays in place and it was decided that the boys before we begin. Dozens of boys are taking place while we will sit against the wall to watch them and they begin to dance. I can say I'm pretty jealous of their choreography that is more my style and I got up quietly to bring me back. My four eonnis follow me and starts dancing their routine as we know it without a problem. I see the trainer sighed when he saw us, but he leaves us knowing that it is more our style. The music stops and some boys watching us amused. I'm about to go sit down because I danced a routine, but the trainer calls me.

"Alysa Kim! Where do you think you're going?" He asked me, crossing his arms.

"I was going to sit down because I danced a routine," I said. "They did not specify which we had to do."

"Bring yourself here," he said, sighing under the mocking smile of the rest of the group.

I get in place with a sigh under the laughter of other recruits and we start dancing when the music start to play. I finished without making mistakes even though I'm not in my element and we bows before sitting with others. I get teased by some of the male recruits about my lack of femininity and I look at them coldly even though I know they are just teasing me. We wait while they take notes by speaking to the coach and they ask us to separate between singers and rappers. Our voice teacher hands us a sheet of a song while one of the composers did the same with the group of rappers. We learn that we'll have to sing the song or rap our way while following the beat of the music. Vocalists begin and I carefully read the lyrics. An idea comes to me and I decided to sing the chorus in English and Mandarin. I spent the last because I wanted to make sure I make the translation and I get up to put me in the center. Music plays and I look a little to the right tempo before starting to sing. Everyone is surprised when they hear me sing backup singer and have to add a little rap. I like the song and I wonder what they will do with it. I finish and I bow in front the representatives of the company.

"I like the song," I said without realizing that I said it aloud.

"Thanks," said one of the composers to my surprise. "I like the language changes you made. Good job. "

I thank him before seating back to attend the rappers performance. In this group I'm not only me closer to four eonnis but four oppas. We are often together during our breaks and they are the first to really accept me. I sit between Shi and Sam oppa. Sam is a Korean-American from New York and Shi oppa is a Korean who grew up in a temple, so it is Buddhism. I look at the other two who are part of the group Dae-Ho oppa and Hyo oppa and they are among the rappers.

"It's crazy, it seems that Ren of NU'EST his rapping in front of us," I said watching Hyo.

"It's normal, Alysa" said Shi oppa. "It's still his brother."

"I really want his autograph," I said what makes others laugh. "What! I love their choreographer. "

I move the head to the rhythm of rap when one of the recruits it into position and starts rapping. I watch because it's the first time I see him and he seems to be Asian without being Korean. He is doing quite well, but he’s not at the lever of Dae-Ho oppa. He’s more like Hyo oppa style. I just observed in time he goes sit in a corner, away from the other. We start talking while our bosses talk about their notes, but I said nothing and I'm observing the stranger.

"Someone you care?" Mockingly asks Dae-Ho oppa. "Ah! The new kid..."

"New?" I said.

"Yes, it happened a little before you," he said. "He’s a Japanese-Chinese and his name is Yao Shih, if I'm not mistaken."

The CEO speaks, which silenced our discussions to turn our attention to what he will say and he tells us that it is the turn for those who can play musical instruments. He concludes that those who are part of the martial arts and gymnastics group that this is the time we practice and that others can attend practice. I wake up with a sigh and I am going to the locker room to get my protections knowing that this will be a tough workout. The WCC to transform a practice rooms indoor martial arts and therefore, I enter. I'm surprised to see there mattresses on the floor and even a trampoline. I sit on the floor to put my front guards to the standby position and I am surprised to see Hyo oppa enter, but especially the new one. Hyo oppa laughed at my surprise and he told me that our schedules are opposite to mine which is why I never attended the course with him. I look at this new set up in silence and I look at him a bit.

"Nǐ hǎo, wǒ shì yáo shì, mó gōng" he said, bowing. (Hi, I'm Yao Shih, enchanted)

"Wǒ Alysa, kāixīn die," I said. (I'm Alysa, I am delighted too.)

Both coaches come followed by some recruits whose eonnis and oppas and they will sit in while Sensei are approaching us. He moves into position and we do our greeting. He explains that we will begin our training martial arts and then I would do my training gym. We get up to stretch and then our simple movements into more complexes which impresses the spectators. It takes almost an hour or two before we finish and win applause. I'm surprised to see some of the leaders since I did not see them enter. Hyo oppa puts a hand on my shoulder, but I avoid it as is my habit. I do not know why, but I become again the cold girl seeing who was at the door. These are the girls who continue to harass me even though I am no longer in the group and I look at them coldly just in time I'm called. I try to calm my anger over my face without emotion, but my Sensei always manages to reveal myself.

"Is everything okay Alysa?" He asks.

"Yes, Sensei," I said.

"Now is the time of your gymnastics training," he told me knowing that I'm lying to him.

I approach my coach and I will my rigorous warming. I do sit ups, push-ups, etc. Now I have to walk by a candle and even doing push-up which surprises everyone. He makes me do stunts without stops before asking me to remove my protection. I do it by ignoring the worried faces of the other recruits and especially my eonnis oppas. It's hard for them to see their maknae, as they call me, unprotected. He asked me to do complex acrobatics that I have never done and especially unprotected. I have to take steps on a wall before you make a flip, but I fell hard on the floor and I will resume several times before succeeding. It calls for oppa Hyo attended and it looks worried me seeing my scratches. I have to get on it and do a flip as I did on the wall. Again, I come and I have to take it several times. I have to make a series of acrobatics as we see gymnasts do before making a bigger acrobatics above Hyo oppa. I have to do it again a dozen times because I'm afraid of hurting her. I finished my training in sweat and blood, but I hide my pain before greeting my Sensei and my coach. Recruits come out one by one whispering while staring at me and I left alone as is my habit. I take water to refresh me when my enemies come and approach me before hitting me. I hold to hit remembering what my Sensei said about violence and I let them. I especially get a knock on the belly which makes me more or less badly because of my training. A spit on me before they all leave the premises. I wipe my face before launching a fist on the wall. I perform stunts before mounting the wall and do a flip, but obviously I fall. I do not realize the danger of what I do because anger came over me and it's the only way I found to calm down. The door opens and I know who it is without looking back, but I focus on what I do. I fall sharply again, and I'm about to do it again when someone holds me.

"Stop! That's dangerous! "Said a voice I did not recognize.

I turned to see my great surprise the new Yao Shih and he looks at me in shock seeing my injuries. He looks at me, I look away and he told me that our bosses want us to share the results. I sigh and I take off my sweater with pain to let me in because I camisole too hot. I notice his look of horror and seriously wonder what happened. I did not answer and I take my bag in silence before leaving to join the others. I walk slowly, taking me by my side from the beating I received. I walk into the room and silence falls. Everyone looks at me and I realize I have not cleaned my wounds of my training. I salute my superiors before taking the first aid kit and I am sitting with others to clean them.

"Is everything okay, Alysa?" JYP asked me.

"Yes, no problem," I said without looking at him. "Just some scratches that I got from a hard training."

"We are very proud of your performance and you're all great," he said. "But we can choose just six girls and six boys. Those selected will train with their group just in time they will debut. For those who are not selected, do not give up because you'll get your chance. "

"We've just chosen people, not decided on fixed positions," said the CEO. "They may be changes as appropriate. I will first name the five boys. "

"So the five boys that are selected are Dae Sung-Ho, Kang Shin, Han Hyo, Lee Sam-Yong and Sato Yao Shih." He called while we applaud.

I am not surprised at their choice and I am very happy. My four oppas will be in a group together and Yao Shih will join them. I'm pretty excited to see if my four eonnis will be among those who will be chosen. I put my attention on what I do since I have to look after me so I'm surprised when someone calls me. I look up and I'm surprised seeing all eyes on me. I see them cheering and it takes me a while to realize that I was chosen. I looked further and I see my four eonnis stand beside my oppas. Senior depart and I remain without understanding. I should not be chosen, not me. Gradually recruits come out to go home and they remain more than 10 lucky. I look at the time and I say it's time to go myself knowing that my brother will be there waiting for me. I get up and I hold my face and then I pick up the trash put in the trash. I say goodbye to the other looking at me worried and I go out by putting an arm around my injured ribs. I decided to take the bus knowing that I could never go to the dormitory skateboard with my injury. I arrive at the door and I opened it with difficulty. I take off my bag and my skateboard without storing them as my habits. I walk with difficulty and the boys look at me surprised while directing myself towards my room. I take a change of clothes before going painfully the bathroom but someone is blocking my way.

"What happened?" Asked my brother seriously and worried

"A hard training," I said coldly and without looking.

I go to the bathroom and I lock the door. I take off my shirt and my pants with difficulty and I look in the mirror. The scene comes to my head and I hit the mirror without stopping. Tears flow from my play and I do not even try to remove them. The sound of glass that shatters the mirror must have attracted the attention of boys as knocking on the door is heard. I realize what I did and I fall into a ball on the floor where I cry ignoring the knock at the door. I stay in a ball on the floor of the bathroom to cry when the door suddenly opened and Mark runs to me when he saw me half , crying. He takes my robe and I met. He then noticed with horror all the blue on my ribs and he takes me in his arms to calm down.

"What happened?" JB says in shock seeing me.

"I do not know," Mark said. "But it's really serious. Her ribs are filled with blue and I know it is not the cause of her training. "

"We have to start cleaning her hand injuries, they are bleeding," says JB.

The other group gathered outside the door and they look at me in shock. Both maknaes start crying seeing me like this and the leader asks others to take care of the maknaes as he will help Mark. JB sees the broken glass around me and he says it's too dangerous for me to stay there. Mark lifts me up to take me to my room, but I refused and so he decided to sit on the toilet bowl and keep me in his arms. Jackson comes in and said that Jr and Youngjae are now calming the two maknaes and asks if he can help.

"JB, I'll clean the glass," he said. "Go take care of her hands."

The leader thanked him and he approached me. He notices my bleeding hands shaking and my eyes lifeless. He slowly begins to take me a hand to clean up when their manager enter in panic.

"Why did I see Jackson throwing glass full of blood and two maknaes in all their state?" He asks and that's when he sees in horror all the blood on the counter and in the sink.

He gets closer and he is shocked to find me almost without life in the arms of my brother, blood running from my hands. Mark tells him what he knows and the manager is equally angry at the situation. He sees me as a family member, like the rest of the group. He says he will announce to the company knowing some of the causes of my blue marks. He emerges from the bathroom to do his call and JB finished putting bandages on my hands that have finally stopped bleeding. I come back a bit to reality and I'm a little confused by seeing that I am in the arms of my brother. Everything comes back to me and I look around me the mess I caused. I get up to their surprise and I take a cloth to remove blood on the counter and the sink. "Alysa, we will clean up," said Mark softly knowing that I'm in a very fragile state. "Let's go to your room, you need to rest and I'll bring you food."

I look at the blood before going out, supported by brother, but I'm not going to my room, but rather in the living room. The other boys are surprised to see me and they say nothing not knowing what to say. I approached the sofa and others leave me room to lie down. I lay my head on Yugyeom oppa who is surprised by my gesture and let the tears poured down my cheeks.

"Jealousy hurts," I said simply, closing his eyes.

The boys look and understand very well the situation after hearing my words.